Cries Not Heard

Gerard’s POV

When Gerard got home, he immediately went to his bed. He felt as if it was calling for him and he had a dire need to take a long nap, hopefully never waking up. He knew that wouldn’t happen though. He could never leave Mikey. The thought of his beloved having any semblance of thoughts similar to his own, depressed and jaded, would tear him apart, be it in the afterlife or the next life.

As Gerard lay on his bed, he blankly stared at the ceiling, thoughts running through his mind at incredible speeds. His thoughts returned to the kid who saved him in the halls. He was short in a cute way and the tattoos scattered on his body were a major turn on. His thoughts soon turned south and the bad thoughts started to pop into his mind. He hasn’t seen him anywhere and he actually interacted with Gerard. If he didn’t know the unspoken rule of the “No interacting with Gerard Way unless to destroy his life.” that meant that he was new. This brought on a boat load of different thoughts, none the more pleasing. Gerard wanted to be friends or maybe even something more, but what if the boy, Frank as he recalled, didn’t like him? And he didn’t want to hurt Mikey. He loved his brother more than anything and he would be so lost without the love of his life. If Mikey left him, Gerard didn’t know if he could keep on living. He would be in such a dark place, he didn’t know if he would even be capable of getting out the hole he would have dug himself into. Even if they didn’t become more than friends, what if he didn’t like him enough to even amuse the thought. He probably disgusted him. Not only did he knew he was gay, but he also knew he was in a relationship with his brother.

Gerard felt the tears well up in his eyes. Wiping his tears away, his mind went to the only thing that could bring peace to his mind other than his brother. Not wanting to bother his Mikey, he searched through his drawers of his dresser before pulling out a razor. Cradling the blade to his chest, he made his way back to his bed. Tears fell from his eyes as he raised the razor to his wrist and, without hesitation, added two deep cuts. Gerard watched in fascination as blood started to pool on his arms and drip down. Adding several more cuts and watching the scarlet pool grow larger for a few more minutes before getting up and bandaging his arm. He looked back at his bed and saw that his sheets were wet from blood that has escaped his arm. He was thankful that his sheets were black. He would wash them tomorrow. He lay back down on his bed before starting to feel the after effects of losing all the blood. Feeling woozy, he cried himself into unconsciousness, making sure to hide his arm so Mikey can’t accidently find out.

Tomorrow morning

Gerard woke up in a cold sweat the next morning. Apparently, not being able to escape the thoughts, he was dreaming about confessing to Frank, but he was rejected and violently beaten. When he went back home, Mikey had found out and broke up with him, saying he hated him and wanted him to die and end his misery. Gerard would do anything for Mikey if it would make him happy, so the next day when everyone was in class, Gerard went out to the cliffs and jumped into the shallow, rocky, cold sea, to end everyone’s misery. When looking down on Mikey when they found his body, he had n look of remorse, only resentment.

Taking deep breaths to calm himself, he looked at the clock. It was only 3:28 in the morning and Gerard knew he wouldn’t be able to go to sleep by himself. Gerard unwrapped his bandages and looked at his wrist with regret. He felt as if he was betraying Mikey but it felt as if it was the only thing that could help sometimes. Sometimes screaming into the pillow or a hug just isn’t enough. Looking at the deep red and purple, jagged scars that told of his struggles with life, the other arm having matching scars. Sighing, he took his coping mechanism and added three more cuts before replacing the old gauze with new and throwing on a random sleeping shirt; he made his way to Mikey’s room. Mikey still didn’t know about his bad habit and he was going to keep it that way for as long as possible. Taking a big breath, he knocked lightly on Mikey’s door. For the first few seconds, he heard nothing, but just as he was about to knock again, the door opened and there stood Mikey with a sleepy expression on his face. When he looked at him, his face immediately morphed into one of worry.

“What’s the matter? Bad night?” He murmured as he took his brother into an embrace. At those words, Gerard’s barriers fell and he let the tears he was trying so hard to hide from his brother flow. Giving a small nod, he sobbed into his brother’s neck. Mikey led him to his bed before lying the both of them down and spooned. Putting his chin on top of Gerard’s head, he asked quietly,

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gerard shook his head slightly before wrapping his arms around his brother and just took a moment to make sure this was real, that he wasn’t hallucinating it. Taking in the calming scent that could only be described as Mikey, he kissed Mikey’s chest before succumbing to sleep.

Mikey’s POV

Mikey watched as his brother slept in what looked like a peaceful sleep. Mikey took this time to get a proper look at the real Gerard without him concealing his actual state of health. Gerard had dark bag under his eyes, his hair was limp and greasy, and his skin was pale and clammy. He was worried about his brother and lover. He knew Gerard wasn’t okay but he wouldn’t drop his walls and let him help him. He just wanted his brother to know what happiness feels like again, but it feels like life has a vendetta against him. Kissing his forehead, Mikey held Gerard tighter before drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep

Notes

Hey guys, I've been having a bad week, particularly yesterday, so I kinda took it out on this chapter. This does give you some sort of insight on what Gerard is thinking, so guess that's a plus. As always, thank you for reading and hope to see you soon.