Slowly Gerard’s eyes opened but the unfamiliar surroundings caused his heart to race. For a brief few moments he couldn’t remember where he was or why he was laying on the floor, nude.

“Oh shit.” He muttered as the memories from last night came rushing back. “Oh, shit.”

Reaching for the edge of the bed he grabbed it then pulled himself up. His head pounded, his stomach rolled causing him to bolt for the bathroom. He barely made it in time before losing the contents of his stomach. As he slid down from his knees to sit on the floor in front of the toilet hot tears of shame rolled down his face.

________________________________________________________________


Mikey nervously picked up his cell phone and tried his brother’s number again.

“Still no answer?” Alicia asked joining him in the living room. She knew he’d been trying all last night to reach Gerard.

“No.” Mikey said disconnecting the call. “What the fuck is going on? Gee never ignores my calls and the text I sent said it was urgent I talk to him. “I’m really fuckin’ worried.”

“I tried to call Lindsey” Alicia sighed as she took a seat next to him on the sofa. “But as usual it just went to voice mail.”

“I don’t what to do.” Mikey said slowly. “The last time I talked to him he made it sound like he was just gonna take some time off to hang around the house with Lindsey and Bandit. So I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Maybe something happened to his phone?”

Mikey shook his head, “You know how Gee is about his phone. If something happened he would have replaced it immediately.”

Alicia hated to see her husband so upset. “Okay.” She said standing. “Let’s drive over there.”

“But I tried the land line, there’s no answer.”

“Look, you’re freaking out about this. If no ones home you have a key. We’ll go in so you can assure yourself nothings wrong.” She added softly, “Because I can tell you think there is.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I do. Let me go grab the alarm info before we go. The last thing I want is to set off his damn home security system.”

While she waited for him to get the information Alicia found herself too beginning to worry. Mikey was right, Gerard never ignored his calls.

______________________________________________________________


When he finally felt well enough Gerard took a shower then dressed. Now he stood in front of the mirror looking at his reflection. It wasn’t surprising, he thought, that the girl had said he didn’t really look like Gerard Way. The reflection staring back at him in no way resembled the singer in photographs. His eyes were sunk in and framed by dark circles. “I look like shit.” He said angrily to the man in the mirror. “I look worse than I feel.”

His gaze dropped to the whisky bottle on the floor.

“And you know why.” He spat.

He leaned down, grabbed the bottle then flung it into the trashcan. I should just turn around and go home, he thought as he prepared to pick up his duffle bag. It had been a stupid idea to leave, to run away. His mind was almost made up to return to LA when he noticed the yellow piece of paper sticking out of his bag. His hand shook slightly as he pulled it out then moved to take a seat on the bed. Reading over the notes he’d made sadness filled his heart. He understood some of the words the woman had spoken especially dreams die, life goes on. Realizing the dream of a happy marriage had died a stay tear rolled down his cheek to splash on the paper.

“I’m not crazy, I did see her.” He whispered. And while he’d wanted to convince himself that the woman had been a figment of his alcohol soaked mind, he couldn’t. He was admitting the truth, he had seen her and she’d tried to tell him something important, that he felt in his heart.

For several minutes he started at the paper then suddenly wiped his eyes. There was no reason to return to his empty home. His marriage was over. But looking at this paper in his hands had in some strange way given him some comfort and hope. He neatly folded it then tucked it down into his bag next to his wedding ring. He’d continue on with no idea where he was headed but knowing deep down in his heart it was a trip he needed to make.

_____________________________________________________________________


Mikey punched in the code, waited for the green light then turned to Alicia. “Told you no one was home.” He said looking around the deserted house.

Alicia walked from the foyer into the living room. Her steps on the wooden floor echoed against the silence. “Weird, looks like they just took off.” She’d already poked her head into the kitchen and saw dishes in the sink.

“This don’t make any sense.” Mikey said following her into the living room. “Gee would have told me if they were going on a trip.”

“Well the must have.” Alicia said with a shrug. “Maybe they decided on the spur of the moment to go somewhere or maybe they’re just out for the day.”

“Then why ain’t Gee answering his phone?”

Alicia tried to calm his worries. “Look I agree he usually answers your calls right away but what if they went somewhere and he lost his phone?”

Mikey moved down the hall towards the study. Alicia quickly followed.

“See?” Mikey said pointing to the desk, “Gee’s laptop and tablet are both here. He never goes anywhere without them and I’ve sent several e-mails telling him I’m trying to call.”

