It's Not a Fashion Statement

gerards pov
I hand Frankie the mug of soup and the glass of orange juice before I crash into the sofa next to him. He thanks me and curls up into my chest, sipping the warm soup, as I wrap an arm around him and hold him tight. After he was sent out of the hospital in Paris, we decided we should book an earlier flight and get back home to relax for a few days until we both have to start work again. To be honest, he hasn’t really said much since everything happened, he’s been awfully quiet and when he does occasionally talk, he uses a lot of big words, which he would’ve never used before.
Even though he hasn’t said much, he is very clingy and honestly, if anything we have just got closer. It’s like he’s trying to make up for his lack of communication by constant affection and always wanting me to just be there and with him. I’m not complaining though, I love cuddling up with Frankie more than anything in the world.
I can tell there’s something on his mind though, something that’s eating away at him. I wouldn’t be surprised though, after the trauma he went through. I just wish he’d tell me what’s bothering him so much he can’t talk to me about it.
“Gerard, can I ask you something?” he pauses, looking down at his hands.
“Of course honey,” I whisper, combing out his hair with my fingers.
“Why didn’t you come find me?... why were you treating me like shit that night?”
He still doesn’t look up, but I do notice a tear fall from his eyes and onto his baggy sweatpants.
I gulp and take a deep breath, regret washing over me as I’m reminded of how awful I treated him.
“I don’t know what came over me… I didn’t want to mess anything up in front of parlar… It wasn’t water I was drinking, it was pure vodka… I don’t know… I’m so sorry baby and I know it’s no excuse and-“
“You drank?” he snaps his head up to look at me, worry, caution and anger in his eyes.
“I know I shouldn’t have, but I was offered and I didn’t want to just be the odd one out in front of my idols and-“
“That’s a terrible excuse.” He raises his voice and glares at me, the guilt eating away inside.
“I know and I’m sorry, I just didn’t think you’d notice or anything bad would happen, the first one was mixed and with tonic water and I told myself I’d only have one and-“
“You’re a fucking idiot Gerard. I can’t believe you did that…“
“I know and I’m so sorry, it’ll never happen again-“
I move to wrap my arms back around him but he pulls away, shaking his head and standing up, walking away from me.
“Hell it won’t. I’m going to bed, okay. Don’t stay up late. And don’t you dare get fucking drunk. Do you hear me?”
I sink into the sofa, scared and my heart wrenching in my chest. Is this what he felt like when I pushed him away the other day? Fuck, I was so much meaner to him then.
“Frankie I’m so sorry, I’ll join you-“
“No. No you will not. I’m going to sleep in the spare room and you won’t see me until tomorrow morning.” He states, then pacing out of the room, slamming a door and walking up the stairs on the other side of the house.

I feel an urge to have a drink, but I just know that will not help anything.
I get a glass of water and ice, and then make my way to my room. I should go to sleep before I do anything stupid that’ll just make the situation worse.
I drag myself up the stairs, as I throw myself into bed and tug the covers around myself. I feel so lonely now Frankie isn’t here… and I can’t stop myself from crying. I just let the tears run freely down my skin, dripping onto the bed sheets. I’m not crying because I’m upset, I’m crying because I know that Frankie is. How could I have been so selfish that night, I was a fucking idiot. I know I can’t just blame alcohol, I was the one who drank it and started sucking up parlar, but I know I would never push Frankie away or disrespect him in the slightest if I were in my senses.
Idiotidiotidiot.
I think back to his frail body, lying limp in the big hospital bed, his skin abnormally paler than usual, the tubes in his nose and the needles in his arms, his fingers curled in towards his palm. I get a sudden flashback, his body… the dead body all those years ago….
I shake the image away, turning over and trying my hardest to get to sleep, even though I know I’m going to be awake for ages, my mind is to active.

After about two hours, I finally drift into sleep….

