A Broken Heart Is Blind

Crashing my lips onto Frank's I felt him freeze, not expecting my reaction one bit. I didn't care though. I didn't care what his own reaction was going to be. I was just in heaven in that moment, feeling his soft yet slightly chapped lips beneath mine, after all this time. They were warm and tasted like smoke with a hint of peppermint. Cupping his smooth face, I felt a beard growing on his jaw and cheeks. This surprised me, but I didn't think too much of it. Forcing his face to stay connected with me, I slid one hand down to hold his neck, his hair cut shorter than I remembered. Tugging at the hair, I made a whimpering sound in my throat. For some reason this seemed to snap Frank out of whatever thought process he was in, and finally I could felt his lips move against mine. Sighing in content, I was more than glad he was complying. I could feel more tears swell in my eyes and actually spill over that time. Frank's hands moved desperately around my body, as if trying to reassure himself I was actually there. That this was actually happening. We were actually kissing! Finally.

I felt his strong hands filter into my hair, tugging at the long strands, causing me to moan in response. Despite the amount of air we were losing, I felt like I could finally breathe. Like I had been deprived of water and was finally taking a long drink, afraid to let go in fear I wouldn't get it back. Frank, I was glad to notice, was just as desperate in the kiss as I was. We were making whimpering sounds back and forth between moans. Needing more, though, I maneuvered myself, swinging a leg over to straddle his lap. Frank's hands instantly flew to my hips as if on instinct. The kiss was growing heatedly at a rapid pace, so much so that it was making my head swim. Needing air, unfortunately, Frank broke away. Not allowing this to stop me, however, I reattached my lips to his neck, breathing in heavily through my nose.

“G-Gerard.” Frank panted with his hands supporting my back, so I wouldn't fall backwards. “W-what...are you...do you?” He stuttered, trying to gather back his wit. Pulling off his neck, I sat up as best as I could.

“Please.” I begged, feeling painful tears stream onto my face. “I need you Frankie.” Frank didn't say anything at first, but lifted a finger to my cheeks, tenderly wiping away tears. He sighed softly, taking back his hand to gently pull off my sunglasses.

“Gerard...I...” He started sounding hesitant, which terrified me. I felt my bottom lip tremble and my eyes squeeze shut.

“I love you.” I whispered, my voice cracking “I still love you.” I confessed; head bowed, tears overflowing now. It scared me how easy it was to tell him I still loved him after all this time. But it was true. I loved him with all my body and soul so much so that it psychically hurt me. Frank cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb back and forth upon the tender flesh.

“Gerard. I love you too.” He offered, but I only sniffled knowing there was more.

“...But...you...you don't know what you're doing...you're confused.” He tried to reason. I shook my head so fast I thought it would fly off.

“No!” I shouted weakly, head still down, “I'm not confused! I love you Frankie! I do....I-I n-need you. Please.” I sobbed now, leaning my head into his strong shoulder. Frank held my head to him, stroking my hair.

“Please.” I whimpered again, lifting my head so he could see my face, see how serious I was.

“Please, Frankie. Make love to me?” I practically begged.

Frank was quiet, still absorbing everything that was happening in such a short amount of time. He was quite for so long, I was almost certain he was going to say no. But without words, I felt him respond by kissing my mouth, sweetly and tenderly. Sighing with relief and joy, I kissed back hungrily but reciprocating the sweet and tender part as well. Moving against one another, I felt and moved my hands around frantically, touching the unfamiliar beard on Frank's face, the hair short but thick and coarse. Feeling his strong shoulders and arms supporting me up. I could taste him, sweet and smoky, I could smell him; just like a coffee shop where they allowed indoor smoking. Moaning at just the smell, I felt like I was dying and starting to live again all at once. Pushing Frank onto his back, I sat up straight on his lap to tear off my shirt. Once the article of clothing was gone Frank gently rolled me over so he was on top. Reaching out, I searched for the hem of his shirt and tugged up. Frank helped me, his fingers tangling with mine as we lifted up together. When the shirt was gone, though, immediately my fingertips caressed his toned chest. I whimpered and mewed at the feeling. I felt like I was home. A house I had been invited back into. I could touch the furniture and smell the scents inside. Moving and tracing my fingers along, Frank breathed heavily above me, merely observing. I could feel his eye raking all over my body, making me feel small yet sexy at the same time.

