Early Sunsets over Monroeville

May is a beautiful month here in New Jersey to sit indoors and drink a lot of cheap alcohol with people you like. Vodka-and-coke-straw-sucking-girl must be very good in bed because Mikey agreed to meet her again and then again, each time they stayed the night at one of their house. “I don’t want to say we’re going out because I know like nothing about her and we’ve only seen each other three times…” Mikey confesed.
“Do you even know her name,” I laugh.
“Not funny, Gee, of course I do. It’s, eh, Lani.”
“Huh.”
“So what are you going to do about your situation?”
“I don’t have a situation.” Mikey is convinced that my love life has hit tragic circumstances. Apparently I blubbered to him when I was very drunk that I’m in love with a married man.
That was just a tad dramatic.
And it’s not true.
I probably didn’t even say that, Mikey is just trying to make me feel slightly insane and admit some strange infatuation with Frank Iero. Which I don’t have. I just like him as a friend, and I’m not even being clingy at that.
“Gerard.”
“Michael.”
“Don’t call me Michael,” he groans. “You know what I’m saying, maybe you should take a step back, not see him for a week or two.”
“I’m seeing him like tomorrow.” Frank, Mikey Chapman and I will be going to the bar again. I don’t feel awkward without my brother there anymore, thankfully.
“Gerard.”
“Michael James Way, shut the fuck up.”
“Right, okay. But when you realise that you like him, don’t complain to me. Actually do it’ll be entertaining and I can say I told you so.”

The bar is pretty empty when I get there. Strange for a Friday night no matter where you go. I sit down in our corner and wait for the guys with a beer. It’s way too easy to get black out drunk when you can afford it so today I’m going to take it easy.
“Hi Gee,” Frank says when he appears around the corner.
“Hey,” Mikey echoes him from a few steps behind.
“Hi guys, I didn’t order you a drink because I didn’t know how early I was,” I say as they put their stuff down at the table.
“It’s cool I’ll get them now,” Mikey says.
“So… how was your day?” I ask Frank as he falls into his seat.
“Fucking terrible, man. I hate being a motherfucking soliciter sometimes. I’m dealing with three cases at the moment. Three. Two are boring and one is heart breaking, awh man.”
“Oh?”
“The boring ones are both divorce ones and I swear I could kill all four involved. I’m so tempted to cheating them out of all their money but that would be just not cool. This one fucking woman cheated on her husband and yet she spends eighty percent of the time crying. Like what the fuck, you screw someone else and then you’re really sorry. And don’t get me started on the other husband… Just nasty people who add hours to my day I’m assuming they’re shaving clean off my life.”
“Fuck, that bad?”
“Don’t work with people if you don’t like everyone. Someone should have said this to me instead of “Oh Frank being a lawyer is totally far out!””
“Far out?”
“I’m quoting my dad.”
“Oh.”
“This was him trying to reach out to me.” I laugh but Frank’s mouth only twitches. I know that Frank always makes light of whatever relationship he had with his dad but I know he still dislikes him for forcing him into law. Frank could have been in a band and been famous and cool. Or he could have been like all the other kids who try rebel against their parents and join a band and then get nowhere.
Mikey comes back with the drinks and we launch into a debate about which beer brand is nicer. I like German beer but apparently I sound like a drinking noob.
“Excuse me I’m a bartender,” I protest.
“You should know this shit then, you can’t just like all German beers.”
“Why the fuck not?” Etcetera. It’s only settled by us ordering a shot each of every beer they have which is obviously a weird sight and ends up attracting the attention of everyone else in the bar.
“This is making me uncomfortable,” I murmur to Frank before we each try a beer called bitter which is exactly as it says on the tin. “Oh ew.”
“Why do they keep starring?” Frank mutters and then winces at the bitter taste of bitter.
“I have no idea,” I say shifting uncomfortably under the stares. “Maybe if we start dancing or something they’ll give us money.”
No one seems to look at us the second we go back to drinking normal glasses. Fucking proves that people will stare you down if you don’t conform to normality. Fuck it, I’m an artist I’m going to wear eyeliner and drink shots of beer with two tattooed lawyers.
By one am I can’t walk. Too many different types of drink probably. Frank and I slump against each other as Mikey stumbles to the bathroom. Even he’s not looking a good level of sober. Pathetic, one am and I’m already having to remind myself constantly to remember this in the morning. A trick; if you keep telling yourself you’ll remember, you probably will. I know sometimes you want to forget the shit you do but sometimes you want to save some dignity.
Tonight was a night I held my dignity but I wish I could have forgotten it. “We should stop after this drink,” Frank slurs and points vaguely at a rum and orange he’s drinking.
“Maybe…” I hum, “I think you said that three glasses ago.”
“I think you’re right.”
“I think we should ask Mikey to wave us down cabs.”
“I think you’re hot.”
“What?” I sit up straight, too startled to even slur my words.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“It’s okay. I think you’re very hot.”
“What? Really?”
“Maybe.” I grin at him. He’s grinning back at me. We must have looked incredibly stupid, just sitting there grinning, millimetres apart.
Frank sits back then, suddenly aware again. He touches the place his wedding band should be and doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’ve had to tell Katelyn I’m just with Mikey every other time. She doesn’t like you.”
“Not a lot of people do,” I admit.
“Well I do. And she only doesn’t like you because you’re an artist and not as rich as her. Also she doesn’t say it but she doesn’t like that you’re a “homosexual”. She’s a bit homophobic.” Frank looks really sad.
“But aren’t you…?”
“Yea. She says that was a phase, just another way I was trying to rebel against my dad. Thinks she’s a fucking psychiatrist when really I just like guys too,” he looks at me again, “I just like you.”
Never kiss a married person. Never do it. I have no honourable way to excuse myself from this. Just that his mouth tastes nice, even tinted with rum. And Mikey’s sudden “guys, fuck no!” ’s are a nice theme tune.

