Before The Sun Goes Down

Frank's POV
Nobody finds Miles' body until almost two weeks later, and apparently his body is in surprisingly good condition for being found so late. Gerard and I didn't find out that they had until Ernest called Gerard, yelling at him because of the pictures they released. Somehow, Ernest knew it was Gerard that did it, and ordered Gerard to go and see him, but Gerard refused, saying that he needs to be here with me.
I appreciate everything Gerard's done for me since... that night, but I feel like he's suffocating me. He's with me almost twenty four seven, wherever I go, he goes. He barely lets anybody talk to me, and he only lets me out of his sight when I need to do something in the bathroom, and even then he's in my head, monitoring me.
It's gotten to the point that I almost wish he'd gone to Ernest, no matter how many thoughts I have about doing bad things to myself, like suicide, I wish he'd just let me be by myself for a while. I need time to process things, to get over it all, but him being in my head and controlling my emotions to 'help me' isn't helping, at all.
He still hasn't told me the extent of what happened when he was with the Council, but I get the vibe that they've changed him somehow. They haven't bothered him to go back to them, but he seems distracted. His eyes get a faraway look when he speaks about them, and he speaks with such respect in his voice. The last I knew, he hated them and he never wanted me to meet them, but he's actually asked me if I want to go back with him, when he actually goes back.
I told him I'd think about it, but he spoke with such excitement that I can't say no to him if he asks me like that again. I think he sensed that I don't really want to go, because he hasn't bought it up again.
I haven't been back to college yet, partly because Gerard doesn't think I'm ready, and partly because I know I'm not ready. I can't even imagine my reaction to everybody touching me and pushing me in the hallways, I can't even let Gerard touch me for long without freaking out. I haven't let him touch me except from when he holds my hands, for some reason I find it comforting.
I'm trying not to think about it, it only makes me sad and Gerard mad. But, it seems the harder I try, the more flashbacks I get. I wasn't even conscious when he actually started doing the things to me, but my brain imagines that I was, and it's torture.
I'm barely sleeping, every time I sleep, I have a nightmare. And, I'm barely eating, I can't really stomach anything other than a slice of toast or something like that, but I'm drinking lots of tea, coffee, and water. Gerard bought some supplements that you can dissolve into fluids to make up for some of what I'm loosing through not eating, so I have them three times a day. Even though I'm taking them, I'm becoming so thin that it's scary, and not a lot manages to scare me any more.
I clean everything, everyday. I clean things several times a day, because I feel so dirty within myself and I don't want the place around me to be dirty. Gerard lets me, knowing I'm using it to cope with everything, which is a shitty coping method, but as long as I'm not in the woods again with rope, Gerard's okay with anything.
“Frankie? Do you want anything to eat?” It must the the millionth time I've heard him ask me it, and even he sounds bored to tears from asking.
“No, thank you.” It's the same answer all the time, too. He has to put something in front of me and watch me eat it to get me to eat anything, and then he manipulates my stomach or something to make the food stay down.
“Well, too late. I made you some pancakes...” His head pops around the bedroom door, where I'm lying on the bed. I sigh at him, dropping my head back on the pillow.
“But I literally just washed the dishes! How much mess is there? If there's lots, you're in trouble...” I know I'm acting like a dick, he only made me pancakes, trying to be nice, but I can't help it.
Gerard's face drops, his eyes flickering with slight anger as he walks in with a tray in his hands.
“Well, I'm sorry for trying to be nice.” He slams the tray on the table besides me, coffee spilling out of the mug. Storming out of the room, he slams the door behind him, making me flinch and then sigh at myself.
I look at the food, a smile to trying to break free as I look at the effort Gerard put into it, but I don't let it. My face feels frozen in a frown.
The thought of eating it makes me feel sick, but I place the tray on my lap and take a bite out of a pancake.
I chew for what seems like forever, the food growing in my mouth. I swallow it down, having to get it from my throat with some coffee.
I manage to eat at least half before my stomach lurches and I get the strange, metallic taste in my mouth, the same one I get before I'm about to throw up. I sit still for a second, not breathing in an effort to get the nausea to pass.
It doesn't, and I have to jump out of bed, successfully making the tray fall onto the floor, making coffee and syrupy pancakes fly everywhere. Groaning, I run past the mess, one of my feet getting wet from the coffee. I make it to the bathroom just in time, having to pass Gerard who's in the kitchen, washing the dirty dishes.
The contents of my stomach falls down into the toilet basin, and when I'm finished, I feel too exhausted to even close my eyes and lie down.
“Frank? Open the fucking door!” I swear to God I didn't lock it... But, I must have, considering Gerard can't get it.
