Gerard’s heart skipped a beat as Lucy’s words echoed in his ears. Finally he forced himself to speak in a low whisper, “ Nothing is wrong…except you love me.”

Lucy blinked as a tear rolled down her cheek, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”

A slow smile tugged at his lips. “You love me.”

Relieved the way she’d said it hadn’t hurt him she nodded, “Yes, I love you.”

He could see she was still very upset. Reaching over he brushed away the tear. “Lucy, I understand how hard it was for you to say that.”

She sighed, “Hard not only to say to you but to admit to myself. I’ve had over ten years to convince myself I could never feel this way towards a man again.” She wanted him to understand completely. “You’ve completely turned my world upside down. Sometimes when we’re together I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“And that scares you.”

She nodded, “Yes, it scares me. Our relationship is so different then the one I had…”

“It’s okay to say his name Lucy. I know how much you loved him.” Gerard whispered caressing her cheek. “Please don’t keep things from me.”

Another tear rolled down her cheek, “The things we do, they excite me. At first I just told myself it was because I’d gone so long being alone but…” She paused trying to gather her thoughts, “Hell, I don’t want you to think it’s just the sex that attracts me to you. Yeah, it’s great but the way you make me feel so safe, so loved.”

“That’s because I do love you.” He said softly.

Lucy blinked several times.

“Hard to hear?” He guessed.

“A little” She admitted, “But damn, it makes me happy.” She moved into his arms. “I’m not even sure when it happened.”

“When you realized you loved me?”

“Yeah, I mean I won’t lie I was attracted to you because you’re so damn handsome.”

Gerard laughed, “Nice to hear but not true.”

Lucy looked up into his eyes, “Oh yes, you really are. But there was something about you that seemed…” Again she tried to put her thoughts into words. “Something that seemed so right. You didn’t feel like a stranger to me. That doesn’t make sense.”

He absently caressed her bare arm. “Yeah, it makes sense. I felt the same way about you. Shit, I was fuckin’ terrified, I’d just almost been sucked up by a tornado and yet I was looking at a woman who immediately captured my attention. I was drawn to you and I couldn’t explain why.”

She pressed her lips against his neck, inhaling his scent. When she spoke her voice was a whispered. “I don’t think I could survive having my heart broken again.”

Gerard closed his eyes as so many emotions coursed through his body. He knew he never wanted to hurt her, never wanted to break her heart but he knew it could happen. He had to tell her the truth about who he was, he had to and yet fear made him remain silent.

“I’m sorry.” Lucy whispered, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

He moved back slightly and waited until she looked up into his eyes. “Lucy, I love you, please don’t ever doubt that.”

His tone was so sad she believed the fear she’d been holding inside was true, they were from different worlds. She was positive he had a life in California that she’d never fit into. “I do believe that.” She smiled slightly. “No matter what happens I just want you to know how much you’ve changed me. How you’ve made me want to truly live again.”

“It’ll all be okay.” Gerard said pulling her into his arms again. “Somehow it will work out.”

Lucy closed her eyes as exhaustion overcame her body and mind. She wasn’t sure if she believed him but for now, for whatever time they had together, she’d let herself love him.

_________________________________________________

Early evening shadows chased the truck down the road as they started the trip back to the farm. After admitting she loved him, Lucy had fallen asleep soon after in his arms. Gerard had spent that time watching her sleep, memorizing every feature of her face. It had been hard when he’d finally had to wake her but he knew she’d be upset if he let her sleep any longer.

Now as they drove down the road the silence between them was comfortable. He glanced over and saw she was smiling. “What?”

“Didn’t you see? The drive in is showing different movies now.”

The excitement in her voice brought a smile to his face. “Oh so we’re planning another outing to the drive in?”

She tilted her head searching his face for the answer, “If you want to.”

“Of course I want to. But in a few days. I’m not going to have you relapse because you’ve pushed yourself too much.”

Lucy grinned, “Well I did get a work out today.”

He laughed, “Yeah, me too.” Taking his hand briefly off the wheel he touched her arm. “You’re tired aren’t you?”

“A little.” She admitted, “But it was as nice to get out of the house. And…the motel was very nice.”

“Indeed it was.” He tried to concentrate on the road. “But it’s time to get you home and onto your sofa. That is after I make you dinner. Any requests?”

Lucy tried to stifle a yawn but it was impossible. “Not very hungry, maybe a grilled cheese sandwich.”

He nodded, “And soup.”