Mikey lets himself into my house to find me banging my head off my desk. I helped him in his task by texting him simply you told me so. He didn’t even bother replying.
“Youokay?” he says in the doorway.
“Nope.”
“What happened?”
“We kissed.
Mikey takes a sharp intake of breath before pulling me off my desk and over to the couch. “Are you sure?”
“Yea...”
“Shit Gerard, he is married.”
“I fucking know.”
“Okay right sorry. What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know! Maybe turn into a gnome. Or get a sex change and move to Scotland under the name of Simone. I’m feminine enough.”
“Gerard…”
“Maybe I’ll move to Mexico under the name of Hulio El GayCunt and raise ducks. Or move too Sweden, I’m too pale for Mexico. There I can become a mountain or some shit, I don’t know what the Swedish do for fun.”
“Fuck sake Gerard.”
“Actually scratch Sweden, I deserve to burn in the fires of Mexico. After all, I am a home wrecker who covets his neighbour’s husband.”
“Gerard, its Mexico not hell. Also you’re not a home wrecker!” Mikey puts his arm around my shoulders and I burst into tears like a child. “Fuck, Gerard, you need to calm yourself over this okay, you were drunk. Anyway you don’t need to do anything now okay. No emigrating, the government hates that shit.”
“They hate immigrants not emigrants.”
“What’s the difference, actually it doesn’t matter. You just don’t do anything, Frank needs to sort out his shit so until he does you just paint and tend that bar. I’m sure all those guys miss down there miss you as eye candy.”

Notes

Salutations y'all.
I just gave myself a minor heart attack because my laptop went to sleep while i was cleaning up and i thought I'd lost this entire chapter so thank god for autosave.
Three bits of boring news about my life I feel like sharing: 1. I got this scaffolding piercing just before school started again and my principal only saw it today and told me to take it out. I said i physically can't it's hella dangerous and now I have detention (???). 2. I was just listening to my metalcore playlist and Weezer came on. It's just made me incredibly uncomfortable... 3. The band Architects tweeted me today only to tell me that Issues won't be supporting them so i'm shakily excited and heartbroken at the same time.
Thanks for reading my ramblings if you do, and most importantly thank you for reading my fan fiction(s) xD i'll update with due haste :))