Gerard stared at Lindsey as her words penetrated his confused brain.

She crossed her arms in an angry gesture. “What? You didn’t think I knew you were in Kansas?”

He forced himself to think quickly, “I was staying with a friend.” While it killed him to refer to Lucy as just a friend he was trying to protect her.

“Friend?” Lindsey snorted. “Yeah, right. I’ve seen the photo.”

Gerard felt blindsided. Why hadn’t Mikey told him? During the trip back the only information Mikey had given him was that he’d hired a private investigator who had located him. He hadn’t said a word about a photo.

Lindsey tilted her head studying the man she’d once loved with all her heart. “You really didn’t know, did you?”

He shook his head slowly.

Pulling her cell from her back pocket Lindsey moved closer. “Here ya go.” The anger poured off her. “I saved the pic.” She held up the phone so Gerard could get a look at the photo of himself and Lucy that had been posted on the Net. “Nice friend you got there.”

Gerard’s heart ached as he stared at the photo of him gently cupping Lucy’s face. When the shot was taken and memories of that day suddenly filled his mind. God, he missed her so badly.

Lindsey shook her head then lowered the phone. “I’m wondering how you honestly haven’t seen this.”

“Since leaving here I’ve not had Internet access.” He said softly.

That shocked Lindsey. “Are you serious? You of all people survived without the Net?”

“I was happy not to have it.” He admitted.

Lindsey walked over to the box she’d been filling. “Whatever. I’ll come back for the rest of my personal shit later.”

“Where’s Bandit?”

“We’re staying with friends.” Lindsey answered her back to him.

“I want to see her.” Gerard said softly, “I need to see her.”

Lindsey turned to face him. “So now suddenly you miss your daughter?”

Gerard understood her anger. “I love Bandit, you know that.”

“Do I?” Lindsey retorted. “To tell you the truth I thought I did but after that stunt you pulled I don’t know shit anymore.”

“Linds, please.” Gerard pleaded, “Please, don’t go yet. We need to talk.”

“Talk?” Lindsey shook her head, “The time to talk will be with our lawyers when we meet next week to get the divorce figured out.”

Gerard took a step towards her. “Please” He said again. “There is so much I need to say to you. More than anything I need to tell you how sorry I am for all of this shit I’ve put you through.”

Lindsey was shocked by his words and the sincerity in his voice. For a moment she stared at him as her anger faded slightly. “Fine.” She moved towards the kitchen. “I’d just made a pot of coffee.”

Gerard followed her taking a seat at the breakfast bar. Lindsey poured two mugs of coffee then sat down across from him.

Now that he was sitting across for her his mind went blank. How could he begin to make her believe he truly was sorry?

“Well” Lindsey said then took a sip of her coffee.

He took a deep breath then began, “Linds I’m so fuckin’ sorry for the way things have turned out. I’m so fuckin’ sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I never wanted things to end like this for us.”

She was watching him closely, “But they have ended.” She wanted to make sure he understood.

He nodded, “Yeah, I know. If I’d been honest with myself I would have realized long ago that things between us had changed but I didn’t want to see it.”

Lindsey sighed, “That’s true. Long before this shit with Karli things had already gone bad.” She paused, “You do know about Karli, right?”

“Mikey told me.” Gerard answered. This was hard but he had to know. “How far along does she say she is?”

Taking another sip of coffee before answering Lindsey finally said, “When we got to New York she came to me one night and said she hadn’t been honest. She told me that actually the two of you had been having an affair for months.”

“That was a lie.” Gerard said roughly. “A fuckin’ lie. You know of the only two times anything happened between us.”

Lindsey was staring into his eyes. Finally she nodded, “That’s what I thought. As fuckin’ angry as I was at you, I still believed you. So when I told her I thought she was lying she got pissed and said she’d spread it all over that she was carrying your baby.”

Gerard looked down at his untouched cup of coffee. “Thanks for believing me.”

“Hey some of this shit is on me.” Lindsey said angrily. “I was the one who hired her and didn’t make her sign a confidentiality agreement and that’s come back to bite us in the ass.”

“So what happened?”

“She demanded money.”

Gerard sighed, “And what did you do?”

Lindsey began to tap her fingernails on the smooth surface of the breakfast bar. “I fired her on the spot. Told her to get her lying ass out.”

A small sad smile appeared on Gerard’s face. “Always so tough.”

“Not so much tough as pissed.” Lindsey explained, “I was pissed this shit would impact Bandit.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah”

“So what are you going to do?”

