still hiding

as i walk home i slowly fade deeper into a deep pit of sadness. Thoughts racing my mind "you are worthless" "you are a back stabber, stop using her" "you should just kill yourself" all of these thoughts seemed more real as the moments passed. As i start thinking about suicide a little more i panic i want to so badly but there is something holding me back...i dont know what it is. My family doesnt love me the way they should, i dont have any friends, i am failing school, veronica ...well i am just using her as a shield to hind behind so i wont need to face myself. People would probably be glad if i left, one less mouth to feed and pay for, no one would need to deal with me. I am a lost cause anyways. Whats the point? If only knew what was keeping me from suicide...oh wait i know, i am a coward. Thats it, a coward i am to scared to die. the self wounds i have inflected caused enough pain but it became easier but suicide and slitting my wrists and watching myself bleed out is terrifying. I cant bring myself to it. I slowly approach home. As i open the door i drop my book bad on the floor and run to my room and slam the door behind me. I curled up on the bed sobbing. I dont even know why this is happening. So many people have it way worse than i do and they manage to do better than me. I am pathetic. I get up and i see the blade i use to use lying under a bloody tissue. Everything raced my mind , the first time i used it, watching the blood trickle down my huge thighs, the way it felt as it pierced my skin. I remember all of those emotions all the feelings and the pain...why do i miss it? i go to my dresser and shuffle through some socks looking for where i used to hide them. bam found it. i grabbed one that looked semi new and stared down at my scared fucked up legs . i feel a tear roll down my cheek, i take the blade adn lower it to my meaty thigh and drag it across, it took a while before i could see any blood. the skin on your legs is a lot thicker than most areas so you have to cut rather deeply to get any blood unfortnatly.

Notes

okay i hope this is good . what do you think?