A Broken Heart Is Blind

❤❤ ❤ Frank❤❤❤

Reaching over I clicked on a light so I could properly see; one hand on the small of Gerard's back so he wouldn't fall back and the other hand turning on the light. Once the light was on however, and I began to turn around I felt Gee falling back from my hand. When facing forward all the way my breathing stopped. Blinking rapidly, I felt all the air whoosh out of my chest. Gerard's nose was bleeding as he seized right on the bed in front of me. It was like time slowed down and someone punched me right in the stomach. I didn't know what to do; I froze. All I could do, for what felt like an hour was watch the love of my life seizing on the bed, two inches from me. Foam started coming out of his mouth and he started choking, blood clogging his nostril too. That's what snapped me back. Seeing him gasp for air. Lunging forward, I turned him over, maneuvering him around so that he was face down but at the same time I held him up so he wouldn't choke to death.

“SARAH! SUSAN! SOMEONE HELP!” I screamed louder than I thought possible. Panic was bubbling in my chest, while adrenaline began to infiltrate my blood system. I had no fucking clue what to do. I didn't even know how this was happening! Gerard was burning up and convulsing in my arms but I couldn't do anything. I had to hold him up and I was too afraid to leave him to get anyone. I didn't know where my phone was, probably somewhere in the covers but that didn't do me any good. Frustrated tears leaked out of my eyes. Gerard couldn't... No, no no no no no no!

“FUCKING HELP!” I screamed again. Right as the words left my mouth, Matt barreled his way into the room. Thank fucking God he came home from his girlfriends tonight. Running, though once his eyes landed on the scene at hand, froze, his eyes widened and his mouth gaped open.

“Wh-what...” He breath but I cut home off, not having the time.

“Call 911. Now!” I shouted. Matt gulped but shook his head and fished his phone out of his pocket, snapping into action. Then I saw someone else coming in.

“What the Hell?” Susan thundered, rushing to my side.

“I don't know! I don't know Susan!” I sobbed, holding the now still, limp form of Gerard to my chest. “He woke me up and...and he started seizing like ten minutes after! I swear to God I don't know what happened!” Susan didn't reply to my sobbing mess, but took Gerard out of my hands and checked his breathing.

“His heart is way too fast and he's burning up!” She cried but kept calm unlike Matt and I. Too much was going on, my head was swimming. Matt's shaking voice was talking to paramedics over the phone, that Goddamn menu was still on loop on the TV, and Susan was moving about at hyper speed while all I could do was watch wide eyed and helpless. Susan was scrambling to take Gerard's shirt off, ordering Matt, now that he was off the phone, to go get the whole ice bag out of the freezer. Matt nodded rapidly and ran down stairs. Not before shouting out that an ambulance would be here as soon as possible though.

“Frank!” Susan shouted, causing me to jump. “I need you to focus.”

“What's happening?” Sarah cried, suddenly appearing at the threshold, making both Susan and I's heads to whip towards her.

“Sarah! Come here and help me undress Gerard!” She ordered. Sarah did as she was told without question, running forward and immediately ripping off articles of clothing.

“What happened?” Sarah breathed.

“We don't know. Don't ask questions.” Susan ordered firmly. Matt ran back into the room with a bag of ice.

“Pour that into the tub with cold water.” Susan shouted. When Gerard was naked, I was asked to carry him to the tub. He was only in there for like five minutes maybe though, before paramedics were banging on the door. Matt ran back downstairs to let them in and then all of a sudden they were crowding the room, putting Gee on a stretcher, putting a gown and ventilator on him too. Checking vitals, shouting things to each other I didn't understand.

