If You're Real

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I wake up in my lovely dark room and stretch, looking at this new drawing I've done. It's a drawing of Frank, one that I've been working on for a while now. And I've finished it! Now I get my own personal Frank to stare at, even though he does not move or talk.

A ray of sun is shining through my window and onto me; I look at my thin shadow projected onto the floor, it looks stretched out and unintelligible. "What are you starin' at?" I grunt. It doesn't move. Obviously. I watch it flicker as the sun moves slowly away. "Hmph. Well fuck you," I mumble at my own shadow. Jesus , I am crazy. I belong here. I am fucking mad.

When I finally get up I look at myself in the mirror. Ugh, I'm disgusting. I'm so ugly. I'm so worthless. Wow.

I study the features of my face. My hair, tangled and greasy. It looks like I haven't washed it in months. The colour, it's so red. Like someone has poured blood onto it; when I run my fingers through it, it feels like straw. My eyes, cold and empty, they don't give anything away. I've mastered the art of hiding my emotions. Nobody can know. My mouth, dry pouted lips and pointy chin. Lips curved down at the sides and a sad expression. My eyelashes, long and thick, protecting my ugly eyes from the piercing stares. My jawline, sharp and angled.

I suddenly get a strong urge to have a shower. I'm so disgusting. My skin in so rough and covered with dried blood from my cuts. I need to wash it all off, I need to wash myself away.

I throw off all my clothes and examine my bare chest. God, nobody can ever love me. I have to wash myself away. I quickly step into the shower and soak in freezing cold water. Ow, it hurts, it's so cold. I deserve the pain. I begin frantically scrubbing myself, letting everything fall away, it feels good, and I stand still for a while. Suddenly I panic.

I see a figure against the wall. What? A person? They are standing with their back to me and I can see their whole body. It's a guy. He's beautiful. He has a slim, slender body which is completely covered with tattoos. His hips are tattooed and his arms are completely covered, there is hardly any bare skin. I can see letters on his fingers and another tattoo on his neck. his is beautiful, his body is a canvas, a work of art. He is art.

I stop myself from staring at his arse. Why the fuck is he standing in my shower? He has got to be a hallucination. I don't want to break the silence, but eventually I softly say, "Frank."
He doesn't say anything. As if he hasn't heard me.

"Are you real?" I ask.
Pause.
"No." he whispers. I hardly even hear the single syllable leave his lips. It's so quiet. I reach out to touch him and my fingers go right through his shoulder. Oh. Okay. I created this hallucination in my own mind and I can't even control it. I have no idea at all what he is going to do, we are both naked and I realize there are a lot of possibilities. Holy shit, this is hot.

Dr Iero turns around in the cramped space and we are centimetres apart. Our noses are almost touching and his eyes are impossibly close. I have never had a stronger urge to close the distance between us. But I'm frozen and I stay as still as possible.

He seems so real.

I stare at his hazel eyes to distract myself from the rest of him, I can't detect what he is thinking because his eyes are unblinking and intense. They are beautiful.

After what seems like multiple hours, he slowly begins raising his hand. Just one hand, not both. Good. He raises his open hand a few millimetres a second, as not to alarm me. Time seems to slow down as his hand passes my hips and rises past my chest, where my heart is beating like crazy, I swear he can hear it, I feel a throbbing in my ribcage and also my forehead. I am not scared though, I am excited. I am internally screaming. I am internally fangirling.

There is a beautiful guy in the shower with me and he is almost nearly touching me. I concentrate on breathing normally.

Frank's hand is now at my face, at my jawline. Slowly, so slowly, he cups my face in his hand and strokes my jaw with his thumb. Back and forth, so gentle. I shiver and it feels amazing. "Why are you here," I whisper. He thinks for a second.

"Because I know that I drive you completely crazy." Oh my god. I forget to breathe.
"I know that right now, your mind is racing and your heart is beating very fast. Oh, and you have a pretty big boner."
I stare back, stunned. His hand is still resting on my cheek. When he says this his voice is low and breathy, and somewhat raspy. Somehow it does not break the silence, - his voice comes from his throat.

"Now, Gerard..." he commands in a seductive and confident voice; "I am now going to kiss you and after I have kissed you I am going to disappear. Do you understand me?" Fuck.
"Yes."
Pause.
"Cool."

Dr Iero places one hand on each side of my hip; just where my hipbones stick out, and rests his thumbs in the dip of each bone. My cheeks flush red. As the cold water runs down our skin, Dr Iero leans closer to me and rests his nose against mine.

This is fucking amazing. I stare at his beautiful face and wait for him to do anything.

You can do whatever you want with me, I say to him in my head. He smirks and inches closer. Finally he crushes his wet lips to mine, under the sound of the falling water and the coldness. He bites my bottom lip which causes me to moan and continues moving his soft lips, against mine. The kiss lasts for a few seconds altogether.

He quickly pulls away, leaving me speechless and smoothes my hair down. Then he steps back the water starts washing him away. His skin turns into water and slowly he is washed away and once again I am alone. This is the best and worst thing that has ever happened in my life.

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Notes