Before The Sun Goes Down

Frank shyly smiles at Gerard, who grins widely back to him. The pair have been sat in almost complete silence for the past ten minutes, just smiling and taking each other in. Since he woke up, Frank has felt an array of emotions. Happiness being the main one, so he's making the most of it, because he knows it probably won't last too long.
Gerard is dying to speak, to say everything he wants to say to Frank, but he can't make the words come out. Even though Frank is still black and blue, he looks like the most beautiful thing on the planet. But, at the same time, he looks so delicate and his eyes are hollow. They aren't even really the same color as before; they've become greyer.
Almost dead-like.
Gerard can't even access Frank's mind any more, and he's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He's not sure if he wants to be inside it, from the way his voice sounds when he talks and how his eyes look.
Frank hasn't realized that he looks different, he just knows that something has changed. He doesn't know that he speaks almost monotonously or that his eyes are greyer and hollow. Or how he constantly has tremors going through his hands, or how his shoulders are haunched, his cheeks are dangerously hollow, and he's so tense that even one million massages from the world's best masseuses probably couldn't help.
Guilt twists in Gerard's stomach; it was his fault that Frank is like this.
His fault that Miles had him, because he left him lying on that floor at that party, and he ran away and made Frank flip. If Gerard had just stayed and let Frank come to terms with everything or something, instead of running away like a coward, none of this would have happened.
Frank could have gotten help with his problems, and with Gerard by his side, Frank could've gotten better. Now, though, Frank will probably get progressively worse, because of the lack of everything they will have and because of everything that he's ever been through- Gerard knows Frank hasn't even slightly come to terms with anything that's happened- until it's safe for them to be normal again, and Gerard can't help, because he doesn't know how.
Frank might need certain medication, and Gerard has no money or any knowledge as to what or how to get it. Frank probably needs an array of things, that Gerard can't give him, but Frank will never ask him. He'll never ask for help, he isn't like that; unless it's under dire circumstances.
Gerard's smile slowly fades as he realizes everything that will go wrong, and Frank notices. Frank's smile drops, too, but Gerard doesn't notices it.
“What's wrong?” Gerard snaps out of his daze, his smile slipping back on, but Frank sees straight through it.
“Nothing... why?” Frank shrugs, looking out of the window.
“You just looked... sad,” Gerard hesitantly touches Frank's hand, going to hold it, but Frank flinches and looks around with bright, flashing panic in his eyes.
“Like you? You look so, so sad, too, Frankie-”
“Don't call me that!” Anger boils gently in Frank's eyes, but flashbacks of Miles calling him 'Frankie' are running through his mind.
Gerard's eyes drop downwards, and he bites his lip.
“Sorry...” Frank bites his lip, hard, making a bead of blood well up. He sighs, wiping the blood away with his sleeve.
“No, I'm sorry. Just please try not to call me that any more, okay?” Gerard nods, looking back up. His eyes ask a silent question... Why?
Frank shakes his head, wiping his lip again, wiping away more blood that's beaded up.
After that, the mood in the small car is tense. Words that need to be said aren't, but they echo silently around their minds. Gerard starts the car, telling Frank to buckle up.
Out of the corner of his eye, Frank keeps glancing at Gerard. Right now, he's pushed everything to the back of his mind; the promises to himself; what's just happened to him; everything that happened to him before what just happened.
It's just him and Gerard, the road, and the car.
That's all I need, he keeps telling himself, but he can't help the dubious, negative feelings creep in. Miles will be absolutely furious. More than furious, a lot more than furious, actually. And, on top of that, there's everything that is going on with Gerard that he has no idea about.
Gerard could be in so much shit right now, and Frank wouldn't have a clue.
As Frank panics, he sinks farther down in his seat. Gerard notices this, and grows concerned, but he doesn't say anything. Frank just needs... time...
He keeps going to say something to Frank, but the words get stuck and die in his throat.
They drive in silence, neither wanting to break the peace. The radio plays quietly, with occasional adverts and a string of pop songs playing.
“Shit... Frank, we need to stop for gas. We're almost empty...” Frank snaps out of his thoughts, sitting up.
“Okay... Are there any gas stations near here? I mean, it looks pretty lifeless around here.” Gerard looks through the window, down the seemingly endless road. He bites his lip, then turns and smiles at Frank.
“Of course there will be... there has to be,” Frank nods, smiling back. Gerard looks away, the smile dropping from his face. Worry begins to gnaw at him.