“haha! Nice one Bert, pass us one will ya?” I shout, then jumping up and catching the beer bottle with one hand.
“Nice catch,”
I hold the beer bottle under my armpit and tilt to the side, as it makes a clink sound indicating it is opened, whilst Bert does the same. We clink bottles and neck them down, then throwing the empty glass at the wall and watching it smash as the tiny shards fall onto the floor.
“hey, I’m going to find mikes, you comin?” I ask, pushing open the stale, creaky wooden door.
“Sure, hold up,” he replies, jumping up and following me into the dimly lit house. It stinks of smoke, drugs, alcohol and sex, though it’s not like I’m not used to it.
The room is filled with people and smoke, so it’s hard to get around and find my brother.
We search around for about an hour, but there is no mikey to be seen.
“maybe he’s getting laid?” Bert asks, as he raises an eyebrow and smirks.
“no… mikey isn’t the type of dude for that shit. He’s way too sensible…”
“I know but… we should check the rooms anyway,” I nod in agreement and follow Bert up the creaky wooden steps to the separate rooms. I put my ear up to a door and I can hear two different tones of high pitched moaning… definitely not mikey.
“Anything?” Bert asks, after examining two of the other rooms.
“Lesbians…” I reply, pointing towards the door. He nods in understanding and leads me to the last room.
We lean against the door, but hear nothing, so we open it to find mikey lying on the floor half-conscious.
“What the fuck?” I start, and then rush to my brother’s side.
“You in there bro?” Bert asks, crouching down next to him and gently tapping his cheek.
“yeah..mhm I’m cool..mmhm yeha- I am chillll-“ he slurs, sitting up and pushing his glasses back onto his nose, fixing his hair.
“dude what happened?” I ask, worriedly.
“ah… harry fucked me up man, he gave me this shit and was like, ‘oh yeah you should totally try it, you’ll love it bro,’ so I totally did it and then I fucking passed out and shit and fucking threw up everywhere. It was kinda enjoyable while it lasted though… well before I was spewing my guts up. I mean, he could’ve waited to see if I was okay and helped me out man-“ he shrugs and gets up, wobbling slightly.
“He is gonna regret that…” I reply feeling suddenly angered.
“Lets go find him and drug his sorry ass,” Bert joins in, as I feel excitement bubbling inside of me.
“Not cool… don’t guys…” but we ignore what mikey is saying.
“Fuck yeah. 20$ I bet you can’t shit face him with in 5 minutes-“ I add, now feeling buzzing and exited.
Bert shakes on it, as we leave to go find harry.
I hear mikey shouting after us, that something will go wrong. It won’t be that bad, he’s taken plenty of drugs before. We won’t be too harsh… we’ll just teach him a lesson...
I look around the room and after around ten minutes of trying to spot the fucking knob head we call harry, I notice him talking to a group of girls.
“oi bert, got him-“ I nudge him on the shoulder and point to the brunette lad facing sideways on.
It’s defiantly him, though.
“Grab him from behind okay? He’ll already be too drunk to realise what’s going on until ten minutes later, and by then he’ll already be drugged out.” I say, and then grin at Bert and high five him.
“Got everything? He asks, as I search my pockets of my baggy- too big trousers, which are now half way down my ass because I’m too lazy to pull them up.
“I got the pills, few needles, you?”
“Yep, all sorted.”
I wait for Bert in the bathroom downstairs, when I notice him pulling the brown haired man over and I open the door for him the lock it behind us.
“Fucking go for it.” I laugh, handing Bert the needles. Okay, maybe I’m a little scared of needles so I wouldn’t actually do it myself, but it’s fun to watch, especially when it’s on the prick who drugged my brother. No one touches my baby brother and gets away with it, not on my watch.

The man cries out in both relief and agony, which I do get a sense of enjoyment from. Bert then pushes the syringe down and the drugs enter and start to flow through the mans veins.
“It’s gonna be longer than five minutes…” Bert says, then rolling up a joint of weed and smoking it.
“20$ to me then-“ I smile smugly, holding my hand out.
“fuck no,” he replies, then taking out another needle and sticking it into the same place as the last on the mans arm.
“What are you using now?” I ask, pulling out the small bag of cocaine from my pocket.

“Right now, heroine” he tells me, exhaling the smoke from his joint.
“He’s gonna be out in no time,” I mutter, chuckling under my breath. Serves him right, I think to myself.
I then empty some of the contents from the bag under harry’s nose, as he inhales it but doesn’t react quite how I expected him to.
Instantly, harry starts choking and gasping fro air, shaking and his eyelids fluttering.
“Shit dude, did we go too far?” I ask, staring down at the man who is gasping for air on the bathroom floor.
“na, he’s done plenty like this, this is nothing,” Bert comments, care free.
I look down at harry to examine his face, but I suddenly realise something. This isn’t harry.
“oh fuck, shit, no… Bert this isn’t harry, he’s probably having an allergic reaction or something-“
Bert looks over, suddenly aware of the situation and he looks back up at me as we exchange worried expressions.
But before either of us could help him out, he’s stopped moving and is lying still on the stained tiles, pale and lifeless.
I urgently move to find a pulse, but there’s nothing. Nothing at all.
I feel my self start to panic and tear up, this can’t be happening… no way did I kill someone…
I run out of the room as fast as possible, tears streaming down my face as I try to get some air to breath. I have to get out of here.

I bolt out of the door and into the dark neighborhood, running as far away from the dreaded house as possible, running far away from any of those people, running far away from the man I just killed.

I scream and gasp for air as I bolt upright, untangling myself from the sheets.
I hadn’t had that dreaded nightmare for years now…

Notes

ok so idk if u guys remember, but in the chapter where gee first met with bert again i touched upon this, and now we're finally getting somewhere with it. so yeah. here it is and cba to edit it its like midnight here and i have school tomorrow and my internet is crashing