He finally took a sip of coffee before answering, “I’ll demand a paternity test to prove it’s not mine.”

Lindsey nodded.

“But of course the damage is still done.” He gripped his coffee mug tightly with both hands, “My actions have hurt people I love.”

Lindsey sighed, “Gee, our marriage was over before this ever happened. We both know that.”

“Yeah” He whispered, “I get that.”

“So I guess all that’s left is to deal with the divorce. Let our lawyers handle it.”

When he looked up his eyes were pleading, “Linds can’t we deal with this ourselves? I don’t want any bad feelings between us, at least no more than we already have. This will be hard enough for Bandit without adding more to it.”

Lindsey seemed to be considering his words.

Quickly he went on. “I’ll give you half of everything I have. You deserve that. All I really want it joint custody of Bandit.”

Somewhere deep in her heart his words touched her. Knowing how he felt about their daughter erased some of her anger and yet…

“I don’t know if joint custody it such a good idea.”

Gerard had been afraid of this. “Linds, I’m not drinking anymore.”

She studied him closely, before when he’d first arrived he’d looked so bad and yet now as she looked at him she wasn’t sure if alcohol played a part in it.

“Really, I’m not.” He said softly. “I swear to you.”

“You stopped drinking when you left here? Because I know for a fact before you left you were still drinking, I saw the wall in the bedroom.”

His shoulders slumped, “Yeah, I was but I stopped once…” He forced himself to go on, “Once I got to Kansas.”

Lindsey sat back folding her arms, “What really happened there?”

It was impossible to tell her he’d found true happiness, he’d found a woman who’d made him take a good hard look at himself.

Lindsey was still waiting for an answer. “We’re you really involved in a tornado?”

“Yeah” He nodded, “My car got trashed by it.”

Curiosity got the better of her. “Tell me what happened.”

Gerard took another sip of coffee noticing his hands were shaky. Memories of Lucy filled his mind. “I was driving down the road when the storm got bad. I saw a sign for a town and thought I could find shelter there but it’s a ghost town.”

“A real ghost town?”

He sighed, “Yeah, pretty much. So I headed down one of the roads and spotted a house but it looked deserted. I’d just decided to pull in the driveway to turn around when I saw a woman run out towards the car. Before I knew what was happening she pulled me out and was dragging me towards a storm shelter.” His voice grew softer, “I turned around and saw the fuckin’ tornado crossing the road right before we made it to the shelter. It picked up my car and tossed it down in a field not far from the house.”

Lindsey gave herself a moment to digest this information. Hearing that he’d almost died caused her to grip her own coffee mug tightly. “Shit.”

Gerard sighed, “I’ll never forget that sound.”

“So I’m guessing the woman who saved you is the woman in the photo?”

He forced himself to look into Lindsey’s eyes, “Yeah, Lucy.”

Several minutes passed in silence.

Again Lindsey was drumming her fingertips nervously. “So, this woman saved your life and you fell in love with her.”

His eyes fell to the coffee cup. “I never said that.”

Lindsey snorted, “Gerard, really. Believe me I’ve spent a fuckin’ lot of time looking at that picture. I know you, so I know by the way you’re looking at her you’re in love.”

He didn’t answer.

“So” Lindsey continued, “Is the plan to get this divorce over as soon as possible so you can be with her?”

Gerard heard the hurt in his wife’s voice. “No”

Lindsey’s eyes narrowed, “No? Why not?”

His only thought was to protect Lucy. “Because it’s over between us.”

“But I assumed you were with her when Mikey found you.”

There was no point in lying about this. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“So what changed?” Lindsey asked.

Gerard continued to stare down unable to meet her gaze.

Lindsey was confused by this words and actions. “Gerard, I want to know the truth.”

Slowly he looked up. “Linds, I can’t tell you.”

Anger made her retort, “Fine, but my lawyer has already advised me to bring the fact that you’ve been with that woman into the divorce proceedings.” She was shocked at the look on Gerard’s face.

“Please don’t do that. She’s been hurt enough.”

Now Lindsey was very confused, “Hurt? By you?”

Gerard could think of no other way but to tell the truth. “Yeah, by me. I never told her I was married.”

Lindsey’s eyes grew wide. “Are you fuckin’ serious? This Lucy didn’t know you were married?”

He shook his head.

“She didn’t know who you are?”

“Linds, Lucy doesn’t have a TV, she didn’t have a phone. She doesn’t have a computer. She had no idea who I was, she knew nothing about me.”

“What the fuck did you tell her?”

