Time passed, weeks turned into months, in Kansas the seasons changed and so did Lucy.

In LA Gerard had done what he’d promised his brother, what he’d promised himself. He had convinced Warner that the band was ready and able to hit the studio and produce an album that would sell. He threw himself into doing just that. Long hours were spent writing and working on new songs. However, the first song that the band actually finished was the one Gerard had started that night in Kansas when Lucy had given him the guitar. While he told no one about its origins, Mikey knew in his heart just hearing the lyrics for the first time the song was inspired by Lucy. Often Mikey tried to get his brother to talk about her but Gerard always refused. The truth was he couldn’t allow himself to think about her, at least not during the day. However, nighttime was different; nighttime was when he allowed the memories to return.

Gerard also spent any free time he had with Bandit. His little girl had become the center of his world. It seemed so was growing up so fast and he strived not to miss a moment. The fact that he and Lindsey had worked together to make the divorce as painless as possible had helped. She had not only agreed to joint custody but she’d also allowed Gerard to keep the house. While she hadn’t understood why he’d wanted it she had seen how important it was to him.

Now it was the early evening on Oct 31, Halloween, as Lindsey joined Gerard on the sofa. While she still didn’t feel comfortable in the house, she knew Bandit did so that made being here easier.

“Wow, look at all that candy.” Gerard laughed as he watched Bandit pouring over all the treats she’d gotten earlier going door to door trick or treating while her parents watched from the sidewalk.

“Yeah” Bandit nodded happily. “Lots of good stuff.”

Lindsey smiled, “She got quite a haul. Too bad you’re not keeping her tonight, I don’t want to deal with the sugar rush.”

He knew his ex was teasing, “Hey, I’d keep her if I could but I’ve got to be in the studio early in the morning.”

“How’s it going?” Lindsey asked.

Gerard settled back against the cushions to cross his leg. “Really good. We’ve only got three more songs to mix.”

“Seems working on the album is all you’ve been doing.”

He gave her a surprised look, “It’s what I’m supposed to do.”

Lindsey had been giving a lot of thought to the way her ex had changed and the way he was living his life. While he seemed very focused she’d noticed he’d missed doing a lot of things he’d enjoyed before. Recently he’d missed a comic convention and she wondered why.

“Well yeah, of course.” She said slowly, “But it just seems you’re only working on the album or spending time with Bandit. You haven’t been doing anything else.”

Gerard shrugged, “That’s all I want to do.”

Glancing over and seeing her daughter so still preoccupied by her candy Lindsey spoke softly, “You still think about her, don’t you?”

Nervously Gerard glanced away, “Think of who?” The idea of discussing this with Lindsey bothered him.

Much to his surprise Lindsey laughed, “You know who, the who is, we’re discussing.”

“Linds….”

She sighed, “Gee, I still remember how upset you were the first night you got back. I’ve watched as you’ve thrown yourself into getting your life back on track and that’s been a good thing. But…”She paused, “But I know something’s not right. You miss her don’t you?”

“Every damn day.” He whispered before he could stop himself.

“All this time, you haven’t tried to contact her?”

He sighed, “I bought her a cheap cell phone but I can’t make myself try the number. I’m sure if I did I’d find it out of service.”

Lindsey gave that some thought. “Look, I really think you need to deal with this. Time has passed, you’re divorced now, you should talk to her.”

“Just because I’m divorced now doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t when I was with her. She won’t forgive me for that. But even if she could the fact that she didn’t know about Bandit…” He snapped his mouth shut.

Lindsey was confused for a moment. “Oh” She said slowly, “Because she lost her own daughter.”

Suddenly the need to talk about this overwhelmed him. “Do you really want to hear this?” He had to make sure.

Lindsey nodded.

“I know I told you Lucy lost her husband and young daughter in a fire years ago.” When Lindsey nodded he continued “But what I didn’t tell you was that in a way Lucy sorta snapped when it happened. Not crazy, snapped but…”

“I don’t understand.”

“She took every reminder of Rafe and Lizzy out of the house and packed the shit away.”

“I’ve heard of people dealing with grief like that.”

“Well this was extreme. While she admitted to me she was a widow I had no idea she’d had a daughter until the day before Mikey arrived.”

