The Guitar Tutor

I was in this really bizarre cloud of euphoria after being dropped off to my house by Mr Way, it made me completely forget about the shit I was going through with Brandon and his whores. It was like a drug, I was numb to anything outside of thinking about him and I felt this odd tingling in my chest. I had just lost my virginity to the music teacher I couldn’t stop thinking about and it was almost daunting. I decided to leave the t-shirt he lent me on, I could smell his sandalwood and lemon smell on it and I just wanted to be reminded of it so bad. I craved human contact so fucking bad. I felt so isolated and alone, so fucking forever alone and that nobody would ever love me and when I found out about how Gerard felt about me, it felt like an invisible barrier around me repelling everyone away from me had completely shattered and lifted a huge weight off of my whole body. I needed to be reminded of that.

I dragged on a pair of jeans and put on a jacket. I walked out of the house.
“Frank!” my mum called. I turned around, “don’t you think you’re too hurt to go out and meet Jamia? You need to rest!” I shook my head, grabbed a pen and my notepad and rushed out of the door. It’s not like my mum gave an actual shit, ever since my dad went to prison in Hull she had been trying her very best to keep an eye on me and make sure I wasn’t going out anywhere dodgy and she always knew where I was, but I just felt like it was so fucking fake. She was never like this before, she had no idea about me being bullied until about two months into year ten and even then she would just tell me to ignore them. I walked out of the house and slammed the door.

It wasn’t until I was halfway walking to the park until I realised that my mum was actual right, my ribs and legs stung like a bitch and I immediately regretted agreeing to this. I kept walking, trying to ignore all the pain but I had to stop when I got to the park gates, gently rubbing my legs and trying to calm down the pain in my ribs. I dragged myself inside the gates and Jamia was waiting further up, leaning against a tree and reading a copy of Kerrang. I slowly walked, almost limped to her and she looked up, immediately glaring at the bulky cast on my nose.
“WHAT. THE FUCK. DID THEY DO TO YOU.” She almost screamed. I scribbled onto the paper.
Oh you know, not much, just fucking BROKE MY NOSE AND BRUISED MY RIBS SO FUCKING BAD DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS SHIT HURTS.
I had to restrain myself from kicking her in the head. I needed someone to pin the blame on – I knew it wasn’t really her fault, she was just trying to protect me and it was probably more my fault than hers because I was the one that told Mrs Fischer about Brandon and his whores bullying me, but everything hurt so fucking bad. My ribs, my nose, I had sustained a solid red lump on the back of my head from Brandon kicking me and that ached like a bitch but I couldn’t help but feel this crippling feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was like something was trying to claw its way out, but its claws were completely fucking blunt. It made me feel like I was a foreign host trying to take over my own body, no, I felt more disturbed than that. I just wanted everything to end.
“Frankie I'm so sorry baby.” She said, trying to ambush me in a hug and then remembering that my ribs were bruised, so turning it into a more awkward shoulder-grab. I was too numb to even cry. I just wanted to lie in bed forever and never get up.
“I'm glad you told Mrs Fischer. I want it to stop, ok? You don’t deserve this Frankie. I don’t want them to hurt you.” She looked into my eyes and started to tear up.
Is your offer to rip Brandon’s dick off and feed it to your dog still standing? I wrote.
She laughed, and it wasn’t just a chuckle or a giggle, it was a full on, full hearted laugh.
“Fuck yes. I'm going to feed it to my dog and then when my dog shits it out, shove it down Brandon’s throat.”
Calm down Satan
“I have an even better idea. We need to plan the prank of the century. We’re not even gonna beat him up, we’re just gonna fucking annoy him so fucking much and he won’t even know it’s us this is gonna be great oh my god.” She squealed. I grinned, my nose aching but I didn’t care.
“So where were you on Friday? Your mum said you weren’t home.”
The new guitar tutor Mr Way took me to A&E and I had to stay at his for the night bc my mum was in Hull.
“Is that the hot one with the red hair?” she asked, smirking.
How do you know him?
“He was at the pride alliance meeting on Thursday; he’s the new chair or something.”
I stumbled back trying to hide my surprise. Jamia gave me a funny look.
“What?” she asked, looking suspicious. I shook my head.
“You have a massive fucking crush on him don’t you?” she said. I shook my head vigorously.
“Bullshit, he’s your fucking guitar tutor and hot as fuck. Have you seen his arse in skinny jeans?” she chuckled, nudging me.
Very fucking funny, J
“Whatever dude. Totally cool if you do.”
I don’t have a crush on Mr Way you utter bellend
“suuuuuuure.” She said, pretending to shove an imaginary dick in her mouth.
You’re so fucking immature I scribbled
“Not my fault if you want to suck his dick dude.”

I left the park cringing so hard I almost shed my skin. How the actual fuck was she that good at reading my emotions??
As I walked home, this crippling fear set in. the cloudy, misty euphoria I was in before had completely melted away and I was now in a cold, hard reality. He was a teacher, I was a student. This was never going to happen. It couldn’t happen. He was so much older than me, so much more experienced. Fuck, I was just some stupid, clueless kid that only just lost his virginity yesterday.
Holy fuck.
I just lost my virginity.
This wave of disturbance washed through me. I felt like a cheap whore. I felt dirty. I felt unclean and what made it worse was the fact that I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed him doing all these things to me. A shiver ran up my spine and I got a compulsive feeling to go take a shower. I put a waterproof cover over my nose cast and climbed in, letting the water run down my body. Oh god, what if people found out about what we did? No matter how long I stayed in the shower, I couldn’t wash him off of my body.
And the worse part was that I fucking loved it.

Notes

i now have an unholy obsession with leathermouth wtf is happening to me
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