Risky And Complicated, Confused And New

"It's okay sweetie." The ghost of my Mum whispers in my ear. "Everything's gonna be alright. Don't cry my little baby" I imagine her with me, comforting me.
I usually do this, it makes me feel better. I imagine she's always with me. Watching over me. It's like she's my guardian angel, I wish she was. I miss her so much, aslong as I can pertend she's with me. I'll be okay... For now.
The second school bell rings, English is over now and I'm still in here.
What's next? I think to myself pulling out my crumpled time table, getting some tears on it in the process. Oh art. Cool I kinda like art. All little fags do, I laugh a little at my inside joke, though it really hurts.
I wipe off some tears and head to art.

I love to draw though I'm not too good at it.
I'm sat next to Gerard in art, like I am in every lesson because the seat next to him is always the only one free.
His drawings are beautiful, he is incredibly talented. If only I could tell him.
"Gerard." I say, regretting it.
"What?" He asks still staring at his paper.
"Your drawing are really good, you know." I feel my eyes starting to water. I always crumble when I'm soft and end up crying.
"You think?" He looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes full of hope.
I nodd and bite my lip. "You're really talented." I mumble, fiddling with my fingers nervously.
"Thanks." He smiles, looking down again at his work. "I..I.. Nevermind" he says shyly.
"What? What is it?"
"You wouldn't be interested.."
"No! Tell me!" I say intrigued.
"Oh it's just I wanna become a comic book writer when I'm older, so that's why I'm drawing so much and I've gotten quite good at it."
"Well, I am interested! That's so cool!" I try and say enthusiastically, but my voice begins to waver. And tears fall from my eyes.
"Frank, are you okay?" He asks concerned.
"Yeh, yeh fine." I regret being nice now, once again I crumble.
"You, don't look okay." He mumbles.
"Yeh. I just.." I whisper, "Look, I'm fine okay!" I yell angrily, making him jump.
"oh.. okay" He turns his head back to his paper and continues with his drawing again.
The last time I was nice was when my Mum was alive and I was loved, it just reminds me of the kindness I could recieve but never do, so I'm mean to people. Noone really understands it, not even myself. But whenever I turn soft, I can't help myself from falling apart.

I finially pull myself together just as the bell rings and it's time for break, so I meet Ray and his mates and go outside to sit on the wall (our usual hangout).
We eat chips and talk about random stuff. Ray and some other guys fool around doing stupid things like igniting their farts with lighters. I feel so out of place with these guys, but I have noone else do I?
I'm happy when break's over, seriously these guys are boring, I admit that their brainless banter can be entertaining, but their's no sign of intelligence here, I can't have a proper conversation with any one of them.
"Where you going Ray?" I ask him as he goes a totally different direction to Science class.
"Oh, I gotta meet these girl" He winks at me.
"Oh.. OH! Well umm have fun!"
"I will" he cackles, strutting off down the corridor.
I then go to science, laughing a little at ray and sit next to Gerard.

Notes

Another weird ass title cos seriously I just don't know. xD