With my hands still on his chest, Frank leaned down, kissing and sucking at my collarbone. I sighed, running my hands down his back, feeling the muscles tense and contract. Frank was the sexiest person I had ever met. His deep voice, his strong muscles, but his passion and sympathy as well. Throwing my head back I could feel his lips migrate towards my throat in a mission to mark me. Grinding up, I searched for friction. Feeling the hard on in his jeans I smirked reaching a hand down in between our bodies and gave his cock a squeeze. Frank groaned loud in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

“Oh...Frankie....please.” I panted, grabbing his face delicately, but kissing him hard. Frank nipped at my bottom lip, moving his tongue dominantly in syn with mine. I'd missed being the submissive one, honestly. I loved feeling Frank dominate me once again; him being in control, giving into whatever he desired. Frank's hands ghosted over my thin stomach and boney hips, tugging at the waistband. Lifting my hips up, I helped in aiding them off. Soon our movements were getting desperate. Frank practically ripped my jeans off and boxers right after. Being naked underneath him again was exhilarating, knowing he was seeing all of me. Every inch and flaw.

“So beautiful.” Frank murmured lowly, causing me to tremble. I could feel his hands on either sides of my head, propping himself up, as he leaned down once more, peppering my neck and face with kisses. I giggled, but at the same time moved my shaking hands down to tug off his pants. They were loose fitting so it wasn't hard. His boxers were next on my list; with my long boney fingers, I hooked them on the elastic band and pulled down. Once they were half way down, Frank helped me out kicking them off. Connecting our mouths now that we were naked, I felt Frank grind his hips into mine, making our cocks rub together, already slicked with pre-cum. I threw my head back, moaning exceptionally loud at this.

“Gee.” Frank breathed, once pulling back from the kiss and nuzzled his face into my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around his neck holding him there a second. Pecking the crown of his head, I feathered my hands down his toned forearms, aiming to hold his wrist. However as my fingertips brushed his left wrist, I felt a bandage of some sort, causing Frankie to freeze and tense against me.

“Baby?” I whispered, turning my head to face his. Frank sighed, lifting his head up. Lifting a hand up, I carefully caresses his cheekbone. “Frankie? What's wrong?” I pressed, my voice scared and raw. Frank shook his head, pressing a long kiss to my own cheek. I sighed softly.

“Please tell me.” I begged, although I had pretty much already figured what it was. The thought brought on a new wave of tears.

“Not now, please....Later, Gee.” He husked out in a whisper, his voice raw too. I nodded, accepting this. Frank dove back in, reattaching our lips, hungry that time. I kissed back, immediately adding my tongue. I wanted him so much I was on the brink of sobbing. We both were frantic, not knowing what to do first; kiss or touch or move along in our love-making. We wanted to consume each other, make this moment last, not knowing what was going to happen after.

Frank maneuvered me around so that my head was on the pillows and crept his hands down slowly, past my chest, stomach, hips, and skipping my cock on purpose, going straight to my thighs. Pausing at the inner flesh, he gripped me gently, aiding me in spreading my legs open. I heard him growl and whine, his eyes burning my skin.

“Perfect...so perfect.” He ached out, his hands drifting towards my entrance. I felt myself tighten in anticipation, not having bottomed since Frank. I never ever allowed any of those random men at club Red to enter me. That was only for Frank to have me in such a way. Leaning down, I felt Frank's lips brush the shell of my ear.

“Relax.” He breathed, making me sigh and do as he said.

“It's been so long.” I confessed, feeling blush reach my cheeks.

“How long?” He wondered, tracing my ring of muscles; teasing me. I was trembling with want by then.

“Not since you.” I sobbed, “I never let anyone have me like this but you.” I went on. Frank made a noise I'd never heard before, in the back of his throat. Like a mix between a growl, a sob, and a whine.

“Lube?” Frank whined in my ear, still playing with my hole, making my head fuzzy.

