Broken but perfect

{Frank’s POV}

Gerard hasn’t been at school for almost a week and I’ve looked everywhere I thought he would be. I remembered him telling me about a drinking problem he had so I checked about eight fucking bars and he wasn’t in any of them. I eventually went to the last place I thought he would be. Misha’s.

I found Misha’s house and knocked on the door. No one answered but the door was unlocked, so I walked in. The first thing I saw was a high, and dazed Gerard fucking Way sitting in the middle of the room, mumbling random shit. He was high, but not high enough to not have the capability to speak. I walked over to him and tried to ignore the little bag of white dust, and pills near him.

‘’Gerard?! What the fuck did you do?’’ I exclaimed sitting down next to him

‘’Fr-Fr-Frankie?’’ he mumbled still not looking at me, but at the bag near him

‘’Yeah, it’s me, Frank, who you scared the living shit out of by disappearing. Where the fuck did you get these?’’ I asked grabbing the bag and pills

‘’Misha.’’ he said finally looking at me with dilated pupils. He then looked down at my lap at the drugs and looked back up at me. ‘’Can I have them back?’’

‘’No. You’re fucking yourself up with this shit, Gerard. What the fuck, why?’’

‘’I want to die.’’ he said looking back down at the floor. I looked at him and finally saw his arms, his blood covered arms. I grabbed them and looked at the red lines and the blood that came from them.

‘’Why did you do this?’’ I asked fighting back tears

‘’I-I wanted to feel something. I needed to feel something. You see this?!’’ he said extending his neck. There was bandage around his neck with little red spots in places ‘’I want to die Frank! I can’t do this anymore!’’

‘’Y-y-you cut your neck?’’

‘’Yes! I would’ve kept going and killed myself if Misha hadn’t caught me and stopped me!’’ he shouted taking the bandage off ‘’It was deep, but not fucking deep enough to kill me.’’ he said throwing the bandage on the floor. It was longer than I thought it was going to be and there were stitches in the deepest parts of the cut. ‘’I was really drunk, and I don’t even know what was in those pills I had, but I barely felt anything.’’ he said standing up and sitting on the sofa.

‘’Where the hell did Misha get drugs?’’ I asked sitting on the sofa next to him

‘’He has a drug dealer friend.’’ he said quietly ‘’Misha knew I was coming but didn’t think I would take his drugs because he knows I had a really big problem with them and I was sober for almost a year and a half. So he was pretty surprised to come home and find me high as fuck in the bathroom, slitting my throat.’’

‘’Please… please don’t kill yourself, Gerard.’’ I didn’t know what else to say besides that. I didn’t want him to kill himself, he was important to me. He just didn’t think he was was important, and I didn’t know how to make him feel like he was.

‘’Why not? I’m tired of feeling like I want to step in front of a moving train or wanting to put a bullet in my brain. I can’t do it anymore, I just… can’t.’’ he said putting his face in his hands.

‘’Because...’’

‘’Because what?’’ he said looking up at me

‘’Just don’t Gerard, please.’’

‘’Why shouldn’t I, Frank?! I don’t deserve to live! I’m a terrible fucking person, I’m just wasted space!’’

‘’Please!’’ I said, now begging

‘’Why not?’’

‘’Because...’’

‘’Because why, Frank?! Fucking give me one reason why I shouldn’t. And a good fucking reason.’’

‘’Because… because… I love you.’’

Notes