A Broken Heart Is Blind

I woke up in a haze of grays and blazes of white smoke. I couldn't properly decipher what was going through my brain and why I felt such an impending feeling of doom hovering above my heart. Groaning and yawning, I rolled over in bed, out of the arms of my lover. Frank was still sleeping; I could tell immediately because he didn't tighten his arms and fight my movement. This caused me to question what time it was. I typically slept longer than him. Then again we were both pretty drained from yesterdays event. And that's when the floodgates of memory broke like a dam inside my brain. All the fighting and crying and yelling. Fuck. It was all my fault. That explains why I felt so horribly guilty and disgusted with myself. If only I could keep my emotions in check, it would make everything so much easier for everyone. Frank, Mom, Sarah, Matt, even David, and Ray...the list could go on forever. I felt so awful in that moment, I just wanted to disappear.
Sitting up at the edge of the bed, I would do anything to make my thoughts stop from swirling into a hurricane. My heart was clenching while my brain throbbed; guilt churned in my stomach to where I was beginning to feel nauseous. I hadn't even been up for more than ten minutes and I was already having a panic attack. Getting to my feet, I sprinted to the bathroom where I grabbed by stash of Percocet, downing three tablets. But they didn't give immediate relief like the coke did, I still had a good fifteen minutes until I would start feeling anything and calm down. Deciding to sit on the edge of the bathtub, I put my head in my hands and sighed. Fuck. Everything was falling apart and it was all because of me. Mom and David were most likely not getting married anymore, Sarah broke up with Dylan, and Frank was leaving back to Ohio in less than two weeks. And more than half of it was my fault. Me and not being able to control my emotions like a normal person but breaking down like a baby instead.
After a while all I felt was numb, though, the Percocet was taking its toll. I could at the very least breath easier. My heart rate was lowering while my stomach was calming down. Heaving myself off the tub, I stood up and went back to the bedroom.
“Hey, you're up before me!” Frank greeted me, his voice rough from just waking up.
“Yeah, I couldn't sleep very well.” I confessed, sliding in under the sheets and curling up against Franks chest.
“I'm sorry, baby. How're you doing this morning, by the way?” He murmured into my hair, ending his sentence with a kiss to my temple.
“Fine.” I shrugged, a big fat lie. But I didn't want to whine or worry him. I didn't want to be weak anymore.
“Gee.” Frank sighed, reproachfully.
“What?” I snapped, not meaning to but not wanting to be interrogated at the same time.
“Gee, it's okay.” He cooed, rubbing my arm, “I just want to make sure you're alright. Last night was intense and I understand if you feel upset...Hell, I know I feel like shit.” He offered, chuckling nervously. I squirmed.
“No, I'm okay.” I insisted, covering my face in his shirt so he couldn't tell that I was lying.
“Gerard, c'mon, you're the one that said we have to be honest if this relationship is going to work this time.” Frank pointed out, his voice tender.
“No! God, do I have to be upset? Is it such a miracle that I'm not!” I blew up, sitting up and throwing my arms in the air.
“Gee.” Frank gaped, or what I imaged from his tone of voice, “I'm not trying to imply that...I'm just worried.” He went on. Suddenly I felt guilty by how caring he was being. I felt like an asshole for lying and all I wanted was to pour out all my insecurities and guilt, while curled up and crying into his chest, as he petted and kissed my hair. I wanted it so desperately that my chest burned with pain, but I forced myself not to. I kept quite and nodded my head, then lay back down.
“I'm sorry.” I muttered sheepishly. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Gerard.” Frank sighed deeply, kissing my cheek.
“I don't want to fight. You're leaving in less than two weeks.” I pouted, trying to redirect the conversation. Frank hummed in agreement.
“I know. It sucks, but hey! It can't be any worse than last semester. Right? We have each other now. I'll come visit, you'll come visit. We'll even talk over the phone.” Frank tried to point out encouragingly. I couldn't help but feel a lazy smile pull on my lips.
“Phone sex too?” I joked, giggling into my hand like a little school girl. Frank chuckled back.
“Defiantly. And real life sex when we visit each other!” He cheered, making me laugh harder.
“I guess it won't be so bad then.” I purred, turning my face and planting a kiss onto his soft lips. Frank kissed back just as enthusiasticly, humming within his throat with approval. Slipping my hands into his short hair, I maneuvered myself around, swinging my legs to straddle him. Frank began panting hot air inside my mouth and bucking his hips up. It really was a wonder how we could fight one minute and be making out the next.