“Nightstand, top drawer.” I instructed. Same place as always. I felt one hand leave my body, the one teasing me, though, staying put, then I heard a drawer open. I hoped he didn't notice that my lube was a different kind then when I was with him and that about half of it was gone. And that wasn't even my first tube...more like third...or fourth. Frank didn't comment, however, but moved along, in which I was grateful. I heard him pop the cap, then a pause; probably him slicking up his fingers. But not a moment longer, I felt a nudge at my hole. I moaned and mewed at the feeling.

“Stop teasing.” I whined, squirming around. I heard Frank chuckle, but give in to me. Feeling the pressure, soon my muscles gave way, consuming him. Instantly when he was in, I howled out a pleasurable moan, tinted with pain. Frank's finger lay still letting me adjust. I nodded and he began to thrust his index finger in and out repeatedly. Sooner than later I was rocking into his one finger, moaning and begging for more. Repeating his action, Frank added a second finger, adding in scissoring and spreading that time. Then at last third finger. Before too long of time I was fucking myself on his fingers, my back arching, hair already growing sweaty. Frank extracted his finger, though, noticing how closer I was getting to cumming. When his fingers were gone I whimpered loudly, scratching my blunt nails down his back. Frank groaned, burrowing his face into my neck.

“Are you clean?” He wondered, breathing hot air onto my skin.

“Yes. I promise.” I answered. I got myself tested once I stopped sleeping with Bert even though we used condoms. And I used a condom with Lindsey every time, not wanting to get her pregnant. Plus I always used a condom when hooking up with people at club Red.
Frank nodded to my response, sitting back on my legs, and re-opened the cap on the lube. I snatched it out of his hands though, slathering it on my palms. Reaching out, I took hold of his erect cock, long and thick with lust. Frank groaned out, trembling under my touch. I smirked in satisfaction knowing I still had the same reaction on him. Up and down his shaft, I moved my hand until I figured he was good to go. When my hand was gone and I'd wiped it on my sheets, I lay back down and Frank got back into his position on top of me. Spreading my legs further apart, I wrapped them around his slender waist. Frank reached down, guiding his dick, but paused for a second.

“You're sure?” Frank pressed, hesitant again for a moment. I nodded frantically. Without a response, Frank crashed our lips together and plunged in. I groaned in pain, my sounds being swallowed up inside Frank's throat. When Frank was in all the way, however, he stilled allowing me to adjust. We merely kissed, during this. Desperately our lips moved together, panting into each others open mouths. Frank's hands roamed, my ribs and sides, mine trailing down his smooth back. After too long, I couldn't wait any longer.

“Frankie. Move, baby.” I instructed, once pulling our lips apart. Frank nodded his head on my shoulder and began to thrust. His movements were gentle at first, but grew with need and want. When the initial pain faded away into the background of pleasure, I began to move along with Frank's body too. Together we worked building up a steady speed and pressure, Frank thrusting down, me thrusting up. Frank kept a hand at my head, while another held my thigh in place around his waist. I kept one hand pulling at his hair, and the other scratching at his back. During our love-making, Frank's cock brushed past my prostate causing me to moan whorishly from the back of my throat. Almost animal-like. Frank made a 'humph', sound as if he were satisfied.

“That's it baby... sing for me.” He encouraged, making me blush with desire; following his instructions I was moaning and groaning loud and clear.

“Faster, Frankie. Fuck me harder!” I whined, needing more and more.

Everything was all too much, yet not enough at the same time. Without warning, Frank took hold of my shoulders and flipped us so I was on top. Yelping out loud I almost thought for a second he wanted me to ride him. But after a split second in that position, Frank held onto my hips and sat up, his back leaning against the headboard, me sitting in his lap, his cock buried deep inside me. Taking in a deep breath, I placed my hands on Frank's broad shoulders and began to bounce on him. Frank kept his hold on my hips, digging his fingers into the flesh hard enough to bruise. I hoped he did bruise me. I wanted to remember this moment for as long as I could. We moaned into each others mouths, exchanging sloppy kisses here and there. Frank sucked on my neck more than often, sending shivers all over my body. I'd slam back onto him harder when he did things like that, hitting dead on with my prostate. I was getting close, I could feel that strong build up of warmth in the pit of my stomach, but I didn't want it to end. Not just yet. Leaning my head into the crook of his shoulder, I whined and whimpered, clinging to Frank.

