A Broken Heart Is Blind

“I've already told you everything from when we broke up though.” Gerard pointed out, a frown on his lips.

“Tell me what you didn't tell me...about the drugs...that beginning.” I clarified. Gerard sighed but nodded. I decided to lean in before he started and give him a kiss, nothing too deep but passionate enough to show him I was still going to love him no matter what. Plus I just really wanted to kiss him because I had been waiting to for what felt like forever to do so. Gee kissed back with just as much force, silently telling me he needed it as much as I had. His soft hand tightened on my jaw, while my hands tugged his waist tighter towards me until his thin body was pressed right up against me. Pulling back, though I breathed in deep while Gerard lay his head on my chest. We were silent for a moment, catching our breath before anyone said anything.

“Okay...so after we broke up...on graduation night I felt terrible I just wanted to die,” Gerard began, his voice rough from emotion. I nodded to let him know I was listening. “I missed you so bad and after seeing you that night at diner it just made the feeling worse. I wanted to get you out of my head, because it was only making me miserable and cry. And for some reason I figured since you said you were going to a party that you were going to hook up with someone and that was the last straw for me. I had Matt take me to Club Red. That's where I met Bert. I told you about him, but what I didn't tell you is that he's kinda my drug dealer. When I met him I was crying about fucking that random girl in the bathroom stall and Bert heard me. He offered me coke and I agreed in hopes it would stop the aching in my head and heart. Since then he's the one that connects me with a deal or just gives it to me himself. Sometimes I'd fuck people for drugs or suck them off. Whatever I could do when I was short on money. I stopped that kind of thing though when I started dating Lindsey. And of course you too. Even more of a will not to with you...But yeah. Bert's not bad though. I don't want you to think that. When I've been short he's been nice about it and has just let me off sometimes.”

“What would you do when he didn't just give it to you?” I wondered, my voice more short than I meant it to sound. Gerard squirmed uncomfortably.

“I'd have to sell to someone usually. Sometimes I'd do favors, but nothing sexual. Nothing that would be cheating. Like once I even gave someone a painting I made just for a fix.” He laughed nervously and fidgeted with a crease in my shirt.

“Hm.” I grunted, not liking the idea of it, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

“So yeah...” Gerard coughed obviously tense, but I didn't want that. I wanted him to be comfortable being honest with me, so I grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Gerard sighed, nuzzling further into my chest. “But I don't just do coke. I do prescription pills too. Vicodin, Valium, Percocet. That's pretty much all... I hated lying to you though...but I don't know. I was so ashamed. I am so ashamed. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to stop either. I still don't. Fuck, I can feel myself itching for a line right now for just something. I feel like I'm dying.” He confessed his voice cracking here and there. Not wanting him to cry, I cupped his face, tilting it up so I could see those beautiful eyes that made my heart literally melt inside my chest. But instead I saw wet tears coating them and that made my heart ache instead. Brushing the pad of my callused thumb under his eyes, I tried my best to remove the tears.

“It's okay baby. We're going to help you.” I cooed, but Gerard just shook his head violently, pulling out of my hands.

“I don't need help! I...I'll just stop. I don't need help with it!” He shouted, obviously sensitive about the subject. I sighed deeply and carefully reached out for him, bringing him back into my arms.

“Shh.” I coaxed, rubbing his arm “It's okay, Gee. But, hey!” I asked, looking down at him, his eyes searching for my voice, “Please don't get mad... But you do need professional help-” Gerard cut me off again, however shaking his head trying to squirm out of my hold, but I kept him to my chest that time.

“No! No, no, no, no!” He fought, shoving my chest.

“Gee! Please!” I rose my voice only to try and get him to listen, “Please don't do this. I need you!” I went on my voice breaking from sudden tears that fled my eyes. Gerard paused at the sound. “I can't have you keep doing this. I don't think I can survive going through this again...you most defiantly can't either! Gee, God. Please, you can't quit this yourself. No one can.” I sobbed, feeling my chest bottom out. Gerard didn't say anything but his lip trembled and he threw his arms around my neck.

“I'm so sorry I'm so difficult.” He cried, a wetness forming on my shoulder where he lay his head. I held him tight, letting myself actually cry properly since he's been out of his coma. For awhile we cried together, holding each other. Once our sobs died down into sniffles and hiccups we pulled back a bit, lying back down on the bed. Gerard sighed loud, burring his face into my chest.

“I'm scared.” He confessed bluntly.

“About what, baby?” I pressed, my voice shot and rough from crying.

“About getting help.” He cracked again just at the thought. Seeing him cry made my eyes water and a burn in my throat erupt. “I want to stop but I don't. I need the drugs to stay sane. I take them when I'm stressed or anxious or down. Even to be happy. They help.”

