I wouldn't even recognize him.

The early gray morning sun woke Gerard out of his deep slumber. Like most days he had fallen asleep on the couch, his back stiff and his limbs hurting from being partially stuck underneath his body. The Star Wars theme music was playing from the television, which he hadn't turned off last night and Gerard groaned, stretching, feeling groggy in desperate need of caffeine. Slowly he dragged himself off the couch and into the kitchen, where he made himself a pot of coffee before checking his phone to see if Mikey had sent him any instructions for the following day yet. As usual the hyper active man had already been awake hours earlier than Gerard and informed him of when he had to be where and what he should wear. As if Gerard couldn't dress himself.
1pm in front of your apartment building. Look presentable. No comic book shirts. Clean jeans. And wash your fucking hair for once.

How am I supposed to know if it's even worth washing my hair, when you won't tell me where we're going.

I'm telling you, that's got to be enough. Now get you ass into the shower, I'm there in 40.

Gerard sighed but decided that arguing further wouldn't get them anywhere closer to a conclusion so he drowned his cup of coffee and went into the bathroom, where he stripped off last night's clothing and got into the shower. The hot water running down his body felt amazing, he really should do this more often. But then again, what for? It wasn't as if anyone was there to care how Gerard looked besides Mikey, who was obligated to endure his greasy hair by DNA. He massaged his scalp and rubbed some lotion over his entire body, rinsing it from all the dirt and grime of the last couple of days, weeks maybe. Okay, not weeks, he wasn't that unhygienic, but week. When he finished he jumped out of the shower, literally jumped because out of nowhere the water was really cold and Gerard almost broke his ass slipping on the wet tiles, and wrapped a towel around his waist wandering into his bedroom to get some clothes. Since Mikey had only specified on comic book shirts Gerard chose a – oh surprise- black Iron Maiden shirt and a pair of somewhat clean pants to cover himself in.
By now, he wasn't even curious where they were going anymore, he was just pissed at his brother for not telling him. Most likely they were just heading off to Belleville to spend the day at their parent's because that was the only place Mikey would take him, where he should attempt to look decent.

You want a coffee to go? Mikey, just as Gerard, was always happier with coffee so maybe if Gerard brought him one he would have mercy and not make him spend his time being told to get a new job or worse make up with Frank, he really didn't need any of that right now.

Nah, gonna pick some up on the way. Your coffee maker is awful.

Fuck off it was cheap and the coffee's decent.

There in 15. Will text when I'm outside.

Sure

Now, as that didn't work out as Gerard had hoped it would, he collapsed onto the couch, once again, groaning. He really, really did not want to go anywhere today. If it were up to him, Gerard would wallow in self-pity the entire day and marathon The Lord of the Rings but unfortunately his hyper energetic, people friendly brother had to make sure he left the apartment at least twice a week so Gerard didn't get to put those plans into action.

When his phone vibrated again Gerard didn't bother to check it but grabbed a jacket and was out of the door. The broken elevator forced him to take the stairs and Gerard tried his best to hide his heavy breathing as he got into Mikey's car. The younger man looked genuinely surprised, when he saw his brother as clean as ever.
“You actually showered.”
Gerard only grunted and shot him a condescending look, “Imagine, I do that sometimes.”
“Yeah, but not like...recently.”
“Whatever, come on I want coffee and a bagel, I haven't had breakfast.”
“It's fucking 1pm! You should have had lunch by now.”
“Not everyone gets up at ass o'clock, Mikeyway.”

The younger proceeded to start the engine and drive through the busy Brooklyn streets, finding a Starbucks, when they were almost out of the city.
“You stay here, I'm gonna get our stuff.”, he informed Gerard and jumped out of the car heading into the coffee shop. He returned five minutes later with to venti cups of coffee and Gerard's favorite bagel, shoving the things into his brother's hands before he climbed back into the driver's seat.
“So, you don't wanna keep asking where we're going?”
“We're leaving the city towards Jersey so I'm gonna have a real wild guess saying we're headed to mom and dad's.”
Mikey simply shrugged, “Well, you'll see.”