Grinding down, I met his pelvic thrusts with a deep groan. The medication I had taken earlier was making everything feel like it was in slow motion. The sounds drawing out, our motions moving inch by inch eroticly. Feeling my body warm up, I was getting incredibly hard, incredibly fast. Frank, I could feel, wasn't far behind me.
“Fuck, Gerard.” He moaned, moving his lips to suck and nip at my neck. I moaned back, arching my back when the bedroom door flew open.
“God, you guys. Do you two ever take a break?” Sarah fake gagged, slamming the door behind her while I scrambled off of Frank. Blushing furiously I rolled over onto my back and sat up as I felt Sarah's weight dip into the bed. Frank cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed.
“Again. You should really learn to knock.” Frank muttered grumpily.
“And again, you should learn to lock the door.” Sarah countered.
“We like just woke up!” He fought
“Yeah that's why I didn't expect you two to be going at it! I swear you guys are like cats in heat. It's nauseating. I need a new pair of eyes from all the times I've seen this same exact scene.” She huffed.
“Yeah you and me both.” I muttered. Sarah sighed.
“I was just kidding, Gee.” Sarah offered.
“I know, I was just teasing.” I rolled my eyes.
“Haven't you ever heard of morning wood?” Frank cut in, going back to the embarrassing moment we just experienced two minutes ago.
“Gross. I don't want that in my head.” Sarah squealed, making Frank laugh.
“Can we change topics?” I whined.
“Please.” Sarah agreed, “Anyways, I came in here to ask if you guys wanted to like go see a movie or something...Mom and David and all that drama isn't something I'm particularly partial to spending my weekend to.”
“Yeah. Sure. Gee?” Frank asked, nudging my shoulder. I winced at the mention of Mom and David. It was like a high voltage jolt of electricity filled with bad memories. That and impending guilt. I shrugged.
“Yeah sure.” I muttered. I really just wanted to stay home and mope but Frank and I couldn't hide forever. I needed a distraction. Hence the pills and sex attempt with Frankie.
“It'll be fun.” Sarah said, seeing my hesitation. I shrugged again.
“Yeah,” I replied meekly.
“It will, babe.” Frank jumped in.
“I just want to stay home.” I confessed with a defeated sigh.
“We've been doing that all month, hon.” Frank said, voicing my thoughts. I nodded.
“I know...But I agreed didn't I?” I pointed out irritably.
“Yeah, alright. I'll go and get ready...you two...just. Ew.” Her voice shivered dramatically then left without another word. I rolled my eyes again. She was so immature sometimes.
“You sure you're okay?” Frank wondered, sliding off the bed.
“Yes!” I exclaimed exasperated.
“Okay, okay.” He caved in surrender, “Let's go take a shower then.”
“Yes, please. Together, right?” I asked, with heavy implication and an arch of my eyebrow for emphasis. Frank chuckled.
“Duh.” He exclaimed, walking over to me and taking my hand, then leading me to the bathroom. Once inside, Frank let go of my hand and I heard the shower water rain on, second later. Undressing each other without any words, I felt my sluggish heart rate build up with excitement.
“I want you to fuck me this time, Gee.” Frank started bluntly, after our underwear was forgotten, thrown on the bathroom floor.
“Wh-what?” I gasped, eyes bugging.
“Yeah, I want you to remember what it's like fucking me, after you've fucked all those other guys.” He explained, his voice low and seductive. My cock twitched just at the sound.
“Fuck, okay.” I breathed. Frank stepped forward, taking my dick in his hand with a teasing squeeze.
“I want your cock to only remember me. See how much better I am than all those other sluts.” He went on, speaking into my ear, then licking the shell. Shuddering, I grasped his strong shoulder just to keep me upright. Frank chuckled darkly, then helped me into the shower, him following after. Right away the spray washed over me, wetting my hair and body.
Without warning Frank lunged forward, his lips hungry on my body. Moaning loudly, I slithered my hands into his hair, raking over the soft locks I would never get to see. I could feel his lips though. Oh God, how I could feel his lips. They were everywhere, consuming me. I thought he was going to devour me whole. Moving down progressively, soon he was at my swollen cock, wrapping those sinful lips around the head and suckling. Digging my nails into his scalp, I scratched, trying to control myself.
“Frankie...Frankie. St-stop. I'm going to cum if you don't stop.” I mewled breathlessly. Slipping off of me, he actually did as I asked.