“Oh, baby. That's why you have to go and get help! Professionals know what to do and how to help you through that. I can't do that. Your mom can't do that, or Sarah, or Matt. None of us can. I wish we could, but we just can't.” I explained softy.

“I just don't want to be alone!” He wailed. Furrowing my eyebrows I didn't know what he was getting at, but kissed his temple nonetheless.

“What do you mean, honey?” I whispered.

“I've never been alone! Someone I know has always been around to help me out but now my Mom wants to send me to rehab and I-I'll be all alone! I can't see! I'm blind Frank! I'm terrified and what if someone try's to hurt me? What if I get made fun of?” Gerard revealed his worries to me.

“Is that what you and your Mom fought about this morning?” I wondered out loud. Gerard whimpered and nodded, clutching my shirt in a fist.

“And other things t-too.” He sniffled, “She came in here and started yelling at me about how mad she was at me. How my Dad would have b-been so d-disappointed! S-she said that! Right to my face! How dare she!” He screamed angrily but at the same time still crying. “She knows how I am about stuff like that! I feel disgusting and ashamed and she has the nerve! I-I know it's the truth though. Dad would have hated m-me!”

“Hey! Hey, Gerard. No!” I cut him off, unable to hear him talk like this, “Honey, that's not true. Your Dad would have been sad. And that's what your Mom is feeling right now. She's just hurt too. She's upset that she doesn't have control and is taking it out on you because the situation has to do with you. It's not fair, but Susan still loves you, Gee. And so would have your Dad. He wouldn't have been disappointed. Never disappointed.” I insisted firmly, holding Gerard's thin frame to me as tight as I could without hurting him. “It's going to be alright, Gee. It is. You're going to get help and that's all that matters. We'll take it from there. The rehab is going to be fine. I understand you're scared. It's totally understandable, baby. But understand that I would never let you go some place where they would hurt you...okay?”

“O-okay Frankie.” Gee sniffled loudly, exhaling shakily. “I'll try and be good.” He whispered. I sighed again. We sighed a lot in this family.

“Seriously. I'll look the place up if you want. If it doesn't seem good enough for my baby, I'll spring you out of here and we'll run away.” I vowed, trying to make him laugh. Thankfully it did, his girlish giggle sounding in the hospital room. It was like flowers blooming in a cemetery. Something beautiful and wonderful within a sad situation.

“Promise?” He murmured, his eyes flickering up around me. Looking down at him I nodded, kissing his forehead.

“I promise.” I repeated seriously, but a smile in my voice. Gerard hummed, snuggling closer to me. I gladly held him tight, feeling calm just listening to him breathing.

Together we lay there for a while not saying anything, merely because we didn't need to. I still had a million questions for Gerard buzzing around inside my head, but I figured we talked enough, at least about serious things for one day. I was just so happy that Gerard had woken up; I thanked God silently for answering my prayers, even though I didn't deserve it. I hadn't done anything to deserve a miracle, but I wasn't going to question it. Relief was flooding through my veins like an ocean, I was almost numb in a euphoric state of gratitude. Holding Gerard in my arms was heaven no matter if it were in a hospital bed or a bed in the most expensive hotel in Europe. The weight of his body resting against mine relaxed me in a way words couldn't express. The smell of his hair inside my nose, the sound of his steady breathing, the feeling of his body curled against me, rubbing circles into the fabric of my shirt. A way he grounded himself. And it gave me immense pleasure to know that I could do that for him. Keep him sane.
I'd say we had been lying there in silence for an hour, as I traced my fingertips along his sweatshirt covered spine, when there was a knock at the door. Gerard pressed himself closer to me, but I told them to come in. It was Betty.

“I see you two are doing okay. Nice to see you calm Gerard.” She pointed out in her always friendly greeting. Gerard hummed, nuzzling his face into my chest.

“I'm always calm when Frankie's around.” He murmured lazily, a small grin gracing his lips.

“I don't know about that.” I chuckled making Gee whine.

“Don't be like that.” He pouted sternly. Betty laughed a big belly laugh.

“Are you sure you two ain't already married?” She teased, moving around the room checking
Gee's vitals. Peering down I could see Gerard blushing and a big grin on his face. The only thing that would have made the sight any more breathtaking would be if he had had his eyes open.

“No. Not yet at least. One day.” I smiled, a dreamy tone in my voice. Betty chuckled nodding, but didn't look up from looking at what ever is was that she was checking over.

“How're you feeling Gerard?” She asked, turning towards us on the bed. “Hungry?”

“Mm.” He groaned, “No. I feel nauseous actually. My head is pounding and I feel so weak.”

