Dark Side of a Smile

He wrote so many letters, I think he finally knew where I was at. The letters didn't stop. I wished they did when he relized where I'm staying. No he showered me with love the best he could in his writing, drew me pictures, even wrote me some songs. I love him. With all my heart, I really do. I can't understand why. He cheated, abused me, used me, left me to the curb. I can't help it. I love him. I want to write back. What will I say? What will I do? Even if I did write I couldn't have anything good to say. I could talk about that night. The night Mikey called the ambulance, the night I wish I thought of a reason to live, I didn't mean to cut that deep, too take that many pills, I'm sorry my beautiful baby girl. I didn't mean for you to be in a diffrent home. To be away from me. To never know your father. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better mother. I wish things turned out better, for you it will. I'll make sure of it. Gerard, you left me. You always wanted drugs more than me. I can't write to you. I can't. Every time I needed you, you left, you weren't there. I wish I died that night, I wish Mikey found me a few minutes later. Yes, the father of my baby's brother see's her, taking care of her currently. I know Mikey will give her a good life with his new girlfriend. She's sweet, I met her. Gerard will never see her. I'll never see her. I'll always remeber her. Damn my memories. Us getting high, us being stupid and fucking, me smiling every time I saw him or even near him, me comferting me when his grandma died, me catching him having sex with Lyn-Z on our bed, me going to Mikey's (his girlfriend helped me through that), all the times he snuck into my room just to hold me before I knew I was gay, him not being there when I took that pregnancy test, him going to fucking jail while I was trying to figure out what to do, me going into labor when he wasn't even in the same city, me having his child and almost started to hate her because of how much she looks like Gerard. I never could hate her. Not my baby girl. Anyone but her I could hate. I hope I see you in hell Gerard, you're never going to see me again.

Notes

Sorry it's short, running out of ideas and writers block.