This shocked Lindsey, “Really?”

Gerard nodded, “Later she said it was like she tried to forget she’d ever had Lizzy.”

Lindsey shook her head, “That’s sad.” She looked over at her daughter, her voice was full of emotion when she continued, “But in a way I can understand it. I can’t begin to image the pain it must be to lose your child. I think by trying to forget she existed it was the only way she could go on living.”

“Yeah, and when she found out I had a daughter, one in her mind I’d abandoned, it crushed her belief in the man she thought I was.”

Again Lindsey looked over at Bandit, “You spend so much time with her now.” She said softly.

“Because I realized how quickly all you love can be taken from you. I want to cherish Bandit, she’s a gift, and I don’t ever want to forget that.”

“She’s the best thing we ever did.” Lindsey whispered.

Gerard reached over to gently squeeze her hand, “Yep, that’s the truth.”

For several minutes they continued to watch their daughter. Finally Gerard spoke again forcing himself to open up. “Uh, I did something this morning and I’m afraid it might have been the wrong thing to do.”

Lindsey stared at him waiting.

He tried to gather his thoughts for a moment, “Lizzy was a beautiful child. That last day before Mikey arrived Lucy was showing me photographs she’d taken.”

“She was forcing herself to remember.”

He nodded, “Yeah, and while she said it was painful in a way it felt right. But there was one photo that really stood out. Lizzy loved lilacs and the house that burned had been surrounded by them.”

“The house where she and her dad died?”

“Yeah’ He was getting emotional remembering that day. “In the photo Lizzy was peering out, her face framed by lilacs, it was so beautiful. He rubbed his eyes, “And since I knew lilacs were her favorite flower I ordered a bouquet and had it delivered to her grave, because today is her birthday.”

“She was born on Halloween?”

“Lucy said she was her Halloween baby but I had seen her grave, I saw her birth date.”

Lindsey let his words sink in a moment before speaking, “You’re afraid sending the flowers will upset Lucy.”

“I just wanted her to know I hadn’t forgotten Lizzy’s birthday, that I hadn’t forgotten anything she’d told me about her daughter.”

Lindsey reached over to gently touch his cheek, “I think what you did was very thoughtful.”

“I just hope she’s not upset.” Gerard whispered.

“I hope she’s not, too.” Lindsey said softly. Suddenly she sat back, “Hey, I better get the candy monster home.”

Gerard looked into her eyes, “Linds thanks for letting Bandit spend the evening with me. I really didn’t want to miss out on this Halloween.” He paused a moment, “And thanks for letting me talk about Lucy with you.”

Lindsey smiled, “Hey, things are good between us. Thank you for telling me but I still think you should consider talking to her. I’m guessing you and the guys are gonna take some time off soon for Thanksgiving.”

“That’s not for a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah but it will be here sooner than you know. You’d have some time off to travel.” She stood then added, “Uh, just make sure your brother knows you’re leaving.”

Gerard was still unsure, “I don’t know. Guess I’ll give it some thought.”

“Think you should.” Lindsey said slowly rising from the sofa. “Okay, kid.” She said looking over at Bandit. “Time for us the hit the road. Why don’t you leave some of your candy here at Daddy’s house?”

Immediately Bandit frowned.

Gerard too had stood, “Hey B, I promise I won’t eat any of it. It will be here when you come over next time.”

Bandit gave her father a surprised look then said, “Daddy can eat some of my candy.”

Pure love made him walk over the lift her into his arms. “Well thank you. Maybe I’ll just eat one or two pieces.”

Bandit threw her little arms around his neck. “I love you.” She whispered.

Gerard felt his eyes grow misty, “Love you too, B.”

He carried her out to the car as Lindsey followed behind holding the plastic pumpkin that now held half of the candy Bandit had collected.

As he secured Bandit’s seat belt he glanced over at Lindsey who had slid behind the steering wheel. “Be careful driving home.”

She smiled, “We will. Talk to you in a few days.”

Gerard watched into their taillights disappeared into the darkness the hurried back inside. After finding a dish to hold the rest of Bandit’s candy that was still laying on the floor he stood up and sighed. The house seemed so lonely now that they’d left.

