You Only Hear the Music When Your Heart Begins to Break
I See You Lying Next to Me With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak
Rachel’s POV:
As the movie finished and Frank turned the lights back on I couldn’t wait to get home. The whole time I could feel Gerard wanting to make some kind of move, but he wouldn’t because he thought I would pull away. Which I probably would have, I just couldn’t move past any of this love stuff.
“That movie gets me every time.” Walker sighed in relief that the TV screen was finally black.
“Yeah, man it gives me the chills.” Frank ran his hands through his hair and started to clean up.
The one positive about this night is that there had been no awkwardness between Frank and I. When I looked over at him and Walker I had no feelings of jealousy, or weirdness because of our past. I was glad that he was happy and was pursuing someone new. Walker seemed like a cool girl, so I hope things work out well for him.
“Sadly I am gonna have to kick you two out.” Frank glanced over at me and Gerard.
“I can stay and help you clean up.” Walker smiled. I could tell she liked him, and it was cute.
“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Frank blushed, trying to keep the tone of his voice smooth.
“Well we will get out of your hair.” Gerard automatically got the hint and winked at Frank as he got up off the couch.
“Yeah, it was great meeting you Walker!” I smiled widely, even though inside my insides were about to explode from my anxiousness because now I had to sit alone in a car with Gerard.
We all said out goodbyes and Gerard and I stepped out into the cold night. I looked up at the sky and noticed it was completely clear and the stars were shining brightly. The moon was full and laid a glow throughout the streets. As if a giant night light was in the sky.
“That was fun.” Gerard lied as he unlocked his car, just trying to make conversation. I knew the night didn’t go as he wanted it to.
“Don’t lie.” I said as I got into the passenger side.
He just sighed and shut his door and buckled his seatbelt. The car roared loudly as he turned the keys in the ignition. I reached for the volume on the stereo and Gerard immeadiaelty pushed my hand away as he started driving.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We are not listening to any music. We are gonna sit in this ride in a terribly uncomfortable silence, or we can be adults and fix our issues. Those are your two choices.” He said sternly, clearly fed up with my bullshit.
To be honest I couldn’t blame him. I really was pulling some mad bullshit and it needed to stop. But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to talk about any of this.
“I choose number one.” I sighed frustrated and stared out the window up at the clear sky.
“I lied, that’s not a choice either.” Gerard said quickly as he kept his eyes on the road. I noticed we were almost back to his house.
“Well tough shit, cause I don’t wanna deal with this right now.” I felt my inner bitch come out and I automatically felt ashamed, because Gerard didn’t deserve any of this.
Gerard pulled into his driveway and slammed on the brakes. I felt myself jerk forward and I gasped in shock.
“What the hell!” I yelled out in shock.
Gerard didn’t say anything he just got out of the car and slammed the door shut. I followed suit and left the car.
“You know what fine, if you want to be like this then go ahead, but I am not gonna stick around and let you make me feel like shit for loving you.” Gerard looked at me the glow of the moon made it easier for me to see the hurt in his eyes, which cut me like a knife.
“I am sorry that I don’t know how to react to his. The last time a guy said he loved me I found he was cheating on me throughout the whole relationship.” I thought of that asshole Chase, but quickly pushed it out of my mind. “Plus I don’t think you are even 100% sure about what you feel.” I looked down at the ground. Gerard walked over to the passenger side of the car where I was standing.
“Don’t you dare sit here and tell me I am not sure of my feelings. I have told you already I am sure more than anything in the world that I love you, and I know you love me too.” He grabbed my hand, I quickly yanked it away.
“I... just…I am scared to say it Gerard. It will change everything. It will make everything that much more intense. If something goes wrong this time, the hurt will be magnified.” I felt tears starting to form, and I did my best to hold them back. Gerard managed to grab a hold of my hand and I tried to pull it away but he wouldn’t let me.
“Look at me.” He said softly, I raised my deep brown eyes to his captivating hazel ones.
“I love you Rachel, and I am not going to screw this up again. I think about you all day every day. When anything happens when you aren’t around you are the first one I want to tell. When I see my heart beats so fast I feel like its catapult itself out of my chest. I know you love me too, and I know you are scared. I am scared too, but I am not going to let fear get in the way of this. I just want you and I want to be happy with you now.” Gerard smiled softly and stared deeply into my eyes.
“I… I just, I can’t.” I cried and broke away from Gerard walking over his lawn to my house.
