Before The Sun Goes Down

The wind blows, moving Frank's hair about his face. He looks to the left and right of him, checking for traffic. He runs across to the middle of the road, before waiting for a minute until the traffic clears and then he runs across to the sidewalk.
Feeling in his back pocket, he pulls out his keys. He walks for a while more before he reaches the parking lot, where the car is parked. He unlocks it, shoving all of the bags into the back seat.
Opening the driver's side, he sits for a while, his forehead resting against the steering wheel.
Sighing, he starts the car and pulls out, driving home.
Gerard, as usual, isn't there.
Frank leaves the bags in the middle of the lounge, and he gets a blood bag out and drains it. Chucking it in the trash, he gets another one, and does the same with that one.
He washes his hands, twice, and then takes off his shoes. He washes his hands again after that. The, he goes and sorts out the things he bought.
Clothes mostly, for Gerard, and some for himself, but also a new phone for himself. He smashed his old one up, after he emerged out of the stupor and Gerard told him what he did.
He'd lain for days before finally snapping out of it and starting to talk again. All he'd really thought about is Miles and his mother and father during those days, and it'd had driven him crazy. He forced himself to stop thinking, and for a while it worked. He drank a ton of blood, and he got so delirious from the amount of blood that he started talking and he couldn't stop.
Gerard listened, of course he did, and Frank talked about everything he thought about. The blood made it feel like he was intoxicated, and he couldn't remember anything of that, either.
Gerard had filled him in when the effects of the blood had worn off, but after that he went out and didn't come back to the house for hours.
He said he'd been looking for help for them both, but Frank read his mind. He didn't say anything, considering he though it was a one time thing. But Gerard had gone back every time he'd said he'd gone to look for help, and Frank was getting scared.
Gerard had started drinking, and he spent hours in a bar, sinking drink after drink. He'd tried to block Frank out of his mind, but Frank was stronger than him, and managed to see through the cracks in his mental wall.
Still, Frank hadn't said anything.
Presuming that Gerard was at a bar again, Frank sat and stared into space, absent-mindedly kicking the bags at his feet.
He spent a few hours like that, until Gerard walked into the house, and Frank snapped out of it and plastered a smile on his face.
“Hey!” Frank called, standing up.
Gerard grunted something in return, and Frank could already smell whiskey on him. His nose crinkles and he frowns. He hadn't even made an effort to cover up the smell this time.
“Where were you? You were gone a while...” Frank walks into the kitchen as he says this.
Gerard shrugs, pulling off his sneakers.
“I walked around for a while and I think I found someone pretty promising.” Frank's face falls, and hope that Gerard would actually tell the truth disappearing. He sighs, almost inaudibly.
“Oh. Great.” Gerard straightens up, running a hand through his hair to get it out of his face. He nods, smiling slightly.
“Yeah. He's really nice, I managed to speak to him for a minute.”
Frank notices that he's talking slower than usual, probably in an effort to not slur his words.
“Are you okay? You're talking slowly and you look kind of spaced out...” Gerard looks at him, confused and slightly worried, before he nods.
“Uh-huh. I'm fine. Slightly thirsty, so that's probably it.” Frank bites his lip, looking away.
“Why don't you have some? Maybe then you'll let yourself slur,” He regrets saying it as soon as it comes out of his mouth. Gerard sighs, his shoulders slumping and his eyes half-closing.
“Frank...” The word comes out as an apologetic sigh, but Frank shakes his head.
“It's fine,” He tries to keep his voice light. “We all need something sometimes, don't we?” Frank smiles at Gerard, shrugging.
Gerard doesn't smile back, he just stares, trying to read Frank's expression.
Up until recently, they could read each other pretty well.
Gerard laughs, nodding. The laugh is fake sounding and painfully uptight, but Frank doesn't mention it.
“I bought you some things...” He trails off awkwardly, inwardly cringing over what he did. “You know, to replace what I ruined.” Gerard nods.
“Oh, thank you. You didn't have to.”
“I did, Gerard. I was over the line, miles over it, and I ruined half of your fucking clothes.”
“Okay, okay. Thank you.”
They both look away, and after a few seconds, Frank walks away, back into the lounge. He starts making himself busy, to distract himself, by sorting through the bags. He places each item into two piles, one for himself and one for Gerard. As he puts everything into piles, he folds everything, placing them neatly on top of each other.
Gerard watches him as he does, but Frank is so deeply involved in what he's doing, he doesn't notice.
