Broken but perfect

I awoke at what I assumed was early the next morning. My roommate, whoever it was, was in his bed sleeping. I hadn’t changed into the clothes left for me and didn’t want to. I wanted to stay in my clothes. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was six fifty-three. I heard a groan come from the bed across from mine. The boy in it rolled over and rubbed his eyes.

‘’Well, hello.’’ he said tiredly. He sat up and looked at me. ‘’Gerard, right?’’ he asked and I nodded ‘’Cool. My name’s Ryan Ross.’’ he said and walked over to me. He sat next to me and I moved away. Not to be mean, I just had a problem with people touching me now. I couldn’t really trust anyone anymore. I mean, I trusted Misha and look where that got me. I really only trusted Frank because I just knew he would never do to me what Misha did to me. Ryan didn’t seem bothered though by me not wanting him to sit next to me.

‘’Hi, Ryan.’’ I said, pulling my lips to a small smile. He seemed nice enough, I wonder why he was in here.

‘’So, Gerard, why are you here?’’ he asked and smiled

’’Haven’t figured that out yet, actually.’’ I said taking off a bandage on my finger. They were already starting to come off from me sleeping with them on. I took on of on my left hand and looked at the cuts on it. They were deep, but small. They looked like I had done it. I probably did by picking at my skin. That’s what they looked like. I decided to keep the rest on until I saw someone who could give me more bandages.

‘’Oh. Well I’m here because my parents thought I was insane. I’m not, but I can hear the plants. It sounds weird, I know, but lets say you cut down a tree, I’ll hear it’s pain. It’s annoying at times, but at times it comes in handy.’’ Oh. Well, he certainly didn’t seem like the kind of guy who can ‘’hear the plants’’. Then again, you couldn’t tell I had been raped just by looking at me. Which was probably a good thing to be honest.

‘’Oh.’’ I said and rubbed my neck.It was hurting again, not that it ever really stopped. It was a few day old now, but it was still deep and it still hurt like a bitch.

‘’What happened.’’ he said raising an eyebrow ‘’If you don’t mind me asking, Gerard.’’ he added as if him asking me that hurted my feelings is any way.

‘’Suicide attempt.’’ I said quietly. I wasn’t exactly ashamed, I mean a lot of people attempt suicide. It‘s horrible and sad thing, but it’s true.

‘’Oh, didn’t it hurt?’’

‘’Probably, but I was too fucked up on cocaine and alcohol to feel anything.’’

‘’Oh, that sucks.’’

‘’Yeah, tell me about it.’’ I said. I rubbed my stomach, it hurt really bad. I haven’t eaten in a while, I didn’t want to, but I’m hungry.

‘’Hungry?’’ he asked looking at me. I nodded and he stood up ‘’Okay, follow me. It’s breakfast time anyways.’’ Oh yay, I have to eat with a bunch of people who are crazier than I am. I just want to know why I’m in here and I want to leave. I want Frank. I know it sounds pathetic but I need to see him. I have to tell him what happened, he needs to know. It’s not going to change the fact that it happened, he’ll just know. I loved Frank, I loved being with him. It was hard to fall asleep at night without talking to him. He had been calling me before I went to sleep for about two weeks and to have that just stop, it was hard.

‘’Gerard?’’ Ryan said waving his hand in front of my face ‘’You there?’’

‘’Huh? Oh yeah, sorry just thinking about stuff. Breakfast?’’

‘’Yeah, come on.’’ he said and opened the door. I walked past him into the hallway and followed him into the cafeteria. I grabbed some cereal and toast and sat at a table in the far corner, away from everybody else. I dug into my hoodie pocket and found what I wanted, my sketchbook and pencil. I flipped open to the drawing I started of Frank, the one I started the first day I saw him. I never finished it and I figured now was a better time than any to finish it. I drew every small detail, his lip ring, the few strands of hair that were constantly in his face, everything.

‘’Can I sit?’’ I heard someone say above me. I looked up and saw Pete. I nodded and he sat down. ‘’How you doing kid?’’

‘’I’m in a mental institution, and I miss my boyfriend, so I’m doing fan-fucking-tastic.’’

‘’Your boyfriend?’’

‘’His name’s Frank.’’ I said and put my sketchbook on the table ‘’That’s roughly what he looks like.’’

‘’How old is he?’’

‘’Seventeen. Now can I ask what you wanted?’’

He laughed ‘’Okay, Gerard. I originally came to tell you that you have a visitor. I think it’s Frank too.’’

I looked up and smiled ‘’Frank?’’

‘’Yeah, follow me.’’ he said and stood up. I grabbed my sketchbook and followed him into a room and Frank was sitting at a table. I ran up to him and hugged him tight.

Notes