“Don’t do this Rachel!” he shouted out. I kept walking.
Suddenly I felt a pull on my wrist, Gerard pulled me into him quickly and without hesitation he kissed me. I gave in and shut my eyes. Fireworks went off in my head and my stomach erupted with this weird feeling as if I was weightless I had never felt it before. The cold air that was making my body shiver seemed to have disappeared. I wrapped my hands around his neck and let myself go even more. His lips moved softly and perfectly with mine. At that moment in time I realized something, well a few things. I realized I didn’t want to push Gerard away anymore. I realized that I thought about him as constantly as he thought about me. I realized that what Chase and I had was never love. It was an infatuation mixed with hormones. I realized that I didn’t want to be without him. It was this moment I realized that I loved Gerard Way.
Our lips parted and Gerard smiled softly at me. I felt the dried tears on my face. Gerard moved the hair out of my face and looked me deep in the eyes one final time and my face in his hands.
“I love you Rachel Waters.” He said so genuinely. I took a deep breath and took his hands in mine.
“I love you too Gerard Way.” I let the words flow out of my mouth naturally. Suddenly I
felt the knot that had been sitting in my stomach unravel and weight lift off my shoulders.
“What! Really!” Gerard’s eyes lit up with joy.
“Yes, I love you.” I smiled widely, just wanting to say it even more.
“AH SHE LOVES ME!” he yelled into the brisk night as he lifted me up in the air and spun me around.
“Gerard quiet, it’s late.” I laughed, as he brought me down and planted kisses all over my face.
“Oh yeah, right.” He blushed, feeling a little embarrassed.
“So wanna hang out tomorrow?” he asked calmer.
“I would love too.” I smiled.
“Well I guess this is goodnight then.” He said sheepishly.
“Actually could we just look at the stars for a little? I would hate for this beautiful night to not be put to use.” I didn’t wanna go home yet; I just wanted to be with him a little longer tonight.
“Of course we can.” He grinned happily.
Gerard and I laid on the hood of his car staring up into the sky. My head rested on his chest and our hands were intertwined. We didn’t say a word but it was perfect because it wasn’t silence that made either of us feel wrong or uncomfortable. It was silence of us being happy and not needing to speak to clarify that. I loved him and he loved me and in that moment that was the only thing that we needed to know.
As the movie finished and Frank turned the lights back on I couldn’t wait to get home. The whole time I could feel Gerard wanting to make some kind of move, but he wouldn’t because he thought I would pull away. Which I probably would have, I just couldn’t move past any of this love stuff.
“That movie gets me every time.” Walker sighed in relief that the TV screen was finally black.
“Yeah, man it gives me the chills.” Frank ran his hands through his hair and started to clean up.
The one positive about this night is that there had been no awkwardness between Frank and I. When I looked over at him and Walker I had no feelings of jealousy, or weirdness because of our past. I was glad that he was happy and was pursuing someone new. Walker seemed like a cool girl, so I hope things work out well for him.
“Sadly I am gonna have to kick you two out.” Frank glanced over at me and Gerard.
“I can stay and help you clean up.” Walker smiled. I could tell she liked him, and it was cute.
“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Frank blushed, trying to keep the tone of his voice smooth.
“Well we will get out of your hair.” Gerard automatically got the hint and winked at Frank as he got up off the couch.
“Yeah, it was great meeting you Walker!” I smiled widely, even though inside my insides were about to explode from my anxiousness because now I had to sit alone in a car with Gerard.
We all said out goodbyes and Gerard and I stepped out into the cold night. I looked up at the sky and noticed it was completely clear and the stars were shining brightly. The moon was full and laid a glow throughout the streets. As if a giant night light was in the sky.
“That was fun.” Gerard lied as he unlocked his car, just trying to make conversation. I knew the night didn’t go as he wanted it to.
“Don’t lie.” I said as I got into the passenger side.
He just sighed and shut his door and buckled his seatbelt. The car roared loudly as he turned the keys in the ignition. I reached for the volume on the stereo and Gerard immeadiaelty pushed my hand away as he started driving.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We are not listening to any music. We are gonna sit in this ride in a terribly uncomfortable silence, or we can be adults and fix our issues. Those are your two choices.” He said sternly, clearly fed up with my bullshit.
To be honest I couldn’t blame him. I really was pulling some mad bullshit and it needed to stop. But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to talk about any of this.
“I choose number one.” I sighed frustrated and stared out the window up at the clear sky.