Gerard starts to feel more drunk, and he kicks himself for turning up after just half an hour of walking around and trying to get sober. Vampires sober up quickly, but not that quickly. And the blood is just making it worse. He should stop drinking, but he's too thirsty.
When Frank is done, he looks at the piles for a second before looking up and locking eye with Gerard. A rush of emotion runs through them both, causing Gerard to look away and Frank to close his eyes.
Gerard wobbles slightly, making Frank open his eyes in alarm.
“Are you okay?” He asks, standing up. Gerard nods, keeping his eyes shut.
“I'm fine, Frank. Stop worrying,” He smiles an uncomfortable smile, opening his eyes.
“Sorry. I can't help but worry, though, Gerard.” Even though it wasn't meant as an insult, it still stabs at Gerard in a way only an insult can.
“I know.” He snaps, causing Frank to recoil.
“Good.” Frank snaps back, twice as harsh.
“Frank...” Gerard shoulders slump again. “I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap.”
“Of course you didn't,” He turns around, picking up Gerard's pile. “Here.” He hands Gerard the clothes, quite abruptly, so Gerard drops them.
He bends to pick them up, the clothe becoming unfolded.
“Just let me do it, Gerard. Jesus.” The screwed up clothes almost make Frank twitch.
“Frank. Calm down, they're just clothes.” Gerard reaches out to touch Frank, making Frank hiss at him.
“Just... leave me alone. They aren't neat, and they need fixing.”
“Okay, okay. Fine. Fold them up again.” Gerard mutters, shaking his head. Frank picks them up, shaking them out.
“When was the floor last cleaned?” He asks out of nowhere, almost startling Gerard.
“I'm... not sure? Why?” Frank shrugs, folding the clothes gingerly.
“No reason.” Gerard watches Frank out of the corner of his eyes, half expecting him to snap and start cutting up the clothes again.
“I... uh, found Ernest's number, Frank.” Stopping what he's doing, Frank looks up. A glint has appeared in his eyes.
“Why haven't you rang it?” Urgently, he places the clothes on a table, neatly. “You need to ring it.”
“But why? You don't need any more training. You're fine.” Frank shakes his head.
“No, I'm not. There's always room for improvement. You of all people should know that.”
“And what's that supposed to mean, Frank?” Frank rolls his eyes.
“It means that everyone thought that you were at your best, but then you trained at the Council. You got better. So much fucking better, and you continue to get better still.”Gerard backs down a little.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” Frank nods. “But you could take on Miles now and win. That's what I meant. You don't need Ernest for this, we can do it on our own.”
“Have you ever lived with Miles, Gerard? Do you know what he's capable of? Sure, I was a human, but I still saw how powerful he could be. He still fucking terrifies me, and I know that I am probably stronger than him. But, shit... He just... doesn't fucking care. He'll resort to anything... anything, just to stay alive.” Frank's voice shakes.
“Frank. You were weak then. You were traumatised. And, you still managed to fucking critically wound him. You could do this on your own. I'm only tagging along because I want to fucking see him hurt.”
“Gerard, I still am those things. Weak... traumatised. I'm physically stronger, yes. But what if I lose my nerve and he manages to overpower me. I know that if he threatens to hurt me, you won't do shit to him. And vice versa. If he had you hostage or something, and the only way for him to let you go is for me to go with him again, I would. I don't want that to happen. I need to be as close to perfect as I can be.” Frank looks Gerard straight in the eyes as he says this, his voice passionate.
“Okay, I'll call him. We'll train together.” Frank smiles out of relief, breathing deeply in.
“Thank God.”
Gerard pulls out his phone, and he dials the number he has wrote on his hand.
It takes a few tries before anyone picks up, and Gerard reassures Frank that this is normal.
“Hello?” Frank smiles slightly, leaning in closer.
“Hello.” The line is silent for a while.
Who is this?” They speak haltingly.
“I think you know who it is, Ernest.”
“I think you're right,” Ernest is silent for a minute. “Why are you calling me?” Gerard bites his lip.
“I- we need your help.” Gerard breathes in.
“We?” Rolling his eyes, he nods.
“Yes, we. Frank and I.”
“Ah. Right,” He's silent again, for a while this time, and Gerard has to check to make sure he hasn't disconnected. “What help do you need?”
“We need more training. Frank specifically.”
“Where are you?”
“Washington, why?”
“We're in Illinois. Can you get here within the next few days?” Gerard looks at Frank, who nods.