He placed the dish on the counter in the kitchen then made his way into the TV room. Quickly he flipped on the large screen and hit TiVo. He was relieved to see the show he’d set to record earlier was on the list. His finger shook slightly as he moved the arrows down and hit play.

The opening scenes of the Ghost Travels show filled the screen and the announcer’s voice filled the room.

A VERY SPECIAL HALLOWEEN EPISODE TONIGHT OF GHOST TRAVELS FILMED IN AN ACTUAL GHOST TOWN

The camera panned down the street so familiar to Gerard, his breath caught.

WELCOME TO NEOSHO FALLS KANSAS OUR SPEICAL STOP ON THIS WEEKS GHOST TRAVELS

Gerard’s heart started to beat faster as he saw one of Lucy’s photos of the high school fill the screen. “Oh” He whispered in shock, he hadn’t expected to see her work. He’d heard several weeks ago that this episode would be aired tonight. The show had traveled to Neosho Falls several months ago, after he’d left. He thought back to the day he and Lucy had been in Clyde’s bar and had learned an episode of the show would be taped there. Now the lead ghost investigator was shown standing in the center of the dirt street speaking.

NEOSHO FALLS KANSAS, A TOWN THAT ONCE PROSPERED BUT NOW AS YOU CAN SEE (the camera panned around to show several of the buildings) IT STANDS AS ONLY A REMINDER THAT EVEN TOWNS DIE.

Gerard felt a wave of sadness wash over him. Memories of Lucy filled his mind as the camera crew followed the investigator who was walking towards the high school. Had Lucy been there the day the crew had filmed, had she watched as they moved through her town?

Instinctively he sat forward studying the screen.

He felt a cold breeze brush against the back of his neck only a moment before he heard the voice.

“Gerard”

“Rafe” Gerard saw a movement out of the corner of his eye then suddenly he saw the shape take form.

Quickly Gerard paused the show then turned his attention to him, “Is it Lucy? Is she okay?” His heart was racing.

Rafe smiled slightly, “How are you?”

Gerard wasn’t expecting a question he only wanted an answer. “Is she okay?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah” He wanted to know about Lucy, not talk about himself.

Rafe glided closer. “Hey, even your ex is worried.”

Gerard’s eyes grew wide. “How long have you been here?”

“I have no way to gauge time, it has no meaning to me. But I heard part of your conversation.” He paused, and then his voice lowered. “Your ex is a good woman.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, she is. I’m lucky.”

“And your little girl is beautiful.” Rafe said softly.

Gerard’s voice was full of emotion, “So is yours.”

Rafe smiled, “Yeah, my Lizzy is a beauty. It was mighty nice of you to send the flowers.”

So many questions filled Gerard’s mind, so many things he wanted to ask.

It seemed Rafe understood, “Yeah, she’s with me but she can’t travel.”

Hours and hours Gerard had given all of this so much thought. “But you can and do. Why haven’t you just appeared to Lucy?”

Rafe sighed, “It doesn’t work that way, I can’t. The only way I’ve ever been able to appear to her is in dreams and even then I’m not sure how much she remembers.”

“She remembers” Gerard said softly. “She told me the first time was…” He couldn’t make himself speak about the incident where Lucy had tired to end her life.

“God that was brutal.” Rafe muttered.

Gerard simply nodded.

“So guess my question is Meho what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know what to do.” Gerard admitted his voice filled with pain. “I broke her fuckin’ heart.”

“You did.”

Gerard looked down filled with sorrow and regret.

“We both broke her heart but the difference is I had no choice.”

“But I did.” Gerard muttered miserably. He glanced back over at the screen. “I fuckin’ did.”

Rafe too looked towards the TV. “She was there the day they filmed. They wanted to get her on camera to talk about living in an actual ghost town but she refused.”

“But she let them use her photo.”

“When you watch the entire show I’m sure you’ll see several more of her photos.”

“How is she?” Gerard asked again needing to know from the deepest part of his soul.

“She needs answers.”

“I don’t understand.”

Rafe laughed, “What don’t you understand? To Lucy your love for her was real, that is what her heart believes and yet her mind tells her it was all lies.”

