Memories filled Gerard’s mind as his eyes slowly opened to greet the new day. His first thought, first desire, was to hug Lucy tightly. However, rolling over, he discovered he was alone in bed.

Rising quickly, he dressed then made his way down the stairs. She wasn’t in the kitchen as he’d expected. It was on the back porch he found her sitting on the top step with her head lowered.

“Lucy?”

She looked up, her eyes were wet with tears. “Good morning.”

He sat down beside her.

Lucy sighed, “I was okay until I came out onto the porch and saw Rex’s food bowl.”

Gerard glanced over at the bowl. “Yeah, know what you mean. It’s hard not having him waiting here. When you were sick he was always at the back door waiting for me every morning. He’s go with me to take care of the chickens.”

“That’s where I was headed.” Lucy lifted the basket at her side.

“I sure miss that dog.” Gerard said softly looking out across the yard. “He liked me before you did.”

Lucy smiled sadly, “Rex loved you. I couldn’t believe how he took to you so quickly.”

“Me and Rex has lots of conversations.” Gerard said reaching for her hand. “We understood each other because we both loved you.”

“It’s gonna be so lonely around here without him.” Lucy whispered.

He squeezed her hand, “Hey, you still go me.”

When their eyes locked he could see the uncertainty, the fear.

“I mean that Lucy.”

She slowly stood, “Well gotta get the eggs.”

“Want me to do that?”

“Nope, you just go grab yourself a cup of coffee. I’ll be right back.”

He watched as she walked across the yard to the chicken coop. Again his mind was filled with fear and doubts. He knew he had to tell her the truth but with everything that had happened right now she was so fragile. By the time she was walking back towards him he thought he’d come up with an idea that might help.

“Hey, you didn’t get your coffee.”

Gerard smiled, “I was waiting for you. You know I was thinking…why don’t we get away for a few days?”

Lucy’s smile faded, “Get away?”

“Yeah, just take off, See where the road takes us.”

“Why?”

The simple question wasn’t that easy to answer. In truth he was worried something would happen soon to shatter their world. He just needed more time with her before that would happen. “Uh, I don’t know.”

Lucy sighed, “You think we can outrun sadness?”

“Well losing Rex…” He paused, “Yeah, maybe that’s what I think but maybe I just think that spending some time together away from all of this would be good.”

She was staring into his eyes. “I understand if you have to go.”

Immediately he was upset. “That’s not what I mean at all. I don’t want to leave by myself. I want you with me. Just think about it, okay? We could head out and you could take your camera. We could just drive until we saw something that interested us then stop.”

Lucy looked away. “Even though Rex is gone I still have the chickens to take care of.”

He’s already considered that fact. “I’m sure George would look after them for a few days if we asked him.”

She shifted the basket of eggs from one hand to the other. “I don’t know.”

Gerard stood, “Hey, just give it some thought. Now, I’m gonna make you an outstanding breakfast.”

Lucy smiled, “Sounds good.”

Together they walked into the kitchen. Lucy washed her hands as Gerard poured her a cup of coffee.

“Here ya go.” He said as he placed it on the table where she’d taken a seat.

“Thanks.” Lucy sat back to watch as Gerard started to make their breakfast. She smiled as he began humming while working.

“What?”

“Most people whistle while they work but you hum.”

He was happy her mind seemed to be in a better place this morning. “Yep, I do.”

“I wish you’d sing.” Lucy said softly.

Gerard tried to keep smiling. “No singing, just humming.”

“But why?” She asked. “You have a wonderful voice. I’ve heard you singing in the shower.”

He made sure to keep his back to her when he answered. “Don’t feel like singing this morning.”

Lucy glanced over at the door wishing that Rex was still with them.

Gerard shot a quick glance in her direction and knew what she was thinking. “Hey, how about two eggs this morning?”

Lucy sighed, “Just one, please.”

For several minutes the kitchen was silent then Lucy spoke. “About getting away…I guess we could but not today.”

Gerard’s hands stilled, “Why not today?”

“Today I’d just like to stay here. I was hoping you’d write some more.”

She sounded so sad he’d do anything in his power to make her happy. “Okay, how about we hang here today and I’ll write. We can even talk to George and get things set up so he’ll take care of the chickens then we can take off tomorrow morning.”

Lucy nodded, “I’d like that.”

“And I’d like you to smile.” Gerard said softly.

A small smile appeared on her lips. “As you wish, sir.”

___________________________________

“I just don’t understand why I can’t go.” Alicia pouted as she watched Mikey throw a few items of clothing into his bag.