“Of course. I'll call you when we're there, and you can meet us and take us back to wherever you're staying.”
“Fine.” He hangs up, so Gerard puts his phone away.
“How will we get there?” Frank asks, quietly.
“We'll travel by train. It won't take too long and I'm not going on a plane just for that journey.” Frank nods, biting his lip in thought.
“How long will we be there?” Gerard shrugs, looking at Frank through the corner of his eyes.
“I don't know, Frank. As long as it takes us, I guess.”
“So... what should I pack?”
“I don't know.” He kind of snaps, making Frank jump.
“Okay, sorry...” Frank picks up the clothes, turning away from him.
Picking up the other clothes, Frank walks into the kitchen, and places half of them into the laundry machine. He leaves the rest on the floor beside, and when the first load is done washing, he puts them in the dryer.
The second load goes into the laundry machine. The smell of detergent wafts through the house, making the pair feel a little more a home.
When both of the loads has been dried and packed, Frank doesn't know what to do. He just wonders around the house, like a lost sheep, and Gerard sits in the garden and watches the stars appear. Frank wants to go and join him, but something stops him.
They both end up spending the night looking at the same moon, but from different places. Frank from the spare room window, and Gerard from the garden.
They had never felt so lonely in their lives.
When the sun rose, Gerard booked train tickets to Illinois. The train leaves at midday.
“Frank, we have to be at the train station for before midday,” Gerard calls upstairs.
“Okay!” Frank faintly smiles at the though of revenge. It stirs something inside him, and he likes it.
Gerard walks up the stairs to Frank, and sits next to him.
“Why are you in here?” He says, hushed.
“I was watching the moon,”
“So was I, outside.” Gerard feels a bit hurt that Frank didn't join him.
“I know you were,” Frank shrugs, looking at his fingers.
“Oh... Why didn't you come and sit with me?”
“I'm not sure, Gerard.” Frank sighs, his shoulders slumping farther down.
“Okay.”
They sit in silence for a while, the sun rising steadily higher. Gerard moves closer to Frank, until they touch shoulders. Frank doesn't realize for a while, but when he does, he jumps up.
“I'm going to take a shower.” Gerard stands up, smiling.
“Can I join you?”
“Uh... Gerard. No, you can't.” Gerard's face falls.
“Why?” His voice sounds hurt, but it makes Frank slightly angry.
“Don't you dare act hurt, Gerard. Don't you dare.”
“Wait... Why are you acting like this?” Frank laughs, shaking his head.
“You've been distant with me for days, spending hours at bars by yourself, just to avoid me, and now you want us to shower together?” He shakes his head again, gathering clothes.
“That's why I'm fucking acting like this, Gerard.”
“I have every fucking reason to be distant, Frank.”
“Don't try and turn this on me!” He spins around, his face angry.
“Why not? I'm not the one that went fucking crazy and chopped up most of your clothes!”
“No, but you managed to fucking burn most of mine pretty fucking well! And you were the one that sent me 'fucking crazy' in the first place!” Gerard takes a step back, frowning.
“How did I?”
“By fucking popping a bone out of place in my hand, Gerard.” Gerard goes to argue against Frank, but stops.
“I apologized.”
“So did I.”
“I only hurt you, you hacked at my clothes like a madman!” Frank's mouth drops open, and Gerard tries to splutter an apology.
“Gerard... I went through months of fucking abuse. I know that cutting up your clothes was wrong. I know that and I so, so regret it. But... you don't even really seem sorry for what you did, apart from when I was going to embarrass you on the plane by having flashbacks and a panic attack.”
“That's ridiculous. I am sorry, and you know it.”
“Whatever,” He sighs, shaking his head. “I'm going to have a shower. Please don't bother me until we have to leave.”
Frank walks out of the room, his shoulders shaking. Every time he closed his eyes, Miles was there, smiling, hurting, abusing.
He turns the shower on, stripping off and stepping under. The water runs down his body, but this time is doesn't relax him. All he can think about is Gerard and Miles. Miles and Gerard. In his mind, in that moment, they are almost one and the same. Almost.
He showers for half and hour, mostly just standing under the water, rigid and upset. He turns the shower off. Grabbing a towel, he wraps it around himself and gets dry. Frank gets dressed and checks the clock for the time. Around half past ten.
Sighing, he looks at the door. He doesn't want to go out, but he can't hide in the bathroom until they have to go. A knock on the bathroom door makes him jump.