“What the fuck is going on?” Dad demanded; the last to show as usual, busting through the bedroom door. No one paid any attention to him however. There was more pressing matters at hand. I wasn't much help either though, I was frozen in my place even as they told us quickly that only one person could ride in the ambulance with them. Susan of course went. Mother overrides boyfriend every time. I wasn't in much of a state to go anyways. Susan rushed out that she would call with updates as soon as she could and to just try and stay calm, then was gone in what felt like a blink of an eye. The paramedics were gone. My Gee was gone. Susan was gone. I was numb, but once I heard the front door slam downstairs and sirens wail down the street, I cracked. Tears gushed out of my eyes in a snap of a finger and sobbing sounds erupted from my chest, that felt like it was caving in. In a chain reaction I could vaguely hear Matt sniffling from a corner in the room. Sarah grabbed him and I don't know why, but I felt all alone all of a sudden. That just made me cry harder. I know Sarah and Matt and Gerard are all brothers and sister but...I guess. Fuck. I don't even know. I just felt like a ship lost out in the open sea for no one to save. Just to float and eventually sink without any sails. Gerard was my sail and he had been taken down.

Out of all people, though, my father wrapped me up in his arms and let me cry. I didn't care at that moment who gave me comfort. I just needed it desperately. Clutching onto his shirt my tears stained him damp. He didn't seem to care either. We all seemed to forget everything that had happened in the last couple days, besides what was happening to Gerard right this moment. For a good fifteen minutes we held each other crying and having no clue what to do. Dad snapped out of it first, squeezing my body then letting go and simply slinging an arm over my shoulder.

“Alright. Stressing over this...whatever happened wont do anyone any good. Why don't we all go downstairs and I'll make a cup of coffee. Decaf so you kids can get some sleep.” He offered. In a daze we all merely agreed, following him blindly towards the kitchen. We were catatonic-like, wide eyed and silent, but screaming on the inside. Our lips wouldn't open, however, glued shut in shock.

Sitting at the kitchen bar stools, all three of us watched Dad flutter around, brewing and serving us coffee. Our eyes wondered but none of us made any movement. I wonder idly what Dad thought of all this. He was the last one in and merely saw Gerard being taken away on a stretcher with a ventilator on him. He had to know it was serious. But then again, I hardly knew what happened. One second Gerard was all over me, trying to get in my pants and the next he was on the bed seizing right in my arms. The image kept replaying in my head like an annoying scratch on your favorite record. You prayed the next time you played it, it might not skip, but of course you knew it was ridiculous to wish such a thing. You knew deep down it would end up skipping. Yet you couldn't help but hope. And that's exactly what it was like. I closed my eyes tight shut, but the images of Gerard chocking on his own saliva and nose bleeding wouldn't leave my mind. The feeling of him shaking in my arms left lingering whispers of tremors I couldn't brush off.

Dad placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of me and for some reason it made me jump. Sarah threw me a concerned look but I shrugged it away and rose the ceramic cup shakily to my trembling lips. The hot liquid felt good going down my throat; it burned but it also brought me back a bit. Dad asked Sarah questions; the only one out of the three of us who was talking, what had happened. She told him what we knew, which was little. That Gerard reacted to something we didn't know. He had a seizure and his body temperature was too high. Dad grunted in response and nodded.

“Well, I'll stay up and look out for a call from your mother. But you kids need some sleep. It's obviously been too long of a night.” He insisted. “I'll wake you up if anything dire happens.” We all nodded and shuffled back up stairs. Sarah had us all sleep in her room, for which I was grateful. I don't think I could have gone back to my bedroom where everything happened. She told us we needed to be together. I didn't argue. In fact I liked it better this way. I lay on the left, Matt in the middle and Sarah on the right. Sleep was hard to find though. At least for me. I was too afraid to sleep, as if I let go, Gerard would too. Matt eventually started snoring softly, but tossed and turned, not in anyway in a peaceful sleep. Dad never came and got us, though and that comforted me a little.

“Hey...Frank?” Sarah whispered in the dark room, “Are you still awake?”

“Yes.” I breathed, just as quiet.

“Are you okay?” She asked timidly. I bit my lip trying not to cry.

“No.” I admitted truthfully.

