Lucy stood at the bottom off the steps waiting for an answer.

“Uh” Gerard was trying not to shiver, “Uh, well when I first got here I knocked but you didn’t answer.”

“Of course I didn’t, I wasn’t home.” Her tone revealed nothing. Gerard couldn’t decide if she was angry, upset or… his deepest hope, happy to see him.

“Well yeah I know that now.” He had to pause when the dog pressed its cold nose against his neck. “Anyway I saw your truck was here so I just assumed you were too.”

Lucy was staring at him with absolutely no emotion on her face.

He shivered again then continued, “So I went around to the back and the door was unlocked.”

“You went inside?”

He really wished he could see her face more clearly through the shadows and falling snow. “It wasn’t locked.” He said softly. “And I was worried.”

Lucy herself was beginning to feel the cold from the snow clinging to her hair and coat. She shifted the book bag in her hand to the other then brushed the snow from her collar. “Shit, first you bring a tornado now a snowstorm.” She muttered stomping up the steps.

Gerard tried not to smile but he was feeling a bit relieved. At least she was talking to him.

Lucy fished the keys out of her pocket then unlocked the door. By this time Gerard had slowly made his frozen bones stand while still holding the dog in his arms. Lucy pushed open the door then turned to him. “I still don’t know why you are cradling Sam.”

Gerard looked down at the black lab puppy who was peering out of the blanket. “Hey Sam.” He said softly. “Nice to meet you, boy.”

Lucy harrumphed, “Wow, still not very observant. Sam is short for Samantha.”

“Oh” Gerard grinned still looking at the puppy. “Sorry about that Samantha.” He turned to meet Lucy’s eyes. “It was dark in the house so I really didn’t notice what sex the beast was that almost knocked me down.”

Lucy still made no move to go inside. “I still don’t understand why you and Sam were sitting out on the glider.”

Gerard shifted the dog slightly in his arms. “Well, once I checked the house and knew you weren’t home I thought I should leave. I was going to wait in the car but as soon as I started out the door Sam began to cry. I suppose we could have waited for you to come home out in the car but it’s a rental and I wasn’t sure if Sam is potty trained.”

Now that he was close enough to her Gerard saw her roll her eyes.

“So you decided to wrap up my dog and sit on the glider out in the cold without a coat?”

“Seemed like a good idea at the time.” Gerard answered, “And besides I didn’t bring a coat.”

Again Lucy rolled her eyes, “You came to Kansas without a coat.”

“Hey, it was fuckin’ hot last time I was here.” He answered but immediately saw Lucy’s face once more lose all emotion.

“Oh whatever.” Lucy walked inside then flipped on the lights. Gerard watched as she immediately slipped out of her shoes. Once she did she turned to stare at him. “Well?”

Gerard’s teeth were chattering by this time. “Uh, I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come in.”

“Oh good Lord.” Lucy reached to take the blanket wrapped puppy from his arms. “Please, come in.”

Slowly he stepped inside and was shocked by what he saw. Before he’d been so concerned about Lucy he’d raced through the house without turning on the lights but now he could see just how different it looked. Gone was the old wallpaper and in its place freshly painted walls. “Wow”As he looked down to remove his shoes he saw the wood floors had been refinished. “Dddid you dddo all this?”

Lucy unwrapped Sam who immediately bounded towards the kitchen before answering. “Please hold all questions until your teeth stop chattering.” She moved into the living room then went directly to the wood burning stove. As Gerard watched she stoked the embers then threw in two logs. Once she closed the metal door she pulled a wooden chair directly in front of the stove. “Sit” She said. “It will only take a few minutes for you to warm up.”

While he wasn’t sure if that was true he welcomed the heat already being emitted from the stove. He sat down but his eyes were looking around the room. This room too had been remodeled and now there was not only a TV but a computer on the deck.

Lucy shrugged out of her coat. “I’m going to make some hot tea.”

Gerard watched as she left the room, still amazed at how different, how good, she looked.

Lucy was trembling when she reached the kitchen and it wasn’t because of the cold. She tried to calm her nerves by taking a deep breath then went about the task of filling the kettle with water. She knew it would be much quicker just to microwave the water but she needed time to try to get her emotions under control.

When she returned to the living room she saw that Gerard had moved the chair away from in front of the stove.

“You were right. That does put out a lot of heat.”

Lucy frowned seeing Sam was now curled up in his lap. “Down Sam.” She said sternly.