“I lied, that’s not a choice either.” Gerard said quickly as he kept his eyes on the road. I noticed we were almost back to his house.
“Well tough shit, cause I don’t wanna deal with this right now.” I felt my inner bitch come out and I automatically felt ashamed, because Gerard didn’t deserve any of this.
Gerard pulled into his driveway and slammed on the brakes. I felt myself jerk forward and I gasped in shock.
“What the hell!” I yelled out in shock.
Gerard didn’t say anything he just got out of the car and slammed the door shut. I followed suit and left the car.
“You know what fine, if you want to be like this then go ahead, but I am not gonna stick around and let you make me feel like shit for loving you.” Gerard looked at me the glow of the moon made it easier for me to see the hurt in his eyes, which cut me like a knife.
“I am sorry that I don’t know how to react to his. The last time a guy said he loved me I found he was cheating on me throughout the whole relationship.” I thought of that asshole Chase, but quickly pushed it out of my mind. “Plus I don’t think you are even 100% sure about what you feel.” I looked down at the ground. Gerard walked over to the passenger side of the car where I was standing.
“Don’t you dare sit here and tell me I am not sure of my feelings. I have told you already I am sure more than anything in the world that I love you, and I know you love me too.” He grabbed my hand, I quickly yanked it away.
“I... just…I am scared to say it Gerard. It will change everything. It will make everything that much more intense. If something goes wrong this time, the hurt will be magnified.” I felt tears starting to form, and I did my best to hold them back. Gerard managed to grab a hold of my hand and I tried to pull it away but he wouldn’t let me.
“Look at me.” He said softly, I raised my deep brown eyes to his captivating hazel ones.
“I love you Rachel, and I am not going to screw this up again. I think about you all day every day. When anything happens when you aren’t around you are the first one I want to tell. When I see my heart beats so fast I feel like its catapult itself out of my chest. I know you love me too, and I know you are scared. I am scared too, but I am not going to let fear get in the way of this. I just want you and I want to be happy with you now.” Gerard smiled softly and stared deeply into my eyes.
“I… I just, I can’t.” I cried and broke away from Gerard walking over his lawn to my house.
“Don’t do this Rachel!” he shouted out. I kept walking.
Suddenly I felt a pull on my wrist, Gerard pulled me into him quickly and without hesitation he kissed me. I gave in and shut my eyes. Fireworks went off in my head and my stomach erupted with this weird feeling as if I was weightless I had never felt it before. The cold air that was making my body shiver seemed to have disappeared. I wrapped my hands around his neck and let myself go even more. His lips moved softly and perfectly with mine. At that moment in time I realized something, well a few things. I realized I didn’t want to push Gerard away anymore. I realized that I thought about him as constantly as he thought about me. I realized that what Chase and I had was never love. It was an infatuation mixed with hormones. I realized that I didn’t want to be without him. It was this moment I realized that I loved Gerard Way.
Our lips parted and Gerard smiled softly at me. I felt the dried tears on my face. Gerard moved the hair out of my face and looked me deep in the eyes one final time and my face in his hands.
“I love you Rachel Waters.” He said so genuinely. I took a deep breath and took his hands in mine.
“I love you too Gerard Way.” I let the words flow out of my mouth naturally. Suddenly I
felt the knot that had been sitting in my stomach unravel and weight lift off my shoulders.
“What! Really!” Gerard’s eyes lit up with joy.
“Yes, I love you.” I smiled widely, just wanting to say it even more.
“AH SHE LOVES ME!” he yelled into the brisk night as he lifted me up in the air and spun me around.
“Gerard quiet, it’s late.” I laughed, as he brought me down and planted kisses all over my face.
“Oh yeah, right.” He blushed, feeling a little embarrassed.
“So wanna hang out tomorrow?” he asked calmer.
“I would love too.” I smiled.
“Well I guess this is goodnight then.” He said sheepishly.
“Actually could we just look at the stars for a little? I would hate for this beautiful night to not be put to use.” I didn’t wanna go home yet; I just wanted to be with him a little longer tonight.
“Of course we can.” He grinned happily.
Gerard and I laid on the hood of his car staring up into the sky. My head rested on his chest and our hands were intertwined. We didn’t say a word but it was perfect because it wasn’t silence that made either of us feel wrong or uncomfortable. It was silence of us being happy and not needing to speak to clarify that. I loved him and he loved me and in that moment that was the only thing that we needed to know.
Loved it!
12/8/17