All I do is groan in response, my eyes half-closed. I hear the lock snap back, and the door opens, revealing a worried Gerard. He sighs when he sees me, crouching down to my height.
“Come on, stand up. Let's get you cleaned up..” He offers a hand, knowing that I would probably freak out if he tried to lift me up. Gripping his hand, Gerard pulls me up, making me stumble forwards slightly. He hands me my toothbrush and some toothpaste, and I take them, barely able to brush my teeth.
“You need some sleep, Frankie. You can't just drink coffee and not sleep. I know you have nightmares, but what if I controlled them? I could probably do that, it shouldn't be that hard...” I sleepily nod, leaning on Gerard for support. He tenses up when I touch him, not expecting it. I glance upwards and see him smiling, just a little one, but it's the most genuine one I've seen from him in a while.
He helps me into bed, picking up the tray once I've been covered by the sheets.
“When you wake up, you're having something to eat, I'll make it stay down, okay?” I nod once, my eyes closed. I feel the bed dip as Gerard sits on the end, presumably waiting for me to have a nightmare so he can control it.
When I wake up, my head feels clearer than it has done since the incident. It's dark outside, and Gerard isn't sat on the bed any more. I stand up, looking at where the coffee stains should be, finding the carpet changed to a new color and no stains.
“Gerard?” I walk into the kitchen, seeing him making something. He turns around when I enter, a smile on his face.
“Hey, Frankie!” I smile back, his happiness reflecting on my emotions.
“How long was I asleep for? A few hours, or...?” He shakes his head, his back turned.
“More like a few days, Frankie. You slept like a log.” A few days? Shit.
“Really? I had no nightmares.” He nods, facing me again.
“I had to get rid of quite a few, that's why you didn't have any. Sit down, Frankie, I've made you something to eat, and it's not pancakes.” He brandishes a plate, it has a something on it, but I'm not sure what.
“What is it?” He smiles, tapping his nose.
“Ernest's secret recipe.” I sit down, a slight frown of confusion on my face. He puts the plate in front of me, and for once my stomach doesn't immediately lurch and send me warning bells to not eat it.
I try some, finding it pretty nice. Though, like with my pancakes, nausea passes through when I'm almost finished, but Gerard helps me keep it down.
I play it safe and leave the rest, thanking Gerard and grabbing a cigarette from his packet. I light it, breathing in the smoke.
“Frank...” I smile at him, while he looks at me disapprovingly.
“Yes, darling?” My voice is sweet, too sweet, but Gerard chuckles at me and starts washing up.
“Nothing, sweetie.” Gerard matches my tone, making me grin. The atmosphere between us is completely different to what it was before I fell asleep, it feels lighter. It feels like it used to be, when we first started dating.
“I'm sorry I snapped at you, I needed sleep and the thing happened and... yeah.” He nods, drying his hands on a kitchen towel. He leans against the counter, crossing his arms.
“I'm sorry, too. I needed to eat, and I was worried about you.” I nod, too, deciding to be brave and experiment something by giving Gerard a hug.
He freezes for a second, his arms still crossed in front of him. Then, he very slowly eases his arms around me. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, and my breathing has picked up, but I hug him tighter, trying to get rid of all of the negative things I'm feeling. It's only Gerard. He won't hurt me. It's Gerard.
Slowly but surely, I relax. My pulse and breathing slow down, and I can just stand there, hugging him and enjoying it. Once I'm fully relaxed, Gerard rests his chin on the top of my head and holds me tighter. He makes a content-cat noise, which makes me smile into his chest.
“Love you, Frankie.”
“I love you, too, Gee.” He makes the noise again, kissing the top of my head. I pull away from him slightly, and he immediately pulls away and looks at me in concern.
“What's wrong? Are you okay?” I nod my head, and for the first time in a while, I don't feel annoyed by his concern.
“I'm good. I only wanted to look at you...” He sighs, placing a hand over his heart.
“Good, I thought you were having bad thoughts or something...” I shake my head, smiling a little at him. He smiles back and turns around, washing the rest of the dishes while humming to something in his head.
“You know, when I killed Miles, I played Slipknot in the background. And, he pissed himself.” I chuckle a little, satisfied.
“Really?” Gerard laughs too, nodding his head.
“Mm-hm. He was fucking terrified, baby.” I laugh again, imagining the man I was so scared of pissing himself out of fright. And, the pet name 'baby' made butterflies fly around, and I'm sure I was blushing.
“Good..” He hums in agreement, both of us falling silent.
I watch Gerard while he washes, dries, and puts the things away. I've offered to help, but he won't accept it.
