Before The Sun Goes Down

Gerard's POV.
It's been a week and three days since Frank and I kissed, and I've been avoiding him since. Don't get me wrong, I want to talk to him, but I have absolutely no idea what to say, I can't remember being in a situation like this, and I've only ever had one night stand sthat I walk out of before the person wakes up.
When I think of the kiss, I kind of want to rip his jugular vein out and suck his blood, but a bigger part of me wants to act all cute with him, like go on dates and hold his hand and kiss him all the time.
I went to speak to him, a few days ago, but as soon as he saw me, his thoughts turned sour, I guess he's still upset about the whole thing with me running off and stuff, which is understandable, but I really, really want to talk to him.
If I were less intelligent, I would be totally failing college at the minute, but because I'm a vampire, I can daydream about Frank all the time and still ace everything. Vampire perks, I guess.
Frank, actually, is opposite me right now. I've caught him looking at me several times, and every time I do, he blushes bright red, making me think of his blood. Each time, my teeth sharpen, and I have to clench the table to stop myself from leaping over to him and sucking his blood.
I glance at him, not making it obvious, and see that he's looking at me anyway. He doesn't notice I've seen him, so he carries on looking at me. He bites his lip, sighing. He leans his head on the table, sighing again. I tune into his thoughts, and they practically scream at me.
He's wants me to talk to him, but he also doesn't want me to. One moment he does, the next he doesn't.
I try to catch his attention, but I'm obviously too quiet, so I write out a note. It basically asks him if I can talk to him, and if we can ditch this. I fold it up, and slide it along the table. It just reaches his hand, making him flinch and look up.
His eyes meet mine, making him blush and look down quickly. He notices the note, and I clench my fists to help resist the bloodlust I'm having. His eyebrows furrow, and he picks up the paper, unfolding it.
He reads it quickly, then looks at me, his eyes hard. I send him a pleading look, making him roll his eyes and nod. He gets up first, and I follow after five minutes. He isn't outside where I can see him, so I start to think he's ditched me.
I walk down the street a bit, and see him leaning up a building, shoulders hunched. I walk up, touching his shoulder. From the look on his face, I scared him to death. I smile at him uneasily, noticing the fast pulse in his neck. I imagine the hot blood running through his veins, and I almost slap myself.
"Uh, sorry.." I smile at him again, and he raises his eyebrows and snorts at me. "What for, running away from me, ignoring me, or giving me a heart attack?" I shrug, wincing at his harsh tone. "All of that, I guess..." He shakes his head at me, and I sigh. "That was really heartfelt, Gerald, you are now forgiven for everything!" He turns away from me, walking down the street. I rush after him, catching his wrist. "Look, Frank, can we go talk somewhere more... private?" He hesitates, going to shake his head, but then nodding. "Come on, we can go to my place.." I nod, getting pulled by my wrist.
We get to his room, Frank making me wait outside while he check if anybody is there. It's all clear, so I get dragged in. He tells me to sit down, so I take off my shoes and do. He disappears somewhere, so I get a chance to look around.
The walls are pretty bare, with a beige paint covering them, as well as a few stains. The carpet is littered with take-out boxes and beer cans. It's quite a boring place, but so is mine and Blue's, considering we don't really spend a lot of time in there.
Frank comes back in, carrying to mugs. He gives me one, it's full of black coffee. I smile at him, and he smiles back slightly. "You remembered how I take my coffee.." He shrugs, blushing slightly. Then, his expression turns hard, and he sitting down besides me. He looks at me, eyebrows raised. I sip my coffee, confused as to why he's looking at me like that. "Well..? I want an explanation, Gerald, not a friendly chat." I sigh, putting my coffee down. I turn towards him, fiddling with the hem of my sweater.