“My love for her was real.” Gerard answered immediately.

“And now?”

“It is still real. I’ve come back, tried to get my life back on track for my friends and family but there’s a hole in my heart.”

“Good to hear that.”

His response surprised Gerard. “Thanks.”

Rafe smiled, “Hey, you’ve got a broken heart just like Lucy. But you have a chance to change all that.”

Gerard allowed his deepest fear to be voiced, “I don’t think she can forgive me.”

“Won’t know if that’s true until you try.”

“But how can I make her believe?”

Rafe stared at him a moment then said, “Tell her the truth.”

“I did. I told her how much I loved her.”

“Tell her the truth.” Rafe repeated.

Again Gerard’s eyes grew wide, “You mean the truth about how I found her? The truth about seeing her grandmother and you?”

“Yes”

Immediately Gerard started shaking his head. “She wouldn’t believe me.”

“My Lucy might just surprise you.”

Suddenly Gerard’s mind was racing. “I can’t go to her now. I have to finish work in the studio. I can’t let my friends down.”

“Man’s got to do what he believes is right.”

“But in a few weeks…”Gerard’s voice trailed off. “I could go back.”

“You can.”

Fear made Gerard ask, “But should I? I hurt her so bad. I don’t ever want to hurt her again.”

Rafe sighed, “That’s for you decide.” As he spoke his form began to fade slowly.

“Don’t’ go yet.” Gerard almost shouted seeing what was happening.

“Amigo this is beyond my control. I will say I’ll miss talking to you.” Rafe smiled sadly.

“What?”

“This is the last time I’ll be able to appear to you.”

“Why?”

Rafe grinned, “Hey, I don’t make up the rules. In death just as in life there are rules.”

“But there’s so much I need to ask you.” Gerard got to his feet.

Rafe’s form was fading faster now. “I’ve told you all you need to know. I’ve done all that I can for my Lucy.”

Gerard had one more question, “Has she seen the flowers?”

“Not yet.” Rafe’s voice was growing weaker, “But soon.” He was almost transplant when he added, “The truth, tell her.” With that he completely disappeared.

Gerard fell back onto the sofa then covered his face with his hands. After several minutes he picked up the remote then started the show. When another of Lucy’s photos appeared on the screen his eyes grew misty. He was watching the show but his mind was back in Kansas. His mind was trying desperately to believe he could fix the mess he’d made.

____________________________________________

It was almost midnight when Lucy grabbed a jacket and flashlight then slipped out the backdoor. All day long she’d considered making this trip but until now hadn’t found the courage. However it was still Halloween, still Lizzy’s birthday so she had time.

The gravel covered in a light frost crunched under her feet as she slowly walked down the driveway. The light of the almost full moon illuminated her path making the flashlight unnecessary for now.

“Damn it’s getting cold.” She whispered to herself as she pulled the jacket around her tightly.

Just this morning she’d seen they were predicting a chance of snow before Thanksgiving.
It only took a few minutes before she arrived at the entrance of the cemetery. Pulling out the flashlight Lucy flipped it on as she slowly made her way towards Rafe and Lizzy’s graves. She was here to wish her baby a happy birthday but more importantly she was here to remember.

The flashlight shown on Rafe’s larger tombstone first. Lucy smiled as she read his name. “I miss you.” She said softly. However a moment later her eyes caught sight of something lying at the base of Lizzy’s stone.

“Oh” Lucy gasped as the light shown on the bouquet of Lilacs. Even though the cold air had made the flowers droop they were still beautiful. For a moment Lucy stared as tears filled her eyes. “Gerard” She whispered the name knowing the flowers could only have come from him.

Mindless of the cold ground Lucy kneeled down. He hadn’t forgotten it was Lizzy’s birthday. She was so overwhelmed with emotions she couldn’t begin to process them all. It wasn’t until her knees began to ache from the cold she forced herself to stand. Taking one last look at the lilacs she whispered, “Happy birthday, Baby. Mommy loves you.”

Slowly she made her way out of the cemetery to the road. As she walked back towards her house tears blurred her vision. With all her heart she missed the two she’d just left but heaven help her she also missed the one who’d made his presence known by sending the flowers.