“Frankie...?” He sits in the chair opposite me, placing a mug in front of me and himself. There's coffee inside, not too warm, but not too cold, not too bitter, but not too sweet, just how I like it.
“Yes?” He plays with his hair for a minute, staring at me with his eyes narrowed slightly.
“Um.. Would you be comfortable with coming out with me? We need some groceries, and I thought I could take you somewhere...” My initial thought is to say no to him and run back into the bedroom, but I consider it for a minute, staring at my coffee.
It might help with dealing with things, if I go out. But, it could set me back ten steps instead of pushing me forward one. So many things could go wrong, but so many things could go right.
“Okay. Can I shower and stuff first? I feel kind of gross...” My voice is shaky, but neither of us acknowledges it. Gerard's smile to me makes it all worth it, though. It big with all of his little teeth showing, and you can see the happiness and surprise swimming though his eyes. He looks radiant, even though he's dead and has bluey-black rings around his eyes, and his hair is fading and growing out, he looks radiant. Like the sun, only brighter.
“God, I love you.” His smile widens, making his eyes crinkle up more.
“And I love you, sugar.” I smile back, letting my love for him show through in my eyes, then walk into the bedroom, getting some clean clothes out.
I'm ready in fifteen minutes, my hair is dry- and long, my teeth are brushed and the dirty washing is in the hamper. Gerard smile when he sees me dressed, I've mostly walked around in pajamas, and hands me my shoes. I put them on, grabbing a jacket and the house keys before following Gerard out the door.
I haven't been outside my apartment premises since it happened, except when I got off my face and walked down to the woods, and a strange feeling stirs in my stomach. I reach for Gerard's hand, surprising myself, and I grip it really tight. Well, as tight as an underweight, weak, nineteen year old can, anyway.
He pulls me closer to him, so our shoulders are touching. I feel him glance at me every few seconds as we walk to the entrance of the building. My footsteps falter as we near the outside, and my breath catches in my throat.
“We can go back up, if you want.” I shake my head, my eyes closed. I swallow, breathing in and out deeply.
“No. I want to do this, Gee, it's just... scary.” I open my eyes again, looking through the glass windows. I can feel eyes on me even though I can't see anybody looking at me, apart from Gerard, and I feel like I'm about to pass out.
“Frank, you need to regulate your breathing. Can you do that for me? Breathe with me, okay?” I nod, my eyes closing again. He makes his breathing loud so I can hear, and I try to follow him, but it proves to be extremely difficult.
“Okay, we're going over to that chair and you're going to sit down before you fall down. Lean on me, and open your eyes so you can see, please.” I open an eye, wrapping an arm around Gerard's as we walk, leaning heavily on him.
“Okay, okay. You're breathing is getting better, I need you to focus on that, okay? Breathe with me again, if you want.” I nod, only just hearing him over my pounding heart. We breathe together, my arm still wrapped around his as he crouches at the side of me.
I start to feel okay again, when I open my eyes the room isn't as dark and blurry. “Good. How do you feel?” I look at him, loosening my grip on him slightly.
“Better.” He nods.
“Do you want to go back up?” I shake my head.
“No, I just want to get this over with. Let's go.” I start to stand up, but all of the blood rushes to my head and I almost topple over. Gerard catches me, and he holds onto me long after I need him to. I walk a few steps, Gerard still holding my arm.
Before he opens the door, he glances at me, and nod to him, telling his I'm okay to go out. The cool night air hits my face, cooling me down. It's pretty late, so there isn't many people around, and I feel each step getting easier.
We get in the car, Gerard driving, and go to the nearest store, one that closes in half an hour.
“We need to be quick, otherwise there's not going to be any food for you.” I nod, rolling my eyes.
We end up getting a load of shit, grabbing things wildly off the shelves, and only some of it is actually even slightly nutritious.
We pay for everything, each of us paying half after we argued on who will pay, and run out of the shop with around two minutes before it closes. The store was practically empty, so I didn't worry much and I just concentrated on doing something normal with Gerard for a change. Something that doesn't include pills, tears, anger, drama. Just fun.
“We just bought a load of shit, didn't we?” Gerard smiles, after we've put everything in the back. I nod at him, grinning. My cheeks are still glowing after running around the shop like a crazy person, and it's the most alive I've felt since before Gerard got buried.
We get in the car, laughing about what we just did, which probably isn't even that funny, but to us, in that moment, was fucking hilarious. We drive back to the apartment block laughing, and when Gerard comes back from putting the groceries in my apartment, we're still laughing. Our laughter has slowed and calmed down quite a bit, and as we drive, we chuckle occasionally.
“Where are you even taking me?”