The drive to Belleville wasn't too long, although traffic wasn't exactly smooth on a Saturday afternoon in New York and a little less than an hour later they were pulling up to the house Gerard and Mikey had grown up in.
“So, why exactly did you insist on not telling me we were seeing mom and dad, that's just ridiculous.”, Gerard exclaimed, one hand on it's way to the door handle before the taller man told him to not get out of the car, which got him a confused look of his older brother.
“We're just picking them up, got a little more to go.”
It's safe to say that now Gerard was hopelessly baffled, if they weren't staying here, what on earth were they doing in Jersey?
Just as he wanted to reply their parents opened the doors to the back seats with smiles on their faces. “Hello, boys.”, their mom greeted them.
“Hey, mom”, the answered simultaneously before Gerard turned around to face his mother, “Will you at least tell me, where we're going?”
The woman just laughed and shrugged, “You haven't told him, yet?”, she asked Mikey.
“Thought it'd be best if I didn't.”
“Well then, I can't tell you either, dear.”
Gerard wanted to tear his hair out, he needed to know where they were going, what was all that secrecy about anyways?
“Daaaaad, please?”
“You heard your mother, son, I'm not telling you.”
“Bruh, whatever, I hope you all feel bad for tormenting the mind of an already stressed, suffering artist.”
All that this earned him were sheepish laughs from the back and driver's seat and Gerard turned around looking out of the windshield, while hoping to catch some clues by the streets they passed.
“We're almost there, honestly, Gee, calm the fuck down.”, Mikey simply had to tell Gerard, when he wouldn't stop staring out the window jiggling his leg up and down but candidly, he knew Gerard wasn't good with foreign situations so he couldn't blame him.

A few short minutes later they turned into a street Gerard hadn't been to in a while but knew all too well and he averted his gaze, staring at his shoes, not wanting to be confronted with childhood memories once again. He tapped a nervous rhythm with his fingertips, drumming on his thighs, while he silently prayed, that Mikey would speed up a little and pass by the street a fast as possible. But as Gerard had never in his life been blessed with neither enough faith to believe that praying would do any good, nor the luck for things he wished for to actually happen his little brother did not press the gas pedal down further, no he did the exact opposite and hit the breaks, while Gerard was still holding a steady glance, observing the mud stains on his shoelaces. As soon as he felt the car stop Gerard's head shot upwards, checking where exactly they had parked and he couldn't believe it.
“You're fucking with me, right?”
The driveway the car had come to stop in was ranked beautifully with flowers, making it stand out opposed to the gray sidewalk and the house it belonged to was painted in a faint yellow shade, the paint peeling off of the walls. It looked just as Gerard remembered it. There were a little less plants in the front yard and the black motorcycle that used to stand outside had been discarded into the garage but over all it looked just like the small 2nd home Gerard had practically shared a room in twenty years ago.
“This has got to be a motherfucking joke, Mikey!”
“No, it's not, now get your ass outside the car.”
Gerard though, didn't move an inch, he couldn't believe his brother.
“I mean it, Gee, get the fuck out of here.”
The man in the passenger set let out a dry laugh, marveling at how easy Mikey thought it would be to get him inside that house. Never again, he would set a foot onto those grounds, that much had been clear the day he decided that Frank must honestly hate him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Mikey? You can't seriously believe that I'll let you make me go in there. Did you and Frank like plot this or something?”
“He doesn't know you're coming either.”
Gerard narrowed his eyes at Mikey, trying to unravel what the younger was up to, “So what exactly are we here for?”
This time the guy's mom interrupted, Gerard had almost forgotten his parents were there, too, “Michael told me about your encounter with Frank and how he had said, that all he wanted was to explain. When I talked to Linda recently I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to give him the chance to do so.”
“And what if I don't fucking want him to explain?”
“Then you will listen to him anyways, Gerard. The boy has been through a lot and it can't hurt you to let him tell you his side of things.”
All Gerard could do was throw up his hands dramatically before Mikey had gotten up and around the car to open the passenger door.
“We're still standing right in front of their house so you might want to not put on a show here. We're going in. Now.”
The two brothers held a steady gaze on each other, both trying to seem as angry and stern as possible. “Gerard, please”, Mikey finally gave in.
“Whatever”, Gerard said, hoping it didn't seem like Mikey's plead had made him weak, which it totally had not done! “First sign of guilt tripping and I'm out of there.”
“Sure”, the youngest Way nodded and guided Gerard to the front porch, their parents following closely behind.