“I want to handle this by myself.” Mikey answered. “I’ve got a feeling it’s not going to be pretty.”

Alicia sat down on the bed next to his bag. “Because you don’t think he’s gonna want to come back?”

“From what I gather I think he’s spent a lot of time with this Lucy woman.”

“Lucy woman.” Alicia sighed, “Mikey just call her Lucy.” She titled her head, “What else did Alan say about her?” Mikey had filled her in on part of the conversation he’d had with Alan but Alicia believed there was something he hadn’t told her.

“Just that she’s a widow and owns a farm.”

“What else?”

Mikey sighed, “What else?”

“Yeah, what else?”

He grabbed several tee shirts from the closet to add to his bag.

“Mikey.” Alicia’s tone was stern. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Really, nothing.”

“She seems awful young to be a widow.” Alicia said softly. “Any idea what happened to her husband?”

Mikey sighed, “According to Alan he died in a fire about ten years ago.”

“That’s sad.” Alicia said softly.

Knowing his wife he understood that as soon as possible she’d get on the Net and find out all the information she could. That said he decided to tell her the rest. “Yeah, but not just her husband, she had a young child that died in the fire too.”

“Oh” Alicia was momentarily shocked. “That’s awful. Any idea how the fire started?”

“No and I don’t care.” Mikey threw several pairs of underwear in the bag. “I don’t care a bit about her. All I care about is my brother. His whole career is about to go down the toilet and he’s been shacking up with her.”

Alicia knew he was angry but still thought it best to point something out. “If I’m right and Gerard has deep feelings for her I really think it would be a bad idea for you to have that attitude.”

He shot her an annoyed look, “Oh, come on. You think by seeing one photo of them together you can tell he’s got deep feelings for her?”

“Yes’ Alicia nodded, “That’s exactly what I think.”

“Well if that’s true then it’s wrong. He’s got a wife and daughter he needs to be thinking about.”

“And his band mates.” Alicia added staring at him.

Mikey turned to her, “Yeah, okay that’s right. I’m thinking about that too. If we don’t get this shit cleaned up Warner will dump us. Gerard needs to get his ass back here, deal with the Karli situation, figure out what to do about the divorce, then get into the studio.”

“Well there’s not much to figure out about the divorce.” Alicia reminded him. “That’s going to happen.” She paused, “I was on the phone with Lindsey a few minutes ago.”

Mikey gave her a shocked look, “What? She called?”

“No, I called her.” Alicia said looking away.

“Why the hell did you do that?” He sputtered then added, “Oh fuck. Don’t tell me you told her we’d found Gerard.”

Alicia had known he’d be angry. “Yeah, I told her. She’s still his wife and has a right to know.”

“Why the hell did you do that?” Mikey asked angrily. He ran his hands through his hair nervously. “Oh shit, don’t tell me you told her where Gerard is.”

“I only told her he’s in Kansas. I didn’t go into details.”

“Thank God.” Mikey sighed.

“But you know she’s gonna find out.” Alicia whispered.

Mikey pushed the bag over so he could take a seat next to his wife. “Because of the photos on the Net?”

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure she’ll see them.” She paused, “Or her lawyer will see them. One way or another it will come out that Gerard’s been staying with Lucy.”

Mikey wasn’t sure why but it bothered him that Alicia called the woman by name. “Well that will certainly give Lindsey more ammunition for the divorce.”

Thinking about to her conversation with Lindsey for a moment Alicia sighed, “Mikey she really doesn’t need any more ammunition. She’s got plenty of that with Karli but the thing is…” She paused, “She doesn’t seem to want it.”

“What?”

“When I talked to her she just sounded tired and sad. She told me she just wants the divorce to go through quickly so she can get on with her life. She said she’s sad things ended this way for her and Gerard but that she wants to maintain a good relationship with him because of Bandit.”

“You think she really means that?”

Alicia nodded, “Yeah, I think she does. I mean you can tell there is still some anger there but I feel she’s had enough time to think about things. She told me she knew in her heart that she and Gerard were headed for a breakup long before any of this happened.”

Mikey thought a moment, “It’s sad it did end this way.”

“Very” Alicia agreed. “But if they can maintain a good relationship for Bandit than that’s more important than anything else.”

Mikey nodded then stood to finish his packing.

“So how long are you planning on being gone?”

He shrugged, “No idea. I’m hoping to bring Gerard back as soon as possible but since I really don’t know what’s going on in his head I figured I better be prepared to spend a few days.”

“The meeting is tomorrow.” She reminded him gently.

“Yeah, you really don’t think I’d forgotten that, did you?”