What is there isn't one? Will we just have to wait here until the Council finds us? Or Miles? I'd rather deal with the Council, for Frank's sake...
They drive for another few miles, with no sign of anything anywhere.
“Right... I'm going to pull over and check if there's any gas in the trunk. Lock the doors behind me, I'll be back in a second.” Frank nods, biting his lip.
Once Gerard is out of the car, out of his sight, he begins to panic slightly. Different scenarios rush to his head, each worse that the other. He can even hear Gerard, but it doesn't put his mind to rest. It's probably Miles out there, not Gerard... Gerard has probably ran off, not wanting to be with me... why would he want to be with me?
Someone taps on his window, making his shout out and jump to the driver's seat. He looks who it is, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment when he sees that it's only Gerard. Gerard looks at him with concern, his eyes sad.
Gerard tries to smile, telling Frank to wind his window down. Frank climbs back over to his seat, then does as he says. Frank feels the wind hit his face when he opens the window, cooling down his flushed face.
“I found some!” Gerard grins, but it looks fake, lifting up a red container with liquid in it that sloshes around. “Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you...” Guilt flashes through his eyes. Frank shakes his head, a half-smile appearing.
“No, no... It's fine! I'm fine, you're fine, the car's fine now... just put the gas in and let's get going...” Gerard nods, disappearing again.
He's back again in a moment, and they start driving again. The tense, slightly uncomfortable atmosphere is back, but neither knows how to stop it. They're so different to what they used to be, both of them, and it's like they're both strangers.
They drive until sundown, only small talk being made until the car stops near the edge of a field. Gerard turns to Frank, who smiles at him.
“Frank... I...” His words falter, making him look away and think about what he's going to say. “Okay...” He says this to himself, for slight reassurance. “I think we should... start again?” Frank looks at him, puzzled, and Gerard tries to find words to explain what he means without making Frank upset or anything. “I mean... like, uh... We're both completely different to who we used to be. I think we should just start afresh. As in, getting to know each other again, learning about each other, our habits, likes, dislikes... things like that... because, I have no idea about you any more, Frank. I have no clue about probably anything...”
“So... shall we, like, introduce ourself to each other again and everything?” Gerard nods. “Completely from scratch? Like, we aren't in a relationship... if we even are in a relationship...” He trails off, his cheeks turning a slight pink. Gerard nods again, a small smile on his face.
“Is that okay?” Frank nods, but his eyes aren't telling the same story. Gerard ignores this, and carries on. “Okay... Well, my name is Gerard Way. What's your name?” Gerard looks so serious that Frank giggles quietly, shaking his head.
“Frank Iero. Nice to meet you, Gerard Way.” Gerard holds out his hand, and Frank quickly and lightly shakes his hand, his eyes panicking.
“I've just got one question...” Frank's eyebrow rises. “Are you, uh, single?” He tries to lighten the mood, and it works. They both laugh, Frank shaking his head. He grows serious after a minute, his eyes turning sad again.
“I don't know,” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. “Am I?”
They stare at each other, their eyes never breaking contact. Frank looks so hopeful.
“No... no, I don't think you are... You're too beautiful to not be. The most beautiful thing in the world.” Gerard nods his head once, as if confirming his observation. Frank scoffs, shaking his head.
“I haven't been told that in a long time, Gerard. And I know why; it's because I never believed it, so people stopped saying it.” He shrugs, a small, sad smile gracing his lips.
Gerard looks away, his heart breaking even more for Frank.
“How do I make you believe it?” He doesn't look at Frank as he says this, instead at the illuminated time on the dashboard.
“I don't think you can,” Frank shrugs again, clearing his throat and trying to get the lump away.
“Well, I'm going to try, okay?” Another shrug. Gerard changes the subject. “So, how are you, Frank?”
“I'm fine, thank you, and how are you?” Gerard looks at Frank, disbelief in his eyes, but he carries on, but he struggles to stay normal and neutral.
“I'm... okay. I felt pretty damn good a few hours ago, but now? I'm not so sure...”
“And why is that?” Gerard shrugs, swallowing.
“I know someone that is really, really broken. I know it sounds cliché, but he truly is. It's really scary looking him in the eyes and seeing a fraction of what I saw before, or seeing how hollow his cheeks are. And when he smiles, even if he tries to mean it, it looks as delicate as glass but so, so fake. You know?” He pauses, looking at Frank, but Frank stares back at him silently. “Have you ever met a person that is so special, so, so special, and you'd do anything for them, but they look like they'd just shatter if you did something wrong. And I have no idea what I'm doing at all, so I could be doing everything wrong, but I just want to help him. I don't even care if he doesn't love me any more, I still love him really, really bad, so I just want to help him,” He stares at Frank, gauging his reaction. Frank stays silent, but he can see him trying to swallow back tears.