I try to think of the best way to make him stay away from me without giving away that I would really like to see how his blood tastes. "Uh... I'm not the sort of person you want to be involved with, Frank..." I trail off, not knowing what else to say. "Why? Do you.. take drugs or something? Maybe you're involved in a.. drug ring or.. a human trafficking scheme.." He says the first part sharply, but that fades into sarcasm. I shake my head, pursing my lips. "Honestly? It's worse than that, if I'm honest.." He laughs, making me look down. I have to think of better ways to word things, he'll know everything in a minute if I'm not careful. "Frank, look at me," He does, a bitter smile on his face. "I'm dangerous. I ran away the other day because I.. I need to protect you from.." I trail off, loosing the confidence I had a second ago. "From what? Monsters? Ha, vampires?" His laugh is slightly hysterical, and he looks at me weird when that word is out in the open. "No, I need to protects you from me, okay? If you get to close, things will happen, bad things." I break the eye contact, reaching for my drink.
I don't look at him, and he doesn't say anything. "I don't understand. You don't seem dangerous, in fact you seem.. really nice. It's like I've known you for years, and I've only ever felt like that for one person... Can we be friends? Nothing more, just friends?" I look at him, and nod slightly, knowing that I'll probably regret this later. "We can be friends, Frank, but if you try anything, that's the end of any relation we have, okay?" He nods, looking down.
I breathe in deeply, a habit I've picked up from Maude. In awkward silences, I tend to breathe heavily, not wanting to talk but wanting there to be noise, anyway. Frank looks up, sipping his coffee. "Where is your bathroom?" He points to a cream colored door, and I smile at him, standing up.
I close the door behind me, shifting back into myself. I look in the mirror, shifting between the two faces. I like my original one better that the one I've created, but I have to keep it on.
I shift to Gerard, running a hand through my hair. I'm getting kind of bored of the red, and it needs dyeing. I think of the colors I could dye it, forgetting that I'm only in here to 'take a piss'. I don't need to go to the toilet, vampire perks once again.
A knock on the door snaps me out of my stupor, and I shift back into Gerald, my eyes wide as I think of the possibility of Frank walking into me when I'm Gerard. I open the door, almost knocking Frank over. "Sorry, I was daydreaming..." I shrug, making him smile at me. "Do you want another drink? Tea, coffee?" I shrug, not really wanting tea or coffee. "How about something stronger? I don't really want another coffee.." I smile at him, and we walk into the tiny kitchen.
He opens the cupboard, pulling out several bottles of wine, vodka, and whisky. Then, he goes to the fridge, getting beer, a bottle of something blue, and some lemonade. I smile, scooping up the bottle on the side while Frank carries the others into the other room.
He goes back into the kitchen while I put the bottles onto the table, and he comes back out with some glasses. "What would you like, Sir?" He has a dish towel in his hand, cleaning a glass. I laugh, shrugging. I pretend to take my time choosing something, making Frank tap his foot. "Hmm, I'll have a shot of vodka, please, Mr. Bartender." He flashes me a million dollar smile, open the bottle of vodka and pouring it into a shot glass.
I down it, and then sit down. Frank sits down, too, and pours himself one. He grimaces as he downs it, and I laugh at him. I elbow him in the ribs, chuckling. "Light weight.." He makes a noise in protest, pouring himself another. This time, he doesn't make a face as he swallows.
I grab the bottle of blue stuff, reading the label. I've never seen it before, and the label doesn't exactly tell you what it is very clearly. "What's this, Frankie?" The nickname makes him tense up, but I couldn't stop myself from saying it. "Um... I don't actually know, I just bought it for the sake of it. It's nice though, if you mix it with something." I nod, getting a bigger glass and pouring some lemonade in it, then the blue stuff.
I expect it to be disgusting, but when I take a sip, I'm pleasantly surprised. It tastes fruity, exotic. I offer Frank some, but he pours himself some whiskey out.
For a while, we drink in silence, slowly getting closer to each other. Soon enough, Frank's head is on my shoulder, and I'm leant up against the back of the couch. Between us, we've gotten through a bottle of whiskey, seven cans of beer, half a bottle of vodka, and half of the blue stuff.
I'm not wankered yet, but Frank is. He keeps giggling at something in the corner, but there isn't anything there.
I grab the bottle of blue stuff, which is called Sharkwater, and drink it from the bottle. I'm drunk enough for it to taste nice by itself, so I end up drinking it all. The room is spinning slightly now, so I decide that's enough alcohol for now.
