The whole time he was preparing the grill Gerard was carrying on a conversation in his head. On one side the voice of reason was reminding him he was a married man who, even though his marriage was more than likely over, was still married. However the other voice, the one that had been awakened earlier as he watched Lucy by the pump, was much louder. It told him that he knew his marriage was over and why not enjoy himself? It reasoned that he’d been brought here by some strange unexplained force and so knowing that he should just see what developed. That voice, those thoughts were pulling at him.

“Are you okay?”

Her voice startled him. Lucy had gone into the house to prepare the potatoes and he hadn’t heard her come back outside.

“Yeah, sure.” He saw the tin foil wrapped spuds in her hand. “Coals are almost ready but you can put the potatoes on.”

She placed them on the grill then he closed the lid.

“I made some lemonade. I’ll grab two glasses and we can sit over there under the trees. Might be a few degrees cooler.” She smiled.

He looked out to the area where she’d pointed to. “Sounds good.”

Gerard’s mind was still at battle when a few minutes later he saw her come out the back door then start across the yard. The early evening was still brutally hot but now that the sun was starting to set it was tolerable. From his shaded spot on the old warn wooden bench he watched her approach. Her tank top was now dry and she’s changed her jeans for shorts. The heat made her dark skin glisten with sweat.

“Shit, is it ever gonna cool off?” He muttered as she handed him a large glass of iced lemonade.

She sat down next to him before answering. “Well it has a bit.” Nervously she looked over at him. “You’d probably be cooler if you took your shirt off.”

He’d already considered doing that but years of being self conscious about his body had prevented him from doing so.

Lucy could tell he was ill at ease. “Hey, it’s just us and I know you’re hot. Take your shirt off and go cool down at the pump. Believe me, it helps.”

Immediately the thought of watching her cool off earlier filled his mind.

Lucy was watching his face closely. What she saw caused her heart to flutter. Long dead feelings filled her mind and body. Thoughts she cursed but couldn’t stop. “Or if you want you can go take a shower. I’ll roll the potatoes when it’s time.”

“Thought we were gonna go down to the creek after dinner?” He held his breath hoping she hadn’t changed her mind.

“If you want.” She said glancing away.

“I’ll shower when we get back from there.” He didn’t want it to sound like he thought anything would happen between them down at the creek but heaven help him he was hoping it would. He took a long sip of the tart lemonade. “Suppose though I could change into shorts.” Truth was the jeans were hot and uncomfortable.

She nodded.

“I’ll roll the potatoes on my way back out.”

Again she nodded not looking at him.

While he was gone Lucy tried to come to terms with the thoughts racing through her mind. “Maybe I’m wrong.” She muttered causing Rex who was seated at her feet to look up. “He might not even be attracted to me.” But as she said the words she remembered the look in his eyes. It had been so long but she remembered the look of desire in a man’s eyes. She was sure she’d seen that look in Gerard’s eyes. That knowledge however caused her inner turmoil. For so many years she’d convinced herself she’d never again know the feel of a man’s touch and that she didn’t want to feel it. But now, her body was telling her something different. Part of her wanted to hate Gerard for making her feel this way but another part felt as if it was rejoicing, as if it was waking up from a long slumber.

“Crap.” She muttered feeling confused.

Rex put his head back down on his paws.

When Gerard reemerged from the back door he first rolled the potatoes on the grill then slowly walked back towards Lucy.

She watched him closely trying to get her emotions under control. Damn, the man looked good in a pair of shorts and a tee, damn good.

“I’ll give the potatoes about ten minutes then put the corn on.” He said taking a seat next to her.

“Do you leave it in the husk or not?” She asked needing to talk about something, anything, to keep her mind off its previous thoughts.

He tilted his head, “Uh, I always leave it in the husk, is it good the other way?”

“I like it both ways.” She hated that nervousness was suddenly making it difficult to talk to him.

“Never had it that way, think we’ll try it.”

She nodded while glancing across the yard.

Gerard wondered why she suddenly seemed withdrawn. “Uh, so we really did get a lot done today.” He said hoping to get the conversation flowing.