“Well, I know how much you like stars, so lets just say it has something to do with stars and space.” I grin to myself in the dark, excitement making me feel slightly drunk. I switch the radio on, leaving it on whatever station it's on, and roll down the windows.
The wind blowing in is freezing, but it makes me and Gerard smile at each other.
“Welcome to the late hour, guys. For the first part of the show, I will be taking requests from people, so tweet us or call in to have your song played!”
“Do you know what? I think we should request something, Gee.” I pull my phone out of my pocket, dialing the number.
“Like what? This is a fucking pop station, Frankie, they don't play what we like.” I shrug, thinking of a song that is slightly pop but slightly not.
“Do you think they'll play any Bowie?” He shrugs, looking at me. “Have you ever watched The Perks Of Being A Wallflower?” He shakes his head, smirking at me.
“I can't say that I have, Frankie, I'm more into horror... Like I thought you were...” I roll my eyes at him, slapping his arm.
“Well, they play a Bowie song and the main character person says it makes him feel infinite. And, I had to watch it for a college thing...” He shakes his head at me.
“I think you forget that I can read your mind...” A blush creeps onto my cheeks.
“Shut up, it's a good movie...” He nods his head sarcastically, still smirking.
“Whatever you say, baby.” I huff, crossing my arms and dramatically turning to face the window.
“I can tell that you're smirking, so stop.” He chuckles, flicking my ear.
“Hadn't you better ring in, then? The lines will be closed, you twerp.” He smiles at me, flicking my ear again.
“Stop it!” I slap his arm, causing him to laugh. “Fine, I'll ring in..” Suddenly, the prospect of calling a stranger and telling him to play a song that I like, probably in front of thousands of people makes my stomach turn round and round in my stomach.
“You know what, I change my mind...” He looks at me for a minute, his eyebrows creased.
“Why the sudden change of mood?” His voice has lost all of the lightness that it had just a second ago, replaced with worried concern. I shrug, looking away. “Talk to me, Frankie. You've just spent the last two weeks locking me out, so don't close me out now. I won't judge you, y'know. I love you, I can't judge you, not after what happened.” I nod, sighing.
“I just... I just don't want to call in, knowing there will be thousands of people listening to me talk. The thought made me feel sick..” He reaches for my hand, pausing in front of it so I can let him ,know if I want the physical contact. I grasp his hand, squeezing on it twice.
“It's okay. Let me see what CD's I have in here...” He takes his other hand of the wheel, making me squeak in a rather girly manner.
“Gerard! Hands on the wheel!” The wheel suddenly moves to one side, then to the other.
“Telekinesis, remember?” I relax a little, letting the grip on Gerard's hand loosen. He places a stack of CD's on his lap, showing me each one to see of I want to listen.
All of the CD's in the car aren't to my taste, but Gerard says that's because Maude was driving it a while ago and put all of hers in here. She likes indie pop by the looks of it, not really my cup of tea.
“Honestly, I'd have thought Maude would have like heavier stuff..” He shakes his head, smirking.
“No, I think she's secretly scared of it. Bad connotations, you see. And, even though she's a fucking vampire, she hates the idea of Satan and everything.”
“Really? I thought she'd.. I don't know, like she'd embraced It or something...” He laughs at me, making em blush.
“Aw, is little Frankie blushing? How cute...” He pinches my cheek, making me blush even more.
“Stop it, you're being mean to me.” He laughs at my tone, which makes me sound young and grumpy, and pinches my cheek again before gripping onto my hand again.
“Fuck you, Gee.” He laughs again, rolling his eyes.
We drive in silence for a while, listening to the shitty, repetitive music that's playing on the radio. I glance at the clock, seeing that it's almost midnight. I choke back a yawn, sticking my hand that isn't holding Gerard's out of the window in a lame attempt of waking myself up.
For the first time in around two weeks, my stomach rumbles. Gerard's head turns to look at first my stomach, then my face, his eyebrows raised. Then, a smile slowly appears on his face, making me smile from the happiness radiating off it.
“You hungry, Frankie?” I nod my head.
“Yes, captain obvious, I seem to be hungry.” He rolls his eyes at me, the genuine, innocent-looking smile still on his face.
“What do you want? I haven't got anything on me, but we could stop somewhere, if you want?” I make a face, thinking about gas station food. “I mean somewhere that isn't infested with bugs and shit, Frankie. I'm classier that gas station food, especially when it comes to you.” I nod at him, smiling still.
We go back to silence, but unlike over the past few weeks, it's calm and comfortable. I sigh in content, leaning back in the seat and crossing a leg over the other in an attempt to get rid of the pins and needles in my legs.