She settled back in her seat. “You know you’re spoiling me.”

“No I’m not.” He said softly, “Taking care of someone you love isn’t spoiling them.”

Lucy closed her eyes, a beautiful smile on her lips. The happiness in her heart at this moment was overwhelming.

______________________________________

“The private investigator will be here at nine tomorrow morning.” Mikey informed his wife as he walked into the living room.

She nodded hating that she had to tell him about a call she’d received. “Uh, your mom called a few minutes ago. She said she tried calling you but you didn’t answer.”

He sighed deeply, “I sent her call to voice mail. What does she want?”

“She wants to talk to Gerard.”

“I told her he was out of town.” Mikey said shaking his head.

“Mikey, I think she’s starting to realize something is wrong. Someone told her about the divorce.”

“Fuck.” Mikey muttered as he started to pace across the hardwood floor.

“You had to know it was only a matter of time.”

He swung around to glare at her, an angry retort on his lips but when he saw the concern in her eyes his anger faded. “Yeah, of course it was only a matter of time. Fuck, soon the news about the divorce will be all over the Net. I just hoped Gee would come back before it happens.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

He walked over taking a seat beside her. “She’ll fuckin’ freak, I know she will.”

“But she does have a right to know.” Alicia said softly.

“I just was hoping I’d at least have some idea where he went before I had to tell ma.”

Alicia tried to remain upbeat. “Hey, maybe he’ll just show up for that meeting next week. You know how Gerard is sometimes. He’ll wander in like nothings happened.”

“If he doesn’t I’m going to involve the police.” Mikey said having already given this much thought. “Gerard knows how important that meeting is with Warner. If we don’t strike a deal with them we might never record again.”

“Hey” Alicia smiled trying to get his mind off all of this, “How about we grill some steaks? Have a nice romantic dinner out on the patio?”

While his heart wasn’t in it, he realized he’d been neglecting the woman he loved. She was his strength, she owned his heart. “Sure, sounds good.”

She brushed her lips against his then stood. “Afterwards we’ll snuggle.”

Mikey smiled at her, “Yeah, that sounds even better.”

__________________________________________

It was late evening and Gerard had just finished washing the dinner dishes. As he dried his hands he heard Rex nudging the screen door.

“Hey” He laughed as he walked over to see the Lab pressing his nose against the screen. “Bet you think we’ve been ignoring you.” He pushed open the door to allow the dog to come in. Immediately Rex licked his hand.

“Guess what?” Gerard said squatting down to pet Rex’s head. “Lucy loves me, she said so today.”

Rex licked his face.

“Thanks” Gerard laughed, “Yeah, I’m happy about it too.” As he continued to pet the dog he spoke softly, “She’s one hell of a woman, so strong and yet so fragile in some ways. I gotta figure this all out.”

He stood abruptly when he heard Lucy’s foots nearing the kitchen. “What’s up?” He asked turning to see her in the doorway, “I thought you’d fallen asleep?”

She sighed, “I did but nature calls.”

He nodded and watched as she walked slowly towards the bathroom. Today, as wonderful as it had been, had tired her out. He decided that no matter how much she whined she was bored tomorrow she was going to rest all day. When she reemerged from the bathroom he moved to take her arm. “Back to the sofa, woman. You look exhausted.”

“Thanks” She rolled her eyes trying to tease. “Nice to know I look so appealing.”

“To me you always look appealing.” He said leading her back to the air-conditioned living room. Even though it was late in the evening the temperature was still in the ninety’s. “Now settle that cute little butt down on the sofa and rest.”

Lucy moved to the sofa but sighed dramatically, “I’m so tired I can’t sleep.”

He knew exactly what she meant, it was something that happened to him often on tour. “Okay, how about we watch a movie?”

“And snuggle?” She asked wistfully.

He smiled, “Yeah, definitely we snuggle.”

Rex settled himself on the floor at the end of the sofa while Gerard watched Lucy paw through the bag of DVD’s he bought today. He grinned because she looked so damned happy.

“Have you seen this one?” She asked holding up an older comedy.

“Yep, it’s really good.”

“You’ve seen all of these, haven’t you?” She frowned.

Truth was he had seen them all. Hours of time with nothing to do on the road had been filled by watching movies. “Yeah, but I chose them because they’re good and I want to share them with you.”

Her smile returned, “Oh, okay. Let’s watch this one.”

Soon they were cuddled up with the DVD player settled on a pillow across their laps. Gerard started the movie but found it impossible to concentrate on the plot. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Lucy.

