I’m not okay. Nope. I will not take this shit. No. no. no. ugh.

So I had been dating this girl Lacy for two and a half a years and she just broke up with me while I’m in worst time. My grandpa just died and all my friends recently left me to move to another state, or decided I wasn’t a good enough friend. And why? Because she got bored of me. She thought I wasn’t good enough, and decided that she didn’t care. She asked to come over to my house and when I opened the door, very happy to see her again. As she looked at me deeply with a hard look, I knew. I knew she was going to break up with me. But it still felt wrong to actually hear her say it. She said it so coldly and then just walked off. With her swaying hips, and straight back; she knew she killed me. She knew she was hurting me. And worst part? She looked happy and like she had just taken a lot of weight off of her shoulders by doing it. The memory still burned in my mind, every day, every night, and just every single fucking second I thought. Often I go out to try to take my memory off of her, and try to commit suicide. Not today, I’m too tired to try. Today I was just walking around. I realized when the sky turned orange that I had been walking around for hours; and I finally realized how hungry I was. My mom was probably worried sick, since she was the only human that still cared about me, and made sure I didn’t kill myself. Without her and (obviously) my music, I would actually be dead by now. Since a lot of things reminded me of Lacy, which made the memory come back like it was there freshly burning in my mind. Since I had been walking around for a few hours lost in thought, I decided to let my mom know I’m not dead yet, and I’m getting food.

Hey mom?

-Yes honey?!

So I wanted to let you know I was just walking around and I’m not dead. Woah there. And I’m getting hungry so I’m stopping by at sushi place I like so much, so do you want anything? Xoxo love you.

-um no thank you, thank you for letting me know where you are, I was started to get kind of scared. Just get home as soon as you can.

Okay mom (:

With that I shut off my phone again and stepped inside of the restaurant, hearing the familiar bells ringing; and seeing the booths that I have sat in since I was a little kid.

Taking a seat, and ordering was simply a routine, everybody knew me here; and I knew everybody. When I order ‘the usual’ they always know what I mean.

So when I said the usual as I checked my texts, and I got an answer that wasn’t "okay" I was shocked,
“I’m sorry, I’m new here, could you please tell me what your usual is? I will make sure to remember it for next time as I hear you are a regular.”
Hearing that voice was a bad sign because damn it was a hot voice. Then looking up into his face was worse. It was like the heavens had landed on me killing me, bringing me great weight to carry, and also perfection of one as an angel. Damnit. What’s going to happen to me next?
Of course he smiled. Is there truly anything not perfect about him, seriously…?
As I forced myself to stop staring I ordered my usual and blushed when he left because I knew I probably looked like an idiot observing him.
His nametag had said Gerard. Even that name is hot, what is this?!

Notes

not too happy about this,
will be updating many of my other stories shortly;
and make sure to comment below and to subscribe to this story if you want to know what happens next,
well it's 11:54 pm right now; so I'm posting and then I'm going sleep... probably.

xoxo frerardthough