It seems so long since I've been gone,
I got so used to just hanging on,
I feel so wrong,
I don't belong,
I got so used to just hanging on, -Marianas Trench [Alive Again - Fix Me]

It was around seven p.m and I was getting ready for my date with Gerard. I didn't know how to feel. It was my first fucking outing with the vampire and I could tell I was falling in love with him. Deeply at that. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what to wear, and I certainly didn't know how to do my hair or makeup. Maybe like when we first met, then different attire. That seemed like a good enough idea, and I'm sure it would make him happy that I put just that much thought into the event. I look up at the mirror and apply my red eyeshadow and my black eyeliner. It really brought out the green in my eyes. I added a darker red eyeshadow to the creases, every here and there to finish off the look. I bit my lip, and leaned forward to inspect myself up close. I adjusted my nose ring, followed by my lip ring, and I ran out and into my room. I grabbed my black dress shirt, my tight black ripped skinny jeans, and my blood red tie. After I had everything I ran back into the washroom and got dressed and straightened my tie out. I took the time to check myself out a little, after all, I never felt this good.
Maybe it was the feeling of a vampire who was only four years older than I dating me; a sophomore in high school. I guess I should tell him that I'm eighteen in a few days, but we always danced around the subject. I guess I was just afraid that he would leave me if he found out I was four years younger than he was. It was complicated.
I ran out of the washroom and down the stairs to the living room. I bit my lip and looked over to Gerard. Once his eyes fell on me, his jaw dropped and his eyes trailed over my entire body, being careful about where he looked and how he looked at me. He never once looked at me full of lust, but instead with love and awe. He looked over me and let his brain see my faults but his heart correct them to small things that made me even more perfect to him. He told me that that's how it worked for him. He told me a lot in the few hours we had before this date.

"Fuck." He breathes out quietly as I grin and walk over to him, swaying my hips slightly. Once I reach the spot where he is, I place my hands on his hips gently. A moment like this reminded me of how a girl would feel about her date to prom, or maybe when she finds the perfect one for her, and they both know it. I felt infinite in every way, I felt invincible, like nothing could bring down my mood.

"Yeah?" I blush as the word leaves my mouth and I look over his face with innocence. I couldn't help but smile shyly as I bit my lip a little harder. I watched his features carefully, trying to determine what he was thinking about. Deciphering what he was feeling was like trying to crack the code for the Enigma machine that the Germans used in World War Two. It's was complicated to say the least, but if you knew where to look, you could determine it. The problem was that Gerard could show many emotions in one, and some were, and are, a mystery to almost all.

"I- I- I don't know what to say." He openly states. "You look, stunning." He breathed out to me. "And your makeup and hair- Its like its the first time we met. I can't- I can't believe it. You remembered." He got slightly teary eyed. "Fuck- I- I love you so much." He hugged me and I froze. Those words flew out of his mouth. He loves me? Me? I bit my lip. Maybe there was something I was missing, or maybe he slipped up. I couldn't place my finger on it, but I knew he didn't love me.
Something that I found bothering me was that I never learned too much about vampires. All I knew was that sunlight could affect them but it varied in degrees from vampire to vampire. I knew some could be completely lewd while others where more like Gerard; kind and afraid of what they've become. Vampires knew how to hurt you, and the good ones tried to control their cravings but it could get all too much for some, and that's what worried me. What if Gerard started to crave blood? I know I'd be his blood bank if that's the case.
I snapped back to reality and realised that Gerard had pulled away and was staring wide eyed at me. Was it I who fucked up? Or maybe he was afraid of his own words. I bit my lip and looked down.

"I- I-" I tried to find the words to say but I couldn't. I simply couldn't find the right words for it. I felt as if Gerard had just broken some rule he shouldn't have broken. His face looked paler than usual, and I couldn't bring myself to utter out the same three words I'd been holding back. I restricted myself from saying them, "It's okay." I managed to say. And what a stupid thing to say it was. "It's fine, honestly. I- I just- The words won't come out of my mouth, Gee. They won't. They're just stuck in my throat like that lump before you start to cry, and I don't hate you for saying it. After all, there's- there's that quote, something along the lines of 'if you love someone let them know, because if you don't, you may never get the chance'. I stand by it. I really do. I'm so glad that you told me the truth. Please don't tell me it was a mistake. I see that look on your face. It just contorted to horror, from whatever it was before. It's okay. I feel the same." I spoke softly and quietly to him. I pulled him closer to me, my hands sliding up slightly and more towards his waist than his hips.

"Frank, I-" He tried but instead found himself pressing his lips to mine. I hummed in content and stood on my toes to properly kiss him. I hear a small click and some processing of some sort but I couldn't quite place it. I melted against Gerard's lips and felt my stomach explode with fireworks and electricity shoot through my body. I couldn't help it. Kissing him just felt right. It felt magical, it felt perfect. I care if he doesn't feel the same, but I want to tell myself I don't. It's a shame I'm too attached. I'd die for him. I peeled my lips away from his and looked over him face as a grin took over mine. I watched him mirror my emotions and it could see it was genuine. "God, you're perfect, Frank." He breathed over my face. I didn't care the he smelled of nicotine, death, and coffee. He smelled damn good to me.