“Yeah, we did.” She smiled slightly.

He took hope in that small smile, “So I guess tomorrow we do more of the same?”

“Still a lot of wood to be cut up.”

Gerard glanced at the large pile she’d stacked. “What do you plan on doing with it?”

She took a sip of lemonade then explained. “Well it needs to season but eventually the wood we’ve cut will end up in the wood stove.”

“The one in the living room?”

She laughed, “That’s the one. That wood stove heats my house in the winter.”

“Just the stove?”

She nodded, “Yep, heats the whole house.”

He was glad she seemed to be relaxing again. “Must put out a lot of heat.”

“Oh yes.” She nodded finally looking over at him. “Believe me my house is very toasty in the winter time and I love the smell of a wood burning stove. When the snow piles up outside I’m nice and warm inside my little home.” She laughed, “But since you’re from LA you don’t really understand.”

Before he could think he spoke, “Hey, I know all about snow.”

She titled her head, “You do?”

He realized he had to explain. “Yeah, originally I’m from Jersey. We got a lot of snow in the wintertime there.”

Lucy thought a minute then smiled, “I thought I heard the trace of an accent. When did you leave Jersey?”

He saw no point in lying. “Not until I was an adult. My childhood was spent trudging through lots of snow in the winter.”

“Did you trudge alone?”

The question confused him, “What?”

Lucy sighed, “Well you know I had a sister. I was just wondering…”

“Oh” He said slowly, “I have a younger brother, Mikey.”

“Does he still live in Jersey?”

He was starting not to like this line of questioning for several reasons. One, it filled him with guilt about his brother who he was sure was worried about him and two because he was afraid she’d ask something he’d have to lie about. He found he didn’t want to outright lie to Lucy.

When he didn’t answer right away Lucy spoke up. “Hey, I forgot, we both have things we don’t want to talk about. Forget I asked.”

He could hear a hint of hurt in her voice. “No, that’s okay, really. Mikey lives out in LA too.”

Curiosity got the better of her. “So is he a writer like you?”

He tried not to sound annoyed by the question. “Nope, he’s a musician.”

She nodded realizing she should change the subject but before she could Gerard stood.

“Gonna go put the corn on.”

Lucy watched him walk towards the porch wondering what secrets the man kept but at the same time reminding herself she too kept a lot of secrets so why should she care?

_______________________________________________________________


They chose to eat dinner outside at the picnic bench because the heat in the kitchen was oppressive.

“You’re steak cooked okay?” Gerard asked after he watched her cut into the meat.

“Perfect” Lucy smiled, “Medium rare just like I like it.”

He lifted his ear of corn then took a bite. “Hey, this is good.”

She smiled.

Suddenly he realized he was hungry. The heat had made him forget but now that the evening was upon them it was cooling down slightly. He cut off a large hunk of steak thoroughly enjoying the taste.

Lucy smiled, “Working hard give you a huge appetite.”

He nodded, “Yeah, damn I didn’t realize how hungry I was until just now.”

“Me too.” She grinned. “My complements to the chief.”

For several minutes they ate in a relaxed silence.

“Man, this is nice.” Gerard said sitting back slightly from the table.

Lucy smiled over at him. “Funny, I looked at the thermometer on the back porch, it’s still 90 degrees but it feels so much cooler.”

He laughed, “Yeah, 90 feels cool wonder how hot it got today.”

“I’d guess about 105.”

“Shit, seriously?”

She nodded before taking another bit off her corn cob.

He snuck a quick glance at her then asked, “Uh, so tell me about the creek.” Inwardly he smiled when he saw her eyes widen.

“The creek?”

“Yeah, how big is it? Is it deep?”

She forced herself to sound casual. “Uh, well it’s deep in the center but I have a really great place off the bank. The bottom there isn’t rocky and you can walk all the way out up to your neck.” She laughed, “Okay out to your neck would be further than I go out.”

While he didn’t want to sound worried he had to know, “So the water is pretty clear?”

She laughed, “No, it’s a creek but the water is cool and that’s what I’m looking for.”

“Me too.” He nodded, “But like there’s fish in there, right?”