“Honey” She said softly, “Come on, you’re getting yourself all work up over this.”

“Yeah because I just have a bad feeling.” He admitted. “I’ve tried to call Lindsey too and she ain’t answering either.”

Alicia tried to reason with him. “Maybe they decided to take a few a short vacation and didn’t want any distractions.”

“He wouldn’t leave home without his phone.”

“Try to call him again.” Alicia suggested. “If he doesn’t answer tell him you’re at his house because you’re worried.” She was praying Gerard would answer this time.

Mikey pulled out his phone.

When the ringing sound started they both looked shocked.

“Shit.” Mikey said brushing past her to follow the sound.

Alicia had just reached the bedroom as Mikey was silencing the call. He looked stricken.

“His phone was laying on the bed.”

Nervously Alicia nodded, “I’m gonna check the rest of the house. When she returned to the bedroom she saw Mikey was checking the call history on Gerard’s phone. “The last call he made was two days ago. He called Joe. Before that he called Lindsey’s phone.”

“Well maybe he want somewhere with Joe.” Alicia said slowly. “So maybe he’s not with Lindsey. Could be she took Karli and Bandit with her.”

Mikey looked up from the phone. “Look at the bed.” He said softly.

Alicia moved closer, her eyes grew wide when she saw the broken glass. “What the?”

Mickey pointed to the wall behind the bed where the alcohol stains were still visible.

“Oh” She took a few steps and got a good whiff of the alcohol. “Oh, shit.”

“Remember how proud he was when he showed us how Lindsey had painted that above their bed?” Mikey whispered.

“Okay, now I’m freaked out too.” Alicia admitted. “What’s going on?”

Mikey shook his head. “I told you something wasn’t right.” He rushed out with Alicia following. In the garage they saw that Gerard’s sports car and Lindsey’s car were both gone.

“I’m gonna call Joe.” Mikey said as they walked back into the house.

While he was doing that Alicia checked Karli’s room again. Looking closely this time it appeared a lot of her clothing was missing. She found the same thing in Bandit’s room.

“Yeah see you soon.” Mikey disconnected just as she walked in.

“What did he say?”

“He’s on his way over.” Mikey said taking a seat on the sofa. He was here on Monday talking to Gerard.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Joe said Gerard had called him and asked him to come over because he was upset.”

“About what?”

Mikey leaned back, “He didn’t want to go into details at first but I explained to him what’s going on. He said he’ll come over and talk to us.”

“So he’s coming here?”

Mikey nodded, “Yeah.”

“I don’t get it, why didn’t he just tell you what Gerard was upset about?”

“Got a feeling it’s pretty serious.” Mikey said slowly recalling the brief conversation. “And I got a feeling it has something to do with Gee and Lindsey breaking up.”

____________________________________________________________________


Gerard drove only an hour before pulling into a truck stop. His stomach was still queasy and he knew he needed to eat something. The truck stop was appealing because it didn’t appear to be crowded and that was good. For now he just wanted to spend time alone with his thoughts.

“Morning Hon.” An older red headed waitress greeted him while handing over a laminated menu. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Gerard nodded.

She set the cup down on the table causing Gerard to give her a surprised look.

“You look like you need coffee” She smiled “Noticed that as soon as you walked in.”

“Yeah, I do.” Gerard said with a sigh, “More than you know.”

“So need a few minutes to look at the menu or do you know what you want?”

He started to order what he usually ate in the morning, toast and maybe some fresh fruit but suddenly he wanted a change. “Uh, how about two eggs, bacon, and some toast?”

“How do you want your eggs?”

“Over easy.” He said handing the menu back. “Uh, and maybe some tomato juice.”

She smiled, “Sure thing and I’ll keep the coffee comin’ too.”

Gerard watched her walk away feeling the knot in his stomach start to ease. This was nice for a change, not a fancy restaurant just a small truck stop in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, he decided as he took a sip of coffee, this was nice.

By the time the waitress returned with his breakfast he was feeling better than he had in days. He’d been enjoying listening in on the conversations of those around him and while they were simple discussions ranging from the weather and the economy, it was somehow comforting. For the first time, in a long time, he wasn’t Gerard Way the performer; he was just a guy out on a cross county road trip.

“Here ya go.” She set the plate down in front of him. “I’ll go grab the coffee pot.” She’d noticed his cup was half full.