Alicia stood, “No, of course not. You’ll call me when you land?”

Mikey pulled her into his arms. “Of course. Wouldn’t want my girl to worry.”

“I’ll worry until you come back.”

He kissed her passionately, ‘You know nothing like this will ever happen to us.” He whispered caressing her back.

“I know.” Alicia returned his hug. “I know.”

__________________________________________

Gerard set down his pen then stood to stretch. He’d been writing for hours completely lost in the story he was creating. However, he needed a break and he needed Lucy. She’d told him she was going to do some work around the house and had insisted he work on his novel. At first he’d heard her moving around from room to room but realized now the house had been silent for over an hour. Moving through the downstairs room he saw they were empty. Maybe she’d gone upstairs.

A quick check of the rooms made him believe she’d gone outside until he noticed the door at the end of the hallway was ajar. Gerard had peered into the room once before and had seen it was full of boxes. At the time he’d assumed it was just a large closet but now as he pushed the door open he saw that the large stack of boxes had been moved making a path into the room. He walked further in and saw the small child’s bed and knew immediately this had been Lizzy’s bedroom. Lucy was sitting on the small bed looking down at a photo album.

“Hey” She said softly without looking up. She’d heard his footsteps on the stairs.

“Hey” He answered walking towards her. “I couldn’t find you.”

“I’ve been lost for a very long time.” Lucy whispered. When she looked up he could see she’d been crying. A sad smile appeared on her face. “Would you like to see some photo’s of my Lizzy?”

“Of course.” He answered taking a seat on the bed.

Lucy flipped the pages back to the beginning. “This was taken a few days after she was born.”

Gerard looked at the photo of the infant still in the incubator. “God, she was so small.”

“Yes” Lucy nodded, “Her lungs weren’t completely developed.” She pointed to another photo one which showed Rafe holding the baby. “He actually got to hold her first.”

It was so strange for Gerard to see Rafe as he looked then so young and alive. “He looked pretty damn happy.”

“He was, he loved Lizzy very much.”

Lucy flipped another page. “This was her first Christmas.”

Gerard looked at the photo of the baby in an infant seat in front of the Christmas Tree.
“We’d brought her home the day before.” Lucy explained. “Rafe went out and cut the tree himself.”

Gerard studied the photo closely, the house looked so different back then. He spied the television by the tree. “You even had a TV.”

Lucy sighed, “Yeah, it used to be a normal house.”

“It’s still a normal house.” Gerard wished he hadn’t pointed anything out.

“No, it hasn’t been for a long time.” Lucy whispered, “I told you it was a prison, one I made for myself.”

Gerard placed his arm around her shoulder. “Did you take the photo?”

“Nope, that was Rafe.” The memories began to fill her mind. “I was making our Christmas eve dinner.” She flipped another page. “I wish we’d taken more photos when she was a baby.”

Gerard saw the next photo had been taken in the Spring. Lucy was holding the baby while Rafe stood next to them.

“This was taken outside church.” Lucy explained. “It was Easter Sunday. As you can see we were wearing our Sunday best.”

“I like your hat.”

Lucy smiled, “I always wore a hat to church. Guess that came from childhood. Growing up we always wore veils but I didn’t like them so I wore hats. See? Lizzy has one too.”

He looked at the photo. “She was a beautiful baby.”

“Yes” Lucy whispered. She was silent as she slowly turned several more pages allowing Gerard to look at Lizzy’s progression from baby to toddler.

“I like that one.” He said pointing to a photo.

“That was her first Halloween.”

“And her birthday.” He said softly remembering Lizzy’s birth date from the tombstone.

“My Halloween baby.” Lucy answered. “I made the costume for her."

“A very cute kitty cat.” Gerard tightened his arm around her knowing that looking at these photos was bittersweet.

Several more pages were slowly turned before Lucy pointed to one. “This is one of my favorite pictures.”

Gerard studied the photo of Lizzy. She was standing beside Rex with her little arms around the dog’s neck.

“She loved Rex so much. He followed her everywhere.”

“You took that photo, right?”

Lucy glanced over at him. “How can you tell?”

“Because you didn’t just take a photo. I can tell by the angle, the way the picture is taken you did it. It’s art.”

Her smile was sad. “Around that time is when I really started taking a lot of photos.” She flipped another page. “And Lizzy was the prefect model.”

Gerard pointed out another picture of Lizzy standing in a bright yellow plastic pool. “I really like how you took the photo framed through the plastic swim ring.

