Cries Not Heard

It wasn’t long before they were seated in an iHop, waiting for their hopefully fluffy and delicious pancakes. Nowadays you can’t be sure what to expect. Gerard sat next to Mikey, hand in hand, sipping on a glass of diet coke. He was still thinking of ways to try to get out of the situation and was coming to a blank. He held his phone with a shaky grasp and was trying to calm himself by taking deep breaths. This was a bad situation for him and he knew it. He was seriously contemplating just eating and excusing himself to the bathroom after. He wouldn’t eat that much, just enough to not raise suspicions. This would appease Mikey and the other two wouldn’t suspect a thing. He decided this was the best option.

He stared off into space, staring at nothing in particular. He wasn’t looking forward to eating at all. This was all Mikey’s fault. If he didn’t mention food, he wouldn’t be in this situation. When he saw the waitress moving towards them with an armful balancing four plates filled with food, he felt his throat constrict and his stomach drop. She danced around several of her customers who were making their leave after getting a delicious meal and a full belly before she finally made it to them. He looked at the food in her hands in disgust, his stomach already churning from the thought have having to eat it. How many calories were in those pancakes? Too many. Too much sugar. He’ll get even fatter than he already was. He couldn’t let it happen. Not after all the hard work he had put into to achieve the weight he had already loss.

When a plate of pancakes was set in from of him, he glared at it in utter revulsion and scrunched his nose slightly before quickly composing himself and slapping on a smile on his face. He was grateful no one noticed, not even his brother. He hesitantly picked up his fork with a shaky hand and wiped off the mound of butter on the pancakes. It was too many excess calories that he knew he could - and will - avoid. He tentatively cut into one of his pancakes with his fork and stared at it for a few seconds in fright before slowly bringing it to his mouth and chewing on it. He knew he couldn’t keep eating this slowly or else it would look unnatural. He took a deep breath before cutting a large chunk off his pancake and shoved it in his mouth. He forced himself to chew and swallow as he shuddered in revulsion. He could already feel the burning in the back of his throat from the bile that rose out of his stomach. He swallowed it back down, took a sip of his soda, and kept trudging along. He managed to eat a quarter of his meal before he couldn’t do it any longer.

“I’m done if you guys would like to fight for the rest of my meal. I need to use the restroom,” he said as he motioned to get up. Just before he left, his brother stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you,” he said softly so that the other boys couldn’t hear him. Gerard smiled at him tensely.

“Thank you.” Even he could hear the strain in his voice as he thanked his brother. He could feel his stomach get more and more upset as the unwanted food settled in his stomach. He quickly made his way to the restroom and locked himself in a stall. He fell to his knee and shoved two fingers down his throat. He spilled everything he ate into the toilet. He did it once more time to make sure he got everything out before he pulled up and wiped his mouth on a piece of toilet paper. He took a few deep breath, calming his heart as he felt the satisfaction that all the food he had eaten had been purged. He pulled himself up and flushed the toilet.

He walked out of the stall and went for a sink. He washed his mouth out of any of the remnants of puke before he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and his greasy, black hair was everywhere in a mess. His cheeks looked hollow and his skin was pale. He sighed to himself as he looked himself in the eyes. They looked so hollow and dark. Whatever spark that used to be there when he was little was completely diminished. He looked like a man who was done with what life was throwing at him. They were empty. He was empty. He was nothing. Shaking off these feelings, he splashed water on his face. Using his wet hands, he tried to somewhat tame his wild hair before going back out to meet the boys. Slapping on a smile on his face, he walked out of the bathroom with a bulletproof façade.

Notes