For Frankie

His funeral was on a Tuesday. I had sat with his mother and brother, his mom clung to her son for a majority of the service, as if the universe were planning to reach out and snatch him away too. I didn’t cry, I stared at the closed casket, wishing I could’ve just climbed inside and been buried with him.

At the end, his mother untangled herself from her only remaining son and turned to me. She said nothing as she shoved an enveloped into my grasp. With that, she left the cemetery, dabbing at her eyes as her boy trailed behind her.

I sat there staring at the envelope for an hour, “For Frankie” printed across it carefully.

…

The envelope lay in front of me as I sit on the floor by my bed. I’m too terrified to open it, it’s my last little piece of him. The envelope was sealed with duct tape, reinforcing that whatever was inside was meant for me only. I carefully reach out, pluck it from the floor, and tear the top off of it slowly. The sound of it ripping makes me flinch.

Inside is a small plastic baggie, filled with a candy bar wrapper, two folded pieces of paper, a folded map, and an index card. I carefully unzip the bag with shaking hands, I reach in and pull out the wrapper, holding it delicately with my thumb and forefinger.

“Oh, Gerard.” I sob.

…

I leaned against the wall by the door to my apartment, tears streaming down my face. I had to collect myself before I went inside, I didn’t want my mom to know that I was having problems at school, she was so happy, I couldn’t ruin it for her.

Just as I was close to being presentable, the door across from me cracked open, a mass of black hair poked it’s head around the door. The boy stepped the rest of the way into the hallway, regarding me with a tilt of his head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He seemed genuinely concerned.

“I uh-” I scrubbed a hand over my face, “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” The boy stepped closer.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “The kids at school just don’t like me very much.” I sniffed.

He took another step towards me, “Don’t let it bring you down,” He smiled, “They’re just a bunch of assholes.”

I managed a small smile at the boy, “Thanks, you’re really nice.”

“I just don’t like it when people cry.” He shrugged, “I’m Gerard.”

“I’m Frank.”

“Well, Frank,” Gerard began as reached into his jacket pocket, “Would you like to split this chocolate bar?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I’d like that alot.”

…

I slip the wrapper back into the bag. After that day in the hall, Gerard would walk with me to and from school everyday.

I wipe my eyes and open the bag once again, pulling out one of the folded pieces of paper and unfolding it.

…

I could see Gerard nervously glancing at me every so often, he had been staring at the same piece of paper the entire science period. Finally, with a trembling hand, he slid the page across the table to me.

I eagerly picked up what Gerard had seemed so interested in. A single sentence was scrawled across the top of the page.

“Frankie, go out with me?”

I stared at the sentence for a while before glancing at Gerard, he was trembling and staring hard at his shoes. I remained silent for the rest of class. Once we had finally gotten out of classroom, I grabbed Gerard’s hand and dragged him towards the bathroom.

When I finally wrestled him into a stall, we just stood and stared at eachother for a moment.

Gerard finally spoke up, “Frank, I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Gee, of course I’ll go out with you.” I interrupted, I had become infatuated with Gerard since the moment we met, I thought I’d made it obvious.

“Y-you will?”

“Of course.”

Gerard took me to the park that night. He laid down a blanket and we sprawled out across it, staring at the sky. I remember feeling so warm and content.

“I didn’t expect you to say yes.” Gerard chuckled dryly.

I turned onto my side to look at Gerard, “I thought you knew how much I liked you.”

Gerard sighed, reaching out for my hand and intertwining our fingers, “I think maybe I did know deep down, but it was just too good to be true.” He glanced at me before looking back up at the sky, “You’re beautiful, you know?”

I grinned, “You’re beautiful, too.”

He just laughed.

…

I began sobbing, I place the note back into the bag after glancing at the words one more time. I bury my head in my lap and just cry. I cry for Gerard, the love of my life. I cry because he promised me he’d always be with me and now he’s not.