Normally, when I'm drunk, I do stupid things, like going around and kissing random people. I wouldn't even choose those people when I'm sober, so I have to be careful around Frank, because I am actually attracted to him, even when I'm sober.
I might end up trying to fuck him, if I drink any more.
He giggles again, making me smile. "What do you keep laughing at, Frank?" He laughs again, turning to face me. "I don't.. know.." I laugh this time, making him laugh, too.
Frank reaches out for the half full glass of vodka and lemonade, almost falling off the couch while he does. He drinks it in a few gulps, dropping the glass on the floor when he does. He falls backwards, dramatically sighing. "What's wrong, drama queen?" He giggles, again, and shrugs. "Drinking reminds me of Gerard, so I don't... So I don't do it often," He sits up, looking at me. He has a sad smile on his face, his eyes glazed over. "You remind me of Gerard, y'know. You're nice to me like him, you're... scared of, of needles, too. You would have gotten along with him, I think," He nods confidently, and I smile softly at him. "He was great, really great. I loved him so much, I still love him so much. He died for me, isn't that nice?" He looks at me, almost asking for approval. I nod. "He gave me his liver. Actually, I shouldn't be drinking at all... Ah, shit.." He frowns at himself. "He sounds great, Frank. I guess you miss him, then?" He nods sadly, then smiles and lies back down. "I'm tired. Will you come and lay with me?" I sigh, internally debating about what to do. I end up nodding, and I stand up, waiting for Frank to follow me.
He lifts his arms up, like a baby asking to be carried. "Carry me. I can't get my legs to work..." I sigh, smiling. I lift him up, carrying him like a baby. I coo at him, pinching his cheek. "I'm not a baby." He crosses his arms, pouting. "Well, you're small enough to be one.."
I open the bedroom door, throwing him onto the bed. He lies his head onto the pillow, patting the space beside him.
"I can't sleep in these.. They're almost cutting off my circulation anyway.." I gesture to my jeans, making Frank smirk. "Take 'em off, then," I huff at him, but pull them down my legs anyway. "Wow, nice legs, babe." He smirks at me, winking. I laugh, as does he.
I climb in, getting under the duvet. Frank scoots closer to me, trying to be casually about it, but I can see his cherry red cheeks. I meet him halfway, not wanting him to be embarrassed. My arms wraps around his shoulders, and his head lands on my chest.
"I'm sorry for running off and everything, Frank, I didn't mean to, I just got scared.." He nods, rubbing his face on my sweater. He looks up, smiling. "You smell nice. And your sweater is soft.." He rubs it with his hand, making me chuckle. "Thank you," He smiles at me, then sits up. "I thought you were tired..?" He shrugs, looking at me. "I was tired." He corrects me. I chuckle at him, sitting up, too. "You're still really drunk aren't you?" He nods, and I smirk at him. His eyebrows furrow, and puts his hand in the air. "What are you doing?" He laughs, seemingly at nothing. "I want to say something."
"Well, say it then, you don't need to put your hand up. We aren't in kindergarten anymore, Frank.." I laugh at him, making him pout.
"I can't even remember what I was going to say..." We both laugh, and when the laughter dies down we both stare at each other. I hear warning bells go off, but I ignore then and continue to stare at him.
This is what happened the last time we were alone, and that ended up with me avoiding him for almost a week and a half. I breathe in, deeply but silently.
What if he kisses me again? I can't watch him got through the disappointment again.
I look down, breaking the eye contact. But, it's like I have to be looking at him, so I soon find myself looking in his eyes again.
This time, it's me getting closer to him, but I stop myself half way there. Frank sighs, rolling his eyes. I have to remember that he's still pretty drunk, and alcohol clouds your judgment, so he might not even want me to kiss him.
We continue to stare at each other, the atmosphere around us heavy. Frank's right hand slowly gets closer to me, stopping every inch he moves it.
Neither of us want to look away, but I rip my eyes off him and look above him. I can see him looking at me through my peripheral vision, and his eyes are still on my face. He's biting his lip, indecision playing on his face and in his eyes.
