As Alicia slowly drove through the gates and started up the long driveway Lucy sat forward in her seat.

“It’s beautiful” She said in awe as the impressive stone building came into view.

Alicia stopped the car then cut the engine. “I had no idea it was this huge.” She said gazing out the windshield. “I wonder if we should have locked the gates.” They had gone by Lynn’s home to retrieve the keys but that question hadn’t been asked.

Lucy unhooked her seat belt then looked back down the driveway. “I don’t know. I can run back and lock them if you think I should.”

“We have permission to be here but I don’t want anyone else wandering in. Here, you take the key to the front doors while I go back and lock the gates.”

Lucy took the key then grabbed her camera. She was trying to hide her excitement about photographing this building but it was hard.

As Alicia walked back down the driveway she smiled to herself. This was undoubtedly one of the best ideas she’d come up with in a long time. It was important for Lucy to know she could find happiness living out in California, important she felt there were things here that she could be a part of other than just fitting into Gerard’s life. When she’d listened to Lucy talk to Lynn this morning about the historical society she knew this would definitely help. Lynn had viewed Lucy’s work on the Net and was excited she’d agreed to photograph this beautiful building before it was lost forever. She’d even offered to pay Lucy for her work however Lucy had declined the offer saying she was very happy to take the photos and expected no payment.

Now as Alicia glanced back she could see Lucy hadn’t even gotten to the front door yet she was busy taking shots of the exterior of the building. Taking photos was something Lucy obviously loved.

Once the gates were secured Alicia joined her new friend who was still taking photos from various angles.

“Oh sorry.” Lucy giggled lowering her camera. “I don’t have the doors open yet.”

“Hey, we’re in no hurry. You heard Lynn we’re welcome to take all the time we need.” She glanced up, “I bet in its day this building was beautiful.”

Lucy tried to view it in the same way but to her it was hard. “I still think it’s beautiful.” She honestly looked beyond the overgrowth and crumbling stones.

Alicia watched her as she moved around taking several more shots. “I think the camera you use is cool but I’m spoiled, I like seeing the pictures I’ve taken right away.”

Lowering the camera Lucy smiled, “You know I’ve never taken a photo with a digital camera.”

“Really?”

Lucy nodded, “Yeah, it’s true. This is the only camera I’ve ever owned.”

“Well it takes beautiful photos.” Alicia said following as she moved further away from the doors to snap more photos.

“It’s not that I don’t think digital cameras take great photos.” Lucy explained slowly. “But for me I guess part of the excitement is developing the photos I’ve taken. I love the surprise of seeing if they match what my memory holds.”

“How long have you had that camera?”

Careful to step around several crumbling stones Lucy spoke while lifting the camera to her eye again. “Rafe gave me this camera not long after we arrived in Kansas.” She slowly lowered the camera then turned to Alicia. “I was mad at him a first. We didn’t have the money for such an expensive gift.” Her face took on a look of sadness as she continued, “He’d sold a rifle his father had left him to buy this. He loved that rifle.”

Alicia was almost sorry she’d asked because Lucy now looked so sad.

Forcing herself to go on Lucy explained, “He said it was worth it. Rafe said that the first time he and I had explored a huge old barn that was being allowed to fall into ruin he’d just known. He said I could still see its beauty and knew if I’d had a camera I could capture the beauty that was still there.”

“That was very sweet of him.” Alicia said softly.

Lucy smiled slightly, “It was but he created a monster. Soon I was taking photos all the time. Back then I had to send my film away to be developed and that drove me crazy, the waiting.”

“But you have a darkroom now, right?”

“Rafe built it for me.” Lucy explained. “He knew the waiting drove me crazy.” She sighed, “And now it’s back to waiting for me. These photos I take today will have to wait to be developed until I get home.”

“Too bad Gee doesn’t have a darkroom in his house.” Alicia said but when she saw the look on Lucy’s face she wished she’d kept that thought silent.

“His house is perfect the way it is.”

Deciding to change the subject Alicia said, “Well all I know is I’ll be waiting to see the photos you take today too.”

“I’ll develop them as soon as I get home.” Lucy answered while raising the camera to her eyes again.

“When are you leaving?” Alicia asked softly.

Lucy snapped the shot then lowered the camera. “We haven’t really discussed it but I guess I’ll stay until he leaves on tour.”

“But that’s not very long at all.” Alicia frowned, “You could always stay and hang with me.”

“I know he leaves on the 10th. I have a Christmas party at the historical society on the 15th so I really do need to get home for that.”

Alicia was trying hard not to pry but it was hard. “But you’re coming back for Christmas, right?”

Lucy sighed, “I honestly don’t know. We haven’t discussed anything about that.”

“Lucy, I know he’ll want to spend Christmas with you.”