Gerard stares at Frank for a long time, and Frank stays silent for a long time.
“I think you should just carry on what you're doing. I'm sure he'll say something if he doesn't like whatever it is that you're doing. And I'm sure that he still loves you, too, even if he can't say it; even if the words get caught in his throat because he doesn't want the words to be turned against him, not again, but I'm sure he does. Just... carry on what you're doing. Sure, he's hurting, and he might not ever be not hurting, if you get what I mean, but it'll get easier with time. He just needs love and patience.” He breathes in, biting his lip. His voice broke several time while saying the words, but no tears spill.
“I just wish I could give him a hug or something and tell him he's going to be okay. But I don't want to lie to him... what if it isn't going to be okay? I can't lie to him again,” Frank shrugs, unable to talk past the tears building up. “It's okay to cry, y'know? It's just me here, no-one else.”
Frank's face crumples, and a hand covers his mouth as a loud, choked noise comes from him. He's silent again after that, his eyes shut tight and his head shaking.
He starts rocking back and forth, muttering words to himself. After many minutes of silence, he opens his eyes again and looks at Gerard.
“I'm, uh, going to get some sleep, okay?” Gerard nods, trying to smile. He fails.
“Sure... the more sleep the better, darling. I love you.” He realizes he's said the words a second after they leave his mouth, and his eyes widen.
Frank just nods, a fake smile on his lips.
“I know,” He climbs into the back, lying with his back facing Gerard.
Gerard tries not to be disappointed, but he can't stop the overwhelming feeling from taking him over. He sits in the driver's seat, almost paralysed, staring straight ahead. He tries not to listen to the almost-silent crying Frank's doing, but he can't, and sound Frank makes stabs him in the heart like ten million hot pokers.
The noises stop after a while, and Frank starts evenly breathing. He's asleep. He breathes a sigh of relief, then gets stabbed in the gut by guilt. It's not Frank's fault.
He waits another half an hour to make sure Frank's properly asleep, then he opens the door and slips outside the car. He leaves the door partially open so the noise of it shutting doesn't wake up Frank, and walks a few paces then sits down on the grass.
He pulls a cigarette packet and a lighter from his pocket, and lights a cigarette. He breathes in the smoke, almost begging for it to calm him down. He feels as coiled as a spring, his muscles tense. He lies down, looking up at the sky.
Blowing the smoke out, he watches it rise up and slowly disappear in swirling shapes.
He watches the clouds move in the sky, covering the moon every so often. The stars are really bright out here, where there's no artificial light covering them up. He doesn't find them as beautiful as Frank does, but he does find them incredibly beautiful.
It's a shame that they're all dead...
He finishes the cigarette, stubbing it out on the grass and then putting it in his pocket so he doesn't leave the butt on the grass. He slides out another, and lights it. He breathes the smoke in, out, in, out. Tries to make rings, and fails. Tries to relax, and fails.
He lies on the grass until he sees the first bits of orange light appearing over the distant trees, then he gets up and gets back into the car. Frank is already awake. He's sat up, looking out the window with dry tear tracks down his face.
He jumps wildly when Gerard opens up the door, even though the noise wouldn't of even scared a wild rabbit, and hits his head on the window. Gerard ignores it, trying to bite down his concern for Frank.
“Morning, Frank,”Frank nods once, rubbing his head.
“Morning. Did you spend all night out there?” Gerard nods, a stiff smile appearing and disappearing in the same few seconds.
“I thought we'd try and reach somewhere to buy some shit today, I mean, you've got to be hungry by now, right? And we need clothes, toiletries, shit like that...” Frank goes rigid, but he nods anyway.
“Can I stay in the car?” Gerard nods, understanding flashing though his eyes.
“Of course you can, Frank,” He smiles. “Let us get going, yeah?” Frank nods, climbing into the front.
they drive for awhile, the tense atmosphere seemingly gone for at least a while.
“Wait, is this car stolen?” Gerard smiles, a soft laugh falling from his mouth as he nods. He laughs at Frank's wide-eyed appearance.
“It was either that or we'd have to walk everywhere, which would you prefer?” Frank smiles, too.