“Your body's still recovering. Working all the toxins out of your system. You're going to feel that way for a few more days at least. You're just lucky you weren't awake for the worst of it.” She offered bluntly, with a cock of her eyebrow. “But,” Betty began again with a sigh, “You do need to try and eat. I'll get you some Motrin for the headache, sweetie. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks Betty.” Gerard muttered, clearly not feeling well. He was sweaty all of a sudden now that I looked down at him.

“Are you hot?” I asked, feeling concerned.

“Yeah.” Gee moaned.

“He gets hot flashed then the chills. Withdrawals unfortunately.” Betty explained. I nodded slowly, feeling bad that Gerard had to go through all of this. “I can't do anything about that. He just has to wait til it passes. Sorry sweetheart.” Betty offered a sad smile on her plump lips. Gee nodded once, probably from his headache.

“Your vitals look okay, though. And that's what matters most. Anything sound good enough to eat that I can put an order in the kitchen for?” She wondered, sounding honestly sympathetic. That's what I loved about her. She cared.

“Not really.” Gerard sighed, sweat dripping off his face. Uncurling from me, he lay on his back, throwing the covers off of him.

“How about a sandwich? Start small?” I tried to encourage. Gerard groaned again but agreed.

“Okay, well then I'll put in an order. And I'll be back as soon as I can with meds.” She proclaimed, then left swiftly.

“Is there anything I can do for you baby?” I asked, placing a tentative hand on his clammy cheek. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut.

“No. Not really.” He muttered as I caressed his face.

“I'm sorry that I can't do anything.” I said aloud.

“It's okay.” He smiled weakly, turning his head to the sound of my voice “Having you here helps.” I nodded even though he couldn't see it and turned on my side to face him.

“Do you want me to get up and give you space?” I tried.

“No. No, I want you here.” He insisted, placing a sweaty hand on my hip. Then, instead of a knock that time, the front door just swung open with Matt barreling his way through, Sarah towing behind him. Cranking my neck at the sudden sound, I felt Gee's hand tighten on my hip.

“I come barring coffee!” Matt announced loudly.

“Shut up, Matt! We are in a hospital.” Sarah scolded, making her way in and taking a seat near the bed. Matt rolled his eyes but handed me a cup of crappy bitter cafeteria hospital coffee. Honestly though, there was something endearing about it that made it taste good.

“Thanks, Matte.” I muttered bringing the foam cup up to my lips, once I had sat up.

“And you...” Matt said, placing an identical cup of my own by Gerard's nightstand. Gee just moaned loudly making Sarah and Matt look to me for answers. I just shrugged.

“He's not feeling well. Hot flashes and all...I don't think he's up for coffee.” I admitted.

“Gerard? Not up for coffee?” Sarah pointed out incredulously.

“Fuckin withdrawals, you guys!” Gerard shouted irritably, both hands over his eyes in a frustrated gesture.

“Oh...sorry. I didn't know.” Matt mumbled, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

“No! No you didn't know Matt. He asked you for some before you left.” I insisted, giving him in what I hoped to be a comforting smile. Matt glanced at me, but didn't say anything only hanging his head and shoving his hands in his pockets. Gerard sighed, opening his eyes that revealed tears in them.

“I'm sorry Matte!” He chocked, “I'm just agitated. It's not you. Thank you for the coffee.” Gerard said, trying to stay calm.

“S'okay.” Matt shrugged.

“Here. Come here and lay with me. Franks had his turn.” Gerard teased, casting me a grin but I could tell it was forced. Getting the hint, I scooted off the bed and Matt took my place, curling against Gerard like earlier before. Sitting down in a chair next to Sarah, she slung an arm around my shoulder. Only by glancing at her I could see just how tired she was and long her day had been.

“Where's Susan?” I wondered hoping it wasn't the wrong thing to ask. Sarah exhaled deeply and ran her hands over her face.

“She's still in the cafe. She's on the phone trying to get a spot for Gerard in a rehab.” She responded honestly. Nervously I cast a glance at Gee, but he showed no response, only held tighter onto his little brother.

“How's that going?” I pressed in a murmured whisper.

“Going. She wants to make sure they'll take care of him because of his blindness. Plus the doctors want to keep him here for at least another day to make sure he's well enough to leave. Of course the doctors and nurses at the rehab will know how to deal with withdrawals and all that, but they need to make sure he's stable and won't like react again to the overdose for some freak reason.” Sarah explained, her words slow and exhausted. I hummed in response, offering her a hand to hold.

We all sat there not discussing anything further for a long while. I held Sarah's soft hand while Gerard and Matt held each other on the hospital bed. About a half hour later however, Betty came in giving Gerard medication to help with his withdrawals. Now that the hot flash had passed he was getting the chills, wrapped tightly within two warmed blankets. Medication, warm blankets, and a turkey and cheddar sandwich on wheat bread. All four of us thanked her and she left, leaving Gee to pick at his food as we all tried to encourage him to eat. He had gotten half way through when Susan came into the room.

