Lady Of Sorrows? I Think Not!

The day passed by sluggish and monotonous; just another series of minutes that turned into hours until Gerard could finally leave the place that had become so filled with disappointment. It wasn't Mikey's fault that he cared, and it wasn't for Gerard to hurt him. He was the older brother, and he was supposed to love Mikez, and look after him. Their parents had done enough damage without him inflicting more scars on his brother now. Gerard silently filled out his last order of the night before going into the back room to change into his street clothes.

He felt stuck, like every move was a struggle. This was a feeling he was used to, this depression that he had kept at bay for so long. It creeped over him and took his muscles and thoughts into its cold hands. He shivered softly as a feeling much like fingertips brushed slowly up his spine, but Gerard was too lost in his thoughts to panic, or even notice much. Gerard finished up tying the laces on his black converse and shrugged his bag onto his shoulder. Pete and Vic would have questions too, but he knew he couldn't tell them anything. No one would believe him.

It was bitter cold outside, and Gerard was grateful that his style always called for some form of jacket. He snuggled deeper into his black hoodie as he walked to his car just a couple cars down. Glancing over at the shadows, Gerard was once again reminded of the other night. Those hands that had gripped his shoulders so gently, that soft and loving voice that had whispered such beautiful things, and that gorgeous face, so pale but so perfect with such enchanting hazle eyes. But those eyes, they had gazed at him with a fierce possession, an unquenchable need to own, to take, and they had scared him. The face he had felt would be perfect to scketch and touch turned into an object of haunting desire and a magnetic fear that drew you closer instead of pushing you away.

Gerard shook his head as tears slowly rolled down his snow-kissed cheeks, the cold bringing a rosy glow to his usual paller. It was over now, and he knew it. Those perfect whispers had all been black, tainted lies. His heart had decieved him, and he was feeling evey crack as it slowly spread through his chest. In the car, Gerard turned his music up until it almost hurt, and took a few deep, calming breaths before starting his car and heading home.

Once again, all the lights in the house seemed to be on, but it didn't lighten Gerard's mood in any way. Gerard grabbed his bag and dragged his feet as he walked across the yard, trying to prolong the walk as much as possible to avoid the obvious questions that were gaurenteed once he went through that door. He dumped his bag just inside and shut the door quietly behind him, glancing up through his hair in search if his housemates. Pete was sprawled on the couch with papers all over his chest as if he had been reading them, but then lost interest. His eyes were glued to the tv screen as one of his favorite series played. Vic was nowhere to be seen. Gerard was grateful that Pete hadn't noticed him yet, it gave him time to plaster on a smile.

"Hey Pete, you look extra comfy there." As he spoke, his grin wide and bright and all but genuine, Gerard darted over and sat right on his friend's stomache. Pete gave a yell of surprise that turned into a grunt as Gerard squished the air out of him. Gerard wasn't big, in fact he was quite light especially by guy standards, but Pete's position on the couch hadn't really been chosen to support two. Gerard chuckled and patted Pete's cheek playfully before hopping off and practically skipping into the kitchen while calling out to Pete to ask if he wanted coffee too. After recieving a hearty "Hells yes." Gerard turned on the coffee machine.

"Is Vic home?" He hadn't heard a thing from upstairs and Vic almost always had music playing.

"Nah. Hes out with Kellin; said they'd be back late. I think Kellin is coming over to work on the project more once the research is done." Gerard let himself enjoy a relieved smile. Vic was the one who would nag him about his whereabouts on Monday. Pete had seen that he was okay, and so he wouldn't ask if Gerard didn't bring it up first.Gerard let his mind wander as he watched the coffee pot slowly fill, but hey always went back to the same place despite his best efforts. Why had Frank acted so weird today?

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His walk was refreshing; there was nothing like a winter's night to clear your head. Frank tilted his head and smiled, gazing at nothing in particular. His thoughts were focused on the man he had just left. Gerard had been so shy, like he hadn't known how to approach the other man. Frank's smile was slight, but beautiful none the less. Did Gerard like him? He certainly hoped so. Mikey might not be too happy about it though. Frank's smile disappeared as if it had never existed. He had to get back to the dorm; Mikey wouldn't be particularly happy about anything at the moment. Turning right at the next intersection, Frank walked through the city towards the campus. The smells alone were overwhelming, not to mention the sights, and the almost deafening sounds as cars and streethawkers and pedestrians all fought to be heard.

This intimate yet lonely way of life made Frank's skin crawl. How could people live so close to each other and not even notice the ones that walked right by? They appeared oblivious, but their technology helped them feel connected. It was insanity to him, so Frank did what they all were so accustomed to; he looked down, and ignored them all.

The campus was gorgeous at sunset. The red and gold lights glinted off of all the windows , and you could almost imagine a time when each building was new and beautiful to those who were lucky enough to be near them. People didn't appreciate this kind of architecture any more. Another sad thing about this time. Even the things considered praisable and wanted in people were often only things people wanted in themselves but couldn't bring themselves to change for. Nothing here was worth anything; at least, not until you lost it.

Mikey was asleep already when Frank walked into their room, but the bottles strewn across their floor proved it wasn't entirely because he was tired. A stab of guilt burned in his chest as he gazed at the young man who had been so wracked with emotion that he had drank himself to a deep and shameless sleep. Frank walked over quietly and drew Mikey's blanket up over him, tucking him in gently. Momentarily distracted, Frank gently brushed Mikey's longish blond hair out of his face. He didn't look like he had found peace in unconciousness; a slight frown pulled at his brow and the set of his lips told of tears he had fought back beofre sleep had taken him. Frank knew he should have been here, but he had been so distracted by his thoughts at the cafe, and then Gerard's strange reactions to him had completely pushed everything else out of his mind. After making sure Mikey wouldn't fall off the bed in his sleep, Frank cleaned up all of the bottles and glanced longingly at the door. He shook his head hard and turned his back to the door. Ray would live without him for the rest of the week. And he would have to live without Ray's goods, as well. Frank sighed heavily; it was time for bed, but would his dreams be anywhere close to pleasant after the day he had?

Notes

I was actually listening to Stomachaches while writing this. It may seem like a filler, but its actually really important that you know whats going on with Frank. Not that you guys really know much just yet... You will have to wait and see.

So, comment your thoughts (you never know what might make its way in), and give all kinds of feedback, even the bad.

Keep It Ugly my Pretty Pansies