Gerard was about to say he didn’t mind but decided it was best to remain silent. The puppy lowered her head.

“Sam” Lucy said a bit louder this time. “Down.”

This time Sam jumped off Gerard’s lap then curled up at his feet. Lucy sighed as she handed Gerard his cup of tea. “She’s cute and little now but soon she’ll be too big to be getting up on people’s laps.”

Gerard nodded then thanked her for the tea.

Lucy took a seat across the room. “So…”

“The place looks great.” Gerard said still needing time to figure out what he wanted to say to her. Now that she was actually in front of him everything he’d planned on saying had flown out of his head.

Lucy took a sip of her tea but remained silent.

“Uh, who painted the house?”

This time she did answer. “I did. Hung the shutters myself too.”

His first thought was concern over her climbing a ladder but he knew not to voice that. He remembered Lucy climbed up on the roof and with that memory came another…lying on the roof with her under the stars.

Lucy was watching him closely, “What?”

“Oh nothing.” He said quickly. His eyes scanned the room again. “See you have a TV and computer.”

Lucy sat her cup down then folded her arms. “A lot has changed since you were here.”

He could hear the anger in her voice. “I know.” He said softly, “You’ve changed too. You look great.”

Nervously she began to tap her foot on the wooden floor. “Yes, I have changed.” She paused then went on in a rush, “About two weeks after you left I woke up one morning and suddenly I just knew it was time. So I went into town and bought the paint for the outside of the house. It took me three days and I was exhausted by the time I was done but it felt wonderful. The next day I went into town and ordered the shutters.”

Gerard wasn’t sure what to say.

“After the outside was done I started on the inside. It felt good to clear out the old, it was a fresh start.”

He looked down at the cup in his hands. “You wanted to get rid of the memories.”

Lucy shook her head “It wasn’t about you. I wasn’t about trying to forget you’d been here. This was about me.” She waited until he looked up then pointed to the wall behind him. Slowly Gerard turned to look at the framed photo of Rafe and Lizzy that Lucy had hung. “I’ve not forgotten who I was, or who I am. Everything that has happened in my life up to this moment makes me who I am.”

Sadness filled his heart. She was telling him he was just a part of her past.

Lucy unfolded her arms then lifted her cup of tea. After taking a sip she asked “So why are you here?”

Gerard looked into her eyes, “Because you asked me how it ended and I couldn’t answer you. I didn’t know.”

Lucy set her cup down. “It’s your story. You have to know.”

“No” Gerard said softly, “It was our story.”

Silence filled the room as they stared at each other.

Finally Gerard got the courage to speak. “For you to really understand I need to start from the beginning.”

Lucy nodded slightly.

“But I need you to promise me something. Please, just hear me out. This won’t be easy for me to tell or for you to hear but it needs to be told.”

Again she folded her arms, “Okay.”

Gerard took a deep breath then began. “I left LA because my life was a fuckin’ mess…”

He was surprised when she immediately spoke up. “Yes I know.”

“You know?”

Lucy nodded, “I suppose I need to admit something to you before you begin. The day I went into town to buy the paint I stopped at the library to use one of their computers.” When she saw Gerard’s confused look she continued, “The computer I have now is a recent purchase.”

He nodded. “Oh”

“Anyway, that day I went to the library because…” She sighed, “Curiosity killed the cat, I suppose. Some of the things your brother said hadn’t made since. I felt like the person in the room who doesn’t know a secret that everyone else does.”

Gerard hated to even think about the day Mikey had arrived.

“So I Googled your name.” She shook her head, “That was quite an eye opener. All that time I’d had the lead singer of a rock band staying in my home.”

“Lucy…”

She held up her hand, “Let me finish. To say I was shocked would be an understatement but then I just felt stupid. I should have realized something wasn’t right. The more I thought about it the more it all made sense. That girl in Wal-Mart, she was a fan of yours. She knew who you were. Hell let me guess, Doctor Smiley knew too, didn’t she?”

Gerard could only nod.

“You wearing Rafe’s cowboy hat…” The anger in her voice was very clear. “I felt like such an idiot. The pieces were there I just didn’t bother to put the puzzle together.” She paused, “And that was because I honestly didn’t want to.”

“You wanted to trust me.” He said sadly.

Lucy nodded, “Yep, that’s true. Finding out just who you really were and why you were running was…difficult.” Gerard could tell she was fighting to keep her anger under control. “The first link I followed was about your relationship with the nanny.”

