What are you doing to me?

"At least I don't crash my boyfriend's birthday party and then leave him alone for the remainder of the night." Gerard said with a sly smirk on his face. All week he wouldn't stop "joking" about what happened at his birthday party. The one that I planned. His eyes looked at me and his face broke out in a big grin. "Right, Frankie?" Gerard laughed, followed by Mikey and Ray joining in.
My face heated up with anger. I heard Mikey and Ray slowly stop laughing. "I fucking apologized for what happened with Steve; and you know how much I despise alcohol and intoxicated people." I said through gritted teeth. He stopped laughing and he looked at me, and then he looked at his younger brother and his brother- in- law.
"Can we not do this in front of people? More particularly my brothers?" he snapped at me. Which only made me angrier. He fucking brought it up for the seventh time this week! He knew how I was going to react!
"You obviously wanna talk about it now. We can do it now. So, tell me, dear, why you feel the need to hold a grudge against me for one; protecting you, and two; removing myself from an environment that makes me not only uncomfortable but miserable as well? I'm dying to hear your reason." I argued. If he wanted to joke about it and guilt trip me in front of two of my best friends, then I was going to call him out on it in front of them. He was glaring at the floor, his face red. He didn't answer after a long while of awkward silence. "Well?" I pressed.
Mikey and Ray were dead silent. They passed a look between them and looked back at us.
Gerard finally spoke up, "I told you that I didn't wanna do this, in front of my brothers, honey. We will continue this conversation later." His voice was shaky, but I couldn't tell if it was out of anger or not. "No, since you love bringing it up so much, we're going to talk about it now. So, why do you feel the need to hold a grudge against me?" I was getting more angry by the minute. Why would you bring It up, knowing how I'd react, and then tell me to wait until later?
"As I said this will be dealt with later. Now, if you don't mind, a movie is on. I'd like to watch it." He turned his attention to the television screen after that. I sat there, silently fuming.

After 20 minutes Gerard tried to snuggle next to me, but I got up and walked out of the living room. I was still pissed about what he said earlier. I went downstairs and slipped on my worn out, tattered Vans. I walked towards the door, only to be stopped by Gerard.
"Where are you going?" His tone reminded me of how Jorge used to talk to me, I shuddered, trying to fight off tears.
I grabbed my house keys off of the table next to the door and walked out, slamming the door closed.


I started walking, not think if where I was going. I was too busy trying to keep my emotions together. Gerard knows better than anyone how much I hate those environments. He knows I hate parties, he knows how much Steve gets under my skin. And not to mention that he was naked in the place I sleep. Trying to seduce my boyfriend and sexually harassing him.
But for him to be pissed and hold a grudge on me after a week of the party? And whenever I asked him about the comments he would make he blew it off the whole conversation. And then his tone as I was leaving? Like he owned me. Knowing the abusive relationship I was in for years, he used that tone towards me. I felt like a dirty dog who got screamed at from getting too excited.
Gerard also knows how much of a traumatic experience I've had with alcohol and drunk people I've had. How can he be so selfish? I understand that it was his birthday and all, but I'm not going to fight off bad flashbacks and tears for him.
I'm always there for him and supporting him, even when we were just friend's- so why couldn't he just be understanding? That's literally all I ask of him.

I've been walking for a while before I noticed where I ended up- at the house where my dad left my mom and I. It was dark and looked vacant, so I sat on the porch swing and pulled my legs to my chest. I was sitting there staring off I to space, when I felt something wet trail down my cheek. I realized that it was a tear, and then more started falling. I cried silently for what seemed like hours.
I decided to take my time walking home, as it was only seven in the evening. If I took my time I would be home at seven- thirty , shower until eight and by that time Mikey and Ray should be in their room laying down. Maybe I'll ignore Gerard until I calm down a bit more...

°°°

Just as I had planned, I was home at seven- thirty and everyone was either doing homework or watching tv. I walked passed everyone without a word and went to get in the shower.
Right when I was about to head into the bathroom, I heard Gerard come down the stairs.
"Are you okay? You were gone for a few hours. I was getting worried."
"Yup, I'm just fine."
"Do you wanna talk about where you were? Or what your out-lash earlier was about?"
"Can we not do this right now? Especially when I'm about to jump in the shower and get ready for bed." I mimicked his tone from earlier and walked into the bathroom without waiting on his reply.