“God, Gerard!” Frank moaned out long and languid. I moaned softly in reply. Lifting my head back, I found his lips, giving a dirty kiss. Pulling back only an inch, our lips brushed together as we moved, hot air blowing into each others parted mouths.

“I love you, Frankie... I do... So much...” I panted, my forehead rested against Frank's.

“I love you, too, Gerard....I always...have.” He panted back, our bodies slicked with sweat and pre-cum. I bit my bottom lip trying to fight my orgasm.

“Frankie...I'm so close...Mph, baby...” I whimpered. Frank's hold on my hips tightened then, letting me know he was still there.

“Me too...I'm so close, Gee.” He gasped, thrusting back up into me. “Wait for me.” I nodded frantically, squeezing and digging my fingers into the flesh of his shoulder blades.

“Touch me, Frankie.” I pleaded, throwing my head back. Without any answer, I felt Frank let go of one of my hips and his hand slither between our bodies, taking hold of my aching neglected cock. I whimpered, clamping my lips together at the heavenly sensation.

“So good, baby...faster.” I urged, as Frank's rough hand quickly went up and back down on my shaft, his thumb swiping over the slit a few times here and there. This was all too much for me, feeling Frank inside me, pounding into me, the sound of his back hitting the headboard in repercussion. Feeling his calloused palms sliding up and down my throbbing dick. His lips ghosting over my sensitive skin. His smell of coffee and smoke now lingering with sex. He was surrounding me, filling my senses. I was going to blow. I could feel tears begin to sting my eyes.

“Frankie!” I shouted as my hot cum poured out the slit of my cock and down Frank's still pumping hand. As my hole tightened around him, I could feel Frank cum along with me, screaming my name in my ear, with his hot sticky load exploding inside of me. Together, as one person connected, we rode our orgasms out. I was on a high, but the reality of everything was soon crashing down on me.

As I slumped against Frank's sweaty strong chest, I felt overwhelmed and spent. Tears were streaming down my face. Frank was breathing deeply around me, coming down as well. I was worried he was going to decided to leave once he'd come all the way down from this post orgasm high. I felt as if I were a kid again and Christmas was over. That it was Monday morning and I had to go back to school. I was devastated that the moment was over, wishing it had lasted forever. I never wanted it to end. I just wanted to be with Frank forever. Sobbing louder, I buried my face back into Frank's shoulders, shaking with grief.

“Gee?...Are you okay?” I heard Frank's concerned voice tremble. I felt guilty. He probably was worried I was regretting my decision to have sex with him. It was the complete opposite. I shook my head, lifting it up and trying to focus my eyes where I thought his face was.

“D-don't le-leave...Puh-please, F-Frankie.” I blubbered, lowering my head back down and clinging tight to him. “Don't leave me please. Stay.” I went on.

“No. Shh.” Frank cooed, wrapping an arm around me, “I wont ever leave. Not unless you ask me to.” He offered. I shook my head again.

“I don't want you to.” I sobbed softly. Frank kissed my temple.

“C'mon, honey. Let's lie down.” He offered, helping me off of him, guiding me to lay down beside him. Once he was laying down, I curled into his chest. Smiling weakly, sadly; I kissed his bare chest and inhaled strongly. The room smelt like Frank and sex. Perfect. Frank pecked my head, rubbing his fingers along my spine as a comforting gesture. I hummed in content. I hadn't felt so complete in forever. Nestling my face into Frank, I sighed.

“I love you.” I whispered, my voice muffled.

“I love you, too.” Frankie murmured, making my smile brighter.

“I haven't felt so complete since before we broke up.” I confessed, closing my eyes and letting sleep over come my body, content in Frankie's arms.