It was hard for her not to giggle, “Yeah, fish and occasionally a snake or two.”

His head snapped up, “Snakes?”

“Gerard, there are snakes in California. We didn’t corner the market on them here in Kansas. Yeah, there are snakes but I’ve never been bothered by one. They don’t want any more to do with me than I want to do with them.”

When he didn’t answer she went on.

“Look it was just an idea, we don’t have to go down to the creek. After dinner you can take your shower while I clean up the dishes.”

That was noT what he wanted at all. “No, I want to go down to the creek. A nice cool dip sounds great.”

It did to her too. “Yeah, we still have about an hour of daylight so you can see.”

He frowned, “Uh, do you go down there in the dark?”

“Sometimes if it’s really hot at night I do.”

“And you don’t worry about not being able to see what’s in the water with you?”

She patiently tried to explain, “I know the area like the back of my hand. I have a great path there so it’s not a problem. It’s especially nice on a hot night when the moon is full. I could stay out in the water for hours.”

“You aren’t worried at all? What if you slipped on the bank? What if you did encounter a snake?”

She sighed, “I live alone, have for a long time. I decided years ago I can’t worry about what could happen.” Her face lost all emotion. “In the blink of an eye your whole life can change, that I know. You can be walking across a street and get hit by a car, you could fall down the steps, hell a plane could come crashing into your house. Shit, can always happen and sometimes does. I won’t spend one minute worrying about what if’s.”

Again he found himself wondering what had happened in her life to make her feel this way. Had it simply been her husband’s death and if so how had it happened?

Lucy was watching him closely knowing instinctively he was wondering about her attitude. “Do you think I’m wrong?” She challenged.

Slowly he shook his head, “No, I get what you’re saying. And you’re right, you can’t worry about all the shit that could happen. But still I don’t think someone should deliberately do things that could endanger them.”

“We were talking about taking a dip in a creek.”

“Well, yeah but you’re talking about doing it alone. Swimming alone is always sorta dangerous.”

She sighed heavily, “Well I live alone so unless I want to hire a lifeguard I swim alone.”

He could tell she was getting annoyed. “Fair enough.” He sat back, “Shit, that was good.” He said looking down at his almost empty plate.” He noticed Rex had suddenly sat up from his spot on the ground. “Okay if I give him a small bite of steak?”

Lucy smiled, “Well he has been waiting patiently.”

Gerard cut off a small piece then handed it over to the waiting dog.

“Let’s save the rest of our steaks for morning.” She suggested looking down at hers. “We can have steak and eggs for breakfast.”

“That sounds great.” He agreed.

Together they gathered up their plates then headed for the house.

“Shit, it’s still hot in here.” Gerard said as they walked into the kitchen.

“The old plaster retains the heat.” She said as she gathered up their steaks to store them in the cooler.

Once that was done she put the plates and utensils in the sink. “I’ll take care of the dishes in the morning.”

“Creek now?” He asked softly.

Lucy felt her heart begin to race. “Sure.”

She grabbed a flashlight and two towels while Gerard stood at the door looking out. “Ready.” At the foot of the steps she commanded Rex to stay. The dog immediately laid down in front of the back door.

Neither spoke as they started across the yard towards the woods. Once there Gerard saw she was right, there was a nice path to follow. It only took a few minutes before they were standing on the bank of the creek.

“This is nice.” He said looking it over. The creek wasn’t wide and there was a nice even slope down to the water.

“Originally the cattle crossed here.”

“So is the property on the other side yours too?”

She nodded, “Yep, five acres that way. It’s farmed too.”

He saw her set down the towels then pull off her tank top. The bra beneath was sheer, lacy and strapless. It was all he could do not to stare when she shimmied out of her shorts.

Lucy looked over at him. “Change your mind?”

In answer he pulled the tee shirt over his head. When he saw her start down the bank towards the water he found his voice, “Hey, you’re not skinny dipping.” She was still wearing her bra and panties.

She laughed without turning, “I skinny dip when I’m alone. Since I have a guest this is it.”

Disappointment coursed through his body, this was not what he had imagined at all. He pulled off his shorts leaving on this underwear then joined her in the water.