We pull into McDonald's, not going through the drive through because the line was out of the parking lot, but pulling into a space.
“What do you want?” I look around feeling eyes on me again.
“Um.. I don't know, surprise me. You're good at doing that.” I give him a fake smile, sinking down further in my chair. He touches my cheek, sending me a comforting smile and climbing out. He comes back in around twenty minutes later, his face stormy.
“Here you go.” He places the brown bag in my lap, slamming the door shut and speeding out of the parking lot, almost crashing into another parked car.
“Whoa, what's wrong?” He shakes his head, his jaw clenched and his hands gripping the steering wheel, making the veins in his arm stand out. “Gerard. What the fuck is the matter? Slow the fuck down, you'll make us have a crash.” He ignores me, going at the same speed. I sigh, annoyed at him, and turn to face the window, the idea of food not making me hungry any more.
“You going to eat it, Frank?” The anger in his voice makes me flinch, and I meekly nod my head at him. I pull out the fries, chewing slowly on one. I have about half of them down before my stomach start to turn angrily.
I close my eyes, breathing in and out deeply to get the nausea away. It doesn't work, and the smell of the food isn't helping. I reach for my drink, a coke, and sip on it, hoping to get the taste of the fires out of my mouth. I gag suddenly, almost dropping my drink.
“Gerard, pull over.” My voice is so quiet and shaky that I'm surprised he heard me, but he glances at me, an eyebrow raised. “Pull the fuck over!” He sighs, his jaw clenching again. As soon as the car's stationary, I open the door and barely get out of the car before I'm throwing up everything, including the remnants of the food Gerard cooked me earlier.
When I'm finished, I move away from it and sit down, my chest heaving. I glance in the car, my heart sinking slightly when I see Gerard sitting in the driver's seat still, looking even more pissed off. Heaving myself off the floor, I go to the open door and throw out the food, leaving my drink behind.
“Some more food, wasted.” He says it under his breath so I can't hear him, but I do, and it stings. I swallow a few times, fighting off tears. Sipping my drink to get rid of the sick, he turns the car around and starts driving back the way we came.
“What are you doing?” He sighs, not looking at me as he answers.
“Driving.”
“Stop being smart, Gerard. I mean, why have you turned around?”
“So I can drop you home.”
“What are you going to do?” My voice shakes, I'm terrified at the idea of spending a night alone.
“I'm going somewhere. Why does it matter?” He snaps at me, finally loosing his patience with me.
“I was.. I was just wondering...” I start playing with my fingers, twisting them together and cracking each knuckle. Every time I make a noise, Gerard's jaw clenches again. He's literally around forty MPH over the speed limit, and I'm actually really fucking terrified he's going to crash the car. I feel sick again, and I can feel the start of a headache brewing behind my eyes.
For the hour and a half journey back home, neither of us talk. Every time I go to talk, made a noise or breathed to loud, he gave me an annoyed look out of the corner of his eye, one that made me shrink back a little. He pulls up outside the apartment block, so close to hitting the car parked in front, which ironically is mine. I make no move to get out, t least looking for a goodbye off him.
“You going to get out then?” I look at him, some of the anger that was building up inside showing on my face.
“What is your problem?” My voice is calm, but you can hear the anger. He rolls his eyes at me, turning his head to look at me.
“I haven't got a problem, Frankie.” He gives me a bitter smile, crossing his arms.
“Oh, so you being a complete and utter fucking dick is your normal behavior? I, personally, don't think it is.” He rolls his eyes at me, huffing.
“I'm sorry, but how would you know? You haven't been with me for the past year or so. I could have been acting like a nice person over these last few weeks. I could be a complete and utter fucking dick, and you wouldn't know. All you know about me really is that I'm a vampire, and all of the complications that comes with that. You've been so busy thinking about yourself, you've barely noticed me. I've almost broke my fucking back trying to keep up with you, and then you go and have a go at me like this because I'm pissed off at something?” I stare at him with my eyebrows raised, looking at him in slight disgust.
“Wow, no, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry that I haven't been paying attention to you because I've felt like going back down to those woods and finishing the job everyday since you found me there. Well, and before that, if I'm honest. I haven't even really finished grieving for you yet, which is stupid, I know, but you fucking died, and you were presumably fucking dead for a year. I didn't ask for any of this to happen, did I? You were the one that fucking attacked me when my lip bled, and in the process of you almost killing me, one of your shitty little vampire shit things wore of, revealing who you actually are.”
“Why are you bringing that up? It's not my fault that when I see blood it's my natural instinct to want to drink it! I didn't ask for this to happen, either!” I roll my eyes at him.