Gerard had to stop her. “You said this was just two weeks after I left?”

“Yes, that was the only time and believe me that was enough.”

He sighed, “Then you don’t know it was a lie, a paternity test proved I was not the father.”

Lucy shrugged, “Doesn’t matter.” Her eyes narrowed, “There was a chance it could have been, wasn’t there?”

Gerard refused to lie to her. “Yeah, I had been with her.” Before he could continue he had to know. “What else did you learn about me?”

“Just that you are married and have a daughter.” Her voice had again lost all emotion yet her eyes were filled with pain.

“I was married.” Gerard said softly. “We divorced.”

Lucy stared at him but made no comment.

He sighed, “So back to my story. You know some of what was going on in my life when I left LA. My marriage was ending…” He looked down, “I was a fuckin’ mess. I was drinking to excess every fuckin’ day. I was a selfish prick who refused to see I was the problem, not those around me. Instead of being a man and handling what was going on in my life I chose to drink and feel sorry for myself. Running away was my way of handling everything. I had convinced myself it was something I had to do, needed to do…” He sighed, “And in a way it was.” When he glanced up he saw Lucy was staring at him.

He knew for this all to make any kind of sense there was something else she had to know. “I don’t’ suppose you saw anything on the Net about my house?”

This time she looked momentarily confused. “Your house?”

Gerard nodded.

“No” Lucy answered, “And why would I give a shit about your house?”

His fingers itched to hold a cigarette but he’s given them up months ago. “Because I own a house in the hills above LA, in the Mt Washington area.”

“So?”

Gerard could see in her eyes she was confused and yet it was almost like she knew he was about to say something that would have a deeper meaning.

“Lucy, I own the house your grandmother built. I’ve owned it since 2008.”

He gave her time to digest that information.

It took her several minutes before she spoke. “Did you know it was my grandmother’s house when you met me?”

“No, I didn’t. Remember that first night when I told you I lived in LA?” She didn’t respond so he went on. “Then you started talking about your grandmother who had made her fortune in croutons. I was fuckin’ shocked, at first I thought it had to be some weird coincidence but when you told me about what was written outside the gate.”

Lucy’s voice shook, “Casa de mis suenos”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, I knew for sure it was the house.”

“And you didn’t tell me.”

“There was a reason I didn’t tell you.”

Lucy forced herself to take a sip of tea. For now she had no idea what to say or think.

Gerard’s voice lowered, “Something happened in that house the night before I left, something that…” He sighed, “Fuck, you’re gonna think I’m insane but you have to know…that night I saw something.” Again he looked down, “I saw a ghost.”

Lucy sat her tea cup down abruptly. “A ghost?”

Still looking down he nodded, “Please, you promised to hear me out.”

“Fine.” Lucy said. “Go on.”

He closed his eyes as he spoke. “It was a woman and she spoke to me. Only thing is she spoke in Spanish and while I can understand a little bit of the language, not a lot. Still I did understand some of what she said. I was so fuckin’ shocked at first but then, I don’t know, it was like somewhere in my brain I knew what she was saying was important so I tired to remember. When she disappeared….”

Lucy cut him off, “Were you drunk?”

He’d expected her question, “I’d been drinking but I wasn’t drunk. As soon as she disappeared I ran in and got some paper and tried to write down what she’d said. I tried to spell shit by sounding it out. Some of the things I wrote made sense, others I’m sure I didn’t get right.”

Suddenly Lucy stood. She crossed the room to the desk then pulled open a drawer. Gerard was watching her closely. When she walked over and handed him a piece of paper he was surprised, “You found where I’d hidden it.”

Lucy shook her head, “Gerard this wasn’t hidden.”

His fingers holding the paper shook, “I’d stuffed it between the mattress and the box springs.”

“Is that the paper you tried to write what the…ghost said?” Confusion and pain filled her voice.

“Yeah, this is it. Before I left the house I’d thrown it away but when I started to leave this paper was laying on the floor right in front of the door.”

Lucy slowly walked back over to sit down. Her mind was trying to understand. “That paper was laying right in the middle of the bed. I found it the next morning.”

Somehow he knew he shouldn’t be surprised.

“This paper was in my duffle bag.” He said looking down at it. “It should have been sucked out by the tornado and yet the next day when I went to look at the car Rex stuck his head in the backseat and came out with this in his mouth.”

Lucy blinked rapidly. “Rex found it in the car?”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, somehow it had gotten out of the bag.”

