Inky hands

It's midnight. I lie in bed, staring up at the cold ceiling, waiting for sleep. I can't stop thinking about Gerard... He's just so... Ugh. His jawline is sharp, but soft too, like you'd want to cover it in kisses. And his hair. I want to run my fingers through it and pull his face forward with my fingers still tangled in it, and bite his lip. I want to be .brave around him. I want to flirt. I just want to fuck him so hard.
Guess I'm gay then.
Something's nagging at my mind though... The paper! I tumblr out of bed, get all caught up in my bedding, and crawl desperately across the room, dragging my blanket along the floor with me. When I reach my bag, I claw at it like a starving animal, trying to get it open in the dark. I shove my hand inside and rummage around, waiting for the texture of... Crunched paper! Got it. I haul myself up onto my desk chair, and flick on the lamp. There it is, in my inky hands. Now what the hell does it say? I unfold it, careful not to tear the edges, and gasp when I see it.
Me.
I'm drawn sketchily, with jagged edges and a jawline sharper than my own. My eyes are looking down at a book, but my only one hand is holding it. The other is just lying on the desk, covered in doodles. And this is the Gerard that doesn't draw...? After I turn off my light, I get back into bed and pull my covers up with me, and stare at the picture even though I can't see it in the dark. I tuck it under my pillow, and collapse into sleep, still thinking about Gerard.
The next day, in social studies, I can't concentrate on my work for pretty much the first time in my life. Gerard is just so... distracting! I didn't mean to find him attractive, it just sort of happened. Literally over night. But there he is: the sun in his eyes as he gazes out of the window, and his red hair as bright as ever. He turns, and I try to look like I'm doing something, but I end up just knocking over my pencil case. I scramble to pick everything up, and when I turn back around, he's staring right at me. Unable to look away, I just stare into his beautiful, green eyes. He meets mine.
"I was just- uh-" I try to make excuses but his expression is calm and placid, and I shut up.
Slowly and tenderly, he reaches for my hand and holds it just millimetres from his lips. I can feel his hot breath on my knuckles.
"The words are fading," he murmurs, "you should go over them again..." And with that, he lets go of it. I can feel myself growing pink and my cheeks are flushed.
"I will" I stutter with great difficulty. I try to go over it but my hands are shaking so much I can't manage even one letter. He laughs his deep, melodic laugh, and looks into my eyes.
"Here, let me." He takes my hand in his for a second time, and starts to softly trace the doodles with his pen. You can tell by the way he moves his hand that he's a very skilled artist, but he still seems to reject the idea. I watch his fingers
"Gerard! Did you hear anything I just said?" The teacher interrupts our moment, and he dropped my hand, startled.
"No, miss. I was too busy not caring." He says.
"Well, then you missed me saying you have a project. You also missed me saying that if one more person spoke you would not get to chose your partners." The whole class groans. "Nope, I'm sticking to it, sorry. Now, can someone please tell Gerard what he missed? Sally?" A blonde girl with gum in her mouth and bright pink eyeshadow looks up from fiddling with her blonde hair, and sighs.
"Basically, we have to research the way opinions on homosexuality and stuff have changed over time, and we have to make a film or like, a speech. And... You can't pick your partners."
"Good, Sally. Everyone will have to work with the person they sit next to, and you have two weeks to complete it. I suggest you spend most of your time in the library, for the first week, and most of your time preparing the presentation for the second week."
After class, I'm putting my books into my locker when Gerard catches up with me.
"How about the library after school?" He asks, out of breath, "y'know, just a little study date?"
"Yeah okay," I say as nonchalantly as possible, even though inside, my heart is soaring. "See you after school then?"
"Wait," he says, "we have to swap numbers otherwise we won't get the project done in time."
"Oh, uh, okay!" We swap phones and type in our numbers.
"I'll text you. Bye!" He starts to walk away. Oh my god we're practically dating! I cough.
"Bye," I say, scratching my ear as though I don't care. But holy shit do I care.

Notes