“It's not natural, though, is it? A human wanting to drink any fucking blood they see? It's more like fucking cannibalism, which surely isn't fucking natural. If anything, it's really fucking unnatural.” He clenches his fist, making me flinch and close my eyes, readying myself for a blow. When it doesn't come, I open them and look at him. The anger in his eyes frightens me, it fucking terrifies me, actually.
“You think I wanted to be turned into a fucking monster? Do you think I want to enjoy the taste of blood? Do you really think I enjoy have these weird ass power things? I want to be normal, Frank, and I can't ever be fucking normal again, can I?” His voice is low, and it shakes slightly, out of either anger or sadness.
“No, I don't, actually. Who would want to be what you are? I mean, it's pretty fucking arduous.” I sneer my words a little, not entirely meaning to, but it comes out like that, anyway.
“Oh, so everybody would want to be like you?” I shake my head, smirking bitterly at him.
“I'm not saying that. I feel sorry for anybody like me, I mean, I'm a wreck, aren't I? I don't know why you even bothered with me in the first place. Why the fuck would you want to marry someone like me?” I act shocked, concealing my anger.
“Honestly? I don't fucking know. What the fuck was I thinking? Sure, I love you, but I fucking married you. You.” He points a finger at me, cringing slightly.
“Well, you aren't legally married to me any more. Actually, you're legally dead. Imagine if the F.B.I got hold of some information about a man walking around with no pulse or heartbeat, and that same man has special powers? What would they do?” I trail off slightly, miming experiments and shit. Gerard's eyes widen and he gulps, the fire in his eyes dimming a little.
“You wouldn't dare. I swear to God, Frank, I would fucking.. I would...” Ah, no, I didn't manage to dim it, I made the fore burn stronger and brighter.
“You would what? Kill me? I bet you have it in you. All it would take is the twist of your fucking wrist, then I'm out of your life forever. No more whiny, pathetic Frank to hold you back. You'd be just fine. You could go and hang out with your buddies on the Council, plotting to take over the world or whatever the fuck you freaks do. The bachelor life forever, because I guarantee that no-one else would be stupid enough to love you, Gerard.” He raises up his clenched fist, stopping it in the air, just inches from my face.
“Come on, I know you want to. One hit, and I'm gone. No more Frank,” It shifts in the air, coming slightly closer. I tilt my face so he can see the side of it and point to my cheek, then my temple. “Where would be best to hit? Which would kill me easier? My temple, probably. Well, it's open and clear for you.” His fist drops into his lap, still clenched.
“Fuck you, Frank. Get the fuck out of my car.” I purposely take my time, making him growl at me.
“Oh, Gerard?” I say to him through the window when I'm out. “If you didn't know already, we're done. For real this time. It's kind of clear how you feel about me, you were about to fucking murder me, weren't you?” He doesn't do anything, he just stares at me, pain and regret in his eyes. “Have a nice, lonely life, freak.” I walk away, the strong look that I had on disappearing.
“Frank?” I slip it back on, swallowing back my tears. I raise an eyebrow at him. “I didn't mean it. Don't do this.” I force a bitter laugh out, making him jump slightly at the hysteria of it.
“Perhaps you should have thought about that before you rose you fist at me, then, shouldn't you? You should have just left me in the woods, even if I hadn't have done it, one of your vampire friends might've came along and done the job for me.” He shakes his head.
“Frank, please.” He sounds pathetic, but it makes my heart hurt a little, mainly because I haven't heard him like that in ages. I purse my lips, looking away.
“Sorry, Gerard.” I turn away, practically sprinting through the ground floor doors and up the stairs. I can barely see where I'm stepping because of the tears I haven't yet let fall clouding my vision. I trip a few times, and when I get to my apartment I drop the keys several times, almost resorting to kicking the door in. I go straight to bed, climbing in with my shoes still on, and fall asleep immediately, still crying.
When I wake up, my head feels like a sledgehammer has hit it a few hundred times, and just moving my head brings tears of pain to my eyes. Groaning, I open my eyes, closing them again straight after because of the light coming from the partially shut curtains. I throw the duvet over my head, opening my eyes in the dark. Searching around in my pockets for my phone, I work on getting my shoes off with as little movement as possible. I give up after a second, finding it literally impossible to not move while doing it.
My phone brightens up the darkness, making me wince, but I just turn it down and go onto my messages. I have one from Gerard, sent yesterday, that says 'I'm sorry, Frankie.'. I check the time and date, trying to block out everything that happened, finding that I slept for a day.
I lie in bed for another half an hour, building up the courage to move, but when I do, I regret it immediately. “Fuck...” I put a hand over my eyes, using my knowledge of what is where to not bump into anything as I walk into the kitchen basically blindfolded.
