Hello Angel

Madeleine woke up with a start when the bus came to a jerky stop at a gas station. She picked her head up, stretching out the stiffness in her neck before sitting up completely and looking out the window. The sun was shining brightly and Madeleine wasn't having any of it. She pulled the snap on the loop holding the curtain open and pulled the red fabric over the glass. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Madeleine felt a familiar stinging on her wrist and angled her arm to look at it.

Nice. Good going, she thought, picking at the flecks of dried blood stuck to her skin. Madeleine was honestly disappointed in herself. It had been weeks, even months, since she had last cut herself. Was this worth it. She was ashamed of herself. Frank had seen everything, he'd grabbed her fucking cut up wrist and didn't even think twice about it. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable and she could never forgive herself for that.

Her mind flooded with memories of last night - Frank storming onto the bus, screaming at her like she had purposely driven Gerard to drink. Frank blaming her for everything. Frank coming around the bus and finding her. Frank. Frank. Frank.

She was pissed. Pissed, embarrassed, annoyed... He'd made a scene in front of people she barely just met, and they had taken her side. I'm going to be the reason they break up, and it's gonna fucking suck.

Madeleine kept picking at the scabs on her wrist absentmindedly until she had reopened them and blood started trickling down her arm again. Fuck. Just as she got up to go to bathroom, the bus door swung open again, and Gerard came up the steps. He was all smiles for someone who was visibly hungover. His hair was disheveled and eyes bloodshot, and he had a Red Bull in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"I guess Frank found you last night?" she mumbled as her eldest brother plopped down in the seat next to her. Gerard furrowed his brow.

"What're you talking about?"

Madeleine raised an eyebrow. "Frank went looking for you last night. Figured he found you and brought you back to the bus."

"I was hanging out with Pete Wentz after he showed up, came back to the bus alone and knocked out. It was pretty late, I didn't see Frank anywhere. Why was he looking for me?" Gerard grew concerned and the tone in his voice was probing.

"Do you not remember anything that happened yesterday?" she asked, tucking her left wrist out of view. Gerard shook his head slowly.

"I remember we were hanging out outside the bus... and you guys went to bed... and I remember Pete showing up." He looked absolutely crestfallen. "Did something happen? I'm sorry, I honestly don't remember." Madeleine shook her head and shrugged.

"Doesn't matter." The words were out of her mouth before she had time to think. Frank was going to tell him. Of course Frank was going to tell him. Probably yell at him some more too. Madeleine couldn't bring herself to even look at Gerard anymore - his face was clouded with a mixture of hurt, confusion, and an underlying anger. He popped the tab on his Red Bull and took a deep chug. "So where is everyone?" she asked, hunching over and hoping to divert the conversation.

"Bathroom, snack break, who knows?" he said after swallowing. "Bob's the only one here 'cuz it's Hell'o'clock in the morning and he's not an early riser." Gerard took another swig and finished off the can, crushing it and tossing it in a nearby trash bin. "Are you going to talk to me about last night or keep trying to change the subject?"

Madeleine's eyes widened and she looked up at Gerard, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Thought I wouldn't catch that? You're obviously upset about something. Talk to me. We're family after all." He tried to be comforting and put his arm around her, but as he tried, she straightened up again, trapping his forearm behind her. Madeleine groaned and covered her face with her hands, exposing the wrist she'd been oh so skillfully hiding for the duration of the conversation.

She had hoped Gerard hadn't noticed. But her luck was never that good.

Before she had a chance to hide her wrist behind her thigh again, Gerard reached out and wrapped his fingers gently right below the spot she had ravaged. His hands were cool against her flushed skin and Madeleine looked away from him again. "Mad." Gerard pulled her arm towards him, trying to turn her back. "Did this happen last night?" She breathed out heavily and Gerard's tone grew sterner. "You need to talk to me so we can make everything right."

Madeleine smirked as she looked back at her brother. "Well, from everything that was said it seems like I'm the problem here."

"Stop dancing around the issue, Mad, please. I want to help."

For the first time since he'd sat down next to her, Madeleine looked Gerard in the eye. She tried to wiggle out of his grip and he tightened it, keeping his eyes locked on hers. She didn't want to hear him begging anymore. He looked so hurt and so upset that Madeleine started feeling sick to her stomach. She took a deep breathe and sighed, "Okay."

So she recounted the night to him. He remembered everything up until when she and Mikey went inside the bus, and his eyes grew wider and wider as Madeleine told him that he and Frank had gotten verbally aggressive - and probably physically from the sound of slamming against the bus. "And when you told him it was just celebratory because you finally got to see me again.... he freaked. Came onto the bus fucking yelling at me, blaming me for this and when I went outside to cool off, you were gone. I assume that's when you wandered off and found Pete. And then this happened." She raised the arm he was clutching on to. He hadn't noticed, but he'd been squeezing her tighter throughout the story and Madeleine's arm was starting to throb.

He was quiet, loosening his grip on her and just staring at her with his mouth slightly parted. She didn't want him to let go entirely - his touch was somewhat comforting to her after the whole ordeal. It wasn't rough and angry like Frank's had been. Gerard put the coffee he'd been holding in the cup holder to his right and threw both arms around Madeleine. She could barely make out what he was mumbling into her hair until she pulled back slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Gee, it's not your fault that he reacted like-"

"Yes, it is. I shouldn't have done that. I know how high strung Frank's been and now you're here and I just ruined this whole thing for you, didn't I?" Gerard's face was getting blotchy, like he was about to start crying, but his eyes betrayed irritation rather than sadness. "I'm an asshole."

Kinda, yeah. But that's no excuse for Frank to have reacted like a little shit to me.

Madeleine returned his hug and held him tight. "Gerard, it's okay. I'm a big girl. Not the first time I've been yelled at."

"But your wrist," he questioned.

"Listen, you have your vices. I have mine. Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

Gerard wanted to push the conversation further, but Madeleine refused to talk anymore. "Let's just get to where we have to go and take it one step at a time." She released him from the hug and they both just sat there smiling at each other.

"I really missed you, you know. Even though I only really knew you for a short time." Gerard grinned at her. "It was nice having a little sister for a while."

They sat together, laughing and catching up for another half hour until the gas was pumped and everyone had returned from wherever it is they were at the rest stop. Frank walked past Gerard and Madeleine, ignoring them entirely, and climbed back into his bunk. Mikey climbed up the steps and draped himself over his siblings, while Ray sat down across the aisle and leaned over to Gerard.

"Frank's in a mood."

"No shit," Maddie grumbled from under Mikey. He laughed and Ray shot him a look.

"You should probably talk to him, Gee," Ray said. "You know he can hold a grudge like no other." Maddie sighed. This was going to be a long weekend if Frank was going to ignore her existence and get mad at everyone associating with her. Maybe she would go talk to him herself... That's a fucking death wish.

"I'll get to that when we finally get to the venue. No use getting into an argument here and waking Bob up." Gerard snapped her out from her contemplation and she nodded in agreement. The three of them got comfortable in the two-seater while the driver got himself together and the bus pulled away from the gas station.

Notes