Tears still falling, I reach for the second piece of paper. I unfold it to see a picture of myself so perfectly drawn. He had so much talent. I can’t take it anymore, I collapse onto the floor and stare at the ceiling, desperately clinging to the story behind the drawing.

…

“Dammit Frankie, hold still.”

I giggled from my spot on the bed. Gerard sat across from me, sketch pad balancing on his lap.

“Come on Gee, this is so boring.” I whined.

“You said I could draw you,” Gerard tried to feign sternness, but a smile stayed on his lips, “Besides, there’s nothing better to do.”

“Well,” I grinned, sliding across the bed to Gerard. I moved the sketchpad from his lap and placed it carefully on the floor, “Theres always this.” I pressed my lips firmly to his.

He grunted and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me up to straddle him as he laid back onto the bed. His tongue caressed my lower lip before he pulled away for a moment to mutter, “Yeah, this is good too.”

I groaned lightly as he pulled me closer to bite on my neck, successfully bruising the skin there. He licked over the raw skin before returning to my mouth. As we kissed, he gently rolled us over so he was on top. Gerard pulled away and hovered over me, looking at me with such longing it made my stomach clench.

He whispered, “Beautiful.” before diving back down to suck at my neck once more.

“Gerard?”

“Mm?” He responded, not pulling away.

I drew in a deep breath, “Make love to me.”

Gerard pulled back at that, studying me carefully, “Are you sure, baby?”

“Yes,” I nodded, “Yes.”

“I love you so much.” He whispered into my ear, making me shudder with anticipation.

“I love you too, Gee, forever.”

“Forever.” He confirmed, as he slowly slid my pants down.

…

“Forever,” I whisper, not looking away from the ceiling. Gerard had finished the drawing later on, while I was asleep.

I shivered slightly at the memory. I sit up slowly and pull the plastic bag towards me. I replace the drawing and pull out the map, confused at it’s meaning. I unfold it and hold it out in front of me, across the map written in marker it reads, “I’D RUN AWAY WITH YOU ANYTIME.”

…

“Gerard,” I yelled out, “Wait!”

He was running down the sidewalk, clutching his nose, I was trailing behind him. All at once he stopped running, and just collapsed onto his back, laying on the sidewalk. I walked up quietly and looked down at him with worry.

I slowly laid down next to him, grabbing his hand, I was reminded of our first date.

“I hate them.” Gerard announced suddenly, he was speaking of the bullies, “Why can’t they just let me be myself,” He turned his head to look at me, “Just let me love you.”

“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“We could get out you know? We could just leave this stupid town and never look back, just me and you, Frankie.”

I stared at him, “Where’d we go?”

“Wherever you want, I’d go anywhere for you.” Gerard breathed out, leaning over to gently peck my lips before lying back down.

“What if I said I wanted to stay here?”

“Then I’d stay with you.”

I raised an eyebrow, “But you hate it here.”

He sighed, “I do, but my love for you exceeds my hate for this place by so much.”

A tear ran down my cheek, “I don’t really want to stay here, I’d run away with you anytime, Gee.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

…

I lay the map beside me, eyeing the only item in the bag I hadn’t looked at, the index card, I pull it out and took a deep breath before reading what was scrawled on it’s surface.

“Don’t cry for me my love, I don’t like it when people cry.
I’m so sorry, Gerard.”

I cry anyway. I put everything back into the bag and then I cry and scream. I know he wanted me to stay strong and find a way to move on, but every part of me needs him. I don’t even know what to with myself, I writhe around on the floor for a while, screaming in pain.

Soon I run out of tears to shed and climb into a cold bed with a broken heart.

“I wish you’d just held on, Gee, we were so close, we could’ve got out.” I sob, “God I love you.”

I pretend he’s there to comfort me and tell me he loves me more.

Notes

Sorry, I know it's depressing, but I'm just in that kind of mood. Thank you for reading. And if I get a pretty good response I may turn this into a compilation of one shots, you know?

Sorry for mistakes, I don't generally write in first person.