Gerard didn’t wake until almost 4:30 pm. As he slowly sat up on the sofa his eyes fell to the legal pad on the floor. Shaking his head he felt ridiculous he’d spent so much time trying to translate what he thought he’d heard. In truth he wasn’t afraid of seeing a ghost, he was afraid he’d believed it was what he’d seen. “Lindsey’s shit really got in my head.” He muttered as he stood.

The plan to leave he’d decided upon before falling asleep was still fresh in his brain. He needed to get out of this house, distance himself from all that had happened here.
In the bedroom he tried to avoid looking at the stain on the wall. He didn’t want the memories seeing the words Lindsey had painted would bring. He also ignored the pieces of broken glass on the bed.

Once his duffle bag was packed he took it to the living room. There he set it down on the sofa then bent down to grab the legal pad. He didn’t know how long he’d be gone or when Lindsey would return but he definitely didn’t want anyone to read what he’d scribbled on the paper. “Don’t need people thinking I’ve lost my mind.” He said tearing off the top sheet then crumbling it in his hand.

Next he moved to the study where he planned on packing some of the work he was doing for a new comic. Suddenly as he neared the deck he stopped. No, he wasn’t going to take any work with him. This trip was about taking some time off and getting his head straight. In a way he almost felt good about his decision. It had been a long time since he’d gotten away from everyone and everything. Before leaving the room he threw the crumpled piece of paper into the trash can by the desk.

He started to walk back towards the living room when he once again heard the same noise he’d heard last night and again it seemed to be coming from his bedroom. At first he was going to ignore the noise but curiosity got the better of him. Just like last night when he reached the bedroom he found it empty. But this time he wasn’t able to keep his eyes from the words painted on the wall. Reading them caused a pain in his heart, seeing the stain he’d caused him to hurt even more. He knew this chapter in his life was over. He started to turn away but suddenly stopped. Pulling out his cell phone he threw it on the bed. He wanted no contact with anyone while he was gone.

Returning to the living room he grabbed his duffle bag then started for the door but as he moved closer to what he believed was an escape his steps faltered. There on the floor right in front of the door was a sheet of yellow paper.

“What the fuck?” His heart began to race, his eyes not believing what they were seeing. It was the piece of paper covered with Spanish words only now it wasn’t crumpled.

He stood motionless looking down at the paper. Not understanding why he bent down, grabbed the paper then shoved it in the duffle bag. “I am losing my fuckin’ mind” He whispered as he pulled open the door.

_______________________________________________________________


“Hey have you talked to Lindsey today?’ Mikey asked his wife when he found her in the kitchen preparing dinner.

Alicia looked up from the pot of stew she was stirring. “No, why?”

Mikey pulled out a chair then took a seat by the table. “I tried to call Gee but he’s not answering.”

“I don’t really talk to her all that much.” Alicia reminded him with a sigh. “Not anymore.”

Mikey understood the sadness in her voice. For almost a year now they rarely socialized with his brother and wife. It wasn’t that they hadn’t tired but the couple seemed to always have an excuse for not getting together with them. When he tired to discuss that fact with his brother, Gerard had shrugged then blown him off. “It’s weird Gee isn’t answering his phone. He always answers when I call.”

“She never returns my calls.” Alicia said as she set down the spoon. “But I can try to get a hold of her if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.” Mikey said with a shrug. “I’m sure they are probably out together. That’s all Gee talked about on tour, getting home and spending some time with Lindsey and Bandit.”

Alicia leaned against the counter a minute lost in thought.

“What?” Mikey asked tilting his head, “What’s wrong?”

She sighed, “Do you think they’re happy?”

“Gee and Lindsey?”

“Yeah.”

His wife’s question bothered him because it was something he too had been wondering for some time. “I don’t know.” He admitted slowly. “I’ve tried to talk to Gee about things but he just clams up. I sorta get the feeling they might be having problems but he won’t say.”

“I think they’ve been having problems for a long time.” Alicia admitted. “Remember how it was when they first got married? We spent so much time with them and it was great but now…”

“Now we never see them.”

