still hiding

Frankie lunch is almost over, we should go" he says in a kinda sad voice. "Awwwwww I don't want to leave you....we can ditch ya know" I say with a smirk hoping we might stay. "I can't frankie, I'm not doing well in class right now. I also still am with veronica remember " he says. "Oh its okay gee" I say and his flash back to meet mine. A confused look across his face "did you call me GEE?" he says with a smirk and a giggle follows shortly after. "Ummm, yeah. Do you not want me to can you that. I will stop. Sorry gerard" I say kinda feeling ashamed. "No no sweetie it's fine, call me whatever you want" he says. "Oh okay well in that case, have fun in class KATHERINE" I say giggly. "Oh Katherine, sure suits for me" he laughs and turns me over so he is lying on top of me on his knees. His hair dangling over my face. He leans down for a small kiss. "Oh frankie I fucking love you" hour says seductively. "I sure hope you do" I say. "Good bye. Frank I really have to go" he kisses me one more time and gets off "oh okay. I should let you go now. I love you" I say with a smile. "I love you too" he says as he gets up and goes to the door to open it. "Bye my love" he says as he waves and disappears to run off to class. I sit there in silence for a few minutes before getting up to get to class. He kissed me. He said he loves me. Does he? It might not be real to him but it feels real to me. I hope he doesn't leave me like...Alex did.
~ gerard pov~
I have class with veronica. I need to tell her. I stare at the teacher as she gives directions "work on your writing portfolio, you can have a partner to help revise your story " she said so I immediately turned to veronica to see her already staring at me. I really don't want to hurt her. I walk up to her and we get to go to hallway to work. "Hey gerard did you do your work? " she says. "Ummm yeah...well we have to talk, not about work. about us. It is important. " I tell her and I notice that the joy in her face fades away. " what do you mean....is this the end?" she says with cracks in her voice. " veronica you have to understand. I'm sorry. I used you to hide something I was to scared to admit to myself or anyone else. I'm...." I pause for a minute before covering my face and say softly "gay...." I look up at her and see tears filling her glossy eyes. " I should have known, why didn't I believe them? it was so obvious. It's frank isn't it." she says from going from sad to pissed. I nod feeling so ashamed. I'm being shot down. I feel so weak and powerless talking to her. I don't want to hurt her anymore than I just did. Her fist goes up and hits my face. I new she was fucking crazy. My vision starts to blur and I just see a figure of her crying in the distance. I lye there in the cold wooden floor for a few secluded before reaching over to grab my notebook and a red sharpie. [veronica I'm really sorry. I had to tell you before you would get to attached to me. I finally accepted myself so it's time that I should go. We can still be friends right? You are an awesome girl....you will make a STRAIGHT Guy happy to date you] it takes her a few seconds to notice me holding the notebook up. she starts writing something and them lifts the notepad up [no to being friends, you fucking used me. It's over. You should have told me sooner instead of cheating and then telling me] the words she says are like small needles getting shot at me. I never wanted to hurt her like this. Well its completely over....and I have frank.[im sorry] I wrote and show her. [leave, I don't want to see you again] she writes back. I gather my things and walk back to the classroom and sir in the back of the room fiddling with my pencil. Gahhhhhhh when will the bell ring? I want to tell frank the good news but for some reason a part of me is is some sort of unbearable pain from leaving her. I really did care about her just not in a romantic way. I only thought of her as a friend but now I list her forever. She found out about this in the worst way. I feel so bad for her. I'm terrible. I am probably going to be terrible with frank at some point. I don't want to. I want him to love me. I want him to be happy. But who would be happy with a monster like me?

Notes

I AM SOOOO SORRY