“I've lost my apatite.” He snapped bitterly at her entrance, dramatically pushing the sandwich away on his bed tray. Susan sighed, after she'd closed the door behind her and walked to stand at the end of Gerard's bed.

“How are you doing, Gee?” She wondered gently despite his obvious dislike for her at the moment. Gerard said nothing but crossed his arms over his chest stubborn as ever. Sarah sighed too tired for the drama.

“He's okay. Just dealing with withdrawals. His vitals are okay though, and as Betty says, that's what matters.” She announced. Susan nodded, looking relieved.

“Good. That's good to hear...” She muttered, casting her eyes down to the floor, “Well I've contacted a rehab facility not too far from here who'll take Gerard. They say they'll take good care of you baby.” Susan tried, bringing her pleading eyes up to Gerard vacant face, even though he couldn't see her. When he made no move to do or say anything she sighed heavily and continued, “But the doctors want you here another day just for a precaution, so you're booked to go to the rehab not tomorrow morning but the next.”

“That's good.” I jumped in, hoping to get Gee to respond. Susan's eye flickered to me, giving me an appreciative smile; sad but grateful.

“It is.” She agreed, those green hazel eyes that matched Gerard identically, worn and dull. We all paused saying nothing.

“Are you staying the night?” Susan wondered, breaking the tense silence.

“Yes. If Gee wants me to.” I replied.

“I do. Please?” Gerard finally spoke, turning his head in the direction of my voice.

“Of course.” I smiled weakly, letting go of Sarah's hand to reach out and hold Gee's cold clammy one.

“Alright...Well I'll get David to stop by and bring you an overnight bag, honey. But it's getting late and we all should be going home.” Susan announced realistically. Sarah, Matt, and I nodded. I don't even know where they day went but it was already almost nine at night. Matt reluctantly slid out of Gerard's embrace, getting off the bed and onto his feet. Sarah went over to Gerard, giving him a kiss on his forehead, then slung an arm over Matt's shoulder. Susan eyed them cautiously as if she wasn't sure what to do. Deciding what she wanted to though, went over to Gee's bedside and gave him a peck on his cheek, even if he stiffened and shifted away.

“Well we should go.” Susan sighed, “Take care of him please.” She went on, glancing at me. I nodded once, walking over and giving them all a hug before they all ushered out of the room. Once alone I went back into the hospital bed with Gerard in my arms.

“So you're still mad are your Mom?” I pointed out after a silent moment. Gee exhaled through his nose deeply.

“Yes. What she said to me is unforgivable. I don't care if she feels sorry. She should.” He clipped. Gerard was the sweetest person I'd ever met, even the most forgiving and loving, but when you hurt him. Like really hurt him deeply, he was stubborn. I'd experienced that first hand. So instead I just nodded softly and together we drifted to sleep.

Dad didn't come with a bag until like eight in the morning. Which was fine I guess; neither Gerard or I woke up again after Susan, Sarah, and Matt left so it wouldn't have made a difference other than waking us up. When he did come, he came with Starbucks and stuck around for about an hour to see how Gee was and that made me happy. To see he actually cared. But he couldn't stay long. He had work. For most of the day, Gee and I really only lazed around. Sarah and Matt came for lunch but Gee wasn't really hungry. He was still dealing with gnarly withdrawals. I felt utterly helpless, not being able to do anything to help. Instead we just watched crappy daytime television while cuddling. Gerard threw up at least three times, getting all of the toxic chemicals out of his system. He slept like a sloth. But when he was coherent he was crying, shaking with worry for tomorrow when he'd have to leave for rehab. I didn't know what to say or do. Again. Helpless. Always helpless and useless. Gerard said like always, however that me being there helped enough but I wasn't convinced.

The day went by fast actually, through a haze of sleep and tears and cuddling. I was both relieved and saddened by it. Relieved that Gerard was going to get help soon. Saddened that we would be taken away from each other in less than 24 hours and that I would being going back to school in less than a week. I was already missing by first week back, but then again Gerard was well worth it.

*****

“Frankie?” Gee whispered quietly, his chin resting upon my chest. It was around ten at night, and Gerard was tired from dinner. The first actual meal he'd been able to keep down. I hummed to let him know I was listening while petting his long black hair behind his ears. His green hazel eyes were still wet and watery from crying all day from his anxiety about rehab tomorrow. He'd been crying all day long. I knew he was terrified.

“Frankie...” He repeated, sounding unsure of himself. Furrowing my eyebrows together, I brought my hand down from his hair to his back, rubbing soothing circles along his spine. Gerard sighed shakily.