It didn’t take her long to realize he really wasn’t watching the movie. “What’s wrong?” She asked turned to look at him questioningly.

He smiled, “Nothing is wrong, matter of fact things seem awful right. Just sitting here with you and Rex, snuggled up on the couch…it’s pretty damn nice.”

“But you’re not watching the movie.”

“I’m enjoying watching you watch the movie. I love the sound of your laugh, the way you crinkle your nose when you giggle…”

“Oh” She whispered getting lost in his eyes.

Unfortunately he knew what would happen if he didn’t change the subject. Lucy was tired, he wanted her to rest, so he grinned, “Okay, back to watching the movie.”

“Yes, sir.” She giggled.

Gerard moaned, “Don’t start that, Lucy. I’m worn out.” Better her to think he was the reason nothing was going to happen between them tonight.

She patted his hand playfully, “It’s okay. You rest up for the next few days.”

His eyebrow shot up. “And just what am I resting up for?”

She grinned then brushed his lips against his while whispering “The drive in, of course.”

____________________________________________________

After dinner Mikey forced himself to call his mother. It was a call that had his stomach in knots but he knew it had to be done. So telling Alicia he’d join her for snuggling as soon as he could he walked into his study closing the door behind him.

Nervously he drummed his fingers on the desk waiting for her to answer.

“I’ve been trying to call you all night.” Donna said as soon as she connected.

“Sorry, Ma.” Mikey said softly. “Had my phone turned off.”

“What’s going on.” She demanded hearing something in her youngest son’s voice. “What aren’t you telling me about Gerard?”

“Calm down.” He said slowly. “I’ll tell you everything I know.” He began by telling her about his first conversation with Joe then ended by telling her about the private investigator that was coming in the morning. During the whole time his mother only stopped him a few times to ask questions. Now however her concern could no long be held back.

“Mikey, why haven’t you told me all of this before now?”

“Ma, I didn’t want to worry you. Like I said everyone seems to think Gerard is fine, just hiding out.”

“But his duffle bag… Oh Lord.”

Again he reiterated that obviously Gerard hadn’t been robbed. However he didn’t mention finding Gerard’s wedding ring in the bag.

“Have you talked to Lindsey?”

His mother’s question caused him to sigh, “She’s the one who told me the police would be contacting me about the bag.”

“She doesn’t care.” There was definite anger in her voice.

“Ma, I don’t think that’s true. But given the circumstance…”

“You mean because she’s divorcing him.” Donna said cutting him off.

“There’s a lot you and I don’t know about that.” He tried to remind her.

“I’m not an idiot, Michael. I’ve seen what that woman is saying about her affair with Gerard.” The word affair dripped with sarcasm. “But it was Lindsey who hired her in the first place.”

Sitting back in his chair he ran his hand over his forehead trying to lessen the pain radiating behind his eyes. “Ma, what difference does that make? You telling me you think it’s Lindsey’s fault Gerard fucked the nanny?” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to pull them back.

“Is it true?” Donna whispered in shock.

“Ma, I don’t want to discuss this with you.”

“Michael I asked you a question.” She shot back. “Answer me. Did your brother sleep with that woman?”

“Yes” He whispered. “It’s true.”

“And Lindsey found out? That’s why she’s divorcing him?”

“Lindsey knew, Gerard told her.”

“Oh my God.” Donna whispered in shock. “What the hell was he thinking? Why would he do that?”

“He wasn’t thinking, Ma. He was drunk.” There is was out in the open.

“She should forgive him.” Donna said quickly.

Mikey wanted to end this conversation. “Look, if we’re honest we both know Gerard and Lindsey haven’t been happy for a while. Hell, Lindsey said as much. This was just the straw that broke the camels back.”

“But they have a daughter.” Her voice was becoming very emotional.

“A daughter they both love.” Mikey said softly. “But that don’t change the fact that they aren’t happy together.”

For a moment Donna was silent. Then she asked in a haunted tone. “Do you know where your brother is?”

“I’m not lying, I don’t know. I wish more than anything I did know. At least I’d know if I should be worried or frightened, or if I should be pissed. But I will tell you that if he doesn’t show up for the meeting with the record company next week I’m going to involve the police. I’ll file a missing persons report.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t wait.”

“I’m just hoping the private investigator will find him.” Mikey said standing up from behind the desk. “Now, I’ve got to go. Alicia is waiting for me.”

“You’re going out?”

