Pull Me Out Of This Hole, It's Dark In Here

I took the joint away from my lips and blew the smoke out of my lungs.
I'm laying on my bed, smoking pot, and thinking that maybe I'm not even awake. I might be dreaming this and in a minute I'll wake up and light a real joint.

I probably seem like a pathetic loser, but that's not it. No one cares that I'm 22 and I don't have a job. I'm not a loser even though the only thing I'm paying myself is drugs, but you know, government.
It's cool that a useless fucker like me gets an apartment but kids who are ready to move out to start their lives fully can't get away form their parents.
I fucking love government, there's nothing that they're good at, except maybe fucking up peoples lives, but who even cares?

Except, maybe those people.

But that wasn't my case, surprise. I ruined my life by myself, starting to smoke pot and stuff, that's where the downhill started.

I made my choices, they weren't the best ones but they were fucking mine.

The thing is that life isn't fair and if you get a good life, you should be happy about it, but I wasn't, because I'm an ungrateful bastard like that.
I can't blame other people for my situation, I fucked this up myself.

That's the thing, you get life, no one cares if it's shitty or not, you still get one.

My life wasn't shitty when I got it, but I made it shit.

I should be proud of myself.

I pulled other people down as well with me. That's why I should be proud.

I might be a little heartless, but I'm glad I didn't go down alone, I pulled some stupid idiots with me, though they didn't fall as hard as me. They stopped themselves in time, but I just kept digging my hole, hoping that someone would pull me out eventually.

Just then I realized that there was no one around that hole. They had escaped when they still could and they took the ladders with them. I was left alone in that dark hole with the shovel that I so much hated at the point.

I should've guessed then that there was no idea digging deeper, but I didn't see it then, that digging deeper didn't take me to the other end, and to the freedom.
It just meant crawling deeper into the hole and away from the light.

I slipped away from my day dreaming by a car honk. I pulled my weak body up from the bed and dragged myself to the window.

What I saw surprised me, there was a man I've never seen before pulling boxes out of the car with some other guy.
That man looked absolutely stunning and I felt a little fuzzy just looking at him from the distance.
I felt.
He had dark brown locks messily just about everywhere. His skin was naturally tanned and it highlighted his hazel eyes which I could see from here.
He had a white t shirt which showed the tattoos on his hands and neck, and I bet there's more under his clothes.

I saw him slowly pulling his eyes up the wall of the building, and they were slowly moving to me.

I knew I should've jumped away from the window right then but I couldn't get myself to do it. I was so mesmerized by his looks.
When his eyes met mine, his whole face melted into a huge smile, and he looked so cute that I felt the urge to just run downstairs and hug him.

His face turned into a frown and he looked away, just then I realized that I should have smiled back or waved, because that's what normal people do.

Normal people don't just stare others, like total fucking creeps.

The man walked into the building and when I couldn't see him anymore, the fuzzy feeling was gone, so I decided it was a great idea to light another joint, or if I couldn't find any, then just a fucking cigarette, I needed something.

I took one cigarette from the night stand and pulled it up to my lips and lighted it.

It was weird how this man made me feel, like I actually felt something when I saw him... maybe I could use him to pull myself out of this hole I'm in.

Notes

I started a new story... yay! xd I don't know what to say... well yeah.