Alicia nodded, “Right. And like I said I’ve tried to keep in touch with Lindsey but she never returns my calls. I get the feeling she’d distancing herself from us.”

Mikey sat back with a sigh, “Shit I hope we’re wrong. I’d hate to see them break up.”

She moved to the table and took a set. “Because you worry how Gee would react.”

“He’d be devastated.” Mikey answered. “I know him. When they got married he told me it was gonna be forever. Then when Bandit came along things just seemed perfect for them.”

“But not long after that things started to change.” Alicia reminded him softly. “We started seeing less and less of them.” She paused, “You know I don’t think I’ve actually seen Lindsey in the last six months. No, wait, that’s not right. I did see her once while you guys were on tour but I didn’t actually speak to her.”

“Why?”

“It was at a mall.” Alicia answered trying to recall the day. “She was with Karli.”

“And Bandit?”

Alicia frowned, “No, and I remember thinking that was weird. I wondered where Bandit was.”

“So why didn’t you talk to her?”

“I was paying for some stuff and saw them walk by. When I got out into the mall they were gone.” She absently fumbled with the brightly colored placemat. “Gotta admit I really don’t like Karli. There’s something about her that bothers me.”

Mikey was surprised, “She seems nice enough to me.”

Alicia rolled her eyes, “You just think she’s hot.”

Their marriage was so good he knew she was teasing. “Well she is hot.” He laughed.

“Does Gee think so?” His wife asked her tone suddenly becoming serious.

That question caused the smile to disappear from his face. “What?”

“I’m just wondering if Gee’s ever said what he thinks of her.”

“He’s never really said. I mean he told me Lindsey is the one who hired her but other than that he’s never really mentioned Karli.” His eyes narrowed, “Why do you ask?” When she hesitated he added, “Come on, tell me.”

“I don’t know like I said there’s just something about her that bothers me.”

“You think it’s bad she’s around Bandit so much?”

Alicia shook her head, “I don’t know, really. Just forget I said anything.”

Mikey couldn’t let it go. “Tell me, please.”

“You’re gonna think I’m making a big deal out of nothing.” She warned.

He doubted that. His wife was very perspective almost too perspective at time. “Out with it.”

Alicia sighed, “About a week ago I was on Facebook and someone mentioned Karli. Remember Amber?”

He nodded.

“It was her, she said she’d found something really sorta interesting on Karli’s Facebook page.”

“What was it? I mean I assume you looked?”

“Yeah, most of the stuff was photos of her and her friend out partying and there were a couple of pictures of her and Lindsey together.”

Mikey frowned, “Not sure they’d want her doing that.”

Alicia shrugged. “Don’t know. But there was one photo of Karli and Gerard together that really seemed wrong. You know how he is about photos.”

Mikey nodded, “Yeah.”

“Well this one was obviously taken at Gee’s house.”

“Are you serious?”

Alicia nodded, “Yeah. And I’m sure it’s not one Gee would have wanted posted.”

Mikey had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, “Why?”

“I should just show you.” Alicia said standing feeling very bad that she knew this was sure to upset her husband.

The feeling in his stomach got a lot worse when Alicia stood back to let him view the photo she’d pulled up. “Oh shit.” He whispered looking closely at his brother’s face. It was obvious Gerard was drunk, very drunk. He was seated on the sofa next to Karli who was smiling at him. “Who the fuck took that picture?”

“Good question.”

Mikey turned to her, “Why didn’t you show me this sooner?”

Alicia sighed, “Look, to be honest, I didn’t want to upset you. And really everyone knows Gee is drinking again, hell he’s admitted it in articles.”

“Yeah, but posting a photo of him looking like that…” His eyes returned to the computer screen. “Ain’t right.”

“When I saw it I tried to call Lindsey but she never has returned my call.” Alicia admitted “And if you look at the date the photo was posted you’ll see that Lindsey has actually commented on Karli’s wall since then so obviously she’s seen it.”

“Shit.” Mikey looked closely at the screen, “You’re right.”

Alicia hated to go on but felt it was important. “I did some looking around at Karli’s posts and she mentions having dinner with Gee a few times.”

“Dinner? Well she does live with them.”