“Just that I was a guy who needed some time away from LA to get his head straight. I told her I was a writer.”

Lindsey was having trouble believing this and yet judging by the way Gerard looked he was telling the truth. “So she fell in love with you without knowing the truth.”

“She didn’t know until Mikey showed up.” Gerard whispered.

Lindsey digested the information.

Gerard forced himself to look up. “Please, don’t bring her into this. I swear I won’t fight you on anything.”

Even though their marriage had been over the sting of his betrayal was still hard to take. “Admit you still love her.”

Gerard looked away then whispered, “I still love her but I’ve hurt her enough.”

Lindsey sat silently for several minutes considering what she’d just learned. Finally she spoke, “So I get you lied to her, but really you’re making this sound so dramatic.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t.” Lindsey answered, “But I want to.”

Again he forced himself to meet her gaze. “Lucy has had a lot of tragedy in her life. That’s why I don’t want her brought into this.”

Lindsey was struggling to understand. “Tragedy?”

He knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t let this go. “Yeah, tragedy. Ten years ago she lost her husband and young daughter in a fire. She has no other family, she has no one.”

Lindsey was shocked to see Gerard had tears in his eyes.

Pure hatred for himself was clear in his voice as he went on. “She’d been living alone all that time and then I came along.”

“And she fell in love with you.” Lindsey said softly.

He nodded.

“That was pretty shitty of you. Why the fuck didn’t you tell her the truth when you first met her?”

He flinched at her words but accepted them as the brutal truth. “It was shitty of me, believe me I admit that. At first I was just in shock I guess because of the tornado.” He shook his head, “Not that I’m using that in any way as an excuse.” He paused trying to give himself time to think. There was no way he could explain about seeing Lucy’s grandmother and the words she’d said that he’d written down. He couldn’t possibly tell her he believed in his heart he’d been sent to find Lucy. So he tried to come up with another way to explain his actions. And then it hit him, he told another truth.

“When I left here I as so fucked up. My only thought was to get away, to clear my mind.” He stopped shaking his head, “But that was fuckin’ selfish of me. I was a selfish man who was only thinking about himself. I didn’t care about anyone else. My actions had hurt you, my baby girl and my friends. But none of that mattered, I was only thinking about what I thought was best for me. The first part of the trip nothing changed. I was still the same man.” He forced himself to go on. “And then I got to Kansas, I was almost swept up in a tornado, almost died…” He ran his hand over his face, “I guess that made me start to change. I found myself in a place that was so foreign to me. No Internet, no TV, no phone. And God help me, I found solace there. The first few days I helped clean up the tornado debris. It was hard physical work, but it felt good. I really believed staying there would get my mind straight, and I wanted that, I needed that. So I invented a story that I was a writer and I asked Lucy if I could stay.”

Lindsey was watching him closely and could see the emotional struggle he was going through. “But you had to have been attracted to her. If you hadn’t you would have told her you were married.”

Gerard was tired of the lies. “Yeah” He whispered. “I was still being selfish. I was attracted to her and I knew she wasn’t the kind of woman who’d allow anything to happen between herself and a married man so I didn’t tell her.” Disgust filled his voice, “I was still thinking about only what I wanted.”

“And you wanted her.” Lindsey said shaking her head.

“At first that was true. I wanted her but as time went by and I learned the truth about her past, I found out how she’d lost so much, how she had spent so many years of her life not really living, closing herself off from the world…I wanted to help her.”

“I have to think about this.” Lindsey said slowly getting to her feet. Even though her love for Gerard had faded, it was still hard for her to hear the love in his voice for another woman.

Gerard spoke up quickly, “There is one more thing I want you to think about.”

Lindsey stared at him, waiting.

“I want to keep this house.” He said softly. “That’s really important to me. I know you’ll want it sold so you can have half of the money but I swear to you I’ll liquidate some of my shit and get you your half.”

Again Lindsey was shocked by his words. “Why?”

“It’s just important to me.”

Lindsey looked around the kitchen, “Once I loved this house.” She whispered. “But not anymore.”

“Will you consider it?”

She nodded slowly. “My lawyer will contact yours in a few days.”

Gerard got to his feet. “Thank you for this. Thank you for talking.”

Lindsey was shocked to realize the man standing before her had changed. She’d expected him to fight her on every issue of the divorce, she’d expected his anger but not this, not this at all. As she made her way back through the living room Gerard quickly picked up the box she’d packed.

“I’ll carry it to the car for you.”

They walked in silence to the garage.

