chemical death

While I wait for Mary to come pick me up I sit on the front porch. I sigh and let out a small sob escapes me.
My life is going down.
My cousin is dead.
My mom is gonna end up a drug attic.
My dads dead.
Uncle Frank is dead.
Uncle Ray isn't happy anymore.
Uncle Mikey's gone.
I know I'm not gonna kill myself but the thought comes to mind anyway.
I've been everywhere. Looking for nothing. And yet everything.
I don't know what to look for, but I know that they didn't kill themselves. They couldn't have.Frerard is over so that isn't the case.
Maybe someone killed them.
Well that's been obvious the whole time but who.
I burst out sobbing I knew life was shit but why is it this bad? Why me?
Im supposed to not give a shit, im supposed to be careless, im supposed to be a diva! I cant have these fucking tears waterfall their way out of my fucking face! Its disgusting!...
But Dad was never afraid to show his emotions.
He was creative and funny. He was on Yo-gabba-gabba for fucks sake! He even let me go up on stage with him last year for my birthday.
"Hey loser you getting in or what!" Mary tugs me out of my thoughts. I nod and get in.
“so what did you need to tell me?"
I took a deep breath and stayed calm “My dad and Uncle frank committed suicide but I think it was a murder."
The car comes to a halt and I hit my head on the dashboard making everything fuzzy.
“THEY WHAT?!" She screamed
Mary was never one for bad news. She always got her revenge.
I rub my head and groaned as she continues to drive angrily.
.
.
this is going nowhere.
her phone buzzes and she pulls it out of her pocket swiftly and answer through gritted teeth before beginning to yell again. “YES GABRIEL I FUCKING HEARD AND DON'T YOU THINK I WONT GET MY REVENGE! AN EYE FOR AN EYE!" She yells and hangs up.
“leaves everyone blind." I mutter.

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we drive in a tense silence for the next few minutes until i finally speak up "Mary. Take me to the empire state building." she blinks stupidly "what? why?" "the police isn't doing shit and they're just believing they killed themselves. If i wanna get anywhere I have to find out myself."i reply strongly.
and it is true nowadays the police is lazy and they don't do shit. there's murderers in almost every corner of this godforsaken city! "i don't think it could have been just a coincidence that both frank & my dad were killed on the same day. I may be following the steps of police men who led themselves to their deaths but if it means i can find out who did this I'm willing to risk my life." she grins the evil grin she has and sighs out "Then I'm in too, you know how i am with my revenge and all."i nod and she continues'"just can i ask, what gives you the strength yo do all of this? its your father and frank. they're family and not just another murder case. most people would give up and put their lives to an end... but you, you just keep on going I envy you. I'm proud to see you turned out so strong." i look down at my hands "I want to be like my dad. he was strong and pulled himself through some tough shit." i admitted.
she smiles "that's good. now go to sleep its gonna be a long drive.

Notes

HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
So im gonna start updating this ALOT more BC i actually started planning out whats to come so with my evil mind and terry's (my friend/ crazy guy who lives down the street) it wont end good.
also i might update on the rest of the week daily except Thursday since i have a funeral to go to.
UGH i hate funerals.
sorry.
they're just so sad and depressing people should be happy that they lived a long and fulfilled life!
its my aunt's funeral and she did EVERYTHING!
she visited the treV fountain she lived in rome for a month, she went to a shit ton of concerts.
when she was 54 but still! i envy her! she visited a bunch of different states and countries. and she lived to be 80! her goal was to live to be 70!
idk i mean i am a bit sad she passed away because she was always fun to hang out with she was like a teenager in the body of a 60 year old. ANYWAYS love you all thats just my opinion (dont hate pls)
bye bye!