“Notice I said dinner with Gee not with them. At the time Lindsey was on tour. I mean I know it could be totally innocent because she is part of their household but while she didn’t come right out and say it she made it sound like she and Gee were really close.”

Mikey stood back rubbing his eyes. “Shit, Gee needs to see this.”

Alicia nodded, “Yeah, I agree.”

“I’m gonna try to call him again.” Mikey said pulling out his cell. Unfortunately as before the call wasn’t answered.

“Text him.” Alicia suggested.

Hours later the text still hadn’t been answered.

_______________________________________________________________________


The midnight hour had just passed when Gerard pulled into the small hotel parking lot. Since he’d slept most of the day he’d driven as far as he could until he knew he needed to stop. The last thing he wanted was to become involved in an accident that could injure others because he had driven while tired. The hotel he’d chosen here in Carson City Nevada was out of the way towards the edge of town. He didn’t want to be recognized, he just wanted to be left alone. The hours he’d just spent driving had calmed his mind. The further he got away from Los Angeles the better he felt. Yes, he might be running from his problems but for now it was what he needed to do to retain his sanity.

Unfortunately the young blond girl behind the desk recognized him.

“Hey, I know you.” She smiled a soon as he neared the front counter.

Gerard tried to hide his annoyance while forcing himself to smile then lie. “I get that a lot but believe me I can’t sing.”

The girl frowned. “Oh.” It was obvious she was disappointed. “You really do look like him a lot.”

Gerard shrugged then pulled out his wallet after filling in the registration form laying on the counter. He’d given a fake license plate number sure no one was going out in the dark to verify it and he’d sighed a fake name. Now all he had to do was pay and get to his room. Luckily he’d thought to stop at the bank on the way out of town and get cash.

“Just one night.” He said trying not to sound impatient, “How much?”

The girl was once again smiling at him. “Only staying one night? That’s too bad.” She lowered her voice. “I get off at one.”

Gerard stared at her feeling a mixture of anger and attraction, the anger was a result of the attraction. He hated that this girl was tempting him, hated that it only reminded him of his marriage and how it was over.

“I’m wiped out.” He laughed. “Long drive today, sorry.”

She wasn’t ready to give up. “Yeah, long drives can be brutal. Bet a back rub would help.”

The battle in his brain was raging. He knew that he was still a married man but a night of mindless sex was tempting. “Uh”

The girl leaned across the counter in the process giving him a better display of her cleavage. “Just a back rub.” She smiled, “And maybe a drink. I’ve got a bottle stashed in my car.”

The promise of alcohol was the clincher. “Yeah, sounds good.” He nodded.

“Room 324. My names Julie.” She smiled seductively, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Gerard left the office, got back in his car and drove around to the back of the building where his room was located. He’d just gotten out of the shower when he heard a knock on the door. Quickly he donned his sweats but as he reached for the door handle his eyes fell on his wedding ring.

“Shit.” He whispered.

The knock was louder this time.

For a moment he stood staring at the gold band feeling lost and confused. Suddenly he remembered Lindsey telling him she didn’t give a fuck what he did or with who. He yanked the ring off his finger, tucked it deep into his duffle bag then pulled open the door. “Sorry I was in the shower.”

Julie smiled as she held up the bottle of Jack Daniels. “No problem.”

Gerard closed the door then locked it. He walked over to the dresser to grab two plastic glasses feeling suddenly nervous and that feeling made him angry. When he turned Julie was sitting on the bed.

“So” She said as he took the bottle from her and poured the drinks. “You said you had a long drive today?”

Gerard nodded. “Yeah.”

“Where ya from, Joe?”

Gerard blinked in confusion then remembered the name he’d written down on the registration. “California.” He answered just in case she’d looked at his license plate. “I’m a freelance writer on my way to Colorado.” He’d made up that lie while in the shower.

“Cool.” She slipped off her sandals then moved back further onto the bed. “What kind of stuff do you write?”

He took a drink, then another, before answering. “I’ve written stories about people, places, events. Just depends on my mood and who’s hired me.” He refilled his glass having finished the first drink.

Julie smiled, “That sounds cool. So I guess you get to travel a lot.”