“Frank, I need a shower, too.” Frank bites his lip as he twists the door handle and steps out of the bathroom.
“It's all yours, baby,” Frank sneers, walking past him.
Gerard sighs, staring after him.
Gerard almost calls out, although he's not sure what he'd say. He bites his lip, walking into the bathroom.
He takes his shower as Frank dries his hair and finds some socks.
Frank is lay on his stomach on the bed when Gerard walks back into the bathroom, his hair dripping still.
“Go away, Gerard.” Frank's voice is slightly muffled.
“How did you know that I was stood here?” Frank rolls onto his back, his face bored.
“I have a pair of ears?”
“Right.” Gerard smiles, offering a silent apology.
“Gerard, if you're going to say sorry, stop fucking beating around the bush. I can read your mind, remember.”
“I would apologise, but I don't think you'd accept it.” Frank nods, bemusement on his face.
“True, I guess. But, then again, you haven't accepted my apology either.” Gerard nods, a smile on his face, although his true expression wouldn't be a smile.
How can we continue living like this?
“Frank... I.. forgive you, okay? Now, can you forgive me?” An eyebrow raises as Frank sits up.
“No, you haven't. If you have forgiven me, for everything I've ever said sorry for, we'd be back to what we were. But we can't even look each other in the eyes for more than five seconds.” They lock eyes, as if by force, and Gerard proves Frank right.
“Okay, you're right. But... it's not easy to forgive.”
“I know. But you aren't even really trying. I've tried. And I've failed so many fucking times to forgive, to... to forget.”
“Frank...” He doesn't know what to say.
“Gerard, how much do you love me?”
Gerard has to think about it for a while.
“More than anything.” Is his final answer.
“Even more than Mikey and your mom and your dad?” He nods, wondering where this is going to go.
“No, you don't. Unless they'd done something really shitty to you, you don't love anyone more than your own flesh and blood. Sure, your mom and dad are dead, but you can't say that you love me more than them, can you?”
“I guess not... I mean...” Gerard tries to explain himself, but can't find the words.
“No, I understand. But how am I supposed to know how much you love me if you can't even admit how much you love your family? How am I supposed to know that you love me if you can't even admit that you do love them?”
“I don't... I...”
“Perhaps we love each other. We love each other a lot, right? But that isn't enough, is it?” Gerard stares at Frank, trying to find a way to disagree with his words.
“No... no, it isn't.” Frank nods.
“Perhaps we don't even love each other. Maybe... we just don't want to be alone. We're scared of it.” Gerard's mind races. His thoughts are jumbled up, but somehow Frank's words make some sort of sense, no matter how little.
“Frank... I...”
“Just say it, Gerard. I'll always be unpredictable. Unstable. I'll always make you unhappy, even if we get the best therapist in the world. Some things... some things you can't just work through.”
“But... you make me happy, too.” Gerard's voice is quiet, shaky, and his head is spinning slightly.
“The good is too slight to hold back the bad,” Gerard shakes his head, not willing to believe it. “Okay. Don't believe it. Get married to me again and lets forget everything and go and live on an island. Just you and I. No-one else. I'll be able to make you happy, won't I? If you love me as much as you say you do, I'd be able to make you happy.”
Gerard has to sit down. He can't reply to Frank. He doesn't know how.
“I'll get help, sure. The therapist won't be able to help me or you. My rapist is a demon thing, Gerard. I can't fucking say that to whoever this therapist is, can I? And if I can't tell them everything, how can I get help? Pills won't help unless I'm full of blood every day when I take them. I'm not helping you. You're legally dead. You'd have to lie about things, too. Like how I got out of capture, and who you really are.”
“Frank, stop.”
“Stop what? I'm trying to make you realize that this,” He gestures between them both. “Is never going to work. We don't... function right any more.”
“Frank, stop it.”
“No, Gerard. I love you. And, I can truthfully say that I love you more than I love my mom, because my mom and I never got any proper chance to connect. We were like... close friends. But she was still my mom, and I still love you more than her. An because I love you, I can't let you spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Stop it,” Gerard's voice is weak and it cracks.
“No,” Frank reaches for Gerard's hand. “Gerard, just say it. You know it's true, and I do too. We can't live like this any more. Getting 'help' isn't an option any more. You have people you can go to. Remember, you told me all of this. I managed to cope pretty well. You aren't as fucked up as me, so you'll find someone new. I know you will. And when you've been with them a while, you'll realize that what we have was special, yes, but it wasn't normal or healthy.” Frank's voice cracks this time, and he closes his eyes.