The further he moved out the cooler the water became. “This is nice.” He said.

Lucy grinned, “You know you could skinny dip if you want. I’ll avert my eyes.”

“No way woman. If you’re not getting naked I’m not either.”

She bent her knees allowing the cooling water to come up to her chin. “So, it’s not scary at all, is it?”

The feel of the cooling water wasn’t helping the heat in certain parts of his body. If only he could keep his eyes from staring at her. She had stood back up so that now the top of her breasts were visible just above the water line. From where he stood it looked as if she wasn’t wearing a bra. “Uh, yeah it’s nice.” He finally answered. “Really nice.”

Lucy’s eyes locked with his and what she saw caused her breath to catch.

As they stood staring at each other Gerard could feel his body responding in a way he couldn’t control. Slowly he moved towards her watching emotions that confused him play across her face.

Her first response was to turn and move further away but her body refused. She held her breath when she felt the movement in the water.

Gerard slid his hands towards her under the water. When they reemerged his fingertips gently caressed the exposed skin of her breasts just at the waters level. “It’s nice that there is on one around for miles.” He whispered.

A shiver ran down her spine, not from fear but from the building desire washing over her whole body. When his fingers gently tugged on the bra pulling it down just enough for her nipples to be exposed she tried to take a deep breath.

Gerard’s eyes were now on her taunt nipples that seemed to be floating on the surface of the water. Gently he ran his thumbs over them. “Beautiful” He whispered.

Lucy tried to make her mind work. She should stop this, but heaven help her she didn’t want him to stop. When he slowly sank down into the water so that his mouth could capture one of her nipples it was all she could do not to moan out loud.

Gerard turned off his brain letting his body take over. He didn’t care if this was right or wrong, not now. Besides how could something that felt so good be wrong? His tongue swirled around the wet nipple teasingly. He was encouraged to continue when he felt her hands on his shoulders.

Lucy’s breathing was coming faster, she’d needed to place her hands on his shoulders to keep her balance, her legs felt like they would give out at any minute. When she felt his mouth suck in her nipple this time it was impossible not to moan.

The sound from her lips urged him on. Still keeping one hand on her breast the other dipped down in the water tracing a path to the top of her panties. Again she moaned when his hand slipped inside the sheer material. When he caressed her hardened nub it was suddenly too much. Images from the past, images of being touched like this, filled her mind.

He was shocked when she suddenly stepped back shaking her head.

“Lucy, I thought…”

“I’m sorry.” She muttered pulling the bra back up refusing to look at him. She turned away intent on heading for the shore.

Disappointment and frustration filled his mind.

Lucy was almost to the shore when she turned and saw him still standing in the water but he’d turned his back to her. She knew he was physically hurting and it was her fault.

Gerard stood still trying to calm his body down. In a way he should have expected this could happen he tried to reason. The last thing he would do was force her to do something she didn’t truly want no matter how much he did. He was shocked when he felt her arms surround him, her body pressed tightly against his back.

“Lucy…”

“Shush” She whispered as her hands moved down his body.

“But…”

“Gerard be quiet.” She whispered as her hands moved to push the material down his legs.

His mind went into overdrive imagining the scene of what was happening. She now had his hard dick in her hands gently caressing, stroking its length. He wanted to tell her she didn’t have to do this but he couldn’t speak.

Lucy continued to stoke him allowing her lips to press against his wet back. She could feel the tension in his body, feel the throbbing in her hands. For several minutes she continued to stroke him slowly increasing the tempo. When she knew he was almost there she gently bit his back urging him to let go.

And he did, this release was quick and hard. When her hands dropped away he tried to catch his breath but felt her body move away before he could turn. He watched as she moved quickly to the shore, grabbed a towel then took off through the woods. For several minutes he continued to stand in the water. The evening shadows were ushering in the night when he finally headed towards the bank. He quickly pulled on his clothing, grabbed hers that she’d left behind, and the flashlight.