The kitchen is even brighter that my bedroom, so I give up and let myself feel the pain. I pour myself a glass of water, sipping it as I squint. I drink two and a half glasses before I start to feel my headache abate a little, and I really start needing the toilet.
Still squinting, I make my way to the bathroom, turning on the shower before relieving myself. I take of all of my clothes, climbing into the shower. I stand under it until it starts to cool, then I wash everything, and I brush my teeth as well. Climbing out, I feel a lot better, my headache is almost gone and I can see, metaphorically, clearer.
Still damp, I put on clothes, walking into the kitchen drying my hair with a towel. Although the thought of food isn't quite so appetizing, I put some toast in the toaster, and drink the rest of my water and pouring another, drinking half of that before the toast pops up.
I eat it slowly, sipping water in between bites. I don't feel nauseous, and I manage to finish it. My mind is racing, but I don't really regret my decision to brake up with Gerard, I guess that will come later. I miss him, and I want to text him or ring him, just to hear his voice, because it always calms me. My hands are shaking. And my breathing has got marginally faster in the last twenty seconds.
Closing my eyes, I breathe in and out, thinking about something else for a minute until I begin to calm down. I think abut calling Mikey, seeing as I haven't spoken to him in months. Once I'm calm, I pull out my phone and dial his number, placing it to my ear.
“Hello?” I smile at the sound of his voice, the familiarity of it almost bringing me to tears.
“Mikey!” The line is silent for a second, before I hear laughter.
“Frank? Oh my God, is that you?” I laugh too, nodding before realizing he can't see me.
“Yeah! How have you been? Sorry I haven't called or anything, I-” He cuts me off, talking over me.
“I've been okay, I guess. I'm doing better, anyway. How about you? And, don't worry about it, I get it, man.” I smile, happy to be talking to him.
“I think I might drop out of college.” The words just slipped out, but the more I think about it, the better the idea seems.
“What? Why? Is everything okay?”
“I just don't think this thing is for me. I miss you guys, I miss home. I'm struggling to keep up with everything, as well.” He makes a hum in agreement, the line silent for a second.
“If it's what you want to do, then do it. How about I come down for a while, bring the guys with me, or something?” I purse my lips, not really up to seeing more than one person at a time at the minute.
“How about just you? I'm not really comfortable abound a lot of people any more, Mikey.”
“Frank, what's wrong? What's really going on?” I gulp, thinking up a lie.
“Nothing. I got diagnosed with anxiety, so around a lot of people I get really nervous and shit...” My voice sounds believable, which is good.
“Are you sure? You can tell me anything, y'know. Don't shut me out, not again.” I nod, smiling to make my voice sound happier.
“I'm sure, Mikey. When were you thinking about coming down?”
“I can start coming now, if you want? It'll take me a while to pack and get there and everything, though.”
“That sounds great, Mikey. I've missed you, you know.” I smile again, a little more genuinely this time.
“I've missed you, too. We all have, especially mom. Actually, do you want to talk to her?”
“Okay..” Mikey shouts for Donna, the phone away from his mouth. I hear noise in the background, and then Donna's voice talking excitedly.
“Frank? Is it really you, sweetie?” Shit, I wasn't expecting for me to feel that emotionally when hearing her voice.
“Yeah, Donna, it's me.” I swallow a few time, trying to get the lump in my throat away.
“Oh, my. How have you been? When are you coming to see me? And, I told you, it's mom, to you.” I chuckle shakily, still fighting back tears. I suddenly want to confess everything, even down to what Miles did to me, but I hold my tongue.
“Okay, okay, I'm sorry, mom,” I stress the word 'mom'. “I'm good, how are you? And I'm not sure when I'm coming down, but when I do, I won't be there to visit, okay?” The line is silent, and I begin to get slightly worried.
“What do you mean?”
“I think I'm going to drop out, Donn- I mean, mom. It's not for me, this isn't. I'm too stressed, and after everything that happened, I don't think it was the right time to start college.”
“It's your decision. If you want to become a male stripper or join a shitty pop group, I'll support you. I won't always agree with you, but I'll support you, sweetie.” I smile, my teeth showing and everything.
“Thanks, mom. Look, is it okay if Mikey comes down and visits me for a few days or something? He can help me pack everything up and stuff, and I've missed him.”
“Yes, of course it is, sweetie. He's missed you, too. We all have, in fact. It's been strange not having you around, that's for sure.” She's the one that sounds choked up now, but you can hear the smile in her voice.
“I know, Donna... I mean, mom. I've missed all of you, as well. This past year has been hard, really hard.” She makes a noise of agreement, and the line is silent for a second before she sniffles.