“Thanks Marge.” He said having noticed her name tag while she poured the coffee. “This looks great.”

“We serve a good, hardy breakfast here.” She nodded with pride. “Have been for thirty three years. God willing we’ll be able to hold on a little while longer.”

“You’ve worked here that long?”

“Yep.” She nodded making her dangle earrings sway. “Sure have. My husband and I own the restaurant. Matter of fact he’s the one that cooked up your breakfast.”

Gerard took a bite of his egg then smiled, “Well my complements to the chef.”

Marge laughed, “Don’t rightly think he’d be comfortable being called a chef but I’ll tell him.”

It was then what she’d said hit him. “Uh, so business is bad?”

Marge sighed, “Yeah, never been this bad before. The cost of food just keeps going up and that’s in large part because of the cost of fuel. All our deliveries depend on the truckers and since they are paying more, we pay more.” She shook her head sadly, “Add to that the fact that a lot of people are hurting in this economy...well”

“That sucks.” Gerard said automatically then realized his words didn’t seem appropriate. “Uh, I mean that’s sad.”

Marge grinned, “Hey, that sucks sums it up pretty good. Now dig in and eat your breakfast.” With that she walked over to refill the coffee cups of the couple the next table over.

As Gerard ate his breakfast he let his mind once more listen in to the conversations around him. Suddenly he realized why they were comforting. These people were talking about everyday things not how much money they spent on shopping sprees, not gossip about who was sleeping with who…” Sadly he realized it had been a long time since he’d been in a situation like this and he’d missed it.

He’d just about finished his breakfast with Marge came to the table with his check. “Would you like some coffee to go?”

He thought a minute, “Yeah, thanks.”

He left a very generous tip on the table, hoping it would help Marge and her husband at least in some small way, then made his way to the cash register. “Uh, you need to add the to-go coffee,” he said having noticed it wasn’t on the bill.

Marge laughed, “No, we serve unlimited coffee with your meal so no charge.” She handed him his change. “Hope you stop in again sometime.”

Gerard smiled, “I’ll try to do that.” He grabbed his Styrofoam cup and headed out into the sunshine. The day was definitely starting out good.

__________________________________________________________________


Joe took a seat across from Mikey and Alicia. It was obvious he was very uncomfortable. “So, Gee isn’t answering his phone?”

Mikey hadn’t told Joe about Gerard’s phone. “He left his phone here. I found it lying on his bed.”

“Oh.” Joe sat back. “That is weird for Gerard.”

“We’ve tried to call Lindsey too.” Alicia explained. “But she’s not answering her phone.”

This was an awkward situation for Joe. What Gerard and told him had been in confidence but now he wondered if he should keep the confidence. He could see the worry in Mikey’s eyes. “Uh, they aren’t together.”

“They didn’t go somewhere together?” Mikey asked trying to clarify the statement.

“Lindsey left Monday morning with Bandit and Karli.” He added softly, “They went to New York.”

“Why didn’t Gee go with them?” Mikey asked

Again this was a hard topic for Joe to talk about. “Gee and Lindsey are having some problems.”

“You mean with their marriage?” Alicia asked watching Joe’s face closely.

He nodded, “Yeah.”

“How bad?” Mikey asked. “Like talking divorce bad?”

Again Joe nodded.

“Well shit.” Mikey exhaled deeply. “Why wouldn’t Gee tell me?”

“It’s pretty complicated and I think he didn’t want to worry you.” Joe said softly.

“I don’t understand. Yeah, I feel bad they are having problems but why not tell me? What could be so bad about the situation he wouldn’t tell me?”

“Dude, this is really a sticky situation for me. I don’t want to break Gee’s confidence.”

Mikey tried to remain calm. “I get that but something has happened and I’m worried. Gee’s car is gone, but his phone is here. I’m not sure when he left but I’ve been trying to call him for two days now. You know him as well as I do. The guy wouldn’t go to the store for a pack of smokes without his phone. Now you’re telling me that he’s having marital problems and that really worries me. Especially since I found a shattered glass of whisky in his bedroom. It was obviously thrown against the wall.” He nodded for Joe to follow him into the master bedroom wanting the man to see for himself why he was so worried.

“Shit.” Joe muttered.

“So you get why I’m freaking out?” Mikey pressed, “I’m worried about how Gee is handling this. I’m afraid he’s drinking too much again.”