°°°

When I emerged from the bathroom, I noticed Gerard was passed out cold. So much for talking.
I took the opportunity to get my pillow and a spare blanket from the closet. I was not going to sleep in the same bed as him tonight.
"So I take it I'm going to sleep on the couch?" Gerard startled me, I didn't even hear him wake up.
"No. I am. G'night" I walked up the stairs to the living room. I didn't even bother turning on the tv, I was exhausted from all of the crying I did earlier.
I was drifting off to sleep when I felt someone shake me awake. It was Gerard.
"Baby, please come to the bed. It'd make me feel better if you were sleeping in it with me. Please." Gerard pleaded.
"Nope. Its comfortable here." I pulled the blanket over my face and turned my back towards him.
"Then move over and I'll sleep on here with you."
"No."
"Frankie, please."
"I said no. I'm not going to bed with you."
"Fine." he stomped off, leaving me alone. I silently thanked whatever was above and below that he didn't stay and argue.
And then I heard him come back up to the living room.
"I already said I'm not going to bed with you, Gerard."
"I know. So I'm going to sleep on the couch next to you instead. Good night", he threw himself on the couch next to the one I was on.
I sighed and considered going and sleeping on the bed, but decided against it. I was too tired to move or care at this point.
"I love you, Frank", Gerard whispered lightly before leaning over the arm of the couch and kissing my forehead lightly.
I didn't reply, instead I just fell asleep, ignoring him completely.


°°°

I woke up to quiet mumblings coming from the kitchen. I instantly recognized the voices.
"So, I take it you two are fighting?" That would be Ray.
"Apparently. I'm sorry that you two had to listen to that yesterday." Gerard apologized.
"Don't be. But tell me, bro, what's your deal?" Mikey asked.
"What are you taking about?" Gerard snapped.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You deliberately started a fight with him. And then when he was leaving you took the harshest tone I've ever heard you take before. He's not your property, dude. You seem to forget that he's been through hell and back." Mikey also noticed his tone, good.
"Yeah, man, what's up with that? I'd understand if he gave you a reason to not trust him- but he hasn't. That tone was way uncalled for. That made me want to cry out of anger, dude. I can only imagine how hurt Frank was." Ray also noticed it.
I thanked the two for understanding my point of view.
"I guess I'm just hurt that he caused a scene at my party and then ignored me the rest if the night. I wanted to have fun, not worry about what Frank is doing. Y'know?" Anger and hurt found their way back into my system.
"That scene coulda been prevented if you would've let me know the issue with Steve. As for you bitching about him not wanting to hang out during the remainder of the party- that's just plain selfish. Eveyone was either drunk or drinking. There was liquor and alcohol everywhere. That makes him uncomfortable. What's so hard to understand about that? And what was he going to do in your bedroom? Cheat on you with a bed? His hand? You're being ridiculous and bratty and selfish. And that still doesn't excuse your tone towards him, Gerard! You need to remember that he's been through hell more times than I can count. And that he isn't your property. I'd hate to see you loose him because you're too selfish. I really would, dude." I felt tears in my eyes as Mikey finished talking. I blinked quickly so they'd go away.
"Relax, Mikey. We've been together for almost 5 months already, and this is barely our first fight. We won't break up over this little bump." I cannot believe what I just heard fall out of Gerard's mouth.
"It won't be if you continue to have that selfish attitude. Or that disgusting tone towards him. Frank won't stand for that shit, and you know it. Before you know it you'll be fighting constantly and eventually you'll each get tired and break it off." Ray said almost too silently for me to hear.
"Don't say that" Gerard sounded on the verge of tears.
"Its true. You better find a way to make it up to him. You also need to find a way to change before he gets tired of you." Mikey paused. "Come on, Amor. We're going to be late for first hour. Remember what we said, Gerard." they were coming towards me. I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to sleep.
I heard the door open and close. Gerard was sniffling when he came over and kissed my forehead once again.
"I really do love you, baby. I hope you can forgive me when we talk later." Gerard threw himself on the other couch and started snoring minutes later.

I wouldn't leave him, would I? We wouldn't break up, would we? I mean, this is our first fight, so we were okay, right?
Worry and uncertainty started blurring out the anger and hurt. Not ready to wake up yet, I turned over and tried to fall asleep once more. I was still worrying and nervous when I slipped into unconsciousness.

Notes

Writer's block gone, and got the next few chapters written(:
Should update regularly again.

Have a good day/night everyone!
- xo cellabrationaf

P.s. ignore any errors , I didn't feel like editing.