“I thought so...Gerard's strong. You know that. He'll pull through... whatever's happened.” She vowed, but I think she was trying to convince herself just as much as me.

“How can you know that for sure?” I pressed, my voice cracking.

“Because...” She replied her own voice shaky, “I've had too much taken from me already.”

“That doesn't mean anything. The world is shit.” I bit bitterly, not thinking before I spoke. I heard Sarah swallow hard.

“I know that...I'm not stupid. But...I just...I just know.” She ended lamely. I didn't reply but turned over onto my side and closed my eyes. Sarah, I heard shifted and I think she did the same. I didn't fall asleep until much later; about when the sun began to rise. I had to let go, though. But I didn't want to. My body was the one that turned its back on me. My eyelids dropped too heavy and my eyes stung with lack of rest. It was time to sleep. With great unease my body shut down in the early hours of the morning. I just hoped and prayed Gerard's hadn't of done the same. And with a sigh of release I feel deeply asleep.

*****

Gerard had overdosed on cocaine. His body went into shock and at one point his heart even stopped beating because it was going too fast and gave up. But he lived through the night. Doctors resuscitated him and were able to cool his body down to a normal temperature. He had been in a coma for a week though. I'm sure Dad had a lot to say on the matter, but even he wasn't a big enough asshole to say it aloud. But everyone had a lot to say on the matter. Even I did. It was like a silent agreement among all of us, however, that no one would say anything until Gerard woke up. To be honest I was angry. That was what I was feeling. Anger. I was angry at myself. At Gerard. At the family and that no one had noticed anything about Gerard's addiction. Fuck. How could no one have noticed how bad it had gotten? I should have noticed! Of all people; I was the worst boyfriend in all of history. I had assumed that Gerard had stopped using any drugs whatsoever. I saw no signs. I guess that's what I get for assuming things. I should have asked Gee about his drug use from the beginning of getting back together. Sarah had mentioned the whole cocain thing to me back in like September, but I figured that if Gerard was still using or had a problem he would tell me.

Then again...I'm sure he thought that same thing about my whole cutting situation.
Now would have, should have, could have's were useless, though. Now Gerard was in a hospital bed, in a coma because no one paid enough attention. Because Gerard didn't say anything. So yeah. I was pissed off. I wanted to cut so desperately. I was in dire need for some form of stress relief. But I wanted; needed to be strong for Gerard. This is how we got ourselves into trouble. This...this fucking self-destructive attitude. I only caved twice in the whole time Gee was in his coma. The other time I was too occupied sitting at his bedside, praying for him to wake up. I wasn't too religious. Gerard was always the more religious of us two, but I even went to church and prayed right there in one of the pews on my damn knees begging God to let him live. I bargained everything. Everything I had. Even my life for his. I was a mess, to say the lest. I smoked too many cigarettes, drank too much coffee, and got too little of sleep to be deemed a sane person by any decent doctor. I cried during the day when I held Gerard's hand. I screamed when someone forced me to go home and try and get rest. And I did the praying in between. I didn't want to leave his side. I wanted to be there when he woke up...if he woke up...but I couldn't let myself think that way. This family had had too much of it's fare share of complete shit. Just like Sarah said. We couldn't lose Gee too. I think we all would just collapse and give up. Fucking die or go insane.

Of course, as the world would have it, Gerard woke up when I wasn't there. But at least he woke up. It was on the ninth day he had been in his coma, when I was woken up from one of my restless fits of sleep. Groaning, the vibrations of my cell phone on the nightstand was what woke me. With a dramatic huff, I rolled over and crankily answered.

“Hello?” I snapped, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Frank?” Sarah responded weekly from the other end, ignoring my bad mood. Her tone of voice made my heart skip a beat.

“What? What is it? What's wrong?” I demanded, becoming instantly more alert.

“Nothing's wrong Frank...Gerard woke up.” She breathed. For a moment, I was silent not knowing what to say or do as what she said processed through my head. I wanted to cry and laugh all at once or together at the same time.

