I wasn’t sure what day it was anymore. I was trying not to count them. At first, it had been only a few that had passed, then a week… I preferred not to think about it. My mother would wake up when she was ready; that’s all Mrs Way kept telling me as I waited by her side at the hospital.

My eyes flickered across to the door as it swung open to reveal Mikey. I figured it must have been the weekend, then, if he wasn’t at school. I hadn’t been going to school but knew I’d have to go back eventually. Mrs Way had told me it might help to have other things to think about.

She didn’t realise that I did have other things to think about. I thought about where it was that Gerard had stormed off to for a week after his dramatic exit the night my mother was submitted. Mikey had been so worried, asking me every question about it except all the obvious ones. I wondered if he’d just assumed we’d been about to have sex, given my attire, but couldn’t make out what he might have thought after that. He seemed angry with Gerard, and it was difficult still staying over their place at the request of Mrs Way. I couldn’t be in the same room as Gerard without finding myself annoyed at Mikey’s little glances, or entirely pissed off by Gerard’s stroppy attitude. I was sure their mother could sense that something was amiss, but she hadn’t brought it up. At least, not with me.

Mikey stayed at the hospital for a while. We talked quietly about what was going on at school, about music, and about things that he thought might distract me. Sometimes it worked for long enough to get a laugh out of me, which seemed to make him happy. We made our way home for dinner. Mrs Way hadn’t been cooking all week due to visiting the hospital so much, and Mr Way was seemingly always at work until quite late. I wondered how they worked together, but it wasn’t really any of my business. Tonight was somewhat different as Mrs Way stopped by the shops on the way back home to pick up what she needed to make a big serving of lasagne. Having not eaten a proper meal in far too long, I was already salivating at the idea.

Mikey ended up being her kitchen hand as she insisted I take it easy and so I ended up watching TV for a bit, not really paying attention, eventually realising that I hadn’t showered in a while and feeling horrible that everyone had been too polite to tell me. I got up and ransacked the bag I’d packed for staying over for a change of clothes and slumped off to the bathroom Mikey and Gerard shared. I closed the door behind me, running the shower as hot as it would go and still not finding myself content with the temperature. I wanted my own bathroom back, one I didn’t have to share with other people and freak out whenever I saw hair that wasn’t mine… one where Gerard wouldn’t leave his things lying about on the counter for me to snoop through and find myself disappointed when I found out nothing new about him, save for the name of aftershave he used and type of toothpaste he preferred.

I hopped into the shower and began to thoroughly wash myself, borrowing the shampoo that Clarissa kept in there for when she stayed over some nights. I wondered if Mikey found it weird that my hair smelt like hers, though figured he probably didn’t notice things like that about me. I felt much better once I was out, the steam freshening up my face a little as it gave my cheeks a bit of a glow. I wrapped the towel around me as I worked on untangling my hair, the sound of the bathroom door opening having me widen my eyes as I realised I hadn’t locked it. It could only be one person and as they came into the room a little more, my assumptions were confirmed. Gerard just stood there as I stared at him through his reflection in the mirror. His lack of an attitude was somewhat nice for a change, even given the circumstances.

“I just came to wash my face,” he said softly, his feet unmoving as he awaited my consent. I nodded gently and he closed the door behind him, coming up to the basin beside me and pulling out a number of different bottles from the cabinet.

“You use a lot of shit on your face,” I commented, trying so desperately to let go of just how awkward I felt standing there in nothing but a towel, Gerard’s eyes drifting to find me in the mirror for a moment.

“I break out easy if I don’t look after my skin. It sucks but what can you do?” he said, applying what appeared to be some kind of apricot-scented scrub before washing it off. I was done combing my hair a while ago now but as I couldn’t exactly change until he was done, I continued to search for non-existent knots. I watched him rinse his face a few more times before applying a moisturiser, his eyes darting my way every few moments as I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Finally he was done, but he didn’t seem in any hurry to leave.

“Listen…” he began, facing me now. “I’m sorry about the way I acted that night when… well you know the one. I was out of line to just leave you there alone like that.”

“I wasn’t alone.”

“Yeah I know… I’m glad you guys are talking again.” He grabbed at the back of his neck with his palm, his eyes leaving mine for a moment. “You didn’t… say anything to Mikey, did you? I mean, about… us…”

“Us?”

“The kissing… and such…” I decided to let Gerard sweat it out for a moment as I put the comb back in its place with the other brushes and ran a little leave-in conditioner through my hair. “Alison you’re killing me.”

“I didn’t say anything to him, but I can’t help what he might have assumed, Gerard.”

“You could tell him nothing happened.”

“He hasn’t asked.”

“That doesn’t mean he hasn’t assumed.”

“Well that’s none of my business really.”

“Why are you being such a pain in the ass about this? He’s never going to forgive me if he thinks I’ve slept with you.”

“Well that’s none of his business.”

“You know how much he cares about you. Fuck,” Gerard muttered, looking about ready to strangle me. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

“What, and being embarrassed and feeling like crud isn’t enough for you?”

“You know what? Fuck you, Alison!” Gerard screamed at me, his eyes filled with a sudden hurt I hadn’t been expecting from him. “I never once told you that you had to play along with it all. You didn’t have to kiss me if you didn’t want to. If it’s so fucking embarrassing being around me –”

“That’s not what I–” I tried, but Gerard continued.

“–you can just fuck off out of my life. You have Mikey back now. You don’t need my pity,” he spat, before turning around to leave. I flinched as he slammed the door, but I refused to cry. I’d been doing far too much of that lately. I was too empty. Too numb. What did it matter if he hated me? He hadn’t been talking to me, anyway. The worst part of everything was that nothing had happened between us… and I found myself still wishing it could have.

Notes

You guyssssss I MET GERARD WAY ON SATURDAY!!! He was really sweet. I got to shake his hand and he signed my name on the poster pullout for Hesitant Alien. He's so perfect aaaah <3

I'm aiming to finish writing this before March 3rd because that's when I go back to uni :( I'm still aiming for a sequel because I think it'll be fun and different and I'll probably need the distraction from all that accounting homework. I'll post a story page for it once I get one together.