They didn't have to wait long after the first knock and Linda Iero opened the door, beaming at the family, that had just arrived.
“Gerard, it's wonderful to see you again, you look great! Come on in, it's been so long.”
She opened the door a little wider, inviting the Way's into her house, before turning around shouting upstairs, “Frankie, guests are here, come down!”
Gerard stopped dead in front of the staircase leading to where he knew Frank's old room was located. He wondered, what it looked like now. Were the posters they'd put there together still on the walls? Probably not. Not only was that way too long ago and Frank must have grown out of it but also he had certainly ripped them all down, when his new friends came to visit.
He felt a hand on his back, softly pushing him to move on. When he looked to his side Mikey was standing there, a sympathetic look on his face. Together they followed the others into the kitchen, where Linda was handling some cups asking what everyone wanted to drink. “Coffee, please. Milk, no sugar, for both of us.”, Mikey answered for Gerard and himself.

“Mom, do you need me to get-”, the voice from the kitchen door suddenly stopped, “What the-”
Gerard turned around, to find Frank standing there, hair still slightly damp from a shower he must have taken and an utterly confused look on his face.
“Glad to know, I wasn't the only one, not expecting this.”, Gerard muttered, interpreting Frank's confusion as shock of Gerard being there.
“You bet.”, was all the shorter man said before turning to his mother, “What on earth, mom?”
“Be polite, Frank!”, she scolded him, “Donna and I thought it would be nice for you boys to spend the afternoon talking.”
Frank's eyes widened at how ridiculous that sounded, “Nice to spend the afternoon?”, he repeated.
“Yes, now come here and help me with this coffee machine, I still don't know how to work it.”
It took her son a minute to process, what Linda had set him up to and he walked towards the coffee maker silently and pressed a few buttons. The dark liquid started flowing into a big pot.
Although his parents and Linda were talking animatedly the next few minutes were extremely tense for Gerard. None of the boys said anything besides the occasional please and thank you while they were eating cake and listened to their mothers during an avid discussion on the new playground that was supposed to be build in the park.
“So, Gerard, what are you doing for a living?”, Linda changed the topic of the conversation, smiling at the oldest Way brother.
“I...ehm...”
“Gerard's a comic book artist.”, Mikey helped him out.
“A comic book artist!”, Linda exclaimed excitedly, “that sounds fun. I remember you drawing super heroes all the time as a kid, it must be wonderful to pursue a career in something you love doing.”
“Yes, ehm, it's quite nice to enjoy what you're doing.” When you actually have a job to get paid for what you do, Gerard wanted to add but decided it'd be best not to.
“Frank is a tattoo artist, aren't you, darling”
“Yeah...I work at this place in Brooklyn, it's...it's a good job actually.”
Wow, could this get anymore awkward, Gerard asked himself, while he specifically did not look at Frank and toyed with the last piece of cake on his plate.
“Well, I think, we're just gonna leave you boys to yourselves now.”, Donna stood up from her chair and panic flared up in Gerard. This hadn't been part of the deal. On their way outside the room she nudged Mikey's shoulder signaling him to come along but Gerard grabbed his hand under the table, forbidding him to leave.
“I think, I'm just gonna stay along for a little while, mom.”, Mikey said and Gerard let out a shaky breath, pressing his brothers hand softly before letting go as a silent thank you.
Their mother cocked an eyebrow but then shrugged and excited the room behind Linda and her husband.