“I...I know it's weird to ask...considering the situation...” He began squeezing his eyes shut and burring his face into my shirt, “But would it be totally freaky is I asked you to make love to me. Like right now?” He ended uncertainty, beginning to fiddled with the folds in the fabric of my shirt. A nervous habit of his. I blinked a few times not completely sure if I was understanding him right.

“Here? In the hospital?” I clarified. Gerard swallowed loudly, his Adam's apple bobbing against my breast bone.

“I know...F-forget it. It's weird.” He rushed out self-consciously, increasing the speed at witch he twiddle with my shirt at, his long artistic fingers frantic.

“Wait. Baby.” I chuckled, placing a hand over his jittery one, “I didn't say no. I'm just...aren't you afraid of getting caught?” I laughed nervously despite myself.

“Not really. I'm more scared of tomorrow. Of being away from you for so long...I-I” He cut himself off, his voice cracking and chocking up with tears. It caused my heart to clench, like a firm fist wrapped around it and ready to let it explode. “I just want to be with you. Know you're here. Reassure myself that...I don't know Frankie. I just need you. And not lustfully. I need to feel you love me.” He sobbed, while all I could do was hold him tight.

“Okay...okay. Anything, Gee. Anything to make you feel better...It's no skin off my back.” I tried to joke, but all Gee did was give a weak lopsided smile. “But first let me...let me make sure we don't get caught in an awkward situation. Having my Dad find us that one time with my cock in your ass was enough embarrassment to supply a life time.” I offered, beginning to untangle myself from Gerard and off the bed. Now that actually made him giggle.

“It was your fault for being so horny.” He teased, to my great relief. It was nice to see a genuine smile on his dazzling face.

“Well you did promise me sex on Valentines day if you remember!” I defended only joking.

“Yeah and if you remember, we were both too tired after the Panic!at the Disco concert.” He countered, making me grin a cheesy smile.

“Exactly. I was only trying to make up for time lost.” I pointed out.

“Oh whatever, you horn dog. Go do what you need to do and come right back!” Gerard sighed dramatically, pointed a finger in my general direction.

“Of course my love.” I whispered, leaning in and pecking his forehead. Gerard hummed and lay back as I left the room.

My mission was simple really. Talk to Betty and see if I could strike a deal. Fortunately for me she was working the night shift. I was apprehensive, I'll admit though. I mean Betty was cool, but I knew this was pushing it. Walking down the cold quite corridors, towards the front desk my heart hammered slightly faster than normal and my palms started to sweat against my consent. The walk wasn't long though and didn't give me time to pussy out. In about two minutes Betty's pretty and friendly face came into view, sitting behind the nurses station typing away on some report most likely. Slowly I approached said desk, trying not to seem too suspicious.

“Uhm...Betty?” I asked carefully, clearing my throat. Betty didn't reply but looked up with a cautious look in her warm brown eyes.

“Yes?” She wondered in that motherly tone where they already knew somehow, that you needed something. I sighed deciding not to beat around the bush.

“Well...When does Gerard need to be checked on again? For like medication or vitals or whatnot?” I began tentatively. Betty rose one sharp black eyebrow.

“And why would you need to know such a thing?” She countered suspiciously. I paused, feeling a blush creep into my cheeks.

“Because...” I started lamely, “We just want some...alone time? If that's possible?...”

“Frank. You do realize this is a hospital? Not a motel 6? Right?” She chastised. I rolled my eyes but blushed deeper.

“Duh.” I snapped defensively, ringing my hands together, “But Gerard's scared about tomorrow. I'm leaving back to college in a week...in Ohio and he's going to rehab. Please? Please, Betty, I'm begging you. And not just cause we're some sex crazed teenagers. Because we love each other and need the time together before we have to leave each other...and at a time when we both feel vulnerable. We just...I don't fucking know. We need this. Please.” I begged hoping to get my point across. Betty gave me a long hard stare for a moment to the point where I felt like her eyes were burning into my skull. I tried my best not to break eye contact but at some point I couldn't help but fidget away and cast my eyes down. When I glanced back up, however She sighed heavily.

“Fine, Franklin. But only because for some bat-shit crazy reason I have a soft spot for you two. You have an hour. An hour, ya hear? That's all I can guarantee.” Betty compromised. The moment I realized where she was going I couldn't help but feel a gigantic smile spread over my face.

“Thank you! God, thank you Betty! You're an absolute saint!” I cheered

“Shh!” She hissed, “This is still a hospital. Which reminds me. Keep it down.” She glared. I blushed again but continued to smile.

“You got it!” I nodded wildly and spun on my heel, making my way back to Gee's room.