By the time he reached the edge of her yard he switched it on needing the light to see the path. As he neared the house he saw Rex standing with his nose pressed against the back door. Lucy must have gone inside. However when he entered the house it was silent. He called out but received no answer. Deciding she must have gone upstairs he stared that way when saw the wet footprints on the floor. They lead out the front door. That is were he found her sitting on the glider, still clad on in her bra and panties but hugging a pillow from the sofa.

“Hey” He said softly as he sat down next to her.

She continued to stare out into the shadows silently.

“Are you okay?”

The question caused her to turn to him, “I’m really sorry.”

He wanted desperately to understand what was going on in her brain, “Sorry about what?”

“I lead you on.”

He hated that her voice sounded so flat. “No, I’m sorry. I started it.” He had to know, “But you didn’t have to do what you did.”

“It was my fault.”

“That’s why you did it?”

Still refusing to look at him she nodded, “I led you on, wouldn’t have been right to leave you like that.”

Her words hurt. “So that was a pity jerk off?”

Her head snapped around, “That’s not what I meant.”

“That’s what you just said basically.”

Lucy knew she had hurt him, “I didn’t mean it that way. I just…suddenly I panicked. I wanted to but…”

Hearing her say she wanted to took the sting out of her previous words. “You wanted to?”

“Hell yes.” She muttered. “Damn.”

He reached out to touch her bare leg. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Suddenly she started speaking so quickly he had to struggle to make sense of what she was saying.

“It’s been so long. I really thought I could, I mean I wanted too so badly but then I just couldn’t. That’s stupid, I mean there’s no reason for me to act like this. We are both adults, it’s just a natural act. Hell, here I have a perfect opportunity and I freeze. Stupid.”

Gerard waited until she stopped talking for a moment to speak, “You should never do something that doesn’t feel right.”

“Oh it felt right, damn right. Shit, when you just touched me I thought I was going to explode.”

He honestly wasn’t sure what to say.

Lucy took a deep breath, “I’ve been thinking...if the opportunity ever arises again I’m not going to fight it. Why should I? Sex is just a natural act and we’re both consenting adults.”

While part of his mind was happy by her decision another part of him worried if it was truly the right decision for her.

Lucy looked over at him. “I’m not going to lie to you. I want to be honest. It’s been over ten years since I’ve been with a man. I really thought that didn’t matter to me anymore, I thought I couldn’t feel anything. But I know now that was wrong. If anything happens between us it’s just sex nothing more. It couldn’t ever be more.”

“Why?”

She knew she had to tell him the truth, “Because my heart is dead. Emotionally I have nothing to give but obviously my body isn’t dead. It still craves a man’s touch.” She sat up squaring her shoulders, “If you’re okay with that then like I said if the opportunity ever happens again…”

His heart ached when she said her heart was dead. Suddenly a memory, words written on the yellow piece of paper filled his head…a broken heart kills slowly. Was her heart truly broken so badly it was killing her?

Lucy didn’t understand his silence. “Well” She said tossing the pillow down next to her. “I’m going to bed.”

He grabbed her hand to stop her. “No”

“No?” Her body trembled slightly.

Gerard didn’t question his decision. Slowly he reached out and before she could react he pulled the damp panties down her legs. “Lose the bra.” He ground out. For now he knew she believed this was only sex, nothing more so that’s how he would also act.

Lucy stood motionless.

“You heard me.” He said softy, “Lose the bra then sit back down.”

Her fingers trembled as she removed the bra. Once she was seated she started to grab the pillow but he was faster. He threw it down the glide so it handed on the arm. Reaching over he positioned her body, lifted her legs up so that she was laying, “Lean back.”

Thankful that the night surround them she leaned back against the pillow.

Gerard turned his body slightly then ran his hand up her leg. “Now it’s my turn to return the favor so to speak.” When she started to respond he barked, “Quiet Lucy.”

Her mouth snapped shut.

“Just relax” He murmured running his hand up her bare leg.

“Impossible.”

Gerard laughed, “Well then how about I say enjoy?”

She nodded not trusting her voice.

When he suddenly lifted her leg to settle it on the back of the glider she gasped. Never before had she felt so vulnerable yet so alive. His fingers fell to her breast. There they stroked and caressed but it was when his other hand moved between her legs she cried out.