It was Mikey, who finally broke the tense silence between them.
“So, how's your dad, Frank?”
“He's, uhm, at my aunt's I believe, she's got some issues with her youngest and he's trying to mediate. But besides that he's good.”
“Oh, okay, well that's nice of him.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Their conversation went something like that for a while. Awkward small talk between the three of them. Well, actually, between Frank and Mikey. Gerard was only half-heartedly following what they were saying his mind wandering off to other places most of the time.
There was a noticeable shift in the atmosphere, when the two men started talking about music. Evidently, Frank was into a lot of the same music as the Way brothers. Either that, or his tattoos were completely misguiding and they engaged in a heated discussion which Misfits era had been the best.
Soon Frank was talking about the various bands he had been in and Gerard pretended not to be interested, while he listened eagerly. Frank made avid hand gestures while talking, that Gerard had noticed and it drew his attention to the words inked onto his skin there. The word Halloween written across his fingers made the other man smile. It was good to know, that he wasn't the only adult that never got rid off his obsession with the holiday.
The conversation was easy from then on, though Gerard still didn't participate.
The other men discussed bands and comic book and movies and it went all too smoothly for it to stay that way.
As if the universe had read Gerard's mind Mikey's phone rang in the middle of him saying something and he looked at the display and got up, “I need to take this.”, he stated before exiting the room, leaving Gerard and Frank alone.

For a moment the two of them awkwardly sat at the table, looking down on their respective plates. Gerard curled his fingers underneath the table, fingernails digging into the sensitive skin of his palm to take his mind of the fact that never before had being alone with Frank been this weird. As kids everything was easy, talking came easily, there was always something to discuss. The new comic book that had just been dropped, stuff that happened in school, stories about Mikey, their parents or other things they'd witnessed. They didn't have to think about anything at all before spending the day together, things would just come up as soon as their thoughts collided. That was so different now.

“So, uhm, you wanna...maybe have a smoke outside?”, Frank attempted to relive the conversation.
Gerard couldn't find a way out of the situation so he defeatedly agreed and followed the shorter one into the back yard. They both grabbed a cigarette from the pack Frank had had in his jeans pocket and Gerard accepted the lighter he held out for him with a half-smile.
“Gerard, I...”, Frank began, not looking at the other one. They were standing next to each other, a safe distance in between them and looked at the garden of the conjoined house in front of them. “This wasn't my idea.”
“I know.”
“Good, uhm, but as we are kinda trapped here I thought, maybe, we...I could.”
Despite his height Frank managed to be a somewhat tough looking guy, with the tattoos, piercings and slightly longer than usual hair but now his shoulders pulled up and hands buried deep inside his jeans pockets he was the exact opposite.
“Look, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.”
Gerard was still standing on the grass next to him, staring at the other house and only his defensive posture told Frank that the taller man knew that he was still with him.
“When...that summer, when I ran into those boys at the beach and they made me believe that I could be one of them, somebody that people didn't just walk past in the hallway. They taught me how to be cool and what I needed to do to have people notice me, to make friends with people. I felt like I could have more than just one friend, I thought that if I were part of the cool crowd we could both have so much more fun in high school and we wouldn't have to be afraid of being shoved into lockers anymore.”, he rambled, rushing the words out of his mouth quickly because he knew that if he didn't say everything now he would never get the chance to.
Gerard grunted and mumbled something unintelligible, that Frank figured must be along the lines of 'Worked out well enough for you'.
“I never...they...one day one of the boys asked me about you. I said you were my best friend and that you were a really cool guy but they all just laughed at me, told me you were a freak.”, Frank paused and took a drag of his cigarette, “I thought they were joking. I couldn't see why anyone would call you a freak. Sure, we had never been normal but we weren't freaks. They dropped the subject and I was convinced we were through with it, that they would learn to see that you weren't as weird as they thought.”, he looked up from the ground and fixed his gaze on Gerard's face or what he could see of it. The black hair was covering most of the skin, only his small nose peeking through from the side.
“When school started...I didn't know what to do. They all couldn't stand you, thought you were an easy target. I felt horrible, leaving you like that. I saw you every day, saw you sitting alone at lunch, saw you hiding in the bathrooms as soon as you finished eating. I knew, that what I was doing was awful but I couldn't bring myself to go back to you. Not only would I have lost my position in school but also...I was so afraid because...Everyone knew that if you were gay you would be bullied it was as easy as that and I...I was...I was falling for you Gerard and I was terribly afraid that anyone would ever find out about my sexuality. The first time I actually dated a guy was way into college, all the time before the idea of people judging me for being bi was the worst thing ever, I couldn't handle so much as thinking about it.