“One hour!” Betty shouted in reminder as I rushed down the hall. I waved her off behind me and opened Gerard's hospital door, beaming like an idiot.

“That wasn't so long.” Gerard mused as I softly closed the door.

“It was easier than I expected.” I admitted, crawling into bed beside Gee.

“And that was?” He pressed curiously, scooting over for me.

“Convincing Betty to give us an hour without interruptions.” I admitted bashfully. Gerard's shocked face was almost comical if he hadn't of smacked my arm.

“Frank!” He shrieked in horror.

“Don't worry about it, baby. Betty's cool. She really didn't give me a hard time.” I shrugged. Gerard shook his head, covering his face behind his hands with a groan.

“You're unbelievable, Frank.” He sighed. I giggled, gently pulling his hands away from his beautiful face, even if it was paler than normal and too thin to be healthy.

He didn't resist my pull and once I could get his hands away from his face I could see his stunning green eyes roaming idly around, a serious frown on his mouth. I smiled sadly, leaning in and attached my lips to his. It was soft and sweet, and despite Gerard not being able to smoke for over a week, there was still somehow was a lingering hint of cigarettes on his tongue. That and the always prominent coffee staining his taste buds. Deepening the kiss, I placed my hands on either sides of his cheeks while Gerard put his hands in my hair, scrunching on the short strands tight. Moaning into his mouth softly, I felt like I could just devour him. I wanted him. Desperately.

It's funny how Gerard could turn that switch inside of me so quickly; from totally content with cuddling him, to being in desperate need for his touch. His taste. His everything. Panting heavily into my mouth, Gerard's spidery fingers roamed down my torso towards the hem of my shirt, giving me chills. Gently yet frantically we shed our clothes, craving the sensation of our warm naked bodies pressed against each other. Once our clothes were haphazardly thrown off the bed and onto the tiled hospital floor, I hovered over Gee, kissing down his cold tender flesh. Moaning softly, Gerard's fingers moved back into my hair, tugging uncontrollably.

“Y'know...” I murmured against his skin, creating shivers and goosebumps, “I've had sex in some pretty crazy places....we've had sex in some pretty crazy places. But I'd say this takes the cake.” I commented just before swiping my tongue over his left nipple.

“Ugh.” Gerard groaned, arching up into my touch, “I...I can agree with that.” He breathed weakly. Smirking against his chest, I placed my lips around his nipple, deciding to suckle as gently as possible. Gerard whimpered, raking his blunt nails down my back, in turn making me groan. My groan caused a ripple effect of vibrations across Gee's chest, in which his response was to buck his hips up into mine, his hard dick smearing pre-cum against my stomach. Grinding back down, I gave us both the friction we'd been dying for, yet hadn't given into just yet, until then.

“So fucking hot, Gee.” I murmured, while he tightly wrapped his boney legs around my waist.

“Ohhh. Frankie.” Gerard drawled out, as I sunk down, wiggled out of his leg-vice grip and spreading them apart. Running my hands up and down the inside of his thighs, I forced myself to savor the feeling of his baby soft skin against my rough calloused fingertips. I forced myself to re-memorize every touch and sight that was Gerard Way.

“God, Gee. Oh, fuck. God.” I ranted nonsense, unable to form a coherent thought at the heavenly sight of him splayed out before me; his head thrown back on the pillows in anticipation, fingers clenched around the rough hospital sheets, skinny chest rising up and down heavily, his erect thick cock throbbing against his stomach, leaking pre-cum into his belly button, and the beginning of beads of sweat forming at his temple. For once. Just once, I wish he could see just how holy and breathtaking he looked in these moments.

Sitting back on my thighs, in the tight space of the bed, I kept my hands on his thighs, keeping them open and ready. Raking my eyes down I could see his delicious hole clench and unclench with lust and carnal desire. The sight made my mouth water. Bending down without anymore wait, I brought my mouth to him, licking and sucking greedily. God, I missed the taste of him. I had been starved from the taste of him for too long, practically malnourished. And now I was able to fest and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me. My animalistic nature was kicking in, hurdling my lust into overdrive.

“God, Frank. Oh God.” Gerard whimpered, clawing at anything he could grab. My hair, my shoulders, the bed sheets. “D-don't stop.”

“Believe me. I couldn't even if I wanted to.” I smirked, while pulling away a moment to add in my fingers. Gerard mewled in response, arching up then thrusting down on my fingers, wriggling around to the touch.

“Frankie.” Gee sighed, “God, Frank, just hurry up. Fuck me already.” He begged.

“I'm having too much fun with this though.” I teased, deeply ramming my third finger in just to fuck with him. Gerard chocked out a gurgled moan.

