You can cry all you want to I dont care

“Hey Frank”, I heard Gerard say. His voice was barely above a whisper but I could still understand him clearly which meant that he was standing directly next to my bunk.
“Fuck off”, I exclaimed not wanting to talk to him. I could have pulled off being tired and wanting to sleep but I wasn't in the mood for an act. The show we'd played tonight had been good but nothing more than that and I knew exactly why.
The silence, that followed my statement was satisfying. That bastard deserved to feel rejected. “Frank, I-”
“I said, fuck off!”, I repeated loudly. The others had probably heard but that had been my intention. I didn't look at Gerard when he kept standing behind me not saying a word but instead pulled out my iPod, put on my headphones and hit Shuffle. I sighed loudly, when the first song that came on was a demo that Gerard had made me a few years ago and skipped the song. I didn't know if he had seen which song it had been but I certainly hoped so. I knew it would hurt him.
Unfortunately the volume wasn't high enough so I was able to catch Gee's next attempt. “Okay, Frankie, I don't know what is wrong but-”
That pushed me over the edge. I ripped out my headphones and sat up rapidly. If it weren't for me being so short I would have hit my head, I'm sure of that. I stared at him for a split second before I yelled at him furiously, “You don't know what's wrong? Are you fucking with me, Gerard? You fucking know what it is so get the fuck away from me. Now! And don't fucking call me that!”
For a moment Gerard looked just as stunned by my sudden outburst as I felt, before I saw him cringing and his face dropped. Then I knew, that he would start crying. He was always prone to that. Like a stupid baby. Normally I would climb out of my bunk and hug him tightly, telling him it would be okay. But also, normally it wasn't me, who made him cry so instead of comforting him I turned around and laid back down. I soon heard quiet sobs but gave my best to ignore him and shortly after his footsteps made it evident that he had finally left.
I felt the guilt rush over me but quickly focused on the music I blasted through my headphones. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. It was all his fault. None of this would've happened if he wouldn't be such a selfish bastard.

At some point I must have drifted off to sleep because I suddenly felt rough hands shaking me awake, removing my headphones.
“What the fuck did you do, Frank?”, Mikey almost shouted at me and I sighed. I wasn't remotely in the mood to deal with over-protective brothers at the moment.
“Telling Gerard to fuck off because he deserves it.”, I mumbled and underlined my point by turning around again but I was stopped immediately when Mikey grabbed my shoulder and turned me around again.
“Oh, and why is that so?”, he asked arching an eyebrow.
“Go ask him yourself.”
“I have.”
“Then you should know.”
“Gee has no fucking idea why you started shouting at him so you better have a good explanation, now. You know how bad he's been again recently.”
I chuckled sarcastically, which only made Mikey angrier. “I bet.”
“Hell, Frank, what the fuck is wrong with you?”, the younger Way shouted at me.

“Leave him.”, a quiet voice expressed. Gerard had come back, looking miserable.
“No, Gee, I won't. Not until he says what the fuck he was thinking!”
“Mikey”, Gerard said calmly, “please. Let me just talk to him.”
I huffed again but the brothers didn't seem to notice.
“Whatever.”, Mikey shrugged and left after giving me a last hateful glance.
Gerard took a step towards me and I swore that moment I was this close to punching him into the face. How did he dare run to his little brother begging for sympathy and then turn up here again looking all miserable.

“What?”, I hissed.
“Frank, I don't know what it is. Would you, please, explain to me? I don't want us to be this way. We got through so much, just tell me please.”
“You want me to tell you? Why don't you start off by telling me what it is you've got to say?”
“Frank, I don't understand-”
“I've seen you, Gerard! I've seen you sitting on your computer typing after shows. Deleting paragraphs, rewriting them. I could read what you were writing. I read it all, Gerard. I read your letter to the fans!”, when I reached the end I was basically screaming.
Gerard looked dumbfounded for a moment but when he opened his mouth to speak I cut him off. “What about us, Gerard? When were you planning to tell us? Did you even think of us? Of me? Do you know what the fuck you're doing? What a selfish asshole you're being?” I got up on my feet just so hat I would be almost at eye level with him. “Do you think of anyone but yourself? You have no idea what you are doing here, Gerard! This band means everything to me and now because you are feeling like a little diva again you want to break it up? God dammit Gerard!”

I wanted to punch him so badly but I restrained myself. I saw the tears running down his face again and for the first time in my life I honestly didn't give a fuck. We have been in this band together for over a decade and one day he decides he's got enough and starts writing a good-bye letter to the fans.
“Frankie, please, you don't understand.”, he cried out.
“Oh, first you don't understand, now I don't. Nice change for once. Listen to me, Gerard. I don't want to look at you! I don't care if you have an explanation or not, that letter sounded pretty sincere to me and you are ruining my life here. Just get out of my face!”
By now, he was crying so hard I hadn't seen him like this in the past years. “I'm sorry, Frank, please...”

“No! I don't give a fuck, Way. Say whatever you want to it won't change the fact that you're a fucking ass. Tell me you love me, again. Say that you only ever married her out of jealousy and that it's always been me. Repeat all those things as often as you want. I. Don't. Care!”, I screamed the last word into his face and shoved him into the wall while I walked past him to get some fresh air, when I realized that the door to the tour bus had been open this entire time and Mikey and Ray were staring at me.
I stood there for a minute unsure of what to do before I heard Gerard leaving the bus and saw him stretching out his arm to touch me. I pushed him away and for a split second when I saw him standing there, red hair sticking to his forehead, tears streaming down his face I felt the urge to hold him tight and kiss him again. To tell him I was sorry and that we could work it out, find a way for us to be together again but it was gone as soon as recalled him typing those words into his computer.

“Fuck off, Gerard, I am done with you! I don't want you with me anymore! You are a fucking asshole and whatever it is you have to say to me you can suck it up 'cause I don't want to hear it. I have a family now. I have a wife at home and beautiful children. You don't get to feel sorry now, you are about six years to late for that. Back then you could have done something about it, could've told me you still loved me and wanted to be with me but not now!” I stopped for a moment and realized, that what I had been saying actually had nothing to do anymore with the initial conflict but I was too in rage to care. I knew, what it had been he wanted to say when he said he was sorry and I wouldn't let him. “If you want to break up the band you can go ahead. Feel free to cancel the upcoming shows and crawl back to your precious wife. Do whatever the fuck you want 'cause I don't want to deal with your bullshit anymore!”
With those words I turned around and walked away not knowing where I was heading. I only knew one thing, I wanted to get somewhere far, far away from the person I once would have called the love of my life.

Notes

I just accidentally deleted this so here we go again.

Needless to say I know this surely isn't what happened but I thought I'd say it again so no ones would feel compelled to tell me.
I wrote this really quickly so I apologize for the style.