“Well, we don't want that just yet.” He purred, wrapping an arm around my neck, diving back in for a sloppy kiss. Kissing back frantically, I nipped his bottom lip while cupping his cheek with my hand, feeling the growing beard I still hadn't gotten used to.
“Let me get inside you. Please, Frankie I need it.” I begged, pulling away and sucking on his jugular vein.
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, but you have to prep me first. It's been too long.” He panted, his dominate demeanor wavering while lust overcame his senses. I nodded wildly, while sinking down onto my knees. Feeling around, I grabbed hold of his hips and turned him around. I could hear Frank put his hands on the shower wall for support. Reaching out, I petted his soft silky smooth ass. Hearing him whine, brought an evil smirk to my lips as I spread his cheeks apart and dove right in. Licking at the hole, I moaned. I hadn't realized just how much I missed the taste of him on my tongue. Frank moaned back as my tongue went passed the first ring of muscles. Bringing a finger in, I wriggled it around before plunging it in. Frank moaned while simultaneously bucking back.
“That's it, babe. Fuck yourself on my fingers.” I cooed roughly, at the same time adding a second finger.
“Gee. Fuck baby. So good.” Frank whined, panting heavily. Working my fingers around, thrusting them in and out, soon I was adding the third, with my tongue lapping around them.
“Fuck, Gee. I can't take it. Just get inside me now.” He practically sobbed. Smiling with pride, I got back to my feet and held onto his hips to steady us both. Panting myself, I heard my erratic heartbeat thundering in my ears.
“You sure you're ready?” I whispered in his ear, licking at his neck. Frank whimpered, and I could feel him nod his head frantically. Needing no other encouragement, I guided my cock inside of him slow and easy. Frank howled out a particularly loud scream of pleasure, once I bottomed out. Pausing a moment, I allowed him to adjust, not wanting to hurt him. Waiting patiently, I rubbed soothing circles on the skin of Franks hips and kissed feather light kisses down the spine of his back. Honestly I could have stayed like that forever and been happy. But out bodies had other ideas unfortunately. Frank then sighed so softly, I almost didn't hear it.
“Move, please.” He pleaded. I gave his back on last kiss, than began thrusting languidly, again not wanting to hurt him. Frank met my thrust right away though, silently telling me to go harder. We knew all the little signs about each other, somebody probably wouldn't know. We knew our bodies so well, it was as if we were the same person. Picking up the pace, you could hear skin slapping against skin and our moans and groans echo inside the tiled shower. I wasn't going to last long. Frank was so tight and warm, and the sounds he was making were driving me crazy. Gripping his hips harder, I grunted while squeezing my eyes shut.
“Fuck, Frankie.” I panted out. Frank wrapped an arm around himself to hold onto my long wet hair. Craning his neck around, our mouth met in a sweet but dirty opened mouth kiss.
“God, Gerard. You're driving me crazy.” Frank breathed out.
“Same.” Was all I could get out before Frank was sliding down onto his knees, me toppling on top of him in the process. Going as fast as I could though, I was getting short of breath.
“Frankie. I'm close.” I warned.
“That's it, baby. Cum inside me.” He encouraged, making me moan out a long sound of pleasure. “Couldn't cum inside those other whores without a condom could you now?” Frank stated proudly. I pressed my lips together and whimpered out a no. Burring my face into his neck I breathed deeply, smelling his sent only now mixed with a damp presence. And this is what caused me to blow. Screaming out his name, I felt my orgasm hit me like a freight train. Riding it out, I rocked my hips into his ass, feeling spent when the sensation passed.
Quickly though, Frank moved around, laying me down on my back and sliding inside me all in one fluid motion. Thrusting in and out, I didn't even mind one bit and even though I'd already cam, I still enjoyed him being within me. Frank puffed out a few rough coughs of breath, then cam too, shooting his warm load inside of me. Slumping down on top of me, I was still trying to regulate my breathing. Frank was warm and gasping for air, while I petted his slick wet short hair. Moving my hand down, I stroked his beard lovingly. Still connected, I loved feeling Franks strong body lying on me. Wrapping my skinny arms around his strong ones, I never wanted to move.
“That was something.” Franks labored breathing puffed out. I chuckled weakly, still combing my fingers through his hair.
“Yeah. It was, wasn't it.” I agreed, a lazy smile stretching my lips.
“I don't wanna move.” He murmured, nuzzling his face into my side.
“Then don't.” I challenged simply. Frank smiled; I could feel it on my ribs.