“Well, obviously the car, idiot.” They laugh, with Gerard rolling his eyes.
“Whatever...”
They finally reach civilization; a town. Quite small, but it has an inn, a few clothes shops and a pharmacy. Gerard parks the car on a backstreet, locking the car doors and telling Frank that he'll be as quick as possible.
All the while, Frank is completely on edge. His breath rate threatens to reach hyperventilation, his heart is thudding so hard that it almost hurts, and his hands are shaking so badly that all he can do with them is to grip the hem of his shirt.
Gerard is back within record time, with a few bags full of things. He unlocks the car, getting back in and driving to the small inn. They have vacancies, so Gerard goes in and books a room for two nights, to give them time to sort themselves out a bit.
Frank has no idea where all the money he's using is from, and he's not going to ask. Some things are better left unsaid.
The car gets parked around the back, and they take in the bags, Frank not looking up once as he tries to control his beating heart and panting breath. They reach the room, finding only one bed. A double, big enough for both of them, but the though of sharing a bed with anyone after Miles makes him want to be sick.
“I won't go anywhere near the bed, don't worry. Anyway, I think you're forgetting that I don't even sleep...” Gerard speaks from behind him, his light tone slightly forced. Frank immediately feels guilty, so he tries to refuse.
“No, it's okay! I'm okay with it... I thought that you might want somewhere comfortable to be for a while...” He forces out a laugh, trying to make his lie more believable, but it doesn't work.
“Frank, you don't need to pretend. I can see that you aren't fine with it, so I won't even touch the bed while you're on it. I'm not mad with you, or anything like that. I'm just so pissed that he's made you like this, not at you.” Frank sighs in defeat, his shoulders drooping.
“Fine...” Gerard flashes a smile.
“Okay, good. Now, do you want the first shower?” Frank shrugs, avoiding his eyes. “That's settled then. I'll get you some clothes, and you get the toiletries that you want out.”
Mechanically, Frank does as Gerard says, not meaning to but not being able to help comparing Gerard to Miles. How Miles used to tell him to do. He shakes the thoughts away, knowing that Gerard is nothing like Miles. Gerard loves him, Gerard wouldn't do anything like Miles did to him.
Never, never, never.
Frank has a shower, not even realizing he's washing his hair or anything, and only snaps out of his daze when the water gets colder. He switches it off, climbing out. He looks at himself in the mirror.
His eyes really are hollow, his cheeks really are drawn in, and his smile doesn't like right from any angle.
Turning his back to the mirror, he gets dry and puts on his clothes.
He leaves the bathroom, after shoving the clothes Miles' got him in the small trash can. They barely fit, but it feels good to be rid of them. He feels like burning them, but he think that they'll probably get kicked out the inn for doing that.
“Here..” A box of cereal gets pushed into his hands with some bottled water. “Breakfast.” Gerard chuckles, rolling his eyes at himself.
“More like lunch, but I'm starving, to be honest.” Gerard smiles proudly at him, nodding.
“Good. Eat as much as you want, I have plenty of money...” He shrugs, seemingly at himself, walking into the bathroom with his clothes and stuff in his hands.
Frank opens the water, drinking half of it in three gulps. He hadn't realized how dry and itchy his throat was until it wasn't. The water makes his stomach rumble, so he sits on the bed and starts eating.
He eats around half of the box before he doesn't feel hungry any more. Looking around for somewhere to put the box, he sees the bags of food Gerard bought. There are several more boxes of cereal, cans, water, other liquids and food. And chocolate.
Frank smiles, slipping the box back into one of the bags.
He clears the bed, putting everything in a neat pile in the corner. There's an assortment of clothes, mostly black, and he's sure that most of them won't fit as well as these ones do. Shrugging, he kicks the last few packs of socks into the pile, then lies down.
Having a full stomach has made him pretty sleepy. His eyes keep drooping, and they hurt every time he blinks. He can hear Gerard singing softly in the shower, and he begins to feel the calmest he's felt in a while. The singing puts a small smile on his face.
His hands stop shaking completely, for the first time in ages, and he falls asleep with the small smile on his face.
Gerard walks out of the shower, still humming. He spots Frank curled up and asleep on the bed and smiles. He pulls the duvet over Frank, and almost kisses his forehead, but stops at the last minute. If Frank doesn't want to be touched while he's awake, he sure as hell doesn't want to be touch while he's sleeping.
“I love you,” He whispers, his smile happy, but his eyes incredibly sad.

Notes