“H-he did?” I whispered, “When? Is he okay?”

“This morning around nine.” She said.

“What the fuck? And you're telling me now? It's like...Noon!” I shouted, while glancing at clock on my desk. Sarah sighed.

“I knew you would be mad, but you had just left. You needed sleep. Besides. Mom wanted to talk with him first...But that didn't go so well. He freaked out when he initially woke up. He was scared and confused. He didn't realize he was in the hospital, he started ripping his IV's out and screaming. Once the doctors and nurses got him to relax though, Mom spoke with him.” She breathed heavily, as if to brace herself for what she was going to say. I held my breath, feeling dizzy, “And I honestly think she should have waited. She got upset and said things she didn't mean. Gee was hysterical and forced Mom to leave. Now he's mad at her and just keeps asking for you. Can you come?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I'm coming! I'll be there as soon as I fucking can!” I shouted out of nerves. Sarah just said okay and thanks and hung up.

After flying around my room gathering everything I needed, I ran out the house and speed off to the hospital. I didn't even bother to check what I looked like. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that Gerard was upset and scared in a hospital bed without me there to help calm him. I got there in about twenty minutes flat, probably breaking about a gazillion road laws. Panting I singed in and made my way around the hospital wings, to where I knew Gerard was by heart.

“Wow, wow! Frank! Calm down!” Betty, a nurse at the desk in the wing we were in, called at me. Lucky for me she was there that morning. You never knew who had what shift. She was my favorite. She was what nurses where supposed to be. Nice, caring, and patient. Betty had dark chocolate skin and wore those pale blue scrubs it seemed every nurse wore. She had pretty brown eyes that were warm and calming. Black hair always pulled into a bun, but also a stern, no bull-shit, no sugar-coating attitude. Relief flooded me when I saw her behind the desk that morning. I knew that if she was working when Gee freaked out, it couldn't have been as bad as it had the potential to be.

“I can't calm down! I heard about Gee!” I yelled a bit too loud. Betty gave me a reproachful glare, silently telling me to shut up and calm down. She reminded me of a mom too. A mom I wished for but never had. “I'll be good. I promise.” I sighed. She sighed too but nodded and I made my way towards Gerard's room at a speed-walk pace.

Right before I entered, however I paused allowing myself to catch my breath. Also, I admit I was nervous. Nervous as to how Gerard would be like. Would he still be hysterical? Angry at me for not taking care of him? I didn't even fucking know, but a million thoughts and scenarios ran through my mind. Taking in a shaky breath, I flattened down my hair and straightened my shirt, then finally creaked open the door. Poking my head in, it was silent, so I figured it couldn't be all that bad and entered fully. With great relief, I saw that Matt was cuddled up close on the bed with Gerard. Matt's arm was hung over Gee's back and Gerard's around his little brothers middle. Both their eyes were closed so I wasn't sure if they were sleeping. Crossing the room however, the movement caused Gerard's eyes to flutter open, flickering around as if to try and figure out who it was.

“Gee? Baby?” I whispered, crouching down to be level with him.

“Frank?” Gerard gasped, his head snapping forward. Matt's eyes opened at this with a soft groan. I couldn't help but smile softly.

“Hey there, honey.” I continued to speak quietly. Reaching out a hand, I caressed his smooth pale cheekbone tenderly. Gerard sighed and grabbed my wrist with the hand that wasn't on Matt.

“Frankie.” He murmured, his eyes glowing but sad. I felt my lip twitch up.

“How're you feeling baby?” I wondered, while wedging my butt at the edge of the small hospital bed. Gerard felt this and scooted over, forcing Matt to scoot too. Matt grumbled at the disturbance but I only chuckled softly.

“I feel terrible. But a little better now that you're here.” He spoke, his voice trembling and weak. It made my heart clench.

“I'm glad I could help. Even if it's just a little.” I tried to tease. Gerard smiled although it was strained and somber. Leaning in, I pressed a warm kiss to his clammy temple, breathing in deep to embrace his scent even if it was diluted with that clean bleach-y hospital smell. Gee sighed and closed his eyes while I brought both my hands into his hair and nuzzled my face inside his neck.