Joe’s eyes were still anchored to the stain on the wall. “He was drinking the day I was here. Shit, I should have said something to him.”

Alicia gently touched his arm. “Hey, we understand how hard it is to talk to Gee about his drinking.”

Slowly they walked back into the living room and were seated again.

Joe spoke slowly. “He’s pretty devastated and angry about everything.”

“Why angry?” Alicia asked.

“Shit, I don’t think I should tell you this.” Joe said shaking his head.

“I need to know what’s going on with my brother.” Mikey said, his eyes pleading with Gerard’s close friend.

Suddenly Alicia sat forward, “Does it have something to do with Karli?”

Joe gave her a surprised look “Why do you ask?”

“Because of some shit she’s posted on Facebook don’t seem right.” Alicia answered. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Joe sighed, “Something happened between Karli and Gerard while Lindsey was on tour.”

“What?” Mikey shook his head, “Gee wouldn’t do that.”

“He admitted it to me.” Joe said sadly. “He said he was drunk and Karli took advantage of the situation.”

Alicia’s anger was immediate. “Wait, we’re supposed to believe Karli forced herself on him?”

Mikey turned to stare at her automatically defending his brother. “Hey, if he was drunk…”


“Oh shit, Mikey.” Alicia’s eyes narrowed. “Come on that’s a fuckin’ lame excuse.”

Joe didn’t want the couple to break into an argument so he continued, “Gerard told Lindsey what happened. He said at first she was upset but then she told him she didn’t care, that he could do anything with anyone he wanted.”

“Shit.” Alicia said shaking her head. “I’m sure she didn’t really mean that, she was hurt.”

“I’m not so sure.” Joe said slowly, “Uh, that night Gee was in his study when Karli came in again. She told him Lindsey had said it was okay for it to happen.”

Alicia exploded, “So the dumb ass did it? He screwed around with Karli while Lindsey was in the house?”

“He was drinking again and angry.” Joe said glancing down at the floor. “He was hurt because Lindsey had pretty much told him the marriage was over. She said if he wanted they could go on pretending to have a good marriage but she was really done with him.”

“Yeah well I’d be done with my husband if he was screwing another woman in our house.” Alicia said hotly. However when she glanced over at Mikey her anger faded. He was worried about his brother, that she understood. Trying to put her anger aside for him she touched his arm. “Hey, I’m sure he’s gonna be okay. He probably just needed to get away from here to figure things out.”

Joe nodded agreeing with her words, “Yeah, that’s what he’s doing.”

“So why didn’t he take his phone?” Mikey asked them. “And where would he go? Don’t you guys get it? If that’s what happened he’s running away from this shit and he can’t do that. He has to handle this.”

“Give him time.” Alicia said softly. “I’m sure once he realized he can’t just run away from this he’ll deal.”

Mikey wasn’t so sure. “Gee likes to ignore things he don’t want to deal with. He’s always been like that. Besides where would he go? Are you telling me you both think he just got into his car and took off with no plan?”

Alicia was still stewing over what she’d just learned, “I can’t believe Lindsey took Karli with her to New York.”

Joe sighed, “Like I said Gerard told me she knew and didn’t care about what happened. He even said Lindsey told him that she didn’t want to lose Karli because she’s so good with Bandit.”

“I just can’t believe she’d want to be around the woman who screwed her husband.” Alicia said angrily. “That’s just wrong on so many levels.”

“Gee and Lindsey have been having troubles with their marriage for a long time.” Joe admitted. “He’d told me before he knew she was unhappy and was afraid she’d leave him.”

“I don’t get why he never told me any of this shit.” The hurt in Mikey’s voice was clear. “Hell the only thing he’d mentioned on tour was that Lindsey thought they should buy another house.”

“Yeah, she’s been pushing for that.” Joe admitted. “But now Gerard thinks that maybe it was just because she planned on divorcing him.”

“And she’d have a bigger place if that happened.” Alicia said following that train of thought.

Joe nodded.

“That just don’t sound like something Lindsey would do.” Mikey said softly.

“Obviously we don’t really know her.” Alicia said slowly trying to contain her anger. “I mean I never thought she’d be okay with her husband screwing the nanny.”

Mikey gave her a disapproving look.

“Well?” She held her ground. “That’s what happened obviously.”

Joe slowly stood. “I’ll call you if I hear from him.” He was still unhappy he’d had to share all of this with Mikey but given the circumstances he believed it had been best.

