Chapter Eight
Mikey of Suburbia

A/N: Cute brotherfluff chapter. Prepare for weirdness in the next chapter though. Sorry this one is so short.

Depression Trigger Warning – if you want a rundown of the chapter minus that please message me and I’d be happy to give it to you.

Mikey stood against a wall, downing another beer. He was stoned as fuck, but he didn’t really give a shit – he’d ask Tay if he could sleep the hangover off at hers or something, her dad didn’t care. Green Day was nearly up to play, and Mikey pushed people out of the way until he got a prime spot on the side of the wall, watching as Billie Joe tuned his guitar. His long fingers moved skillfully up and down the strings and Mikey shivered involuntarily.

Mikey scanned the room, pleased to note that Jack and Alex were furiously making out against the punch table. Score one, Alex, Mikey thought, grinning slightly maniacally. If he couldn’t have a happy ending at least everyone else could.

God, stop feeling so sorry for yourself, you little shit, a voice said in Mikey’s brain, and it was his voice but it also wasn’t. He was about to apologize to it when the amp screeched and then Billie Joe was talking into the microphone. “Thanks for comin’ out tonight. We’re Green Day, and this song is called Nice Guys Finish Last.” (A/N: LISTEN TO THE SONG, IT’S ON NIMROD AND IT’S HELLA GOOD.) He started off with a quick riff on his guitar. “Nice guys finish last, you’re runnin’ out of gas, your sympathy will get you left behind. Sometimes you’re at your best when you feel your worst, your fear washed up like piss gone down the drain.”

Mikey’s hand tightened on his beer and he bowed his head, moving further against the wall. Fuck, he felt like shit.

“Pressure cooker, bake my brain and tell me I’m insane. I’m so fuckin’ happy I could cry. Every joke you told was true but now the joke’s on you. I never knew you were such a funny guy.”

Mikey dropped his empty beer on the floor and hurried for the bathroom, which was surprisingly empty. He locked the door and promptly threw up in the toilet, retching. When he was finished he washed his mouth out in the sink, recoiling at the creature in the mirror. He’d dyed his hair black at Lindsey’s the other day – she’d had extra dye – and his parents hadn’t minded all that much – “You’re grounded for the weekend, but you can earn it back if you do your chores” – and everyone had said it looked great – even he thought it looked great – but now, the creature in the mirror was foreign, the straight nose and cleft chin did not belong to him at all, and when his long fingers touched the others in the mirror and left fingerprints on it, he didn’t feel a thing inside. He was just… empty.

The music filtered through the thin walls, and they were playing something Billie Joe had called Jesus of Suburbia, and Mikey felt the music, Mikey felt it in his bones, and he got all of it, he got the way Billie Joe’s voice wavered on “the bible of none of the above” and the way he fiercely challenged the audience to “put your arms up in the air, motherfuckers!” and when he said, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with me, this is how I’m supposed to be. In a land of make believe, they don’t believe in me”, Mikey felt it, and he’d never related to something more. He whispered along with the music, just guessing as he placed the words.

At the center of the earth in the parking lot of the seven eleven where I was taught the motto was just a lie. It says home is where the heart is but what a shame because everyone’s heart doesn’t beat the same. Mikey felt an ache in his chest and in his gut, one that he didn’t know how to satisfy.

The center of the earth is the end of the world. Wanderlust, Mikey decided, it was wanderlust, and the music only encouraged it. I don’t care if you don’t, I don’t care if you don’t, I don’t care if you don’t care, I don’t care if you don’t, I don’t care if you don’t, I don’t care if you don’t care.

“I don’t care,” Mikey said out loud, because he really didn’t, and he stuck his fingers down his throat and puked into the toilet again because he wanted the drink gone, he wanted it out of his veins. Land of make believe, and they don’t believe in me, and I don’t care.

He didn’t want to feel like this, and he was scared of what he might do. Dearly beloved are you listening? I can't remember a word that you were sayin’. Are we demented or am I disturbed? The space that’s in between insane and insecure. He puked again, and again. Oh therapy, can you please fill the void? Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?

Mikey no longer gave a fuck about Billie Joe, he could shove his age difference up his ass, and Mikey no longer gave a fuck about being closeted, his parents could go fuck themselves, and Mikey no longer gave a fuck about anything. To live and not to breathe is to die in tragedy. Mikey no longer gave a fuck about himself.

And I leave behind this hurricane of fuckin’ lies, and I’ve walked this line a million and one fuckin’ times, but not this time. Mikey decided that it didn’t hurt, it didn’t feel like anything at all. I don’t feel any shame, I won’t apologize, when there ain’t nowhere you can go. Runnin’ away from pain when you’ve been victimized. Tales from another broken home. No, not pain, just numbness.

Mikey took a deep breath and left the bathroom and his existential crisis. He texted Gerard. Can you pick me up pls? I’m at a party and I really need to leave. That seemed like a responsible thing to do, right? He couldn’t find his own way home, he knew, and right now it wasn’t safe for him to be alone.

Of course, Gerard texted back. What’s the address? I’m coming to get you right now.

Mikey breathed a huge sigh of relief and walked outside to find the address, texting it to Gerard.

I’ll be there in ten. Gerard texted. Don’t do anything stupid.

Gerard is picking me up. I gtg. Mikey texted Lindsey, Kitty, Tay, and Taylor in a group message. None of them texted back.

---

Gerard detached his lips from Frank’s as his phone went off. Frank whimpered in disappointment and Gerard read the text from Mikey, lips pursed. Can you pick me up? I’m at a party and I really need to leave.

“Shit.” Gerard muttered.

“What?” Frank tugged gently on Gerard’s belt loops, pulling him closer.

“Mikey did something stupid or something, I dunno, but long story short I have to go pick him up from some party.”

“Mmm,” Frank murmured, burying his face in Gerard’s neck and nipping gently at the skin.

“Frank,” Gerard sighed, “I gotta go.”

Frank hugged him tight. “I know, I know, baby. You’re sleeping over on Friday, right?”

Gerard nodded. “Definitely.” He gave Frank a long parting kiss, tugging his lower lip with his teeth. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He pulled his shirt on and left Frank’s.

Gerard was halfway home when Frank texted him. You left me with a boner, you jerk x

Gerard smiled sweetly as he texted back. It’s not my fault I’m so fuckin hot

Uh ya it is if you could just roll in dog shit or something the world would be a better place Frank texted back.

Gerard laughed, climbing into his parents car. They wouldn’t mind (hopefully). He turned on Metallica, straightening his shirt and attempting to make it look like he hadn’t just been making out with Frank Iero. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy, seeing as he smelled like Frank and had major sex hair, but if anyone questioned him he could just say he was rolling in dog shit.

He texted Frank back. Well you left ME with sex hair and now everyone’s gonna think you fucked me lol

Frank’s text made Gerard’s heart leap into his throat. Good ;)

He set off for the address. The street was crowded with cars and Mikey stood in front of a house with music blaring from the basement. He looked like shit. There was a stain on his shirt and his eyeliner? was smudged all over his face.

Gerard hopped out of the car. “Are you okay, Mikes?”

“I’m gay, I drank more beer than necessary, I’ve puked five times in the last twenty minutes, and I’m pretty sure I’m clinically depressed.”

“You’re gay?” Gerard asked incredulously, because his gaydar hadn’t picked up on this one.

Mikey nodded. “Do you know anywhere good that I can sleep off a hangover?”

Notes