Broken but perfect

I woke up and slowly rolled over. Ryan was still asleep, facing me. I brushed the fringe out of his face that was covering his eye and slowly shook him awake. He groaned and opened his eyes and rubbed them with the heel of his palm. I chuckled at his messy bed hair.

‘’Good morning sunshine.’’ I said and he chuckled. He stretched letting out a small whine and rolled onto his back. ‘’I’m gonna go to breakfast.’’ He nodded and I climbed over him and left to the cafeteria. I got some and sat down at the table furthest from everybody else. I was quite early in the morning so there weren’t a lot of people. I pushed my tray away and set my head on the table.

‘’You have to eat Gerard.’’ I looked at Pete for about two seconds and scowled. I shrugged and laid my head back down. I felt worn out. I mean who wouldn’t if they were having nightmares about their father killing their brother and boyfriend? I looked up again and got a good look at Pete, who actually looked more attractive. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt showing all his tattoos I didn’t know he had ‘till now.

“I’d rather not. Nice tattoos, by the way. I like ‘em.” I said and smiled slightly, but didn’t show my teeth. He smile back, probably just happy I talked to him. I’ll say it again, he was actually quite attractive. Not as much as Frank of course, but attractive.

“So can I ask what happened? You were at the police station because you’re boyfriend called them, I know that. But why did he call them?” He raised an eyebrow and began rubbing his thigh. Either out of habit or nervousness. I’ll confess that I didn’t consider his question too deeply at first. I was too busy watching the hypnotic movement of his hand, as he slid it across the fabric of his tight skinny jeans. His fingers slid up, almost touching the visible bulge in his trousers, then dropped, sliding back down to his knee. Each time, his hand seemed to move higher.

I mentally slapped myself and almost did physically. I couldn’t do anything with Pete. He could be just like Misha. He could take advantage of me and use me. Make me feel horrible and unclean. All over again. Then I realized he asked me a question.

“Oh, uh. Shit happened.” I said vaguely. I didn’t want to tell him what happened. He’d freak out and probably say something about it. I already knew it was my fault it happened.

“No shit, Sherlock.” he said, sarcasm spilling over his voice. I rolled my eyes and smirked. “What exactly happened?’’ I considered telling him. But why?

“I was...uh…” Don’t fucking say. Don’t say it. “Pete, something bad happened.” I said and ignored the voice in my head telling me not to. Don’t fucking tell him! Pete pulled his eyebrows together, concerned and confused. “Something really bad happened.” I continued to say. Don’t fucking do it. “Pete...I was raped by someone.” Oh my fucking god! I continued to ignore the voice yelling at me and Pete’s jaw dropped.

“Ger-Gerard. Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Okay, so telling him might’ve not been a mistake. “I have to tell someone.” Nope, never mind. It was a mistake. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Fuck.

“No!” I squeaked out. It was embarrassing but it was the only thing I could get out before breaking into tears. Pete sat next to me and wrapped an arm around me. I whimpered and ripped away. He got the hint quickly and moved away slightly.

“Gerard-”

“No! You-you can’t. Don’t!” I struggled to say between sobs. Sadness fell over his face and I shoved my face into my hands. I let a loud sob out and hated myself really bad for crying. I hated crying, it sign of weakness. I hate my weaknesses but they make me who I am. “Just leave, Pete.”

“But-”

“Pete, go!” I shouted and he slowly got up leaving me to sob by myself.

Notes

So it's been a long ass time since I've updated this one. Hope you caught that pathetic little frnkiero andthe cellabration reference. Anyways enjoy this and please tell me what you think xxx (I also have this story on Wattpad if you wanna check that out and my other one 'We're reckless but it's okay' okay done with the self promo)