“There isn't anyone that will love me, Frank. Please, stop...” Gerard looks at Frank for the first time, his eyes dull.
“You're a loveable person. I couldn't help but love you, Gerard. But you can chose. Chose someone different. Chose a happy life.” Gerard shakes his head, his eyes screwed tight for a second before opening again.
“Stop. Just... just... wait until we've gotten rid of Miles. And then see. Please, Frank. Just... just wait, we'll be fine. You'll be fine.” Gerard grips Frank's hand, moving closer to him, his tone desperate.
Frank shakes his head, looking down at his legs.
“Gerard...” He sighs, biting his lip. “Fine. Until after Miles. That's it, okay? If we're still like this, you have to promise me to leave me and be happy.”
Gerard holds up his pinky finger.
“Pinky promise?” His voice has a tremor in it, making his words seem disjointed.
Frank holds up his finger and links them together, clasping Gerard's close before letting go.
“Pinky promise.”
They sit in another silence again, their hands joined.
Gerard's alarm goes off on his phone. They both jump, Gerard reaching into his pocket and turning the alarm off.
“We have to go?” Frank asks, making Gerard nod.
Frank grabs both of their bags, handing Gerard's to Gerard.
“Come on, then,” They walk down to the car, putting both of the bags in the trunk and riving to the train station. Gerard pays for a ticket that lets them stay in the lot for as long as they need and their car won't get clamped.
They wait for fifteen minutes for their train to show up, then they board and get their tickets checked.
“Yeah, we're almost here. Meet us at the station, yeah?” Frank hears Gerard talking to Ernest, but barely. Gerard shakes Frank's shoulder, trying to act normally. Like his lover hadn't told him hours earlier that they aren't going to be a couple for much longer.
“Come on, we're almost here.” Frank nods his head, breathing in and then out.
“Okay,” He sighs, feeling weighed down and unable to function.
Gerard gets their bags down from the luggage compartments, and they wait while the train gets closer to the station.
“Frank, did you really mean all what you said?” Gerard just can't get his head around it, and hearing Frank say it again might rub enough salt in the wound that he might start to believe.
“Yes, I did, Gerard.” Gerard nods, biting his lip. They're silent while they get off the train and wait outside the station for Ernest.
Ernest pulls up, with a girl in the passenger seat. She jumps out of the car, a huge smile on her face.
“Gerard! You prick, where have you been?” She attacks Gerard in a hug, and Gerard freezes for a second before smiling and hugging her back.
All Frank wants is for that to be him and for him to feel normal while doing it. Perhaps then, they'd have a chance together.
“And Frank... Jesus, it's been a while, hasn't it?” She doesn't touch him, but instead smiles warmly at him, as if she knows he doesn't like to be touched.
“It sure has, Maude.” He smiles back, stiffly. She frowns for a second, concern in her eyes, but it's gone as soon as it came.
“Come on, you two. Get in the car, the others are waiting for you!” She giggles, getting back in the car.
Gerard and Frank get in the back, Frank edging as far away from Gerard as possible. Gerard pretends not to notice, but it's obvious he does.
Maude chats to all three for the journey, not letting there be any awkward silences.
They eventually get to a big house, in a secluded area, conveniently near some thick woods.
“Come on, guys!” Maude calls, because they've all been sat in the car for more than two seconds after it stopped.
They all get out, Frank walking ahead of Gerard. Maude lags behind and talks to Gerard, trying to make him laugh.
Ernest, who hasn't said anything apart from a few curses to someone who pulled out on them, opens the front door. Blue and Aubree run to the door, their arms open to Gerard. They both hug him, yelling his name.
“Gerard! You're fucking back!” Gerard hugs them back, a smile on his face.
“I am, yeah.”
“Okay, enough of this,” Ernest says, making everyone fall silent. “Frank and Gerard need our help.” Blue turns to Gerard, his eyebrows creased.
“What kind of help?”
“Training.” Frank butts in, causing everyone to divert their attention to him.
“Wait a second... you were a human the last time I checked.” Frank rolls his eyes.
“Well done, genius. Have we ever even met?” Blue shrugs.
“I don't really care if we have or not, Frank.”
“Great. Good for you,”
“Wow, can anyone else feel this chill?” Maude says, trying to break the tension between Blue and Frank.
“I sure can!” Aubree says, smiling.
“Let's move this to the lounge,” Ernest mutters, walking through the group. Frank soon moves after him, leaving Gerard behind.