As Lindsey climbed behind the wheel Gerard spoke.

“I’d like to see Bandit tomorrow.”

Lindsey sighed, “Yeah, okay. It would probably be best if I brought her here. We should tell her together.”

“I have the meeting with Warner in the morning. The afternoon would be good.”

Lindsey nodded.

Right before closing her door Gerard placed his hand over hers that was gripping the steering wheel, “Thank you.” He said softly.

Lindsey nodded not trusting her voice. Her mind was still going over everything he’d said as she backed out of the driveway.

_______________________________________

Alicia hugged Mikey as soon as he walked through the door. “I didn’t know you were coming home tonight. Why didn’t you call me?”

He threw down his bag, the one he hadn’t needed after all. “Didn’t have time.” The truth was the trip had become so emotional he hadn’t wanted to call her.

“So what happened?” Alicia asked taking his hand to lead him to the sofa. “Did you see Gerard? Did he come back with you?”

“He came back.” Mikey said leaning his head against the sofa cushions.

“So what did he say? Did he get how he’d worried everyone?” She had so many questions she didn’t know where to start.

Mikey sighed, “Alicia…”

“Where is he now?” She was going to get his out of him one way or another.

He knew he’d have to tell her the whole story. “When I got there Alan met me with the directions to the farm. I used his rental car to drive there.”

“So Alan didn’t go with you?”

Mikey shook his head.

Alicia tried to wait patiently for him to go on.

“When I first got there Gee was sitting on the front porch with his arm around her.” He shook his head, “Fuck, they looked like just another happy couple without a care in the world.”

Alicia picked up on the anger in his voice. “So what did you do?”

“I got out and half way across the yard Gee met me. Shit, as angry as I was I was still so relived to see that he was okay. I hugged him.”

“Was he shocked to see you?”

“Oh, fuck yeah, he was and I think that only made me madder. I thought you stupid son of a bitch, how could you not know we’d all been so worried. How could you not think I’d be looking for you?”

“So?”

He sighed, “I should have known something wasn’t right, I should have realized that by looking at Gerard.”

“I don’t understand. Did he look bad?”

“No” Mikey said softly, “Just the opposite. He looked really healthy just shocked to see me. I asked him what the fuck was going on but she joined us.”

“Lucy”

“Yeah, Lucy. Gerard asked how I’d found him and I told him about the duffle bag.”

“Was he surprised it had been found? Was it really in a tornado?”

“Yeah, it was really in a tornado. Seems Gee was almost in it too. He’d been caught in the storm and was looking for shelter. He’d just pulled into her driveway when she ran out and got him out of the car.” His voice lowered, “They made it to the storm shelter just as the tornado was crossing the road. Gee’s car was picked up and tossed several hundred yards into a field.”

“Holy fuck.”

Mikey nodded, “Yeah”

“So Lucy saved his life.” Alicia said softly.

Guilt over what had happened next filled Mikey. “Yeah, she saved his life.”

Alicia could hear that something was wrong in his voice. “So what happened next?”

“She invited me up the house. We took seats on the porch.” He closed his eyes remembering, “She and Gee sat on the glider and he put his arm around her.”

“And that pissed you off.” Alicia knew it was the truth.

“In my mind I was blaming her for Gerard’s actions. I thought it was all her fault he hadn’t come home.”

“Or at least called.” Alicia added.

“The thing is she didn’t have a phone and of course he left his here.”

Alicia frowned, “Well yeah but I’m sure he could have called from a phone somewhere.”

“That’s what I thought.” Mikey admitted. “Or sent an e-mail but the woman didn’t have a computer, fuck she doesn’t even have a TV.”

“Seriously?”

Mikey nodded.

“Gee has been staying someplace all this time without Internet access or a TV?”

“Weird, right?”

Alicia nodded.

“Anyway I sat there just getting madder by the minute. Then she offered to make us some ice tea and went in the house. I figured that was my chance to talk to Gee alone and find out what the fuck was happening.”

“And did you?”

“Oh yeah.” He whispered. “I went off on Gerard especially when he told me she had no idea who he really was, or that he was married.”

Alicia’s eyes grew wide. “Are you serious?”

“I lost it.” He admitted, “I said something like don’t you realize how worried sick we’ve all been while you’ve been shacked up with that woman playing house.”

“Oh, Mikey.” Alicia said sadly. She’d feared something like that would happen.

“It gets worse.” Mikey said slowly, “She over heard me.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Mikey shook his head sadly, “Gerard jumped to his feet to try to talk to her. She ran back in the house and I followed them. She honestly had no fuckin idea who my brother is.”

