If You're Real

- - -

As I sit on the sofa writing fantasies about Dr Iero, I'm sitting next to this girl. She's my best mate so far in this hellhole, her name is Claudia. She's got long red hair, tons of eyeliner and she's really great. I can hear my favourite band singing out of her headphones and I smile at her. I write 'mcr?' on a piece of paper and show it to her and she smiles at me. Hah, this girl is like... my soulmate. Although I don't fancy her cause I'm gay. I love Dr Iero. Obviously.

I can hear 'I'm not okay' blaring out of her headphones. (I know my chemical romance shouldn't exist because Gerard is still 16 here and Frank's his doctor but I don't know... it's my story, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it!)

- - -

I see Dr Iero standing in front of me. We're in the hospital, like always, and he is talking to me. "Call me Frank," he's saying. "Frank Iero".

That name has such a nice ring to it. Frank Iero. I drift into deeper sleep, remembering his name over and over again.

Frank Iero.

- - -

"So how do you feel today?" Dr Iero asks me, again. "Fine." That's my usual answer.
"Can you elaborate on that?" he probes.
Nope, not really," I say tiredly. I can't be bothered to look at his beautiful face anymore. It just seems so stupid. All he ever does is ask me questions. Honestly.
"Have you self-harmed recently?" he asks.
"Yes," I reply, uncertainly.
"Would you like to show me?" he asks tentatively.
"Okay." I pull back my sleeve to show my new cuts. They're much deeper than usual and they look pretty bad, even to me. It doesn't help that they're bright red and risen up in ridges.

He reaches forward and silently runs his fingers along my cuts. I gasp. Well this is new. My eyes widen as he strokes my arm. A shiver runs along my spine. This feels really nice.
"Sorry," he murmurs.
"No, it's okay," I say quickly. "It actually felt quite good." Oops. I blush. "J-just cause they're kind of sore, that's all."
"Oh."
"So, um..." Great start, Gerard.

Dr Iero looks at me, concerned. "W-why would you do this to yourself?" he says. "You don't deserve to be hurt like this." I blush.
"Seriously."
"I do deserve it."
"You don't."
"I do."
"Gerard..." he trails off.

"When you sang that song... last week... in music therapy... it was beautiful. Where did you learn to sing like that?"
"I don't know," I say truthfully.
"Well, you have a beautiful voice, Gerard."
"Thank you." I'm blushing again.

"Um, Dr Iero?"
"Yes, Gerard?"
"Is your first name... Frank?"
His head snaps up, stunned. I look into his wide innocent eyes. "How did you know?" he asks. "I-I u-uh... d-dreamt about it. You were in m-my d-dream."
He stops breathing.
"You had a dream about me?" Shit. "Well, it was just one. It was nothing really," I say. "It was just once." I look down at the floor.
"Can you tell me what happened in it?" I pause. "No." He looks disappointed. He's kind of gone weird and mushy and I feel really fucking weird.

"Gerard?..." his mind seems faraway. "What is it, Dr Iero?" I say gently. What's he gonna say?
"Uh... nothing."
I wonder what he was gonna say to me. Sometimes I feel like he's holding back, but then he seems to cover up that hidden emotion; on purpose. What is he hiding from me?

- - -

Notes