When they're all sat, Ernest looks at Gerard, and then Frank.
“Why do you need to be trained more? You're both exceedingly strong. Frank, I can feel your mental powers from here...”
“We have to deal with something and I though we need more skills to do it.” Frank says, making Gerard nod.
“Deal with what exactly?” Frank starts to look uncomfortable. He shifts, looking down.
“I'd rather not say, Ernest.”
“If we're going to help you, we'll need to know exactly what it is we're dealing with, Frank.” Frank blows air out of his mouth in frustration. It's not quite a sigh, but it isn't a normal breath, either.
“The matters are private to me, and I don't want people I hardly know knowing my business.”
“Well, I'm sorry, but we can't help you, then.”
“Fine. We'll go, then,” Frank raises an eyebrow, standing up. “Come on, Gerard. Let's go.”
“Wait, you want me to... go with you?” Gerard purses his lips.
“Yes? They obviously don't want to help us.”
“I thought that there wasn't an us any more, Frank.” Frank sighs, closing his eyes and then reopening them.
“Are you really going to start shit here, Gerard?” Gerard stands up, shaking his head.
“Of course not. We're going outside to discuss it like adults.” Frank laughs, sarcastically.
“Oh, finally. Do you know how much trouble that would have saved us, Gerard?” Gerard shakes his head, grabbing Frank's arm and pulling him along.
Frank shakes his hand off, barely stopping himself from hissing.
“Don't touch me, Gerard.” Frank says lowly and quietly, making Gerard stop walking momentarily.
“Fine,” He starts walking again, and Frank follows.
They go outside, closing the door behind them.
“Gerard, what was tha-” Gerard cuts him off.
“There's no fucking point of me going back home with you if we're just going to fucking split up because you won't go through with getting rid of Miles because you're too scared. You promised that we'd see how we were until after it, but if we aren't going to do it, then I'm not going home with you.”
“Fine, Gerard. Don't come home. I'll go by myself.” Frank stares at Gerard, trying to call his bluff.
“Frank...” Gerard sighs. “Why can't you just tell them?”
“Well, before I tell about my past, why don't you tell them about yours? About all that time you were sexually abused?” Gerard swallows, blanching. “That's what I thought. My past is known by so very few people. Most of them are dead. And even the dead don't know as much as you. You're the only one that knows, and I'm not about to change that just because I want some fucking revenge on a sick rapist!”
“But... I can't let us be over yet, Frank...” Gerard's voice suddenly becomes very quiet and childlike. “Just tell one of them... Maude? You know her the best. She can then testify for you, and the others will trust you...” Frank looks down, rubbing his forehead.
“Gerard... I... can't... You don't understand.”
“I know I don't. Just like you don't understand me, but we try to understand, don't we? We tried our hardest, and that's what the guys inside are trying to do. Ernest is only uptight because you're like it. If you relaxed, so would he.”
“Gerard, I can't,” He looks up, staring into Gerard's eyes. Frank's eyes are hard. “Listen to me; I can't. I'm not prepared to even think about it right now. I'm trying to think about happy things every time I say Miles' name, and it's really fucking hard. I'm getting flashbacks every five fucking seconds. I can't stop fucking shaking and I really just want to go to sleep or cry,and I can't do either. So please, please, don't force me into doing this just because you don't want ourdysfunctional, toxic relationship to end.”
Finally, it seems, Frank has gotten through to Gerard. Gerard drops all of the guards holding back emotion in his eyes and facial expressions, and his face crumples. His knees buckle, and he leans against the wall for support.
“I'm sorry, Frank. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” He dry sobs, his eyes prickling but staying completely dry. “I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to help you, and I'm sorry that I had to drag this out until the bitter end and I'm sorry that I couldn't stop Miles from hurting you. I'm sorry that I've hurt you and lied to you and... and...” He can't talk any longer. His mouth is too dry and his tongue is too heavy.
“No. You stop fucking saying sorry. You tried your best, and so did I. That's all both of us could have asked for. So you stop fucking saying sorry, okay? You... you fucking stop it.” Frank leans next to him, but his knees buckle and send him falling to the ground. Gerard slides down the wall after him, still sobbing.
Frank starts, too, and then he can't seem to stop. It's a horrible sensation, crying without tears.
Slowly, they stop. Frank before Gerard. But, for the first time in a while, they both feel at peace.
They know that this is the right decision. And that really, really fucking hurts them both.

Notes

I legit cried while writing this