So I left you to your own devices, hoping that you would make it through high school because you still meant so much to me but I was a fucking wimp and didn't have the guts to be with the people I actually cared about and who I knew liked me for who I really was. Through the years I convinced myself that it was best this way, that the people I had befriended were right for me, that I had the fucking time of my life with them. Simultaneously people started joking around, calling me gay whenever I sad that I liked art or dyed my hair. I got defensive and took it out on you. It seemed like the logical consequence at the time. The only guy I had had feelings for had to be the subject for my tortures. That you had been my best friend who I was supposed to protect from bullies was the furthest thing on my mind and I didn't think twice before pushing you into doors and against window sills. The other guys praised me for it, said now that I finally had the guts to treat you like you deserved. That only pushed me further.

After graduation I realized how appalling my behavior was. I understood that it was my fear of being who I really was that made me do this stuff, that you had never done anything wrong. I feel horrible about it. I regret everything I did, Gerard, believe me, if I could go back in time I would slap myself in the face and make me sit with you during lunch that first and every fucking day to come. I know saying sorry doesn't do you any good. Still...I hope that you'll forgive me.”, the last words were only a whisper. Frank looked at the cigarette in his hand, already burned down to the filter and let it fall to the ground, crashing the ashes with his shoe. Saying all his out loud drained Frank. He didn't know what he expected of Gerard now that he had finally had his chance to explain everything. He felt his eyes tearing up, when the other man didn't say a word in response.

Just as he couldn't bear the silence between them any longer Gerard started to speak. It was only one sentence but defied anything Frank had hoped for. “Are you finished?”, was all the other man said.
“Yes”, Frank gulped heavily, waiting for Gerard to add more.
“Good.”, Gerard dropped the rest of his cigarette into the grass and made sure to butt out the glowing point before he turned around and walked back to the house.
The tattooed man's eyes followed Gerard's steps calculating what he was supposed to do now. “Hey!”, he shouted impulsively, immediately regretting it as soon as Gerard turned around. He hadn't been able to see the taller one's face, while he was speaking but now he got the full view of Gerard's expression. He was furious.
“What?”, he shot back, staring right at Frank.
“I...I thought you might say something.”, Frank admitted quietly.
“Say something? What the fuck am I supposed to say?”, Gerard exploded. Listeing to Frank trying to justify his actions made his blood boil and he had to clench his fists to stop himself from acting out., “Hey buddy, it's alright I forgive you? What you just said explains everything and I'm totally fine with that? Yeah, I bet that's what you wanted to hear. You know what, what you just said was a really bullshit excuse for the bullying but it's an even worse one for all the other shit you pulled off.”, Gerard waited a moment to give Fran some time to come up with his own conclusion of what he was talking about. When it didn't seem as if he'd understand Gerard continued.

“What about that one time you started making out with me in my room at my mom's birthday party before running away, leaving me there crying. And the next day at school you watched your stupid ass friends shove me into a locker and called me an emo faggot!”, Gerard all but screamed at the short man in front of him, “You think that's justified by 'I was young and didn't know what the fuck to do'? You really think that? 'Cause it's fucking not, you get that?”
Everything around them was quiet for a moment and all one could hear was the chilly wind blowing through the trees in the backyard before suddenly another voice spoke from behind them. “You did fucking what?”, Mikey shouted from the veranda of the Iero's house.
The pair turned around to face not only Gerard's brother but also his parents and Frank's mom. When they had heard the loud voices from outside they had emerged from the living room to go check on their sons just to find Gerard fuming with anger and Frank close to tears.
“Go away, Mikey, this has got nothing to do with you!”, the older brother shouted back.
“Nothing to do with me? You think what you went through in high school has got nothing to do with me? Everything that happened because of that and I don't deserve to know?”
“Well what do you think? That I tried to kill myself because my stupid best friend crush had found new friends?”
Gerard could see Frank wincing at that last question but he couldn't care less, “Gee, please, I-”, the tattooed man interjected.
“Shut it, Frank, honestly. You wanna know why I can't just forgive you? Why I can't just run into your arms like you're my dream come true? 'Cause there's a suicide note still laying in the back of the closet in my childhood room, that I never threw away. You wanna know why? Not 'cause I'm so fucking sentimental or wanted to remind myself to never do something like that again. It's laying there because to date I still wish I had succeeded. I still wish that I could have done one thing correctly in my entire life and cut a little deeper, a little longer, a little more than I did. I wish I'd not been such a wimp and started a little earlier so that Mikey hadn't found me still alive. You heard that, Mikey, my kid brother found me! My wrists slit, blood running down into the drain. He was thirteen! That's your fault, Frank. You ruined me! You and your stupid friends and your stupid smile, that could make my entire day and your fucking little curls, when your hairs gets too long like now and your dumb ass amazing tattoos and taste in music but most of all you and your fucking friends that made my life hell for four fucking years and long after, so shut the fuck up, Frank, whatever you got to say, I don't wanna hear it, this is all your fault!”