“Of course he’ll want to spend Christmas with his family.” Lucy said making her way towards the front doors. “That only makes sense.”

Alicia couldn’t let the subject drop. “He wants to spend Christmas with his loved ones. You are definitely one of those.”

Taking the key Lucy unlocked the front door without answering her. She stepped inside the front entryway slowly. “Wow”

By this time Alicia had caught up with her. Looking at the huge foyer she understood Lucy’s awe. “Wow is right. This is beautiful.” Even it its dilapidated condition the huge soaring ceilings and massive stone walls were still breathtaking.

“How sad this building can’t be saved.” Lucy said glancing around.

“Yeah, but you heard Lynn they don’t have enough money to make repairs and pay for upkeep.”

Lucy nodded, “And of course the property is very valuable. I guess it’s good to take some comfort in knowing the money they receive for the property will help with the upkeep on other locations. Still…” She walked further into the building. “I hate to think of this place being lost forever.”

“Have you always been interested in old buildings?” Alicia asked following Lucy.

Lucy laughed, “Seems sorta weird, right? Actually the only structures I photographed in the beginning were barns.It wasn’t until I met Lisa and she asked me to take photo for the Kansas Historical Society that I began to photograph buildings and houses.” As she answered she began snapping photos.

“And you always use black and white film?” The moment Lucy lowered the camera Alicia knew her simple question had struck a nerve. Lucy’s face took on a sad almost lost look.

Lucy knew Alicia was confused by her reaction. “At first I used color film. It wasn’t until shortly before my daughter’s death I started using black and white.”

Alicia waited hoping she’d go on.

Really wanting to open up to her new friend Lucy admitted something she usually tried to forget. “Sometimes I almost wonder if in a way I knew she’d become only a memory.” Her eyes immediately started to fill with tears. “That sounds crazy.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Alicia walked over to gently touch her arm. “Gee told me about a beautiful photo you’d took of your daughter surrounded by lilacs.”

Lucy wiped her eyes the smiled slightly. “It’s my favorite photo of her.”

“I’d like to see it someday.”

“Sure.” Lucy forced herself to get back on task. “Let’s head upstairs.”

___________________________________________

“The last take was good.” Frank said taking a seat next to Gerard who’d found a quiet place in the sunshine outside the studio. “They’re setting up for the next take.”

“Good.” Gerard smiled, “Things are going much better today.”

“Hey, I’m glad about that. I wanna get home.”

“You talk to Jamia again?”

“Yeah, both girls are sick now.” Frank sighed. He knew in his heart Gerard was thinking about Lucy so he added, “I told her all about my great dinner last night.”

This brought another smile to Gerard’s face. “It was good, wasn’t it?”

“It was excellent. Lucy is one hell of a cook. So Mikey told me she and Alicia are hanging together again today. Taking photos, right?”

“For the Santa Monica Historical Society.” There was pride in Gerard’s voice. “Lucy is one hell of a great photographer.”

“Sounds like you think she’s pretty perfect in every way.” Frank teased.

“She is.” Gerard answered automatically. “But shit, I need to spend time with her.”

Frank understood, “Well if things keep going as well as they are right now, you’ll get that time.”

“True.” Gerard nodded needing to believe that would happen.

Ray, who joined them had heard the last part of the conversation, “So when do I get to meet the wonderful woman?”

Gerard looked up at him. “I really want you and Christa to meet her.”

“Christa really wants to meet her.” He too took a seat. “Gotta admit we’re both very curious.”

“Curious?”

“Sure.” Ray nodded, “Come on, the woman who turned your life around…yeah, we’re curious.”

Gerard sat back, “Yeah, she did turn my life around, that’s a fact.”

“So, I’m guessing we’ll meet her soon.” Ray said unaware of the situation. “Sounds like she’s a big part of your life now.”

Frank shot him a look he didn’t understand.

Gerard sighed, “I hope so.”

Knowing he touched on a sensitive subject Ray turned the conversation to the video shoot and the upcoming tour. Gerard only half listened his mind really on Lucy and wondering what she was doing right now.

__________________________________________

Alicia couldn’t help but giggle while she watched Lucy take a shot from her position laying on the floor. “Man, you get into some weird positions to take shots.”

Lucy laughed, “Yeah, well sometimes it’s necessary.” She stood back up not bothering to dust herself off. “That ceiling is spectacular.”

“Yeah, it is.” Alicia said glancing up again. “I love the detail.”

“I really hope an architectural salvage company is going to come in and save some or the things here before the building is demolished.” Lucy said as her eyes were lining up another shot.

“I hadn’t thought of that.” Alicia admitted, “But that would be a good idea. Some of this definitely should be saved. I’ll ask Lynn about that.”

Lucy sat down on the nearest window seat to change film.