He nodded.

She took a drink then looked at Gerard closely. “You know it’s weird but now that I’m looking at you again you really don’t look that much like Gerard Way.”

Gerard laughed, “No, I really don’t.” He noticed her first drink was only half gone. “Hey, drink up.” The lack of food and exhaustion was making the alcohol go to his head. “You know.” He lowered his voice scooting closer to her. “I didn’t even know who the fucker was the first time someone told me I looked like him.”

“Really?” I only know cause my kid sister likes the group.” She rolled her eyes, “Made me take her to one of their concerts.”

Curiosity got the better of him. “What? Did it suck?”

She shrugged, “It was okay, I guess. But there a lot of groups I like better.”

Gerard finished his second drink then poured his third.

Julie gave him a nervous look, “Wow, slow down. What’s the hurry?”

The hurry, he thought, is I want to fuck you before I change my mind. Not able to voice that answer he smiled “Can’t wait for the back rub you promised.”

She smiled, “Oh right I did promise you that didn’t I?”

Gerard finished his drink but before he could pour another she spoke.

“Why don’t you take off your sweatshirt and stretch out?”

His heart began to race. “Yeah, okay.” Once it was off he poured another drink, downed it then moved to the bed. He saw Julie had stripped down to a sheer bra and panties.

“I hate wearing that stupid uniform.” She said nodding to the wad of clothing on the floor, “Besides this is much more comfortable.”

Gerard stood frozen in place staring at her.

Julie patted the bed. “Come on, lay down. I’m gonna massage your aching muscles.”

He forced himself to lay on the bed. Immediately she straddled him and her hands started rubbing his shoulders. “That feels good.” He muttered trying to make himself relax.

For several minutes she continued to rub his shoulders.

“Fuckin’ good.” He whispered.

Suddenly he felt her hot breath on the back of his neck. “You just relax and enjoy.” She whispered. Sitting back up she ran her hands down his back. When they reached the top of his sweat pants Gerard held his breath.

“Lift up.” She purred.

He closed his eyes then lifted his body so she could remove the sweat pants and the boxers he wore beneath.

“That’s better.” She whispered again running her fingers down this back from the base of his neck but this time she moved her body down further so her fingertips could trail across his butt. Again and again she repeated this motion.

Gerard could feel his body responding to her touch. He tried to block out all thoughts from his mind, he only wanted to feel her touch.

Minutes passed, finally she broke the silence. “Roll over.”

His rock hard dick had just been thinking the same thing.

She grinned down at his body once he had followed her instruction. “I see you have been enjoying the massage.”

He wished she’d stop talking.

With a gentle touch she took his dick in her hands. “Now for a special massage.” She said in a throaty voice, “I’ll massage with my mouth.”

He held his breath waiting but nothing happened. His eyes flew open. “What?”

Julie grinned, “I like it when guys watch. I want you to watch me take your dick in my mouth. I want you to see my mouth making love to you.”

The word love coming from her mouth was like being doused by cold water. Suddenly in his mind he could see Karli laboring over his dick. “Get out.” He sat up so quickly she almost fell off the bed.

“What?”

“I said get out.” Gerard yelled scooting back towards the headboard.

Julie was on her feet. “That the fuck is wrong with you?”

His anger was uncontrolled, “I said get the fuck out of my room.”

“What a fuckin’ freak.” Julie yelled as she grabbed her clothes and quickly put them on.

Gerard got off the bed not bothering with his clothes. He pulled open the door.

“Mother fucker.” Julie shouted as she brushed past him.

He slammed the door shut, then all but fell against it. Slowly he slid down to the floor. “What the fuck was I thinking?” He whispered. Looking down and seeing his still hard dick was throbbing, begging for release made tears come to his eyes. It reminded him what he’d been thinking, what he needed.

He closed his eyes as he took his dick into his hands. Shame filled his mind as he stroked himself, disgust overwhelmed him when finally his release shot onto the carpet.

“I can’t live like this.” He whispered as he crawled across the floor to reach up and grab the whisky bottle. Talking a long swallow straight out of that bottle he repeated those word again. “I can’t live like this.”