"You guys are so cute!" Mikey squealed and pulled out the Polaroid picture he took. He brought it up to our faces and showed us. I couldn't help but smile wide at the developing photo. Even Gerard shows. I guess that was a myth. Good.I wanted to take so many photos with Gerard. I wanted to cover a wall of many photos of Gerard and I. Weird ones, funny ones, mushy lovely ones. Anything. I took the photo into my hands and smiled. I loved how it turned out. We looked so lost in each other and it looked so god damn beautiful.

"I love it nearly as much as Gerard." I uttered the few words that probably made his heart explode. I turned to him and he was biting his lip hard, his little fangs sticking out on the side of his lip and he was looking at me with a small smile on his face. I knew from that small smile that played on his lips that he couldn't suppress his emotions.
I think that in moments like these I couldn't help but feel genuinely happy. It was a new feeling to me. It was foreign. It was like I was a tourist in some beautiful country, but I could never stay there. Nobody would ever allow that, certainly not life. All this happiness would eventually fade and I'd be left with nothing. Then again, on record, Gerard could be dead and I wouldn't know, but he made me happy, and I'm sure that's all that mattered. And maybe it wasn't specifically him, but just the small moments we could have. The small moments we had pleasured me to no end, and I couldn't quite believe any of this was real. Especially him being a vampire, but we made it work, we made everything work.
We headed out not long after that conversation, naturally I drove us to the small restaurant that Gerard had in mind. He claimed to have too much anxiety while driving, and I couldn't blame him. After all, it was nerve wracking to drive in a small tin can, facing the dangers of drunken imbeciles, and halfwits crashing into you. Half the fucking time they got away with everything, never getting charged for anything, and then going to AA meetings to get better. They could have taken someones fucking life without a second thought. I tensed at the thought of that. Drunk drivers took many lives of the innocent. It was disgusting. Maybe if I were a fucking vampire this wouldn't be a mother fucking issue for me. I didn't really want to think about this so I turned on the stereo.

"Pick something." I instructed to Gerard, and heard no objecting. Instead I heard the racking of CD's and plastic hitting more plastic as he flipped through the CD's and observed their covers. I let my eyes flick over and I inspected what album he had picked up. Turns out he picked Night Of The Living Dead by Misfits. He popped it in and I let the music fill the car. He began to hum along to the songs, and soon it turned into singing. I nearly had to stop the car. I couldn't believe how beautiful a voice Gerard had. I was dumbfounded. Truly and honestly. I snapped back into my thoughts and drove carefully, joining in at some parts.
Eventually I felt his hand on my knee, and my voice cracked slightly as we sang along to Misfits. I quickly shook it off and slowly I pulled up into the parking lot of the restaurant, I turned the music off, and shut off my car. When I turned to Gerard, his hand was still on my knee, and his eyes were fixed on my face, filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place. Gratitude?

"Nobody has done that." His voice cracked and he wouldn't stop smiling. I leaned over to him and placed my rough hand on his cheek, wiping away a tear that was threatening to fall. I could have sworn I felt him lean into my hand. "Frank, you're stunning. Thank you for singing along, shit, you just- That's all I've ever wanted when I was in a car with someone." He gently rubbed my knee, and pulled his hand back. "Thank you." Truth be told, I didn't know I wanted his hand there until he moved it and I became slightly colder. I swallowed hard and gave a small nod. He leaned in and whispered a very gentle, "Cat got your tongue, Frankie?" I whimpered and shook my head. "I'm just teasing." He pulled back and bit his slim pink lips gently.

"You're so stunning." I whispered to him, leaning closer. Before he had the chance to place his soft lips on my chapped ones, I pulled away. "Let's go." I opened the door and got out, closing it right after. I ran to the other side and opened the passenger side door. "Take my hand, sugar." I smile. I catch a slight blush on his cheeks, and without a word he enlaces his spider like fingers in between mine and gets up.
I make sure to lock the doors to my car, and we go inside the restaurant.

"You know, I'm the one taking you on this date." Gerard informs me. I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, nodding. "Good." He licks his lips gently. "You look real good." I swallow and blush a shade of tomato red.
Half an hour later, we're sitting and dinning. I ordered some vegan lasagne, and Gerard ordered some awkward looking spaghetti meal. The only problem was that he began to get fidgety. I stopped eating and averted my gaze to him. "Gee? What's wrong?" I asked him. At that moment, his eyes snapped towards me in an abrupt manner, looking at me hungrily, but not in the way he looks at me when he's slightly in the mood, and just wants to tackle me, and kiss me endlessly. "Gerard, you're scaring me..." I whisper. And right as I said that, he started to speak in a small and shaky voice.

"There's so much red, Frank. Fuck- S-S-S-so much." He stuttered out. Realisation dawned upon me. There was too much tomato sauce, too many red table cloths, just all too much red. All too much to temp his hunger, far too much. “I can’t- I can’t sit here much longer. Frank please help me.” He looked like he was about to cry, and I was speechless. I nodded and called for the check.

“Wait for me outside. I’ll bring this home.” I smiled gently to him. I was a little disappointed because we drove an hour to get here, but if I got a night in with Gerard, and Mikey went out, it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Frank, I love you.” He sounded pained. “I’m sorry.” He whispered under his breath before running out.

Notes

PENULTIMATE CHAPTER UPLOADED. Holy fuck. I finally got a laptop so I can update frequently again. Also, I think I'll make a sequel to this book, if you guys would like. There's one chapter left, and I think you guys will hate me.

Comment and let me know what you think. Thanks guys!

xxxSoulless Vampirexxx