“I wish it was that simple.” He sighed. I frowned softly. It was then I noticed I needed to take more pills. All the activity was causing it to wear off quicker. Frank shifted and I forced the frown to fade as he gently pulled out and off of me.
“C'mon. Let's wash and get ready before Sarah has anymore ammunition to bitch over.” He chuckled, grabbing my hand and helping me up off the shower floor. I nodded silently and let Frankie wash my hair and body. He was so gentle and loving in his actions I felt calm enough to fall asleep. Afterwords I did the same to him, trying to be as equally as careful and sweet. Once done though we stepped out, dried off, and pulled clothes on. Frank left the room while I made an excuse to stay behind and down more pills; Vicodin that time. By the time I headed back to the bedroom, Sarah was already back and waiting with Frank.
“What took you so long?” She bitched, like Frank said she would. I sighed with annoyance.
“Don't be like this the whole time.” I groaned, trying to divert her question.
“Whatever, let's just go.” She grumbled but agreed, not pushing an answer for which I was grateful. Frank walked over and took my hand and we left the room to the downstairs. The house was quiet and eerie almost, because it was almost always filled with noise and lively conversation. This only made my stomach drop with guilt knowing I caused it. Frank squeezed my hand probably seeing my uneasy face. He most likely knew it was my fault too, but was just trying to make me feel better. Anyone with a brain could see this was my fault.
Tugging me along before either Mom or David could show up, we sprinted for the front door and into Franks car. I sat shot gun with Sarah in the backseat. Frank placed his hand on my knee while I chain smoked the whole way to the theater, while Sarah complained the whole time about it. I honestly wasn't in a good mood; I just wanted to stay home today and sleep and try to forget I existed. That or have Frank fuck me until I forgot my own name. I just felt hollow and empty, like I could cry at any moment and nothing would help besides the two stated above. So naturally I moped about the fact that I didn't get my way. Frank tried to cheer me up, cracking inappropriate jokes to make me laugh. It didn't really work, I merely smiled softly to show I was listening even though I really wasn't. My thoughts were more occupied with how I was getting low on my drugs and that I needed to score soon and fast. I'd have to call Bert like tonight. But I didn't know how I was going to do that without making an excuse to Frank, which I didn't want to do in case he tried to cut. Plus I didn't have the cash and it's not like I could fuck Bert anymore for the drugs. I didn't even do that shit with Lindsey, I sure as Hell wasn't going to do it with Frankie. The thought just made me sick. Having Frank and then having someone else touch me literately made me want to puke or cry or both.
At the movies, Frank and Sarah kept commenting on how distant I seemed but I shrugged it off, telling them I was just tired, which truthfully I was. Frank held my hand throughout the whole entire movie, which I appreciated very much. It kept me grounded and made me feel safe when I felt threatened by my thoughts at the same time. Honestly I don't even know what the movie we saw was...or rather they saw and I tuned out. People were laughing so it obviously it was comedy. They probably chose it trying to cheer each other up with what's been going on at home. A form of outside relief. But I wasn't in the mood. The Vicodin was actually making me tired and I think I dosed off more than a few times. After, though it was around lunch time so we went and got pizza which was nice. By then I was starving. By the time we were done it was about two in the afternoon. We decided we couldn't stay out forever and that we had to go home eventually, but not before I begged Frankie to buy me coffee. Which of course he did. Only then did we get back in the car.
On the car ride home, I silently decided that maybe it wasn't so bad to have left the house but I wouldn't admit that aloud. It was actually nice to get out, even if I moped the whole time. It was nice hanging out with Frank and Sarah both. Movies and lunch; like a boyfriend/sister date/outing. Frank put the radio on softly and I dosed off again to his and Sarah's soft chattering. When I woke up, Frank was shaking my shoulder gently telling me to wake up, that we were home.
“Already?” I yawned, stretching as much as possible in a car's passenger seat.
“Yeah, baby you slept like the whole ride.” He chuckled gently. I smiled lethargicly as Frank reached over and unbuckled my seat for me. Slowly I sat up properly and got to my feet.
“Where's Sarah?” I wondered, when I noticed I couldn't smell her perfume or hear her voice.
“She already went inside. You're a heavier sleeper than I remember.”Frank commented conversationally. I shrugged, probably because I didn't take narcotics when we last dated, I thought bitterly on my part.
“You sure you're okay, Gee? You seem... lost and like...I dunno. Really tired.” He began seriously and stopped walking about halfway down the stone path way to the front door. I stopped too and faced his voice, groaning silently that he couldn't just let it go. But no, I actually had a good boyfriend that cared for me which I didn't deserve. And all I could do was bitch about it.