His tone was gentle, “Ma, it ain’t late out here but no, we’re not going out. We’re gonna snuggle in front of the TV and I’m gonna try to put this mess out of my mind for a few hours.”

Donna sighed, “I’m sorry you’ve been shouldering this burden alone.”

“Not alone.” Mikey said walking towards the door, “Alicia is with me.”

“She’s a good woman.” Donna said softly, “You’re lucky.”

Mikey smiled as he walked down the hall and spotted his wife sitting on the sofa. “Yeah, I know how lucky I am and I ain’t gonna forget that for one moment.” They talked for a few more minutes, Donna promising to call Don and Mikey promising to call if he heard anything.

When he said goodbye and disconnected Alicia asked “Is your mom okay?”

He sat down immediately pulling her into his arms. “She’s upset but so far she’s keeping it together. She’s gonna call dad and fill him in.”

“I called and canceled my hotel reservations.”

Mikey gave her a shocked look, “What?” He knew she had been planning the trip to Hawaii with her friends for several months.

“I’m not going.” She said laying her head on his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay, you should go. There’s nothing you can do here and it’s only for a week.”

“Of course there is something I can do here.” She said, “I can stay with my husband, because he might need me.”

Pure love made him hug her tightly, “I always need you.” He whispered. “Always.”

____________________________________________________

It was after midnight when Gerard realized that while he was working on an important plot point in his story he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. As he pushed away from the desk he glanced over and saw Lucy was still sleeping. She’s crashed after the movie and he hoped she’d sleep until morning. As much as he wanted to hold her in his arms he decided not to move her off the sofa.

Quietly he left the room, put Rex out for the night then went upstairs to change into shorts and a tee. When he returned to the living room he saw Lucy was still sleeping peacefully.

Once most of the lights were turned off he settled himself down on the mattress and closed his eyes expecting sleep but the events of the day began to replay in his mind. The one moment his mind kept reliving was the look on Lucy’s face when she said she loved him. He’s seen the fear in her eyes, the uncertainly. This was what I wanted, he reminded himself, I wanted her to love me like I love her. But now she’d said the words more that just happiness filled his heart, he was afraid. If only he’d admitted the truth of who he was, that he was married when they’d first met. But he knew in his heart if he had things would have played out differently. Lucy was not the kind of woman who would have let herself feel anything for a married man. There would have been no physical interaction between them. Gerard hated that his selfishness, his desire for Lucy, had kept him from telling her the truth. Now the woman, who had been dying slowly from a broken heart had allowed herself to love again. But she was in love with a selfish man, a man who had let his own desires come before the truth. How would she react when the truth was finally revealed? His heart was heavy knowing he’d have to go back to LA. There were so many things he had to deal with.

He rolled over once more trying to will himself to sleep. He didn’t want to think about this now but his conscious wouldn’t allow sleep. Guilt continued to take stabs at his heart. He knew his friends all depended on him. He knew the meeting with the record company was coming up soon and they all expected him to be there, he owed that to them. But more than anything else the guilt he felt over the end of his marriage and the fact he hadn’t seen or spoken to his daughter was overwhelming. Bandit, a picture of her flashed through his mind, his baby. God, he missed her. Was she still with Lindsey in New York or had they returned to LA? Then a memory of the early days of his marriage came to him, Lindsey’s smiling face, her gentle touch. Sadness now filled his heart. Why had their love died? Was it all his fault too?

He’s been so lost in thought he hadn’t heard Lucy get up from the sofa. She slowly lowered herself to the mattress beside him.

“Hey” He whispered softly.

Lucy, not knowing how raw his emotions were, giggled. “Tell a guy you love him and suddenly he doesn’t want to sleep with you.”

“Oh Lucy.” He pulled her to him tightly. “I just didn’t want to wake you.” His voice sounded tormented.

Lucy was shocked by his tone. “What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t do this now, not now. “Nothing is wrong.” He forced himself to sound okay. “Especially now that you’re in my arms.”

She smiled snuggling closer to him. “Ditto”

Gerard pressed a kiss on the top of her head now laying on his chest. “Get back to sleep woman.”

“Okay” She yawned. She paused a beat then added, “Love you.”

Tears threatened his eyes so he kept them shut tightly. “Love you too.” He whispered from deep in his tormented heart.

Believing everything in her world was wonderful Lucy soon feel back asleep. However Gerard remained awake tormented by thoughts for hours. Tormented by the feeling that as Rafe had predicted, a storm was coming and this time there would be nothing, no one to save him.