still hiding

i dont know how to handle this. Alex was the best person in the world to me. But he just left me. For no reason. I know that i am a fuck up at life but with alex i have only done well, i knew i couldnt mess this friendship up , It was too much. I valued alex so much. When did i mess up so badly that i lost alex. I thought that it would be at least a little harder for him to leave me. Why does he look so happy with me gone? Its as if i was just weighing him down and now he is free to live a life without a depressed , fragile friend around. I forgot he had other friends he could be around. As for me i am all alone. thats probably why i got so attached to him. He was the only person who would make me feel loved. I guess he didn’t feel the same for me. Why did he have to leave without an explanation? He could have some decenty and tell me why he is going to leave me out in the rainy streets. I am stranded here with no one to love me. I am broken nto so many peices. I have used so much tacky glue to put myself back together but we all know that it doesnt last forever. At one point he glue stops o work.
I cant believe i stopped wprking at school, i broke down crying. The tears flooding down my pale cheeks that where now a rosy reddish color. I could barely see through my watery eyes. I wiped my arm across my face to help get rid of some of my tears... bad idea. Now my eyeliner is fucked up and smeared everywhere. I lurk the empty halls while practically limping. I am still sobbing and i am in pain from this morning. I pass some teachers on the way to class, hey look me up and down and hurry away. I thought the teachers here where supposed to help the students? The bell rang and i panic as i rush up the stairs bu i trip on one of the steps and just sit there. I don’t have enough strength mentally or physically to pull myself up again. I curl up on the stairs balling my eyes out . I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH! I NEED HIM! I CANT LIVE WITH OUT HIM! I whimper to myself. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much pan at once. This is worse than any of the pain i have ever endured combined. This pain is just to real. Is this a night mare i am having? i put my hand in my pocket and found a pencil sharpener, i take out the screw with some scissors and grasp the blade as i pull down on my sleeve revealing my slit up wrists i drag the small blade down my torn skin and i watch the blood trickle down, i feel the pleasure and little rushes of slight pain that goes away quickly. I bring my arm up to my mouth and lick away the blood before pulling my sleeve back down. i wipe the blood on the blade off on to my jeans and shove it back n my pocket. Well i know that this isnt just a night mare am having. This is real life...can i even call it life? Its not like i am living, only physically. But my mind is dead and empty. The life has been sucked out of it. I lurk around in this body that used to be full of life and energy but now i am a host in weak body. I cant do anything, My mind is beginning to take over my body. My mind isnt living so that means that pretty soon my body wont be alive either.

Notes

this chapter was really personal, i am starting to relate the characters to myself a little. Its feels good to express myself for once!PLease comment what you thnk of this chapter. How can i improve? rate, subscribe thanks soooo much killjoys


love ya