“Yeah, I'm okay.” I sighed, trying not to come off as too annoyed. Frank placed a careful hand on my cheek and stroked my cheekbone tenderly.
“Okay. I just worry about you. I love you.” He sighed back, he voice oozing concern. I smiled weakly, trying not to just breakdown there.
“I love you too, Frankie. So much.” I whispered. Frank took his hand away but instead gathered me in his arms, holding me tight. Burring my face in his neck, I squeezed my eyes closed tight, willing my stinging tears away. I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling my face against his beard.
“Are you ever going to shave this?” I laughed, trying to lighten what felt like a heavy conversation, but it was wobbly and weak.
“What you don't like it?” Frank teased in mock shock. I nuzzled further, feeling the prickle against my smooth face and actually giggled naturally.
“I can't decide. I'm sure it makes you look even sexier than possible but all I can feel is that it's all prickly and tickley.” I admitted, wrinkling my nose. Frank laughed loudly, then started rubbing his face all over mine, making me yelp and laugh.
“S-stop Frank! FRANK!” I shouted, try to wriggle out of his embrace, the sound mixed with my broken giggles. Frank chuckled at the sound and held me tighter against him.
“Never! Not unless you kiss me!” He teased, beginning to just tickle my sides while I squirmed like a worm against his body, ending up moving in a circle with my back to his chest.
“I'm not kissing your scratchy lips anymore! Not unless you shave!” I vowed, throwing my head back against his shoulder. Frank chuckled but stopped tickling me, just holding me there.
“I'll shave if you give me one last kiss with the beard.” He offered, his heavy breathing fanning over my neck. Goosebumps prickled my skin, causing me to shiver involuntarily. Blinking up at nothing I pretended to think about the compromise deeply.
“Fine.” I finally sighed dramatically. Frank smiled against my neck, the coarse hair on his face scratching my skin. Gently turning me around to face him, Frank cupped my cheeks with both warm hands. Fluttering my eyelids closed I leaned in and Frank met my lips with his own soft but chapped ones I learned I couldn't live without. Frank went in for a peck, but I wanted more than that and wrapped my arms around his neck keeping him there. Molding my lips to his, Frank made a noise of surprise but never faltered in kissing back. Licking his bottom lip, he let me into his mouth where we moved together effortlessly. Frank guided me backwards until my back thumped against a wall to the house. Firmly he pressed his body to me and I moaned softly, tugging at the short strands of his hair. We didn't kiss for too long however, as Frank pulled back resting our foreheads together. Breathing deeply in each others faces, I felt a small smile grace my lips.
“Well I wasn't expecting that.” Frank chuckled breathlessly. I laughed back all squeaky and light. Frank brought a hand to my cheek then, stroking if affectionately.
“So do I really have to shave it?” Frank asked once we'd stopped laughing.
“Not unless you want.” I shrugged honestly. I just liked to give him shit.
“I suppose I should. I was only trying to rock that whole moody heartbroken look when I was back at college.” He confessed. I frowned just slightly.
“Are you still heartbroken?” I breathed
“Of course not. I have you now, don't I.” He said, nudging me with his hip.
“Yes. You do.” I agreed. Frank pecked my lips once more then removed himself from me to my distaste.
“We should go back in, it's getting dark.” Frank observed. I pouted silently. “C'mon Gee, we have to go inside at some point.”
“I know. Doesn't mean it makes it any easier.” I sighed heavily.
“I know baby.” Frank offered, taking my hand gently and opening the door.
“Hey kids!” Mom greeted us right away. Entering the house, Frank stopped at what I was sure to be the couch in the living room.
“Hey, Susan.” Frank replied back conversationally.
“Hi, Mom.” I muttered.
“You guys have a good day?” She wondered. I nodded and Frank muttered out a yes.
“How you feeling Gee?” She pressed.
“Fine.” I grumbled, bowing my head. Neither Frank or Mom said anything but it was silent a moment making me think they were giving each other a look of some sort.
“Well, Frank your father wants to speak to you. I'll be there too.” Mom revealed with a sigh.
“Why not me?” I demanded, feeling hurt. Again there was that silent communication I felt being spoken silently without me.
“Gerard. You don't need to be there. Yesterday was enough. Just let Frank and David talk it out. I'm only going to be there so they don't rip each others heads off.” Mom chuckled awkwardly. I rolled my eyes but decided not to push it.
