If You're Real

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I curl up on one of the sofas in the lounge and listen to the radio on the TV. It's late in the afternoon and everyone's just chilling. Then this song comes on, I can't place what it is and then the girl across the room starts singing along with it..

Jacob, a boy on our ward suddenly struts in and a smile spreads across my face. He's started dancing to the jazzy song and it's fucking hilarious. Wait, I know this, it's uptown funk! I laugh along with everyone else although I'm not really into it that much.

The older boy keeps doing his ridiculous dancing and soon I'm in hysterics and begging for him to stop. "Please, dude, please stop, I'm cringing," I whine. "Alright, alright," I hear and roll my eyes at the room.

So, this is my fucked up, crazy life at hospital. I've been here for a while now, actually a couple months, maybe a year or two. Or something. I don't even count the days anymore, sometimes life is just too fucking hard to count the days cause honestly they feel fucking endless.

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I walk over to my room and see a guy I've never seen before standing against a wall. He's short, skinny and has somewhat poor posture, just like me. I've honestly never seen this fucker in my life. He's wearing a dark misfits t-shirt and dark jeans with rips all down them. I look at his face, he has brown wavy hair and just generally... dark features.

I realize that there's this one curl of chocolatey hair that curls down over his face, and his most striking feature is his eyes.

He has wide, deep, huge eyes adorned with devastatingly thick long eyelashes and heavy eyelids; they're so warm and the colour of honey. Generally, this guy looks alright. I mean, I could probably say he was handsome if I knew him. Anyway, I gently blink at him and say, "H-hi, I-I'm Gerard Way, nice to meet ya," taking a step towards him. Suddenly a voice interrupts.

"Who are you talking to, is it a hallucination again?"
"Gerard, are you listening to me?" The guy disappears as if he was never there. I frown and look at the wall in a dazed confusion. Fuck. Did I tell you, also have hallucinations? The person talking to me is some annoying ward person, some woman. She obviously thinks I'm crazy cause she abruptly walks away, writing shit on her clipboard.

So, hallucinations. That's something I have. It's just I've never hallucinated people before. I've heard voices, seen shit; shapes, patterns, colours... it's like my world is the same as everybody else's but with, like, an extra add-on or something. I fucking love it though, that's why I never take my meds, and they haven't even found out yet. I just hate them. They make my world boring and uninteresting. They just take it all away and I don't feel so special anymore, I mean, they take away all my imagination. And God, they make me numb.

When I'm on them I behave like a fucking zombie, and everyone knows it. I'm emotionless... a body with an empty mind... and it's no fun, but apparently I'm dangerous and I see stuff that other people can't see. So what?

The fact that I saw a person in my hallucinations this time is really fucking creeping me out, though. Shit, maybe I'm getting worse. Should've given me less shitty medication, guys.

I wonder what I'll hallucinate next.

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Notes