Gerard held a steady gaze on Frank the entire time, so he could make out the exact moment, when the other man couldn't take it any longer and broke down. It was the You ruined me that took the last of Frank's strength, his knees buckling, helpless tears falling from his eyes. Now he was crouching on the dry grass, his face hidden behind trembling hands but Gerard made no move forward, he stayed put where he was, staring down on the person he had so conflicted feelings for.
It was Mikey, that finally broke the silence for the second time that day. He didn't look at Gerard but rather kneed next to Frank, putting an arm on his back whispering soothing words, while the smaller man continuously sobbed, “I'm so sorry, Gee, so sorry.” but if Gerard felt anything it was betrayal. His brother was comforting Frank Iero. He wasn't standing next to Gerard, trying to calm him down, he wasn't even shouting at him, asking him what the fuck he was thinking, no he was holding Frank.
It was quiet among the adults for a while until they couldn't hear Frank sob anymore. Mikey looked at him concerned and rubbed his back one last time, “You okay?”
Frank nodded slightly and tore his hands from his blurry eyes. The younger Way got up from the ground and marched over to where his brother was standing, “What the fuck, Gerard!”, he exclaimed loudly and grabbed one of the older ones arms, yanking up his sleeve, “You think this is all his fault?”, he pressed his thumb forcefully into the still visible scars on his wrist, “How pathetic are you?” Gerard let out a pained gasp as Mikey's nails pushed into his skin but his brother didn't seem to notice, “God dammit, you can't blame everything on what one person did to you fifteen years ago! Sure, he did some fucking horrible things, for the love of God I still hate him for that but no one – no one deserves being blamed for your own fuck ups!”

“It's okay, Mikey.”, the tiny voice that belonged to Frank told him, “It's...I think I kind of needed to hear that.”
Mikey dropped Gerard's arm and turned around, equally confused as his brother who was looking at Frank as if he'd lost his mind.
“At least now I know, what he really thinks of me, it's okay. I did everything he said, so I guess it's alright.” That moment Frank looked so broken, so defeated, he reminded Gerard of his five year old version, that had been told his dog just died and for a second he forgot about everything that happened between then and now and all he wanted was to hold him close and never let him go again. With a twitch in his hand he almost reached out for Frank but pulled back fast enough, when he remembered what had gotten them in this situation to begin with.

Apparently no one knew what to say to that so Gerard lowered his gaze, avoiding the looks his parents gave him trying to figure what to do now. Hesitantly he searched for Mikey's eyes. Even though only a minute ago his little brother had been deeply angry at him, Gerard knew, that he could always rely on him for help. Mikey caught his glance and frowned but then turned around warily, “I guess it's best if we just go now. I'll-”, he smiled sadly at Frank, clearly remembering what he had said to him a few days ago about hoping it wouldn't be too late, “I'll talk to you soon, okay?”
Frank didn't seem to completely register what Mikey had told him but nodded anyways.

Gerard followed his brother to the car mindlessly, his brain shut down completely as he buckled himself up and sank into the seat, drowning in the quiet music that started to play as soon as the engine roared.

“You ruined me or smile that could make my day. You need to get your fucking priorities straight, Gee.”

Notes

*hides behind bushes* i think the beginning is actually decent but somewhere from the middle on my writing got like really bad i'm sorry *crawls deeper into the woods*