“Bitch.” He hissed once he's composed himself enough to speak, making me chuckle, “We only have an hour remember!”

“True.” I sighed dramatically, but honestly my cock was aching and my lips were crying out for Gerard's. Reluctantly, I retracted my fingers and regardless of Gerard's demand for it, he still whined at the loss. Crawling up to be level with him, I lowered down and connected our lips and even though we had been rough previously we still found a way to take the kiss back to tender and loving. Maneuvering myself around, I carefully eased Gerard onto his side once our lips had disconnected.

“What are you doing?” Gee wondered timidly while I got behind him on the bed.

“Something new...Plus we don't necessarily have much room.” I grinned. Gerard nodded, trusting me, as I lay down on my side as well from behind. After spitting into my dominant hand, I wrapped one arm around his chest, while the other was brought to stroke my neglected cock. Without my consent I couldn't help but moan at the touch but quickly recovered. Caressing my free hand down I spread Gerard's cheeks and very slowly and carefully pressed in. Gerard gasped from in front of me, one of his hands going straight to grab my ass, as the others clutched the bed railing before him. Simultaneously moaning out together while I filled Gerard up and his tight warm heat stretched around my cock, I started to shallowly thrust, wanting to take it slow.

“Uh...Fuck. Frankie.” Gerard breathed, rutting his ass back into my thrust, his hand still grasping desperately onto the bed rail; knuckled white, as the other hands nails dug crescent shaped imprints into my ass cheek. “Fuck! Fucking harder!” He cried, and I couldn't hold back any longer. Slamming in and out of him with all I had, I could feel a sheen of sweat coat my body, as well as Gerard's. Soon our slick bodies were sliding against one anothers. Resting back, Gerard's head fell awkwardly onto my heaving chest, his neck exposed. Not being able to resist, I leaned forward a fraction and began to suck and nibble at the flesh. Inhaling sharply, Gee whimpered and moaned from the feeling. Craning his neck back, blindly we both found each others mouths in a sloppy kiss.

“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck. I love you.” Gee whispered into my open mouth, both of us panting in each others face. Moving his hand on my ass to my hair, Gerard tugged at my hair making my squeeze my eyes shut and groan.

“Fuck...love you so fucking much.” I managed to respond. Opening my eyes, I then saw Gerard beautiful eyes flutter shut in ecstasy, causing me to smile. Slowing down a bit, I decided to go deeper instead. In response I could see Gerard bite his lip and whimper, then slackly open his mouth all together, his eyelids still closed but fluttering.

“Oh baby.” He breathed in a whisper, nuzzling his head back into my sweaty neck. Managing to take my eyes off of his face somehow, I glanced over to his hand that held the railing, the tendons in his wrist straining, his nails cutting into his palm, while I could feel the other hand grasp onto my short hair for dear life. I knew he was getting close in these signs and as well as how his breathing was getting shorter and more desperate. How his long black hair was sticking to his face and how his body was rocking back into mine.

“You close?” I panted, gripping his boney hip, and stroking my hand on his sweaty chest for comfort. Gee pressed his lips together and nodded while finally opening his eyes. They were wet with unshed tears, causing my heart to ache.

“I got you baby.” I reassured in a rough whisper, slipping my hand from his chest to grip his cock and stroking it firmly. Gerard moaned deeply in response, his gorgeous green hazel eyes that reminded me of space, filling deeper with tears and spilling over onto his pale gaunt cheekbones. Holding him tighter, I pressed a kiss to his temple while flicking my wrist and causing him to cum. Panting and groaning somehow at the same time, more tears fell one after the other from his hypnotizing eyes, as hot cum shot onto my hand. Clenching his eyes shut, he sobbed, pressed back and mewling. Nuzzling my face into his neck I inhaled deeply, and felt my stomach twist and burst, shooting my hot load inside of him. Riding our orgasms out together, my thrusting ebbed into rutting and then eventually stopped all together.

Panting and spent, Gerard's fingers slowly uncurled from the railing as the other fell from my hair to his side. I on the other hand, kept my love close, continuing to nuzzle my face inside his neck.

“I love you.” I murmured into his skin, still out of breath. Gerard sighed but I could see a soft smile on his lips.

“I love you too.” He whispered. Peppering soft languid kisses down his spine and up again, I brought my thumb to his eyes and wiped the tears away.

“I love you, I love you.” I chanted in his ear, making his giggle quietly. Leaning into my chest, I sighed happily and wrapped both arms over his chest, overlapping them. Gerard sniffled, turning his face to peck my cheek.

“Thank you.” He said against my skin.

“Thank you.” I repeated, nibbling his ear playfully. Gee giggled once, bringing a hand to wipe away all of his tears.