Another memory filled Lucy’s mind. “Lizzy wasn’t so happy. Right after I snapped the picture she started crying. She wanted her swim ring.”

“It’s a beautiful photo.”

For several minutes they poured over the album together. Suddenly Lucy’s whole body tensed.

“What is it?” Gerard asked not understanding why Lucy’s eyes were staring at one particular photo. It was the first black and white picture he’d seen in the album. In it Lizzy was wearing a scarf tired around her head and was holding a child’s size broom. It took him a moment before he realized he didn’t recognize where the photo was taken.

“That was the first photo I took in that house. Lizzy and I had started work cleaning it.”

The photo had an eerie quality that sent a shiver down Gerard’s spine when he looked at it more closely. Lucy has taken the photo of her young daughter through a spider web. The photo was both haunting and beautiful.

Lucy was blinking furiously, “That was her room.”

Gerard was truly at a loss for what to say.

Quickly Lucy turned the page but her breath caught.

“What is it?” Gerard asked softly.

“I just never realized…” Her voice trailed off as she tried to blink back the tears. “When Lizzy and I started working on the house is when I switched to Black and White film. I stopped using color all together.”

Gerard wasn’t sure what was going on in her mind.

Lucy tried to put her feelings in to words. “Black and white photos of people look old, from the past…I should have shot the photos in color, she was so alive, so vibrant.”

“Oh Honey.” Gerard kissed her cheek, “These photos are beautiful.”

Lucy gently ran her finger over one of the pictures, “But it makes it hard to remember how much color, how much light she brought into my life.” She whispered.

“Close you eyes a moment and remember.” Gerard said leaning down next to her ear. “You haven’t forgotten.”

Lucy’s grabbed Gerard’s hand, squeezing it tightly, then closed her eyes. For several minutes the room was still. Finally Lucy opened her eyes. “Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you for telling me to remember.”

Gerard flipped the last page of the book but one photo in particular caught his attention. “Wow” He whispered.

Lucy smiled at the 5X7. “Lizzy loved that photo.”

The way she had framed Lizzy’s little face was breathtaking. It looked as if the child was truly part of the lilac bush, her face peering out from among the cascading flowers.

“I told you she loved lilacs.” Lucy said while staring at the photo. “I had planned on hanging that photo in her room but….”

Gerard closed the book turning to Lucy. “Why don’t we take a break and have lunch.” He was worried that remembering all of this was too much, too soon.

Lucy wiped her eyes, “Yeah, okay.” She slowly stood.

Gerard placed his arm around her shoulder. “You okay?”

Lucy blinked “Yeah, it’s painful and yet at the same time it feels sorta good to see these things and to remember.”

As the walked out of the room Gerard kept her body close to his silently offering her strength.

After a quick lunch Lucy told Gerard she was going back up to Lizzy’s room. In a haunted tone she explained it was something she needed to do, something she felt in her heart was long overdue. When he’d asked if she wanted him to accompany her she’d smiled sadly then said it was something she wanted to do alone and hoped he’d understand. She’d also mentioned how excited she was he’d done so much writing because the idea of reading where his story was going was something she was very much looking forward to. So while Lucy headed back upstairs Gerard once more settled in and began working on his novel.

For several hours he wrote uninterrupted, the story seemed to be flowing from his mind onto the paper. While he didn’t understand why, it seemed now that he truly understood the depth of Lucy’s pain, the terrible loss she’d endured, the woman character in his story had taken on new life. He was able to write her character with much more feeling. He truly hoped Lucy liked the way the story was developing that she would understand that the horror his female character faced, while seemingly undefeatable, could be overcome. But not alone, she held the key to her redemption as well as the male characters.

It was late afternoon when he looked up from his writing having heard Lucy moving around in the kitchen. He saw she’d just poured herself a glass of water when he found her.

“Hey” Gerard said softly trying to gauge her emotions.

Lucy turned to him, “Sorry, I was trying to be quiet. I didn’t want to disturb you. You were writing furiously when I looked in.”

He hadn’t realized she’d even peered into the living room. “I’ve got a lot written today.”

“Good.” Lucy smiled slightly, “I can’t wait to type it up for you.”

He shoved his hands in his pocket wanting to pull her into his arms but not sure, after what she’d been through today spending time in Lizzy’s room, he should.

Lucy set down her glass then slowly walked over to him. “It’s really nice outside.”

His gaze went to the window and he nodded.

“Are you going to go back to writing?”

Gerard turned to stare into her eyes, “I’d rather spend some time with you.” He said softly waiting to see how she’d respond.

Lucy seemed to be struggling with her thoughts. Finally she said slowly, “We could go down to the stream for a bit.”