His hand slowly moves upwards, landing on my shoulder. It stays there for a minute, and I think Frank has stopped breathing. The hand snakes around until it's on the back of my neck, where the spine meets my skull.
He holds it there for another minute, and I can see the other one trembling. I look back at his face again, and his eyes immediately find mine.
Suddenly, his hand pulls on my neck, and we're kissing.
Like last time, I'm frozen for a second, but then I just let it happen. I let Frank kiss me, let him lead, even though I know the repercussions will be awful.
We kiss for maybe five minutes before he pulls away, panting. I look down, not wanting him to see my smile. Memories are coming back to me, and fast.
Our first kiss, our second, third, fourth, last. Every single kiss we've shared, and the memory that comes with it enters my brain. All of the emotion behind every single one floods through me, making full with love, desperation, sadness, happiness, lust.
I grab his chin, pulling his face closer to mine, bringing our lips together again. We kiss for a long time, the emotions I'm experiencing through the memories bleeding through into the kiss.
I feel compelled to tell him the truth about everything, and I start to but he cuts me off, kissing me again.
He smiles into it, then chuckles, making me laugh from the vibrations. We pull away at the same time, looking at each other smiling. He strokes my cheek, one of his hands has found a place by my jaw, the other clutching at my sweater.
Memories are still flooding through, not just kisses, but lots of other things, like when I showed him the graffiti. I now know the meaning behind his tattoo.
I kiss him again, our lips barely brushing. He climbs onto my lap, curling up like a child. I wrap my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He sighs into my chest, and I can feel his smile, and the heat off of his cheeks. "You're blushing." I state, matter-of-factly. He lifts his head up, smiling still. "Yeah, and?" I smirk at him, shaking my head.
I casually rest my hand on his side, wait a minute then squeeze. He jumps off my lap, squeaking. He stares at me, accusingly.
His foot is right by my knee, so I slide my hand closer to it. He doesn't notice, he's too busy giving me a dirty look. I grab his foot, using my other one to tickle it. Due to my 'vampire strength', I can hold him down easily.
I tickle him without mercy, making him squirm, giggle and go red in the face from the lack of oxygen. He begs me to stop, and after a minute, I do. He lies there, his chest heaving. I laugh at him, and he slowly sits up. He sticks his tongue out, and I do the same to him.
He recovers his breathing going back to normal. "Please don't do that again.. I want to cuddle.." He smiles at me cutely, and I open my arms, making him crawl over to me.
I stroke his hair, humming slowly. "Can you sing?" He yawns halfway through the sentence. I think for a second, I don't think I've actually sung properly since I got turned. I know I could sing when I was alive, so I doubt it has changed. "Uh.. I don't know, to be honest. I can try...?" He nods into my chest, and I lie us both down properly, so Frank was now lay next to me, not on top of me. I clear my throat, go to sing, then stop. "What do you want me to sing?" He smiles, his eyes getting a faraway look to them. "Do you know the song 'Asleep'? It's by The Smiths.." I nod, one thing that seemed to pass over when I was turned from my alive time was my music taste, if the memories I've been getting are anything to go by.
I quietly start singing, and Frank sighs contentedly, making me smile.
Before I can finish the song he's asleep, so I gently push him off me, standing up. I pull my jeans back on, opening the bedroom door quietly, shutting it behind me.
I look at all of the bottles on the little coffee table, and start clearing them away. I screw the lids back on, put the rest of the beer cans back in the fridge, and put the empty glass bottles in onto the worktop.
I grab Frank's keys off the side, going out of his apartment and locking the door behind me. I don't know where I'm going to go, but I need some space for me to think about what to do with Frank.
I definitely like him, but surely this.. thing can't go any further? I can't just start avoiding him again, but I can't let us get too involved with each other. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself around him, what if he accidentally cuts himself? I'm not me when I'm around blood.
and, all the lies. I can't tell him who I really am, who is his deceased husband, so what kind of future do we have together?
Oh, yeah, none.

Notes

God, I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while, everything is just so up and down at the minute, and the place I'm staying doesn't have any wifi.
This is literally the first time I've had anice Internet connection in eight days. I don't know when I can update again, but thanks for reading!