*****

When I woke up the next morning, I was disoriented for a moment. Confused, I felt someone's arms wrapped around my waist. Strong arms. Not like Lindsey's soft gentle ones. These were protective. I knew this unique embrace anywhere. Frankie. Sighing, all the memories flooded back to me from last night. Frank apologizing. Realizing I didn't love Lindsey like I did Frank. Kissing Frank. Making love to Frank. Sleeping contently in Frank's arms...Shifting around, I nuzzled my face into Frank's chest.

“Morning, sleep head.” His gruff morning voice sounded out. I smiled sleepily.

“Morning.” I murmured back, kissing his skin tenderly. I could feel Frank smile against the top of the hair on my head. Snuggling up higher, I nuzzled my nose against his. Bringing a hand up, I stroked the hair of his beard.

“This is new.” I stated lovingly.

“You don't like it?” He teased with a chuckle. I giggled back, rubbing my cheek beside his scruffy one, feeling his chest go up and down with his laughter.

“No...it's just...new. I hadn't been expecting it. That's all.” I murmured. Frank hummed, bringing me in closer to him. We were silent for a moment, merely enjoying our new rekindled love. If that's even what it was. I wasn't sure.

“Frankie?” I wondered apprehensively.

“Yeah?” He asked back. I hesitated a second, wondering if what I was going to ask was okay. And if I wanted to know the answer.

“...Yesterday...I heard Sarah come out of your room...” I trailed off, feeling Frank tense.

“Yes...” He pressed, wanting me to go on.

“You...you didn't...do anything with her...Did you?” I asked out meekly. Frank sighed, worrying me. I gulped waiting for him explanation.

“No. No, Gerard, I didn't sleep with Sarah, let alone anything of that nature.” He replied, his tone firm. I believed him.

“T-Then what was she doing in there?...” I wondered nervously, drawing timid circles on his chest, feeling his breath fan over my face.

“She was just being a friend. Comforting me. That all Gerard.” He insisted. I nodded slowly.

“Okay.” I whispered. Frank sighed again, that time more exasperated.

“Gerard. I'm gay. I don't like Sarah. She's like a sister to me...Well she is my sister technically...Plus. I haven't been with anyone like that since you.” He confessed. This peaked my interest; I propped myself up on my elbow then.

“Really?” I pressed, a bit dumbfounded, my eyebrow knit.

“Yes.” Frank huffed deeply, causing me to flinch slightly.

“Oh...” I muttered awkwardly.

“I never even dated to be completely honest.” He went on. I bit my lip, feeling ashamed.

“I wish I could say the same.” I whispered somberly, tears stinging my eyeballs. Neither of us knew what to say, so I decided to go on, “I've been with a lot of people.” my voice chocked out in disgust with myself.

“That's okay, Gee.” Frank exhaled. I shook my head.

“But, it's not!” I cried out, the tears spilling over, “I'm disgusting.”

“No.” Frank cooed, his voice softening, “It's perfectly alright.”

“It's not!” I couldn't help but shout, “I'm a terrible person.”

“Gerard.” Frank sighed, his voice stern again, “We aren't together. You have every right to be with other people.”

“You don't understand Frank!” I fought back, slightly hurt that he referred to us still not being together...even if it were true. “I'm a whore. I slept with a new person just about every night for months. I fucked people for drugs. I-I...” I broke off to sob into my hands. I was glad I couldn't see Frank's reaction. It most likely would have made me cry harder.

“Shh.” Frank hushed, gathering me into his warm arms, “It's...It's just how you coped.” He offered, but I continued to blubber like a baby.

“I wish I could have been stronger like you.” I whimpered. Frank scuffed, though at this, but still held me close.

“Trust me. I haven't been that strong.” He muttered sourly. At this I suddenly remembered the bandage I had felt on his wrist last night, while we were caught up in each other.

“Frankie...” I started timidly, sniffling, “W-what's wrong with your wrist?” Frank tensed his protective arms around me.

“It's nothing, Gerard.” He tried to insist. I knew better. I knew Frank better.

“Frank.” I scowled, my tears slowing.

“Please, Gee. I don't want to talk about this.” He sighed his defensive barrier breaking.

“I want to know...I care about you.” I mumbled, partially begging.