He gently reached out to stroke her cheek, “I’d like that.”

After grabbing two towels they left the house. As soon as they walked out the backdoor Gerard saw Lucy at some point had removed Rex’s food and water dish. Sadly he saw her eyes still went to the spot where they’d resided.

Lucy slipped her hand into his as they walked towards the woods. Neither spoke as they walked through the canopy of trees to the waters edge. Once there Lucy released his hand then slowly began to unbutton her shirt.

“Let me.” Gerard’s voice was full of emotion. Lucy stood silently as he finished removing her shirt then bra. He smiled, “You’re so damn beautiful.”

Before he could remove her shorts she began unbuttoning his shirt, the shirt that had once belonged to Rafe. Pushing that thought from her mind she pushed it off his shoulders. “I think you are beautiful.” Lucy whispered.

Gerard smiled, “Honey, men aren’t beautiful.”

“Oh yes.” She looked into his eyes, “You are a beautiful man with an even more beautiful heart.”

A wave of guilt washed over him. She didn’t understand how ugly inside he had been, she didn’t understand the demons he still held deep inside.

Lucy slowly unzipped his jeans then stood back. Pushing off her shorts and undies in one quick movement she hurried into the water. A moment later Gerard had his jeans off and was following her. As soon as he joined her in the water Lucy threw her arms around his neck pressing her body to his, hugging him tightly.

“Honey” He whispered stroking her back, “If you don’t want to…” he struggled to put his thoughts into words. “I mean I understand if you just want to stay like this, holding each other.” He was afraid she was simply trying to please him.

Lucy leaned forward to place a kiss at the base of his neck. “Gerard I need…” She looked up into his eyes. “I need to feel alive. I need to feel love.”

Her simple words tore at his heart. “Oh Lucy.” His hand slid down her back to cup her bottom. “You are loved, so damn much.”

“Show me, please.” Her voice was a plea.

As soon as he lifted her she wrapped her legs around his waist. He entered her with one swift thrust.

“Oh” Lucy’s head fell back. “Yes.”

Gerard held her tightly as he began to slowly move inside her. Lucy moaned into his ear causing his body to respond to her need.

“Honey, this is going to be quick.” He sounded apologetic. “But you feel so damn good wrapped around me.”

“It can be slow later tonight.” Lucy answered feeling the desire pooling in her lower belly. “But for now…” She cried out as the orgasm ripped through her.

Gerard’s release came only moments later.

Slowly Lucy unlocked her legs to stand before him once again. “Thank you.”

He looked deeply into her eyes, “No, thank you. Thank you for letting me into your life, for showing me what I’d forgotten so long ago.”

His words confused her but she only smiled.

They stayed in the water caressing each other whispering words of love for only a short time then decided to head back to the house. However instead of going inside they decided to sit out on the front porch for a bit.

Gerard wrapped his arm around her as Lucy snuggled up beside him. Her still wet hair tickling his neck. “I’m glad we didn’t leave today.”

“I did talk to George and he’s agreed to take care of the chickens for us.”

“You did? I didn’t even hear the truck leave?”

Lucy giggled, “That’s because I walked to his house. I told you, you were really lost in your story.”

Gerard sighed, “Yeah, today I wrote a very important part of the plot.”

“I can’t wait to read it.” Lucy smiled.

Would she understand the underlying meaning to what he’d written, he wondered.

Lucy reached for his hand to hold it tightly. “Today I feel like I’ve finally began to face the past.” She said softly. “And it gives me hope.”

Gerard hugged her tightly, “You’re a strong woman, Lucy. Much stronger than you’ve ever realized.”

“I hope that’s true.” She said smiling into his eyes. She was about to say more when the sound of a car coming up the road caught her attention. Lucy watched at the vehicle slowed down as it neared her driveway. “Probably someone who came to see the ghost town.” She reasoned not recognizing the car.

Gerard too was staring at the vehicle. When it turned into the driveway and slowly inched forward he felt his heart begin to race. The car came to a stop and the drivers door opened.

It was then Gerard understood the storm had come on a clear, cloudless day.

“Maybe they need directions.” Lucy said watching as a tall thin man started to walk towards the porch. She suddenly noticed Gerard’s body had tensed. The man stopped halfway across the yard his eyes staring towards the porch. “What is it?” Lucy asked turning to look at Gerard. She was shocked to see his face had lost all color. “Do you know him?”

Gerard’s mind was racing as quickly as his heart. “That’s my brother.” He whispered as he removed his arm from around Lucy’s shoulder.