“God, I'm so glad you're awake.” I admitted, pecking light kisses where his neck met his shoulder. I don't even know if you can call them kisses though, they were really only movements of my lips brushing against skin. Gerard sniffled and I could only imagine those green hazel eyes, wet and full of pain.

“You guys remember I'm still right here, right?” Matt pointed out irritably, but not really mad. I think he just did it to lighten the mood. With watery chuckles, we both moved away. Glancing sideways at Matt, I offered an amused grin.

“Where is everyone?” I wondered after he rolled his eyes at my gesture.

“Cafeteria.” He said shortly.

“Why don't you join them?” I implied with a raise of my eyebrows. Matt whined, squeezing Gerard closer to him like a scared little kid. Like if he let go of his candy and went for a nap, when he woke up it would be eaten. Again the sight caused an aching in my chest. It reminded me just how much of a kid Matt still was. He was still in high school and was terrified of losing his big brother.

“Not for long. I just want to talk with Gee alone for a little.” I spoke calmly, hoping to effect Matt in some positive way.

“Yeah, Matte.” Gerard chimed in, nudging his shoulder, “Go get some food. I'll be right here when you get back.” He promised as if reading his thoughts. As if he could see the look on his face.

“Fine...alright.” Matt sighed reluctantly and sat up on the bed then got to his feet.

“Thanks, Matt.” I offered with a tired smile. He just nodded with a roll of his eyes.

“Will you bring me back a coffee. Pretty please?” Gerard asked in a baby voice, pouting his bottom lip out. Matt sighed.

“Yeah, okay.” He agreed, leaning down and kissing Gerard on the cheek. Gee smiled softly and fluttered his eyelids closed to reopen then right away. Matt walked around the bed and as he walked by I squeezed his shoulder. Quietly his sneakers squeaked against the tile floor and left with a soft shutting of the door. Once he was gone, I turned forward seeing Gerard's eyes flickering around the room.

“Do you think Matt will mind if I steal his spot for a little?” I wondered playfully. Gerard smiled with a breathy laugh.

“No. And if he does, too bad.” he giggled scooting over. Crawling into the creaky bed, I wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling my nose against his neck. I felt relief wash over me. This is what I had been waiting for the moment Gerard was hurled in an ambulance to the hospital. Sighing, I pulled my face back to lie on the pillow we were sharing. Staring at Gerard up close I could see his face was paler than usual, his eyes were dimmer than I liked, and a worn frown on his lips.

“Gee...baby.” I started apprehensively. Gerard turned his head to my voice and I could hear him swallow loudly.

“Yeah?” He breathed. I lifted a hand up to push his hair behind his ear, hoping to calm him.

“Can you tell me what happened? Please?” I asked, hoping not to sound too whiny. Gerard closed his eyes tightly but nodded with a deep breath.

“Yeah...yeah you deserve that much...Just...just please don't hate me. Don't leave me.” He said, his voice strangled from threatening tears.

“Oh, Gee. No. No, that's not going to happen. I promise. I love you. You're not getting rid of me that easy.” I teased trying to lighten the mood. Gerard chuckled a watery smile as I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.

“Okay...Where do you want me to start?” He whispered, resting his hand on my jaw.

“From the start. From when we broke up.” I decided. I wanted to know everything.

Notes

Sigh. So I initially wasn't going to end the chapter here but I decided to split it into a two part. I really just wanted to give you guys something. I've been in a funk, feeling so tired and blah so it makes it harder to sit down and write. I've been busy too with helping out with my Dad and helping my sisters move. So yeah. Hope you guys liked this even if it is short and not that interesting. I'm sorry.
Curious question though. Which POV do you like better? Franks or Gerards?
But hope to get another update up not too far in the future. Comment, Rate Subscribe.
Xoxo, G(race)