“God, why do we have to even discuss it at all!” Frank cried in frustration, “Didn't we do enough damage yesterday!”
“Frank, please.” Mom said softly, trying to calm the situation, “There are plenty of things we all left unanswered. We all just want to understand.”
“Yeah, whatever. When does he want to talk?” Frank mumbled, shifting his weight uncomfortably. I squirmed a bit at his discomfort and hostility.
“He's in his room. I'll go get him.” Mom offered and I could hear her getting to her feet. Frank I felt turned to me, bringing my hands to his lips and kissing them tenderly.
“You wanna go upstairs and take a nap? I'll join you as soon as I can.” Frank murmured against my skin. I sighed softly.
“Yeah, okay.” I agreed knowing that arguing or whining would get me nowhere and that Frank was about to do a lot of arguing with his Dad; he didn't need more from me. Frank brushed his lips against my cheek while I fluttered my eyes closed just to reopen them once his mouth was gone.
“Want me to walk you upstairs?” He wondered. I shook my head though.
“No, you stay here. I'll be fine.” I said, carefully retracting my hand from his. Franks fingers lingered as if he didn't want me to leave. I didn't either but there's just things in life that suck but you have to deal with them anyways.
After I had made my way upstairs, however, I didn't actually go to take a nap. Instead I had to call Bert and figure out how and when I could get my next supply hit. I was dreading the call but I was dreading going without even more. Dialing the numbers I memorized and the actual contact I knew by heart, I paced my bedroom while the dial tone rang in my ears.
“Sup, Gee.” Bert's unique scratchy voice greeted me with warmth.
“Hey, Bert.” I replied quietly.
“What can I do for you? What graces me with you voice today?” He went on dramatically, making me smile despite the situation.
“Uhm, actually I need to work something out with you.” I admitted, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
“And what the might be?” He encouraged, friendly as ever.
“Drugs.” I sighed, “I need to score again but I don't necessarily have all the money.”
“Again...Gee you know I can only cut you slack for so long.” He explained carefully, his voice gentle. I sighed again, heavier that time.
“I know, I know. I'm sorry Bert. I don't want to take advantage, I'm just hurting.” I confessed, my voice breaking. I hated how desperately I needed this to survive. Angry tears boiled within my eyes from seer disgust with myself.
“Alright, alright. I don't like to hear you cry, let alone think about it. You're lucky I have a sweet spot for you.” He caved. I laughed, the sound all watery and shaky.
“So how do you want me to make up the difference?” I wondered timidly.
“Well seeing as how you don't do any sexual favors anymore...I don't know. I'll think about it.” He mused. “You know it's really too bad, you don't do sexual favors anymore. It would make things easier.” Bert tried to hint at, but I wasn't going to fall for it. I wasn't going to suck anyone's dick anymore that wasn't Franks.
“Bert. You know I can't.” I sighed.
“Can't or won't?” He wondered, not even threatening, but honestly curious.
“Won't.” I replied firmly. I could hear him sighing loudly.
“My supplier is always asking about you... Says he might even give you some freebees if you'd suck him off one last time.”
“Bert. No.” I almost growled. Bert wasn't an asshole, but he could get annoying sometimes. “I have Frank now.”
“Damn. Okay, alright. I'll think of something...Franks one lucky guy. Some people would sell their soul just for a free pass.” He commented. I scoffed.
“I'm not some people.” I pointed out.
“Touche.” Bert agreed. “Well how about we meet at midnight? Your house? Just have as much cash as you can wrangle.”
“Okay, yeah cool. Thank you so much Bert. I owe you one.” I squeaked.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. See you soon.”
“See you soon. Bye.” I replied then hung up.
*****
When I woke up from a long nap, I felt a smooth face reeking of aftershave, kissing around my face. Frank actually shaved. I would never actually say it aloud, but I was happy about it. After making out for a good twenty minutes, enjoying Frank's fresh shavin' face, we went downstairs for dinner. Then after dinner Frank told me all about how his Dad was a big asshole and that he couldn't wait to get away from him. He didn't give me details though about their conversation which made me think their talk was heavily focused on me. This also made me wonder what Mom thought; where Mom and David stood. It was weird. At dinner they were being too polite to each other, but I didn't press it. No one with a brain would. But I just listened to Frank bitch, knowing he had to talk about it to someone and I was more than happy to be that person.