“So” Alicia was trying to decide the best way to ease into a conversation she worried might upset Lucy. “I guess tomorrow night you get to meet Bandit.”

Lucy’s fingers fumbled with the film. “Yeah”

Not understanding Alicia continued, “Gee said Lindsey is bringing her over around eight.”

“That’s what I heard.” Lucy muttered.

A thought suddenly occurred to Alicia, “Are you nervous about meeting Lindsey?”

Again Lucy wanted to be honest. “I’m not looking forward to it.”

Believing she understood Alicia spoke quickly, “Look, I know it’s gonna be awkward but Lindsey understands you didn’t know Gee was married when you two first met.”

“I know” Lucy said not looking up, “Gerard told me.”

“So you shouldn’t worry.” Alicia joined her on the window seat. “Matter of fact Gee told me Lindsey actually encouraged him when he told her he was going to Kansas to see you.”

“He told me that too.”

“So why are you dreading the meeting?”

Lucy finally looked over at her. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m dreading it but…” She sighed “The fact remains and always will that I slept with her husband while they were married.”

“A fact that was totally his fault.” Alicia said softly.

Lucy closed the camera then started to advance the film. “I will always know deep down I should have at least considered the fact he might have someone back in LA. But….” Her voice trailed off.

“But what?”

“I didn’t want to consider it.” Lucy finally answered.

Again Alicia believed she understood, “Because you fell in love with him.”

“True but that doesn’t make it right.”

“Lucy, no one can go back and change the past. We all do things that sometimes we wish we could change but we can’t.”

“That’s very true.” Lucy said glancing away.

Sensing something else was bothering Lucy Alicia thought a minute then asked “So, what else is wrong?”

Lucy gave her a surprised look, “Wrong?”

Alicia laughed, “Okay by now you should have noticed I’m pretty straight foreword. I also sometimes stick my nose were it doesn’t belong but I really like you Lucy and I want things to work out for you and my brother-in-law. So because of that I’m just trying to figure out if there is anything I can do to help.”

Nervously Lucy shifted her camera from one hand to the other but remained silent.

“So?” Alicia was staring at her.

“Things are fine.” Lucy wouldn’t look over at her.

Now Alicia was sure something was definitely wrong. “Wow that didn’t sound convincing at all.” Suddenly a thought occurred to her, one she didn’t understand. “You aren’t nervous about meeting Bandit, are you?”

Lucy started to get up but Alicia’s hand darted out to stop her. “Lucy?”

For a moment Lucy stared at her but then slowly sat back down. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

Because she liked Lucy so much Alicia didn’t back down. “Maybe you don’t want to talk about it but I kinda think you might need to.”

Again Lucy nervously fidgeted with her camera refusing to look at Alicia. When she finally spoke her voice sounded haunted. “Did he tell you anything else about my daughter?”

The question surprised Alicia, “Not really. I just know about the fire.” She saw Lucy flinch.

Lucy realized Alicia had been right, she did need to talk about this with someone. “When they died…” Immediately her eyes grew watery. “Losing Rafe was brutal but losing Lizzy…” Her voice trembled, “It was more than I could take.”

Alicia reached out to touch her arm, “I’m so sorry.” She whispered.

Forcing herself to go on Lucy continued, “I couldn’t stand the pain so I tried to make myself forget her. Tried to make myself forget I’d ever had a daughter.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“God, I’m sorry.” Alicia said fishing out a tissue from her pocket for Lucy.

“I packed all her things away.” Lucy said slowly, “I pushed all her memories into the deepest part of my mind. That’s why Gee didn’t even know I’d had a daughter until the day before he left.”

“Lucy, I had no idea.”

“I know you’ll probably think I’m crazy but for the longest time I couldn’t bear to even see another child.” She struggled to put her emotions into words. “If I did it felt like all the air would be sucked out of the room.”

“That’s because of your deep sorrow.” Alicia said softly.

Lucy wiped her eyes again. “Yes, I was afraid to remember; afraid the pain would overwhelm me.”

For several moments both women were silent. Finally Lucy spoke again. “I still purposely keep my distance from children. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it.”

“Have you told Gee this?” Alicia asked.

“No” Lucy shook her head “And I don’t want him to know how I’m feeling. You promised me.”

Alicia could see how upset Lucy was but still had to speak her mind. “But Lucy, you should tell him. He’ll understand.”

“How can he understand something I don’t? It’s crazy to feel this way.”

“Don’t say that.” Alicia said tightening her grip on Lucy’s arm. “It’s not crazy to accept your feelings.”

“But those feelings are wrong. I know I need to get over this. I’ve come so far and yet…” Another tear rolled down her cheek. “I know how much he loves his daughter and I love that about him. I wouldn’t want him to be any other way. But if I can’t get over this, I can’t be a part of his life. That is the simple fact.”