“You know already, Gerard. You're smart. Don't make me say it.” He snapped, making me flinch and my lip tremble.

“God.” He sighed heavily, seeing my reaction. Frank sighed a lot. “I'm sorry.” He went on, “I-I just don't...I'm ashamed of it.”

“You don't have to be.” I whispered, caressing his face. I felt him lean into the touch.

“I coped in my own way I'm not proud of.” He caved, then paused, “...I started cutting again, okay? I cut too deep the other night, because Sarah caught me and startled me. It made me cut the blade too hard as a reaction. She took me to the ER to get stitches...I almost lost too much blood.” Frank confessed, his voice dejected and laced with shame. I whimpered in response, flinging myself even closer to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

“Oh, Frankie. Baby.” I croaked, “I'm so so sorry.”

“Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about.” He said cooly. I flinched again, but didn't move from him.

“It's all my fault. If...if I hadn't been so mean to you. That's why Sarah slept in your room?” I asked, the pieces clicking together. Frank I could feel nod, against my shoulder.

“I...I just...having you back home...I thought I was moving on. That I might love Lindsey, but being around you again...I realized I was wrong. I was wrong breaking up with you. This whole situation is my fault!” I sobbed. Frank exhaled out his nose, but held me close.

“Gerard. This isn't your fault one bit baby. I said terrible things to you...Things I didn't mean, but you had every right to break up with me. I would have. And you had every right to try and move on. Get a new relationship. Please. Please don't blame yourself.” Frank insisted, squeezing my thin frame against his strong one. I clung to him, crying into his shoulder, inhaling his calming scent.

“I wish we could go back in time.” I sobbed, clamping my eyes shut, forcing more tears to fall. Frank chuckled darkly.

“Me too, Gee.” He muttered, his voice cracking as if he were about to cry. For a while we just clung to each other, afraid the other would walk away at any moment. I tried desperately to remember everything about the moment. The way Frank's beard scratched against my bare shoulder, the way Frank's strong arms wrapped around my waist. The way he smelled in the morning. Stale cigarettes and faint peppermint. After a moment, I decided to muster up the courage to ask what I had been thinking since I'd woken up.

“Frank?” I whispered against his chest.

“Hmm?” He hummed back. I swallowed, taking a moment to breathe.

“Wh-where does this leave us?” I wondered apprehensively. Frank didn't say anything for a moment, just held me. I almost thought he hadn't heard me. Tilting my head up, I felt his warm breath waft across my tear stained cheeks. Finally he sighed, letting me know he was about to talk.

“I don't know.” He confessed, making me stomach sink. I was afraid this was just going to turn out to be a way of saying goodbye. A way for us to stop being asses to each other. But I had a girlfriend too...God I cheated on Lindsey! The thought made me want to sob all over again.

“It's whatever you want us to be.” He went on, breaking me from my inner turmoil that was about to explode into a panic attack. Frank sat up, bringing me with him, sitting me in his lap. He held my shoulders at arms length, causing his voice to be front and center in my ears. “If...If you want this to be a one time thing...Well then I'll understand.” He said sadly, causing a tear to leak out of my eye. I shook my head desperately. I didn't want that. Not at all. “Let me finish, honey.” He comforted, seeing me panic bubble. He brought a hand to cup my cheek lovingly. I leaned into his warm rough palm. “If you want...I dunno. If you want to be friends. I can try and do that for you. If you...if you even want to be with me and...and Lindsey too. I'll do it. I'll do whatever you want, Gerard.” He finished, his voice going raw and chocked with tears.

“What if I don't like any of those options.” I argued, another few stray tears falling over my water line.

“I don't know. What do you want? Tell me and I'll do it.” He promised. I closed my eyes, tears swelled, threatening to build up into a fresh sobbing fit.

“I just want you again. Only you.” I confessed. Frank was silent, making me think I'd ruined everything by saying the wrong thing.

“You don't want that, Gee...You're not thinking this through.” Frank argued. I opened my blank eyes, shaking my head violently.

“No!” I shouted defiantly, “I know what I want. I'm thinking this through perfectly. I know what I'm feeling. I've been feeling miserable without you.” I paused to calm my voice as it began to uncontrollably shake and crack. Trying to swallowing the lump back in my throat, I began again.

