You Only Hear the Music When Your Heart Begins to Break
And In Saying You Loved Me, Made Things Harder At Best
Rachel’s POV:
It’s been a couple of days since my run in with Frank; I can’t believe he was taking this all so well. But was he really? I had no idea. I still haven’t spoken to him since then, I can’t lie and say I don’t miss having him around like I used too. But I had made my decision, and with that decision came consequences; like not having Frank around all the time. But over the past few day’s things with Gerard had been going wonderfully, I know we were back in the “honeymoon” stage all over again, but we really were getting to know each other all over again, and I was enjoying it. I sat on my red couch and stared out the window watching globs of snow melt from the trees and plop to the ground. I loved the snow but I was getting tired of it almost every other day and I knew that it wouldn’t be gone for long. I was just drifting off into my thoughts when I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in.” I said absent mindedly as I kept my gaze out the window.
“Hello beautiful.” I heard Gerard’s soft voice as he entered the room.
“Oh hey, I didn’t expect to see you today. I thought you had some stuff to do.” I could feel my face light
up with joy from Gerard’s surprise visit.
I immediately got up and roped him into a hug and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
“Well I can always make time for you.” He smiled and kissed me back gently. But this time it lasted longer. When he pulled away the taste of him lingered on my lips.
“Well that’s sweet.” I finally managed to spit out.
“Yeah, gotta keep all of my women happy.” He smirked deviously at me.
“Shut up.” I laughed and shoved him playfully.
“Did you just shove me?” he gasped sarcastically, and moved the raven hair away from his face.
“Yeah I did. Gonna do something about it?” I smirked at him.
Gerard gave a slight laugh as his eyes filled with mischief as he quickly scooped me up and threw me on to the bed. I gave a small scream as I hit the soft mattress as Gerard landed on top of me. We both laughed heavily for a minute, when it was silent I gazed into his hazel eyes mesmerized by his beauty. I wasn’t sure how it was possible for on man to be as handsome as he was. I traced his ivory jawline with my fingers and smiled slightly as I glanced down to his rose colored lips. Gerard stared back into my eyes with a look I had never seen before. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but then again I am never sure what he is thinking. He raised his hand a gently moved the strands of hair away from my face. He softly grabbed my face and pulled me into a deep kiss. As always his lips were smooth and moist, our lips moved together perfectly. I closed my eyes and wrapped my hands around his neck as he moved his hand down to my breast and squeezed it. I broke away from the kiss for a second a let out a slight moan. Gerard smiled into the kiss pleased that he was making feel this way. Gerard pulled me back into his kiss slipping his tongue into my mouth smoothly. After our tongues weaved through each other I bit his bottom lip and he then let a slight moan. I ran my hands through his hair as he started to sensually kiss my neck. It felt amazing and I kept letting out heavy breaths and gasping with moans. Gerard made his way down my neck and reached for the button on my pants. Instinctively I reached and pushed his hand away. Gerard stopped what he was doing and sat up looking confused.
“I thought you wanted me too?” he furrowed his eyebrows together and scooted up next to me on the bed.
“I do, I do.” I sighed as the sheets ruffled beneath him.
“Then what’s wrong?” he grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes.
“I just… I don’t know if I am ready to do this with you after everything that has happened between us.” I admitted, as much I was wanted to have sex with Gerard I couldn’t shake this feeling of uncertainty.
I waited for him to say anything. I watched as his eyes darted around the room as he pieced his thoughts together. Suddenly he kissed me deeply and pulled away.
“I love you.” Was all he said as his hazel eyes pierced into me.
I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he had just said that. Those three words held so much power and I didn’t know if I was ready to hear them.
“I…Gerard. Oh my god.” I couldn’t piece a sentence together. “I don’t know what to say.” I said as I let go of his hand.
“You could say it back.” He said softly as his eyes darted away from mine and his cheeks turned red.
“I want too, I really do. But I don’t know I am ready. There are still so many feelings from everything, I don’t know what they collectively mean yet.” I said empathetically. I felt myself start to frown and feel awful that I couldn’t return his feelings. Gerard quickly noticed this.
“Hey, hey, don’t feel bad.” He cooed as he grabbed my hand again. “I understand completely why you feel hesitant and trust me when I say that it’s okay. I just wanted you to know that I do love you.”