Honestly at first it scared the shit out of me whenever Gerard would cry when we made love. I always thought I had hurt him and he was lying to me about how he just said he was 'overwhelmed', or that I had made him scared and uncomfortable. Because I had never ever in my whole entire sex life made anyone cry from fucking. But that was the thing...and it took me a few times of Gee crying after sex for me to realize that we weren't fucking. We were making love. As dopey and cheesy as that sounds...Because that's all I had ever done was fuck. I had never felt that overwhelming love and breathtaking desire for someone else before. Not before Gerard. I'll admit too, even that I had found myself tearing up more than a few times after making love to Gerard. And that scared me as I'm sure it had for him the first time. But now I was used to it...well not used to it per se. I don't think you can ever get used to having that overwhelming effect on someone and vise versa. It just didn't petrify me anymore. In fact it warmed my heart to see when Gee cried after we'd given our whole entire selves to each other. It was thee only time it didn't break my heart to see him cry. Because I knew he loved me without words. He loved me with his whole body so much that that body couldn't take it and had to express it in tears. Tears! The most pure way a body can ever convey an emotion. I knew we loved each other so so much and that I didn't want anyone else but him. My Gerard.
Thinking this over in silence with Gerard in my arms, I couldn't help but feel my own eyes sting with their own salty tears. Sniffling myself, I hugged him closer kissing him anywhere I could find. His neck, his shoulder, his back, his ear, his nose, and lips. Chuckling, Gee held my arms that were over his chest firmly.

“I don't want to move.” He sighed, breaking the silence.

“Me either...but I think our hour is more than up.” I pointed out. Gerard nodded.

“Yeah. You're right.” He replied glumly.

“Hey. I'm not leaving. We just have to get dressed and we can get right back to cuddling.” I offered gently. Gee gave a half sad grin.

“I know. But I don't want to get dressed. I don't want you to leave me.” He confessed, sad tears that time filling his eyes and making my heart break.

“I'm not leaving until I absolutely have to.” I promised, knowing he wasn't just talking about getting dressed, but about tomorrow and being separated.

“I just wish we could stay like this forever.” He mused in a hushed whisper, I almost didn't catch. Stroking a hand down his spine, I sighed.

“Me too, baby. But I'll visit. And it's just like me having to go back to Ohio for school anyways.” I tried to point out. Gerard nodded but didn't say anything so I decided to make a move. Slowly I slide out of him, trying not to notice the whimper that escaped Gerard's lips, only because I knew he didn't want me to hear it. The whole situation was tearing me apart. Giving the top of his head a peck, I then climbed off the bed and wondered into the bathroom to wet two wash cloths. Coming back, I tenderly as possible cleaned the two of us up and then dressed us both. As if on cue, Betty walked in as I was climbing back into bed. It was creepy really, like she knew we were done.

“You two didn't leave a mess did you?” She asked scrunching up her nose. Laughing despite myself I shook my head.

“Nope. We're not animals.” I teased, gathering Gerard into my arms.

“Well good...” She clipped, then redirected her gaze to Gerard. “You need anything honey?”

“No.” He responded softly, “I'm okay.”

“You sure? No food or drink? No medication?” Betty pressed like a good nurse.

“No. Thank you, though.” He murmured, snuggling closer against my chest. Betty nodded solemnly, yet left. In the dark room, with just moonlight fileting in through the blinds, I could see Gee's sleepy but scared face. His eyes were wide and searching for nothing. Searching for everything.

“You okay, baby?” I whispered out in a hushed voice. Gee closed his eyes.

“Yeah. Just nervous.” He sighed.

“I know...I know baby. But I'm going to be there all I can. And you're going to be taken care of. Get help.” I tried to show the bright side of the situation. Gerard sighed in response.

“I know.” He murmured. “ I just can't...can't imagine. I'm petrified.” He admitted his voice cracking, making me hold him tighter.

“Do you want something to calm you down.” I offered, trying my best to be helpful. He shook his head though.

“No...no I have you. That's all I need.” He smiled sadly, snuggling closer to me. I breathed heavily, nodding as well and rested my head on top of his. With nothing else to say or do, we lay together in the quiet darkness until sleep graced us with it's blissful tranquility.

Notes

I hope this is good enough cuz I really don't like it. But it's already way long. So yeah. Let me know what you think. I love your comments, it honestly motivates me.
Side note my sister is getting married and I'm so so happy!
Oh and I hope I'm writing this whole withdrawals thing properly. If you have any advice or see anything wrong let me know.
And so I have an idea for another sequel. Like a trilogy story. Like the first one was their lovey dovey meeting adn beginning stage of a relationship, the second the shitty part, and the third will tie everything up! Soooo yeah.
Comment, Subscribe, and Rate. Xoxo, G(race)