“Frankie, I'm going to have to get off. I'll see you soon, though. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Bye..” She hangs up, leaving us both crying. It's not proper crying, it's just a few odd tears. I decide to clean the place up a little, ready for when Mikey comes. I'm slowly getting more excited as the hours pass, and I can't sit still.
“Frank?” I hear Gerard, and look around, expecting him to be peering though the window, like the vampires on 'Salem's Lot, but he isn't anywhere. Then, I realize that he's in my head, speaking to me telepathically.
“Fuck off, Gerard.” I try my hardest to block him out while he speaks for the rest of the time, but I still get snippets of what he says through.
“Fuck off! We're over, Gerard, so fuck off, and get out of my fucking head, you little prick!” He goes silent after that, and I suddenly become really tired. Sighing, I walk into the kitchen and try to decide what to cook Mikey and I for dinner. Nothing springs to mind, so I grab an array of take-out menus from the side, bring them with me into the lounge.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, making me jump slightly. It's Mikey, and he says he should be around fifteen minutes, which would make it around eight o'clock by the time he's here. I text him back an okay, and wipe down everything one more time.
The doorbell rings, five minutes early, but I answer it anyway, pulling Mikey into a hug. Only, it isn't Mikey. It's someone else. I dart away, startled. My face falls when I see who it is, which is Gerard.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Instead of letting him answer, I pull him in, very aware that his brother that still thinks he's dead should be here in any minute.
“Well?” He looks at me, a frown on his face.
“Frankie...” His face crumples, and he starts to make sobbing noises.
“Gerard, shut the fuck up. I'm expecting someone, you need to go, right now.” His noises stop, but his eyes still look as pained.
“Who?”
“I don't see that as any of your business.” His eyes flare with anger.
“Have you moved on already?” I roll my eyes, trying to contain the anger I'm feeling.
“No! In case you haven't noticed, I barely let you touch me, and we were married, and I love you- I mean, loved..” I trail off awkwardly, blushing slightly. “Okay, I mean love, but why would I have moved on that quickly? Think about things, Gerard, for fuck's sake.” A knock on the door makes us both jump, and I start panicking. “Shit... Shit! You.. You need to hide or climb out of the fucking window or something!” I'm whisper-shouting at him, but he doesn't move. The knock sounds again, followed by a bang and then a curse.
“Gerard! Get your ass fucking moving!” I turn to the door, thinking about what to do. “Hold on, I'll be just a second.” I look back to Gerard, to see him still standing there. “Gerard Arthur Way! Fucking move!” I push him in the direction of the window, but he twists out of my grip and heads to my bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Sighing, I head to the door, pulling it open. Before he can see my face, I slap on a smile, trying to look less mentally exhausted.
“Mikey!” This time, it is Mikey, and I'm genuinely happy to see him.
“Frankie!” He drops his bags, pulling me into a hug. After a second, I pull away and pick up a few of his bags.
“How much shit have you brought? Jesus, Mikey, overkill or what?” He chuckles, following me with the other few bags. “Just put them by the couch. What do you want to eat?” I show him the menus, kicking a bag that had fallen over back up.
“Don't care, anything, I'm starving.” I nod, looking them over.
“Pizza?” He nods, smiling.
“You know me too well, my friend.” I chuckle throwing all of the menus but the pizza one somewhere behind me.
“Can you call? I just need to do something in the bedroom, I'll be back in a second. Order anything, I'm not fussy, as you know.” He nods, pulling out his phone.
“What about your vegetarianism?” I shrug, smiling.
“I packed it in.” He laughs at me, dialing the number and starting the call.
I walk into the bedroom, my anger at Gerard returning. I whisper his name, making him appear next to me. “Fuck!” I place a hand on my heart, slapping his arm with my other. “You little fucker, you nearly gave me a heart attack! Anyway, you need to go or something. Mikey's here, and he still thinks you're six feet under, remember?” He nods, not moving.
“How am I going to get out?” His question makes me stumped, and I have no answer for him for a few minutes.
“Frank? It'll be here in about fifteen minutes.” I hear the bedroom door open, and Gerard and I freeze, looking at each other with wide eyes.
“What the fuck?” I glance at Mikey, who has turned as white as a ghost. “Gerard? What the actual fuck?” None of us say anything, and a second later, Mikey passes out.

Notes

Sorry I took so long to update this, I don't really have any other excuse than the fact that I've had no inspiration and everything I wrote was shit, and I haven't been allowed to be by myself for a while, so I've had to write at night, and I've been super tired this past week, so I couldn't get any done then, because I fell asleep really early.