Alicia gathered her thoughts then said slowly. “You know you’re right. Obviously you have come a long way. You’ve moved past a lot of the sorrow and pain. But I really believe if you give yourself time you can move past this too. Bandit is a beautiful, sweet, smart little girl. If you give yourself time I think that will help you change the way you feel.”

Lucy gave her a pained look, “I really want that to be true.”

Alicia patted her arm, “Then stop worrying and let things happen naturally. Spend some time with her but don’t try to make yourself feel things.” She sighed unable to put her thoughts any more clearly, “Just go with the flow and stop worrying about what you might or might not feel. Does that make sense?”

Taking a deep breath Lucy nodded, “Yeah, it does.” She started to stand but stopped abruptly, “Just please, don’t tell Gee what I told you.”

While Alicia truly believed he should know she’d made a promise. “I won’t.”

“Thank you.” This time Lucy did stand. “Now, I’d like to take more pictures before the sun changes angles.”

Alicia followed her out of the room but her thoughts were still on the conversation they’d just had.

____________________________________________

That evening the girls had just arrived home when Gerard and Mikey showed up a few minutes later with a pizza in tow. They all had agreed on an easy dinner especially Gerard who while he couldn’t admit it out loud wanted a quick dinner so Mikey and Alicia would head home. He wanted desperately to spend some time alone with Lucy.

As they all gathered in the kitchen around the hot pizza he was pleased to see how happy Lucy looked. Obviously spending a day taking photos had agreed with her. For several minutes she talked non stop about the building she’d photographed and its beauty.

Mikey took a bite of his slice then spoke up. “I can’t wait to see the photos. Seems sad the place is gonna be demolished.”

Lucy nodded, “It is sad.”

“But your photos will preserve its memory.” Gerard said softly.

“I’m just hoping the photos come out as good as I think they will.”

“Hey, you shot eight rolls of film.” Alicia reminded her. “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of great shots.”

Gerard’s phone rang. Glancing down at the screen he muttered, “Gotta take this. I’ll be right back.” He slid off his bar stool then walked into the living room.

The others continued talking while he was gone. Mikey was filling them in on the day and how the video shoot went well.

A few minutes later Gerard returned, “Sorry about that.” He said resuming his spot at the breakfast bar.

Lucy wondered why he looked upset. “Everything okay?”

He forced himself to smile. “Uh yeah. That was Linds. Something has come up and she’s gonna drop off Bandit in the morning.”

Lucy’s hand gripped her glass tighter and her eyes dropped.

Alicia glanced over at her but remained silent remembering her promise.

Gerard was thinking out loud. “Maybe we can take B to the zoo tomorrow.” He looked over at Lucy, “How’s that sound?”

Lucy forced herself to smile even though her stomach had begun to churn. “Sure.”

For the rest of the dinner the others continued talking about the video shoot but Gerard noticed Lucy had become very quiet.

After dinner as Mikey and Alicia were preparing to leave Gerard followed them out to the car knowing Lucy had stayed behind to wash the glasses and plates.

“Uh, so you and Lucy really did have a good day, didn’t you?” Gerard asked his sister-in-law as the neared the car.

Alicia nodded, “Yeah, it was fun watching her take photos. You should have seen some of the positions she gets into to get the shot.”

“Did she say anything?”

While she understood what he was asking Alicia forced herself to remember her promise to Lucy. “Gee, talk to her.”

“Something is wrong, isn’t it?”

“Just talk to her.” Alicia said pulling her car door open.

Gerard frowned, “She made you promise not to tell me, didn’t she?”

Alicia sighed, “Yeah and because I like her so much I have to keep that promise. But think about what just happened.”

“She’s upset because Linds is coming in the morning.”

Now more then ever Alicia wished she hadn’t made that promise. “Talk to her Gee.” She said again. “Make her open up.”

Impulsively he kissed Alicia’s cheek, “Thanks.” He whispered. Once their car was out of sight he walked slowly back into the house.

Lucy wasn’t in the kitchen she was curled up on the sofa. “Hey” She smiled as he walked back in. “You look tired.”

Gerard sat down beside her then slipped his arm around her shoulder. “Yeah, it was a long day. But I’m proud of the way things went. The video is gonna be great.”

“I’m tired too.” Lucy said softly. “And really in need of a shower. Crawling around an old building and all…”

“Go take your shower, woman.” He smiled. “I’ve got a few e-mails I need to deal with. When you’re done I’ll take my shower then meet up with you in bed.”

His plan had been to talk to Lucy once they were snuggled under the covers. However that didn’t happen. When he came out of the shower Lucy was curled up on her side, sleeping. So he crawled into bed next to her then pulled her body close. While Alicia wouldn’t admit what was wrong in his heart he knew. Lucy wasn’t just nervous about meeting his ex-wife she was terrified about meeting his little girl.