Around ten Frank suggested we cuddle and watch a slasher which I wholeheartedly agreed to. It was perfect timing actually because by the time midnight rolled around, Frank was passed out cold and the movie was ending as I started getting a call from Bert. Moving carefully out of Franks arms and out of the room, I frantically answered the phone, not wanting the vibrating sound to wake up anyone, most importantly Frank.
“Hello?” I breathed in a hushed whisper when I made it to the hallway.
“I'm here. Come outside.” Was all Bert offered and hung up. Hanging up as well, I breathed shakily. I hated drug exchanges, especially when Frank was close. And David, while I thought harder about it, I didn't want to give him another reason to hate me.
Tip toeing back into my bedroom, I went into the bathroom and grabbed my stash of cash; same place where I stashed the drugs, then headed my way towards outside. The night air was bitter cold, as it was still January in Jersey, so once I got outside I immediately began to shiver. Rushing towards the driveway I was about to pull out my phone and call Bert to ask where he was, when I heard him call at the end of the driveway.
“Yo, Gee! Over here!” He called, knowing I could navigate myself by the sound of his voice. Moving along the cars, I made my way towards Bert's call.
“Get in the car, it's freezing!” He called again, making it easier to find him. He must have had his window rolled down. Putting my arms out I carefully stepped off of the curb and came in contact with cold metal. Shuffling my hands around, I felt for the car door and heaved it open once I found it. Pulling the door back, I quickly sat down and slammed it shut behind me. Inside the car, Bert had the heater on full blast, thank God, and rolled up his window.
“Fuckin cold outside.” Bert chattered; I could hear him rubbing his hands together to my left. “So how much cash you got?” He wondered, the sound of a lighter being ignited rang in my ear.
“You got a smoke I can bum?” I wondered, shifting myself towards him.
“Yeah no problem.” He muttered, handing me a cigarette and lighting it for me once I placed it between my lips.
“So I got about three-fourths.” I admitted, blowing out smoke. Reaching down I felt around for the button to crack the window so we wouldn't suffocate in a cloud of nicotine smoke. Bert sighed heavily puffing smoke inside my nose.
“Well, I guess you'd done worse.” He pointed out, his voice especially scratchy and rough.
“So what do you need me to do to make up the difference?” I pressed nervously, taking in a big drag to calm myself down.
“Just gonna have to spot you.” He shrugged, his arm moving up and down against mine.
“Fuck Bert, thank you!” I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought he was going to make me do something shady as fuck, like try and sell or some shit. I've had to do it before.
“Yeah, yeah. Just try and get all of it next time Gerard.” He chastised firmly. I nodded rapidly making him chuckle.
“Well enough of this business shit, you want your drugs or not?” He teased. I smiled half way.
“Fuck, please.” I agreed. Bert I felt bent over and heard him digging around in a bag. Sitting back up, I felt a bag placed on my lap.
“Your pills. Vicodin, Percocet, and Valium.” Then another bag joined them.
“And your coke.”
“Thanks Bert. I owe you one big time.” I chirped, feeling a wave or relief overcome me knowing I wasn't going to have to go without. The withdrawals are enough to make me want to just die.
“Yeah, I know.” Bert giggled, “But hey, while your here, you wanna do some lines?”
“Yeah, why not.” I shrugged, a stupid smile spreading over my face.
“Sick.” Bert chuckled again, going back to digging around in his bag. Sitting up, I felt him shuffle around, cutting the lines on something. The radio was softly playing Misfits, so I just sat back sucking on my cigarette.
“Okay,” Bert started after about ten minutes, my cigarette long gone, “You wanna go first?”
“Sure.” I half shrugged, shifting to get more comfortable.
I could feel Bert moving what felt like a book onto my lap then handed me a rolled dollar bill. Without a word I bent down and snorted up the first line. Bert took the book back, while I sniffled rubbing my nose trying to get all of it in. Sighing I felt a rush of euphoria that I was craving more than I knew I needed, before I actually was experiencing it. Back and forth Bert and I probably did like four lines each. Sitting back, we decided to take a break. Lighting up more cigarettes, we relaxed back listening to some mixed CD that was playing Misfits, Iron Maiden, and Megadeath. But I couldn't really relax, I never could on coke. My heart was racing like usual and I could vividly feel sweat forming at my hair line. Then I was talking a mile a minute as was Bert, our conversation's moving at rapid fire. Someone sober probably couldn't keep up or would think we were crazy. Or on drugs cause we were. I didn't care though. I felt like I was on top of the motherfucking world.
“God I get like so fuckin horny when I'm high.” I mused thinking about Frank sleeping upstairs. Just the thought of him made my cock twitch.