“Quite Lucy” He said again while his fingers caressed the wet warmth.

“Oh” She closed her eyes letting the desire build.

Gerard leaned down to kiss her stomach. “You’re so hot and wet.” He whispered against her skin. His fingers began to slowly rub her hard nub. “You like that?”

“Oh yes.” She moaned, “Yes.”

By the way her body was responding he knew it wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge. Too long had she denied the needs of her body. He lifted his head to look at her face. The light from inside the house played across her features. “Open your eyes.”

When she did he was pleased to see they were filled with desire. “Do you want to know what I’m going to do?”

Her heart was racing, “Yes”

Slowly his finger traced a path down her wet slit. “Are you sure?”

“Yes’ She hissed.

He smiled, “I’m going to slide my finger inside your hot pussy. Think you’d like that?”

Again she nodded.

“No, answer me.” He commanded.

“Yes I would like that.” She ground out. “I want that.”

He applied a bit more pressure to her swollen nub. “Are you sure? I’d like to hear you tell me what you want.”

Lucy’s body was begging for release. “I want you to slide your finger inside me.” Her voice was trembling. “Please.”

He smiled, “When I do I’m gonna find the spot that will push you over the edge.” He could feel the moisture pooling around his fingers. “I’m gonna fuck you with my finger.”

Lucy moaned loudly. Her whole body tensed when he slowly slid his finger only slightly inside her heat. He could feel she was very tight yet very wet. Mindful not to cause pain he slowly withdrew the finger.

“No” Lucy cried out. “Don’t stop.”

“Let the feeling build” He whispered once more inserting his finger this time slightly further. “Don’t rush it.”

“Oh shit” Lucy panted. “So good...”

He tweaked her nipple while sliding his finger in as far as he could. Lucy grabbed on to the back of the glider as her back arched. Slowly he thrust his finger in and out. Knowing she was so close yet not wanting to hit the spot he knew would give her release he withdrew his finger.

“Oh”

“Feel it build, Lucy” He coaxed, “Don’t rush it.”

She relaxed her back slightly.

He moved just enough for her to place her leg over his shoulder. When he once more thrust deeper he turned his head to suck on her ankle.

“Oh shit” Lucy cried out as his finger touched the spot, “Oh shit” The orgasm hit hard leaving her whole body shaking. When at last he felt her muscles relax he removed his finger. Her eyes glazed over when she was him lift the finger to his mouth to suck off her juices.

Several moments passed before she could scoot back to sit up.

“That was nice” Even as she said the words she cringed.

His laugh was deep and rich, “Nice?”

She was still trying to catch her breath, “Mind blowing?”

“Was it?”

“Oh yes.” She nodded, “Definitely.” She reached down to grab her bra and panties. “Thank you.”

When she started to stand he grabbed her hand, “Don’t thank me. I did that because it’s what I wanted too.”

Slowly her mind was taking back over. “Well just so we understand each other.”

“That we’re just enjoying sex, nothing more?”

She nodded, “Right.”

He released her hand and she quickly walked inside the house. For several minutes Gerard continued to sit on the glider lost in thought. She might believe it was only sex happening between them but in his heart he knew it was more. This woman had somehow touched his heart, a heart he had believed was broken and would never recover. Still worry filled that heart. There were so many truths Lucy didn’t know, ones that could destroy what was starting to blossom between them. “Shit” He muttered leaning back to close his eyes. He had no idea how to handle this situation, no idea at all. His mind was in turmoil, his emotions raw. Trying to push the guilt he felt aside was hard. He had no right to be with this woman, a woman who was so emotionally fragile. Yet being with her…nothing had ever seemed so right. The attraction ran deeper than just the wonder of the unbelievable forces that had brought them together; there was something about Lucy that called to his soul. It felt as if all his life he’d been searching for something he didn’t understand. He truly believed in his heart that Lucy held the key, he had no explanation as to why he suddenly was overwhelmed with this feeling but never the less it was strong. Still…as much as he physically wanted her he realized his feeling went so much deeper and he was afraid. “I can’t screw this up” He whispered to himself.