You Are The Moon

October 30th, 1997

The past few weeks I've spent every day with Gerard and I think I'm fooling myself by reading too much into our relationship. This is just a friendship, right? I can't stop thinking it's more with the way he looks at me sometimes.

We're going to some party tomorrow, not really how I wanted to spend my birthday or Halloween but at least I'll be with him. God, that looks so pathetic written out versus how the words feel in my head. That's my problem, the words are perfect the way I would say them in my head but they aren't so elegant as they make their way past my lips, they tend to stumble and fall and make a complete fool of themselves in front of everyone.

I just can't figure out what he's thinking, maybe if I could the words would come to me easier. Everyone else is so easy to read, but not him. I could watch a movie before any of my other friends, then watch it with them and know the exact scenes they would laugh at and the lines that they would randomly quote afterwards. Said line would become our friend group's newest inside joke, as if we were the only people in the world who have seen that particular movie. I know what they order at fast food restaurants and I know all their stories before they even tell them because I've heard them so many times before. I have everyone in my life figured out except for Gerard. I wonder if the luster of his existence will wear off in my eyes when I finally do know him like I know everyone else. My infatuation with him has sort of placed him up on a pedestal and part of me is certain I won't ever tear him down from it. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Notes

I completely forgot about this fanfic, sorry. I've kind of moved on from writing about bands to writing about video games but I felt like updating this. Let me know if I should continue this or not. If not I'll just delete it.