“I've missed you, Frankie. Please. I love you.” I ended pathetically in a whimper. Frank sighed in obvious frustration.

“What about Lindsey.” He pointed out. I tensed, feeling my heart ache at the mention of her, and what I'd done.

“I...I have to break up with her.” I announced, my voice trembling.

“No! No, no, no.” Frank exclaimed immediately after the words left my mouth; I could only imagine him shaking his head. “You're not throwing that away because of me!”

“I'm not though. I'm not throwing anything away!” I fought

“Yes you are! You're not thinking about this. It's all happening so fast and you're being too impulsive.” Frank tried to convince. I shook my head, stubbornly, “You're caught up in the moment right now. The whole morning-after-sex-bliss. Then you're going to break up with Lindsey and regret it later.” Frank continued ignoring my apparent struggle to enforce my point of view. “You don't want to be with me again, Gerard.”

“But I do! Why do you think I asked you to make love to me last night?” I challenged, jumping back and off his lap in order to sit in front of him, all while waving my hands about in the air. Frank paused, thinking of a response.

“I don't know...A lapse in judgment.” He muttered stubbornly.

“Oh my God, Frank!” I groaned, “You're not listening to me! It wasn't any kind of fucking, lapse in judgment! I love you! I always have. When we broke up, when you left, when you were in Ohio. When I started sleeping with random people and doing drugs. When I started dating Lindsey. When you came back. I've been miserable without you. I only did all that stuff because I missed you and I was hurting. I only ignored it because...I don't fucking know. I'm stupid. I was hurt and you were gone. But having you back now, I realized how ridiculous that was. Please...you said you'd do what ever I wanted. Why won't you let me be with you...Is it because you...you don't want to be with me?” I went on, starting strong, but ending up with a weak pathetic voice.

“No, that's not it at all. I said I loved you didn't I? I fucking love you so much it hurts...but I don't deserve you, Gee. I don't. You deserve someone like Lindsey.” He fought back, his voice dejected and weak as well, his fight leaving him. Frustrated with his argument, I grabbed his face, forcing my lips onto his. At first he froze, his lips still, but eventually he gave in, kissing me back. Wrapping my arms around his neck, Frank took his hands into my hair. For a moment we kissed passionately, filled with love. I was trying my best to transfer the love I felt for him into to kiss so that he could finally understand what I was trying to tell him. Pulling back, we panted into each others faces, his warm breath fanning my skin.

“I love you, Frank. Please don't push me away. I need you.” I begged, dropping my head to rest on his shoulder. Frank sighed, but held me close, wrapping both his arms around my waist, pulling my right back into his lap.

“I need you too.” He confessed.

“What do we do now though?” Frank asked after a long moment of merely holding each other in silence. I sniffled, lifting my head up.

“I have to call Lindsey. I have to do the right thing and break up with her.” I announced, trying to sound strong, but failing. Honestly I was scared and sad about the whole situation. I didn't want to hurt Lindsey. And I did love her, but not the kind of love she wanted or needed. In the long run I was doing what was best for the both of us. She could move on and find a love like I had for Frank. She could receive it back, because I couldn't give her that. It was already given to Frank. I knew I'd miss her though; the whole thing sucked.

“Do you want me to go?” Frank whispered, “...So you can get dressed and call her?” He offered, sounding unsure of himself. I tried to smile at him, trying to show I still loved him.

“...Yeah. You probably should...” I trailed off, hoping I didn't hurt him with my answer.

“Okay.” He simply replied, pecking my lips and eased me off his lap and back onto the bed.

“I''ll, uh...just be in my room when you want me.”

“I'll be there soon as I can.” I promised.

Notes

All of your comments have been so sweet and overwhelming. I have three more chapters pre written and from then on I will do my best with updates. I got a job and school and family and all that are consuming my life and I feel overwhelmed but not in the good way. Updating this took way more time necessary bc my computer is being a dick and wont stop freezing. But here it is. Love you all. Comment, Rate, Subscribe. xoxo G(race)