“What the FUCK are YOU doing here?” I snarled.

I could hear the bitterness in my voice, and I was momentarily surprised with the cold brutality seeping into my words. My whole body was quivering, almost like I had a chill, but I was anything but cold. I could feel the fire of hatred beginning to blaze in my chest, snaking its way into my veins; two years’ worth of anger, frustration, and betrayal stoking the flames.

We stood there for a few moments, neither of us saying anything. Gerard just continued to stare at me, his eyes wide. I could tell he was shaking slightly and he had reached out to grip the counter, as if he needed to hold on to something to remain upright.

“Frank?” His voice was barely a whisper.

He opens his mouth to say something else when the chime for the door sounds and we both turn our heads to see a couple of guys enter the store, heading straight for the drum kits.

I turn my attention back to the still shaking man in front of me. “Gerard. I’ll ask again, what are you doing here?” I try to keep my voice as level as possible now that there are other customers in the store, but I can’t help the sharpness that still manages to creep in.

Swallowing hard, Gerard slowly turns his head to look me in the eyes. “Do you mean why I am here in the city or why I am here in the store?” I can tell he is trying to be a bit cheeky, but his voice is strained and rough, betraying his confidence.

“Both.” I deadpan.

“Well, I am here in the city because of school, but you already knew that.’ he pauses for a
few seconds, biting on his bottom lip slightly before continuing. ‘And I am here in the shop to pick up guitar strings that are on hold for me.”

I scoff loudly. “Guitar strings? You don’t even play the guitar, why would you need strings?”

“They’re for my boyfriend.”

It was my turn to stare. I was surprised. Not at the fact he had boyfriend. I mean, I knew Gerard was Bisexual, but I was surprised at the fact he was dating at all. I assumed he would be so focused on school and plagued with guilt over what he had done that he would avoid getting into a relationship.

Apparently I was wrong.

“Huh, guess you moved on with your life pretty well then. I mean, new school, new friends, and a new boyfriend. You went and got yourself a whole new life after you destroyed Mikey’s.”

I could see all of the color drain from Gerard’s face. He actually looks like he is going to be sick which only spurs me on.

“You remember him right? Mikey. Your brother? The one you nearly killed because your stupid ass had to drive home drunk after you stormed off to a God damned party rather than stay home and work shit out with your friends! And then you fucking abandoned him when he needed you the most. You left him to rot while you ran off into the sunset!”

By the time I am done with my rant I am practically screaming and Gerard had seemingly shrunk in place, shoulders hunched over and head down, looking like he wanted to sink through the floor. I smirked at the sight, taking pleasure in making him uncomfortable….he deserves it.

“Mr. Iero, is there a problem here?” I turned my head and saw my boss, Mr. Ryland, standing in the doorway to the backroom.

Before I could say anything, Gerard jumped in, “No Sir, no problem. I am just picking up an order that was on hold. Some guitar strings for ‘Way’?” His voice is quivering slightly.

Mr. Ryland stood there for a moment, looking at me with a questioning look, before nodding and walking back into the storage room where we hold the pre-orders. I turn back to Gerard and meet his gaze for what seems like the millionth time today.

“Frank, I’m sor-“

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I don’t want to hear it.” I say, cutting him off midsentence.

Gerard sighs softly, but doesn’t continue. Mr. Ryland comes back up then, handing the package of guitar strings over to Gerard.

“Here you are Mr. Way. Just let us know if you need anything else.” He then turns to me saying “And Frank you can go ahead and leave for the day. I know you need to pick up your brother by 4.”

“Uh, thanks Mr. Ryland. I’ll see you next shift.” I reach under the counter to grab my keys and phone and shove them in my pockets and head out the front door, not giving Gerard another glance. As I get on the sidewalk, I reach in my pocket for my pack of cigarettes, taking one out, lighting up and taking a deep, long drag, relishing in the first taste of nicotine I’ve had all day.

“Frank, wait up a minute!” I groan, but stop and turn around watching as Gerard scurries up to me.

I wait, but he doesn’t say anything. He just stands there looking at me with an almost pissed off expression on his face. He looks like he is waiting for me to say something.

“Look Gerard, if you have something to say to me, you need to do it now. I have somewhere I need to be.”

“Yeah, with your brother. Who is that exactly? Unless you have a long lost sibling you discovered in the last two years, you are an only child.” Gerard’s arms are crossed over his chest and his is tilted to the side slightly, like he is studying me.

“Oh please, Mikey IS my brother for all intents and purposes. You left him and he had NO ONE else to depend on. You have no idea what he went through when you took off. You fucking broke him, physically and mentally. Your mom couldn’t do it on her own you know. So I stepped up. And YOU weren’t there!”

I had taken a step closer to Gerard without realizing it and now we were so close that our toes were nearly touching. We were face to face and he was staring at me intently, like he was trying to read my mind or something.

Gerard is the one to break eye contact, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. “I didn’t really think it was that bad Frank. Mom made it seem like everything was going ok.”

“Ok? What part of your brother being paralyzed and stuck in a hospital for 3 months comes across as ok to you?”

“….I dunno, I guess I just assumed if he wanted me there he would have asked. He never called, never reached out. I just thought it was better if I stayed away…better if I just cut myself out of his life......”

Gerard trailed off and let out a big sigh. “I want to see him Frank.”

I was so annoyed with him at that point, and my anger was still pulsing through my body, but I knew that I couldn’t deny him. I stepped back and took another long drag on my cigarette, holding the smoke in as long as possible, then slowly blowing it out. “Okay, I’ll talk to him. I don’t know if he’ll want to see you, but I’ll tell him. I’m not gonna push him into it either, so don’t ask.”

Gerard just nodded and reached into his pocket to grab his mobile phone. “Here, put your number in.” He handed it over and I punched in my cell number, calling myself before handing it back.

“I really need to go. I’ll call you….or Mikey will….whatever.” Gerard nodded and I turned away from him and started walking down the street towards campus.

As I walked, I was trying to figure out how I was going to break the ice about today’s events. I knew Mikey missed Gerard, more than he would ever admit to anyone, but I also knew he harbored a lot of anger, same as me. I was also afraid that if he did meet up with Gerard and things did not go well, it would be the final blow for Mikey’s emotional stability. I honestly don’t think he could take another let down when it came to his brother.

Sighing, I silently cursed Gerard. He seemed to have moved on so easily while Mikey and I struggled to piece our lives back together and create a new normal. It wasn’t fair. None of it was.

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt a tear fall onto my arm. I reached up and wiped the offending wetness from my cheeks and used the hem of my shirt to wipe my nose.

"God damn you Gerard!" I thought. I spent two whole years bottling up all of these emotions, letting the anger I felt dominate my attitude towards Gerard. I was totally fine being numb to everything else. Now the scab had been ripped off and I was pretty sure I wasn't ready for what was coming next.

Notes

Ok, here is a bit shorter chapter. Hoping to get into the good stuff in the next 1-2 chapters so hope you'll stick with me :)

(And please forgive me if it is choppy, I wrote this with 2 toddlers screaming and Disney Jr. blasting in the background!!)


Chapter 3 title inspiration - Fall Out Boy - Novocaine