“Yeah?” Bert purred, resting a hand on my thigh.
“In your dreams Bert.” I scoffed, throwing his hand off. Bert giggled hysterically all high and obnoxious. I just rolled my eyes.
“What did you do when you didn't have him?” Bert challenged.
“I had Lindsey. Or you. Or some random person.” I waved off, then puffed my cig.
“True. So is like sex with him amazing? Cause I can't figure out what's so damn special about him?” He commented.
“It's more than sex. But of course he's fucking amazing at fucking.” I chuckled at my own lame joke, “That's not what makes him special though.”
“Like what?” Bert prompted.
“Like he's funny and kind and sweet and we have a lot in common. Like he knows when I'm awake in the morning or when I'm not and I don't even have to open my eyes for him to know. And that he likes to see my eyes, he doesn't get weird-ed out without my sunglasses. In fact he's the reason why I don't where sunglasses anymore. And he sings like an angle. His voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. He makes my heart race and my tongue swell. And-”
“Okay, okay. I get the point Gee.” Bert cut me off with a chuckle making me giggle, the sound high and piercing.
“So what about the fucking part? Does he have a tight ass?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, rubbing my itchy nose again, “But I rarely top. His dicks like the best thing ever.” I sighed dreamily.
“Wait, what?! Your a bottom? I thought you were a top? You never bottomed for me!” Bert pouted, making me laugh softly.
“I never bottomed for anyone but Frank.” I admitted. “But all this talk about Frank and fucking is making me horny. So lets do some more coke so I can go upstairs and get fucked.”
“So classy.” Bert snorted but began to cut more lines. We did more lines like suggested and smoked a few more cigarettes, but then I gave Bert a hug, pocketed my drugs, and got out of the car. It was like two in the morning already.
“Bye Bertie. Drive careful.” I ordered through the open car window, smiling like a fool.
“Yeah, will do Gee, my love.” He teased. I rolled my eyes and made my way up the driveway and to the front door. I just felt so happy I felt like I could bust.
Quietly I tip toed up the stairs while rubbing my nose like a bad habit. All I could think about was Frank though and how I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. Entering my bedroom, the menu to the movie Frank and I had watched earlier was still playing on loop. Shaking my head, I deiced to go to the bathroom and stash my goods. But not before I did a few more lines just for good measure. By the time I left the bedroom I felt like I was vibrating. My heart was pounding in my chest causing sweat to coat my face. But this was also making all the blood rush to my dick. Feeling around I could hear Frank softly snoring. It was so adorable I had to stop and actually awe. Once my wandering hands came in contact with his cool arm, I carefully crawled on top of his body and found his neck.
Kissing him softly at first, soon it began to get rougher and more passionate. My legs were positioned on either sides of his hips, straddling him, my hands propped on his chest. Grinding down, I moaned exceptionally loud, almost sobbing from the relief I felt. Bending down, I started sucking on Frank's neck again breathing heavily through my nose as my heart raced. Sweat I felt dripped off my face as I kept grinding and that's when I heard Frank's first moan. Slowly but surely he began to wake up, placing his hands on my hips on instinct.
“Mm. Fuck. Gee?” Frank groaned, his voice rough from sleep and I whimpered in response.
“Fuck, Frankie. I need you to fuck me.” I panted, leaning down and capturing his mouth with my lips. Kissing back, Frank made a confused sound.
“Wh-what? Why?” He said, grinding up despite his hesitation. “Why are you so warm?”
“Dunno. Just fuck me.” I whispered my lips brushing his. I really was hot through, my head was beginning to swim. Sitting up, I felt a rush of vertigo and stopped moving to rub my nose. Right after I started to bend down though, Frank placed a hand on my chest.
“Wait.” He murmured, “Something wet fell on me.” Sitting up with me in his lap, I felt him reach over and click on a light, but my head was swimming and all of a sudden I couldn't feel anything. Eyes rolling into the back of my head, I felt myself falling backwards and shaking when darkness came over my vision. I could faintly hear Frank screaming but I couldn't make out any words, then I was gone.

Notes

Too tired to space this. I'll probs do it later. And FYI I'm not into major character deaths. I'm too much of a sucker for happy endings. Like A Splitting of the Mind fucked me up so bad. I would never have to heart to do that to you lovelies. So yeah. I have to go wash hair dye out of my head and go to bed cuz it's almost 2AM. Comments, Rate, Subscribe. Xoxo G(race)