“How do you know that you mean it?” The question slipped out of my mind and trickled out of my mouth.
“I know I mean it because after everything that has happened between us you came back to me. The fact that I even get be here next you makes me so fucking happy that I don’t know what to do with myself. I think about you 24/7, and I will miss you as soon as I walk out of this room. That’s how I know.” Gerard smiled widely.
“I want you to know that just because I can’t say it to you right now doesn’t mean I am never going to say it. I just have to pull all of these feeling together.” I said honestly.
“I understand. So I am gonna go and let you have some time to process all of this.” Gerard kissed me gently on the lips.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” I smiled softly at him as he left the room.
“What in the fucking world.” I breathed out after Gerard had left the house.
I couldn’t believe he told me he loved me. Four months ago I would have told any girl that he was incapable of any type of feelings whatsoever. I didn’t know what I felt for Gerard, I knew that I wanted to be with him. I also knew that whatever I was feeling was strong. I just needed to figure this all out.
Gerard’s POV:
I left Rachel’s house and walked in the bitter cold for a couple seconds until I was greeted by the warmth of my own house. I climbed up the stairs and entered my room and flopped on my bed. I had just told Rachel I loved her. I didn’t even plan for it to happened, it just slipped out. But I know that I meant it, and it was fine with me that she didn’t say it back. I wanted her to know. I was proud to love her, I don’t know if that’s weird, to be proud to love somebody. I have never told a woman other than my mother that I loved her. But it felt amazing to say.
“Hey bro.” Mikey said as he glided into my room.
“What’s up.” I said, still staring at my ceiling.
He was pleased when he heard that Rachel and I were back together. When I told him about the whole New Year’s thing I thought he would have been mad. But he said he was proud of me for handling it so well with Frank. I laughed at the thought of my little brother being proud of me.
“About to put in The Strangers, which is why I am here by the way.” I walked over to my movie collection and grabbed the movie. “Wanna join?”
“Oh that’s cool, and I think I will sit this one out.” I replied, my eyes still hadn’t moved from the ceiling.
“What’s going on? You never turn down the strangers.” Mikey looked at me confused.
“Well, I just told Rachel that I loved her.” I sat up on the bed and just threw the words out there.
“Ha, yeah Gerard and did you watch the news today, they found some flying pigs.” Mikey laughed at me.
“I am serious.” I looked him dead in his eyes.
“Gerard you are incapable of love. You are just like a really suave robot.” Mikey cocked his eyebrow in disbelief.
“Mikey I am completely serious I love her.” I didn’t know how much I needed to say it until he believed me.
“Shit, really?” he gave it one last shot.
“Yes really.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. Did she say it back?” he asked as he made himself comfortable in my rolley chair.
“No.” I breathed out.
“No?” he looked confused again.
“No.” I repeated.
“So she didn’t say it back, and you aren’t on the floor sobbing? I am confused.”
“I didn’t expect to say it, and I didn’t expect her to say it back after everything.” I ran my hands through
my hair.
“True, you were quite the doucher.” Mikey laughed.
“Shut up.” I huffed as I threw a tennis ball at him and it hit him in the chest.
“OW!” Mikey exclaimed. I just laughed at his pathetic attempt to try and throw it back at me and miss.
“But, I know she will come around I can feel it.” I said as I picked the ball up off of the ground.
“Well I am glad you can feel because I am now numb in my chest.” He huffed. “Now let’s go watch this movie.” He smiled as he pushed himself off the wall in the rolley chair into the hallway.
Mikey had left the movie on the desk, I picked it up and went to leave the room when I heard several crashes.
“Mikes! Are you okay!?” I yelled as I ran into the hallway to the edge of the stairs.
I look down the stairs to see Mikey lying underneath the rolley chair, tangled up like a pretzel.
“I’ll be okay.” He muttered out weakly.
“Okay, come on let’s go watch this movie already.” I said through laughs as I walked down the stairs and kicked him in his knee cap.
“OW AGAIN! Stop causing me pain.” Mikey yelled in a funny tone.
I walked down to the basement and waited for Mikey, he eventually made his way down here. We started the movie. I just sat and wonder about Rachel, but I was still confident that she felt the same.