“I think the fact he’s married was worse for her to hear.”

“Yeah, definitely. And yet I was still so angry.”

Alicia grabbed his hand, “What happened?”

“I said she must be really good to make him forget he had a wife and kid back in LA.”

“Mikey”

“Yeah, that was fuckin wrong of me. It wasn’t her fault Gerard hadn’t been honest with her. God, the look on her face when I said that…” He paused, “I just wish I’d kept my mouth shut.”

“Was she pissed at Gerard?”

Mikey was recalling the incident in his mind. “No, not really. She was more hurt than anything. Fuck, she started crying asking him why.”

“Fuckin’ Gerard, why did he?”

Mikey glanced away, “I think because you were right, he’d fallen in love with her.”

“That’s no excuse.” Alicia said angrily. “If he loved her he should have told her the truth. She fell in love with a man who was married but failed to tell her that.”

“She told him to get out of her house, then drove off.”

“So he just left with you?”

“He said he’d hurt her enough, there was nothing he could do or say to fix that. So he went upstairs and changed his clothes back into the ones he’d been wearing when he’d arrived. He wrote some kind of note then we carried the mattress back upstairs before leaving.”

“Carried a mattress?”

“It was on the floor in the living room. When I asked Gerard why the only thing he said was she’d been sick. I really don’t know why the fuck it was there.”

Alicia digested that information.

“What did the note say?”

“It was just his phone number and his personal mailing address.”

“That’s sorta cold.”

“I don’t think he knew what else to do.”

“So what did he say on the trip back?”

“Not much, he pretty much refused to talk. I told him about Karli and all the shit on the Net and asked him what he was going to do but he wouldn’t answer. I told him on the way back that Lindsey had filed for divorce.”

“How’d he take that?”

“It seemed like it didn’t surprise him.”

“So where is he now?”

“I took him to his house thinking he needed to get some clothes, I wanted him to come home with me. But when we got there he insisted on staying. I’m fuckin’ worried about him. He looked so broken, so upset about what happened with Lucy. I don’t know what to do.”

“Are you afraid he’ll get wasted?”

“No” He shook his head, “Gee told me he’s stopped drinking and I believe him.”

“He stopped drinking once he met Lucy.” Alicia said softly.

Mikey nodded, “Yeah”

“So in a way she was good for him. She saved his life from the tornado and maybe more than that from his drinking.”

That thought had already gone through his mind. “Yeah, it would seem so. He told me to pick him up in the morning for the meeting. He seems to understand how important it is and he said he wouldn’t let me and the guys down.”

Alicia was surprised to hear Gerard seemed to be thinking about what was best for the others.

“Do you think I should call and make sure he’s okay?”

“I think it would probably be best to leave him alone right now.” Alicia said slowly. “Besides you’ll see him in the morning.”

As much as he wanted to talk to his brother he decided she was right. “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna call Ray and Frank and tell them he’s back.”

“Franks not in town is he?”

“Yeah, he flew in this morning. He said he just had a feeling Gee wouldn’t miss the meeting so he came.”

Alicia watched as her husband walked slowly down the hallway towards the office. The day had obviously taken its toll on him too. She leaned back and replayed the conversation they’d just had in her mind. As angry as she’d been with Gerard she now felt sorry for him. Having Lucy find out the way she did had to be brutal for both of them.

___________________________________________

Gerard had taken a shower and was now dressed in his sweats preparing for bed. However he found himself unable to sleep in his bedroom once he’d glanced at the wall above the bed. The stain still remained.

He’d made up his mind that tomorrow he’d go into the meeting and convince the recorded execs that the band was ready to go into the studio and produce a top selling album. He had to do this for the rest of the band, he couldn’t let them down. He was determined to turn his life around, being with Lucy had changed him into a better man.

As he stretched out on the sofa he couldn’t keep his thoughts from going back to Kansas. Where was Lucy now? Because of the time difference he knew it was very late, so she must have returned home. But in his heart he could feel her pain. She’s returned home to an empty house without even Rex to greet her.

“Oh fuck” He whispered blinking back tears. “I didn’t want it to end this way.”

In his heart there was a small flame of hope that still burned, hope that somehow she’d one day forgive him. Yet he knew for now, he had to keep that hope buried deep inside. He had to make things right here in LA before he could do anything else and yet he missed her so badly his mind and body ached.

“I love you Lucy.” He whispered closing his eyes. “I always will.”