“Thanks, Joe.” Mikey said getting slowly to his feet.

Alicia watched as the two men walked towards the door. Inside she was fuming at her brother-in-law. In her mind no matter how bad things had been in his marriage his actions had made it a whole lot worse.

When Mikey returned he still looked very upset. “Do you think we could call the police?”

“The police?”

“Well yeah, Gerard is missing.”

Alicia sighed, “Honey, I don’t think he’s really missing. He’s a grown man who got in his car and took off.”

“We still don’t know that for sure.” Mikey said as he lowered his tired body to the sofa. “What if someone forced him to leave?”

She sighed, “You can tell some of his clothes are missing so he packed before he left.”

“Yeah, the duffle he took on tour is gone.” Mikey admitted.

“See?” Alicia nodded, “Gerard packed and took off. My guess is he didn’t take his phone because he doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now.” She patted her husband on the arm. “I know you’re worried but there’s really nothing you can do until Gerard decides to deal with the mess.”

“But what if he gets in trouble? Shit, I can’t imagine being with a cell.”

While it was hard for her to imagine it too she had to point out. “Hey, not everyone in the world owns a cell phone. But think about it, I can’t imagine Gee getting too far away from civilization. I’m sure he’ll be okay, he’s a big boy.”

“You’re pissed at him, aren’t you?”

“Honestly right now I’m pissed at both of them. If it was just them, if they didn’t have Bandit I wouldn’t care so much.”

“Know what you mean.” Mikey agreed sadly. “I just hope Gee remembers how much he loves Bandit and gets his ass back here to deal with this.”

_______________________________________________________________________


Gerard smiled as he continued to drive into the night. It had been a good day. He’s stopped for lunch along his route in a small out of the way café and had met some nice people. Hell he’d even bought himself a ball cap and was now proudly wearing the cap that advertised the café. He’d purposely kept his mind off anything that reminded him of his problems back in LA. It was like he was moving forward, refusing to look back.

His stomach rumbled reminding him it had been hours since he’d eaten. Deciding it was time to stop he exited the highway on the outskirts of Provo. Like last night he picked a small motel but he’d promised himself this stop would not turn out like last night. He may be a man on the brink of divorce but until that was a fact he wouldn’t look at another woman. They way he felt right now he wasn’t certain he ever wanted another serious relationship.

“Just me alone.” He said softly. “And that’s okay.”

The man behind the deck greeted him as soon as he walked in.

“Evening.”

“Good evening.” Gerard wanted to check in quick, he’d noticed there was a restaurant in the parking lot and his stomach was rumbling again. “Just need a room for one night.”

The young man nodded, “Sure thing. You pretty much have your pick of the rooms.”

Gerard had noticed there weren’t many cars in the lot. “Business slow?” He guessed.

“Yeah, you could say that.” He answered with a sigh. “Just fill this out.”

Gerard saw when he looked up from the form the man was staring out the window.

“Nice ride.” He glanced down at the paper Gerard had been filling out. “Things must be better out in California.”

Again Gerard was struck by the fact he felt so out of touch with people. He lived a lifestyle many would never know and he’d never stopped to realize how lucky he really was. “Bought it used.” He explained trying to downplay the fact he was driving an expensive sports car.

The young man nodded, “Still pretty sweet. Anyway, I put you in 112. Got HBO and Wi-Fi. Oh and the pool is open until midnight.”

“Yeah, okay.” Gerard really wasn’t interested in the pool but he was hungry. “So how’s the restaurant?”

“Not bad. My sister works over there so I know tonight is all you can eat BBQ.”

“Sounds good.” He pulled out his wallet preparing to pay.

“Wow, cash.” The clerk laughed, “Don’t get many people paying that way anymore.”

“It’s not a problem, is it?”

“No, of course not.” He took the money from Gerard then handed him back his change.

Gerard was at the door when he turned, “Uh, are there phones in the rooms?”

“Did away with those about a year ago. Everyone has a cell now.” He pointed, “But there is a pay phone down by the ice machine.”

“Thanks.” Gerard nodded wondering why he’d even asked. He wasn’t going to call anyone. A voice inside his head was telling him he should at least call Mikey in case he was worried.

He ignored that thought almost immediately. Right now he didn’t want to remember he had a family. Convincing himself that thinking that way wasn’t selfish he walked across the lot to the restaurant. His rumbling stomach was pleased with his decision.