It’s been a couple of days since my run in with Frank; I can’t believe he was taking this all so well. But was he really? I had no idea. I still haven’t spoken to him since then, I can’t lie and say I don’t miss having him around like I used too. But I had made my decision, and with that decision came consequences; like not having Frank around all the time. But over the past few day’s things with Gerard had been going wonderfully, I know we were back in the “honeymoon” stage all over again, but we really were getting to know each other all over again, and I was enjoying it. I sat on my red couch and stared out the window watching globs of snow melt from the trees and plop to the ground. I loved the snow but I was getting tired of it almost every other day and I knew that it wouldn’t be gone for long. I was just drifting off into my thoughts when I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in.” I said absent mindedly as I kept my gaze out the window.
“Hello beautiful.” I heard Gerard’s soft voice as he entered the room.
“Oh hey, I didn’t expect to see you today. I thought you had some stuff to do.” I could feel my face light
up with joy from Gerard’s surprise visit.
I immediately got up and roped him into a hug and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
“Well I can always make time for you.” He smiled and kissed me back gently. But this time it lasted longer. When he pulled away the taste of him lingered on my lips.
“Well that’s sweet.” I finally managed to spit out.
“Yeah, gotta keep all of my women happy.” He smirked deviously at me.
“Shut up.” I laughed and shoved him playfully.
“Did you just shove me?” he gasped sarcastically, and moved the raven hair away from his face.
“Yeah I did. Gonna do something about it?” I smirked at him.
Gerard gave a slight laugh as his eyes filled with mischief as he quickly scooped me up and threw me on to the bed. I gave a small scream as I hit the soft mattress as Gerard landed on top of me. We both laughed heavily for a minute, when it was silent I gazed into his hazel eyes mesmerized by his beauty. I wasn’t sure how it was possible for on man to be as handsome as he was. I traced his ivory jawline with my fingers and smiled slightly as I glanced down to his rose colored lips. Gerard stared back into my eyes with a look I had never seen before. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but then again I am never sure what he is thinking. He raised his hand a gently moved the strands of hair away from my face. He softly grabbed my face and pulled me into a deep kiss. As always his lips were smooth and moist, our lips moved together perfectly. I closed my eyes and wrapped my hands around his neck as he moved his hand down to my breast and squeezed it. I broke away from the kiss for a second a let out a slight moan. Gerard smiled into the kiss pleased that he was making feel this way. Gerard pulled me back into his kiss slipping his tongue into my mouth smoothly. After our tongues weaved through each other I bit his bottom lip and he then let a slight moan. I ran my hands through his hair as he started to sensually kiss my neck. It felt amazing and I kept letting out heavy breaths and gasping with moans. Gerard made his way down my neck and reached for the button on my pants. Instinctively I reached and pushed his hand away. Gerard stopped what he was doing and sat up looking confused.
“I thought you wanted me too?” he furrowed his eyebrows together and scooted up next to me on the bed.
“I do, I do.” I sighed as the sheets ruffled beneath him.
“Then what’s wrong?” he grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes.
“I just… I don’t know if I am ready to do this with you after everything that has happened between us.” I admitted, as much I was wanted to have sex with Gerard I couldn’t shake this feeling of uncertainty.
I waited for him to say anything. I watched as his eyes darted around the room as he pieced his thoughts together. Suddenly he kissed me deeply and pulled away.
“I love you.” Was all he said as his hazel eyes pierced into me.
I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he had just said that. Those three words held so much power and I didn’t know if I was ready to hear them.
“I…Gerard. Oh my god.” I couldn’t piece a sentence together. “I don’t know what to say.” I said as I let go of his hand.
“You could say it back.” He said softly as his eyes darted away from mine and his cheeks turned red.
“I want too, I really do. But I don’t know I am ready. There are still so many feelings from everything, I don’t know what they collectively mean yet.” I said empathetically. I felt myself start to frown and feel awful that I couldn’t return his feelings. Gerard quickly noticed this.
“Hey, hey, don’t feel bad.” He cooed as he grabbed my hand again. “I understand completely why you feel hesitant and trust me when I say that it’s okay. I just wanted you to know that I do love you.”