“And you hid it upstairs under the mattress?” She had to make sure she understood what he was saying.

“Yeah.” He looked her in the eye, “Do you understand what I tried to write?”

Lucy had spent long hours looking at the paper trying to make sense of it. “Some of it.” She whispered.

Now Gerard looked at the paper again, “un corazón roto mata lentamente”

“A broken heart kills slowly.” Lucy’s voice trembled.

“You know the phrase.”

Anger and hurt made her shake her head, “Neosho Falls is written on that paper.” It was an acquisition.

“Yeah, it is. Only thing is I didn’t realize I’d written it wrong. I wrote falls first. I had no idea Neosho Falls was a town until the day of the storm when I saw the sign for the town. That is why I turned instead of continuing on.”

“This is crazy.” Lucy said slowly. “You’re saying my dead grandmother led you here.”

“There’s more I have to tell you.” Gerard said slowly. “And if you think I’m crazy now…”

“Go on.” In her heart she knew she needed to hear this, she needed to understand.
He was afraid this would be painful for her to hear and yet he knew she needed to hear it.

“The first few days of my trip I was the same stupid prick. Then came the night I stopped in Boulder. I’d promised myself I’d stop drinking but there was a bar right down the street from the motel.” He shook his head sadly, “And of course it called to me.”

Again Lucy had crossed her arms and sat silently.

“I went in and ordered a drink. A woman came up to me and started hitting on me.”

Lucy clinched her fists. “Well of course. A good looking rock star.”

“No” Gerard shook his head, “It wasn’t like that. Believe me there was nothing good looking about me, I looked like shit complements of the alcohol. But she was attracted to the amount of money I was stupidly carrying in my wallet. She saw it when I paid for her drink.” He saw Lucy’s mouth was closed in a tight line. “Uh, she invited me back to her place.”

“Do I really need to hear this?” Lucy asked angrily.

“Yeah, you do.” Gerard answered. “I didn’t go with her. She excused herself to go to the bathroom before we were going to leave.” God, he wanted a cigarette right now. “It was then a guy sitting on the bar stool beside me spoke up. He told me she was probably calling her boyfriend so they could roll me for the money. I was freaked, I didn’t even know the guy was there, the bar stool had been empty when I sat down. Yet something in his voice made me stop and think about the situation. Then he said something that really freaked me out. He said he’d hate for anything to derail my trip.”

“So?”

“I hadn’t said anything about being on a trip.”

Lucy shrugged.

Gerard went on. “I got up to leave deciding it was probably best I didn’t wait around for the woman. The guy smiled and said I’d made a good choice. That if I continued to do that I’d find the answers I was looking for.”

“He actually said the answers you were looking for?”

“Yeah” Gerard nodded, “And I thought how the fuck could he know I’m searching for answers, looking for a way to fix my fucked up life.” Once again he stared into Lucy’s eyes. “Then he said, have a goodnight Gerard.”

“So?”

“I hadn’t told him my real name. I hadn’t told anyone my real name.”

“Maybe he recognized you.”

Gerard realized she was trying to find reasons to disbelieve his story and he did understand why. “No, I’m sure he didn’t. Matter of fact I know he didn’t recognize me as a singer.”

“Why?”

Forcing himself to go on was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. “Because I asked him his name…he told me it was Rafe Martinez.”

Lucy gasped and her eyes grew wide.

Gerard went on quickly, “Don’t you remember how weird I acted that first night when you told me your last name was Martinez? At first I thought I was fuckin’ losing my mind.” God, she looked so upset he wanted to go to her but he remained seated, “Especially when I found out you were a widow, that your husbands name was Rafe.”

“No” Lucy cried out.

“Lucy, I’m telling you the truth.”

She jumped to her feet and once more crossed to the deck. This time it was a folder she removed from the drawer. “Damn it.” She muttered.

Gerard was afraid he’d pushed her too far. “Lucy…”

She walked over to shove a photo into his hands, “This is from the roll of film I took the day we went into town.” Her whole body was trembling now.

Gerard looked down at the photo. It was one of the pictures she’d snapped of him in the classroom. At first glace he saw nothing and then…. “Oh shit.”

Lucy bit her bottom lip nervously, “Yeah, oh shit. When I first developed it I thought something was wrong with the film but…”

There in the photo just behind Gerard was a strange light colored mist. When looking at it closely it was possible to just make out a form.

Lucy had to sit back down. She clasped her hands together tightly in her lap. “I thought I was crazy but…” Tears appeared in her eyes, “In my heart I knew it was him.”

She had to know the whole truth. “He appeared to me more than once. He was here Lucy to make sure you were okay. That’s what he wanted.”

Her emotions went out of control, “Why the fuck would Rafe want me to be with a married man? Why would he want me to be with someone who broke my heart?”

“Because he’d hoped that wouldn’t happen.” He wanted to go to her but forced himself to keep his distance. “Lucy, I believe we were meant to find each other. That was supposed to happen. It was the timing that was fucked up but circumstances couldn’t be changed. I was slowly killing myself with the booze. In a perfect world you and I would have met after I’d gone through my divorce but our meeting couldn’t wait. You were there to pull me out of the darkness when I needed it most. I was there to take care of you when you got sick. We both needed each other.”

Lucy was shaking her head, refusing to believe.

“Lucy the day Rex died I’d gone upstairs to shower. I had no idea you’d left the house to go to the cemetery until Rafe appeared to me. He told me to follow you so that I would understand the depth of your pain.”

“Oh” Lucy’s hand flew up to cover her mouth as tears fell from her eyes.

“Rafe knew how much I loved you. He knew it. But he kept warning me about a storm that was coming. That storm did come the next day when my brother arrived.”

Lucy lowered her head, her mind becoming numb.

Gerard slowly stood then walked over to kneel before her chair. “Lucy, he came to me one final time, Halloween night.”

Lucy’s head shot up. “Halloween?”

“Yes, Lizzy’s birthday. My ex Lindsey and my daughter Bandit had been there earlier in the evening.” He slowly reached out to take one of Lucy’s hands. “Rafe told me I had a beautiful little girl.” He paused then added softly, “I told him he did too.”

A fresh batch of tears filled her eyes.

“Rafe told me Lizzy’s with him but she can’t travel like he did. Then he asked me what I was going to do. I said I didn’t know, that the only thing I did know was I’d broken your heart. Rafe said we’d both done that but he’d had no choice but that I did. He also said I could fix it. He told me to tell you the truth.” Gerard caressed her fingers with his thumb while he spoke, “I said you’d think I was crazy be Rafe just smiled and said his Lucy might surprise me.”

“Oh” Lucy’s voice shook, “He always called me his Lucy.”

Gerard smiled, “Yeah, he still does. He wants his Lucy to be happy, to live a happy life.”

“In the dreams he told me to live.” Lucy whispered.

“Yeah, he said dreams were the only way he could try to reach you.”

“He couldn’t just appear to me?”

Gerard smiled sadly, “I asked the same thing. He told me that was against the rules, that in death just like life, there are rules.”

Lucy stared at him trying to absorb everything Gerard had just told her. Part of her wanted to just tell him to get out, to go away. Since he’d been gone she had changed. She now had several friends and was once more actually living life. But her heart was telling her that Gerard was speaking the truth, her heart demanded she listen and believe.

Gerard could see in her eyes she was afraid and confused. “Lucy’ He said her name softly, “What I’ve told you is the truth. That is one of the reasons I came here, because I believed you deserved to know the truth.”

“One of the reason.” Lucy repeated in a shaky voice.

“Yeah, that and because you asked my how the story ends. But see? I don’t know how it ends. Levi fucked up, he let his emotional demons become real. It was Claire who could see beyond his lies, only she could see that his actions were because he was haunted by fear and regret. He was in the darkness and she was his light.” Gerard felt tears prick at the back of his eyelids. “The same way you were my light. I just don’t know if Claire can truly forgive him.” His head lowered, “I don’t know how the story ends. The ending belongs to you.”

Lucy pulled her hand out of his then stood. Slowly she walked over to the window to look out into the darkness. Already on the pouch railing there were two inches of snow. “How do you want it to end?” She whispered without turning.

Slowly he stood. No longer we’re they talking about the story. “What I want more than anything in the world is for you to be happy.”

Placing her hand on the glass windowpane she asked, “Why?”

He spoke from his heart, “Because I love you.”

Slowly she turned to face him. “We’re from different worlds. What we had here…it wasn’t real.”

“You’re wrong. Our love was real.”

She looked down at the floor. “I just don’t know.” She whispered. “I’m afraid to trust you with my heart again.”

Gerard took a step towards her. “I understand that.”

Before he could continue Lucy turned back around to stare once more out at the darkness. “I need time to think.”