“How do you know that you mean it?” The question slipped out of my mind and trickled out of my mouth.
“I know I mean it because after everything that has happened between us you came back to me. The fact that I even get be here next you makes me so fucking happy that I don’t know what to do with myself. I think about you 24/7, and I will miss you as soon as I walk out of this room. That’s how I know.” Gerard smiled widely.
“I want you to know that just because I can’t say it to you right now doesn’t mean I am never going to say it. I just have to pull all of these feeling together.” I said honestly.
“I understand. So I am gonna go and let you have some time to process all of this.” Gerard kissed me gently on the lips.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” I smiled softly at him as he left the room.
“What in the fucking world.” I breathed out after Gerard had left the house.
I couldn’t believe he told me he loved me. Four months ago I would have told any girl that he was incapable of any type of feelings whatsoever. I didn’t know what I felt for Gerard, I knew that I wanted to be with him. I also knew that whatever I was feeling was strong. I just needed to figure this all out.
Gerard’s POV:
I left Rachel’s house and walked in the bitter cold for a couple seconds until I was greeted by the warmth of my own house. I climbed up the stairs and entered my room and flopped on my bed. I had just told Rachel I loved her. I didn’t even plan for it to happened, it just slipped out. But I know that I meant it, and it was fine with me that she didn’t say it back. I wanted her to know. I was proud to love her, I don’t know if that’s weird, to be proud to love somebody. I have never told a woman other than my mother that I loved her. But it felt amazing to say.
“Hey bro.” Mikey said as he glided into my room.
“What’s up.” I said, still staring at my ceiling.
He was pleased when he heard that Rachel and I were back together. When I told him about the whole New Year’s thing I thought he would have been mad. But he said he was proud of me for handling it so well with Frank. I laughed at the thought of my little brother being proud of me.
“About to put in The Strangers, which is why I am here by the way.” I walked over to my movie collection and grabbed the movie. “Wanna join?”
“Oh that’s cool, and I think I will sit this one out.” I replied, my eyes still hadn’t moved from the ceiling.
“What’s going on? You never turn down the strangers.” Mikey looked at me confused.
“Well, I just told Rachel that I loved her.” I sat up on the bed and just threw the words out there.
“Ha, yeah Gerard and did you watch the news today, they found some flying pigs.” Mikey laughed at me.
“I am serious.” I looked him dead in his eyes.
“Gerard you are incapable of love. You are just like a really suave robot.” Mikey cocked his eyebrow in disbelief.
“Mikey I am completely serious I love her.” I didn’t know how much I needed to say it until he believed me.
“Shit, really?” he gave it one last shot.
“Yes really.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. Did she say it back?” he asked as he made himself comfortable in my rolley chair.
“No.” I breathed out.
“No?” he looked confused again.
“No.” I repeated.
“So she didn’t say it back, and you aren’t on the floor sobbing? I am confused.”
“I didn’t expect to say it, and I didn’t expect her to say it back after everything.” I ran my hands through
my hair.
“True, you were quite the doucher.” Mikey laughed.
“Shut up.” I huffed as I threw a tennis ball at him and it hit him in the chest.
“OW!” Mikey exclaimed. I just laughed at his pathetic attempt to try and throw it back at me and miss.
“But, I know she will come around I can feel it.” I said as I picked the ball up off of the ground.
“Well I am glad you can feel because I am now numb in my chest.” He huffed. “Now let’s go watch this movie.” He smiled as he pushed himself off the wall in the rolley chair into the hallway.
Mikey had left the movie on the desk, I picked it up and went to leave the room when I heard several crashes.
“Mikes! Are you okay!?” I yelled as I ran into the hallway to the edge of the stairs.
I look down the stairs to see Mikey lying underneath the rolley chair, tangled up like a pretzel.
“I’ll be okay.” He muttered out weakly.
“Okay, come on let’s go watch this movie already.” I said through laughs as I walked down the stairs and kicked him in his knee cap.
“OW AGAIN! Stop causing me pain.” Mikey yelled in a funny tone.
I walked down to the basement and waited for Mikey, he eventually made his way down here. We started the movie. I just sat and wonder about Rachel, but I was still confident that she felt the same.
Loved it!
12/8/17